Miserable

I get what you mean, moderation does not work for me either. I used to do this "eat the same but less" and "if it fits your macros" stuff for months. I also tried "one huge cheat meal once a week" approach, instead of having daily limited snacks, as well as "one huge cheat day once a week" approach. It worked a little bit better for me cos most of the time I ate clean and there were no temptations, so you might want to try those approaches. But still, it's way too more discipline. Eventually I just stopped messing with bad foods completely and it works great for me now, cos there are no temptations.

The truth is simply that this "don't restrict yourself with foods, just restrict amounts" philosophy just flat out does not work for many people. What people seem to forget is that we all have different genetics and different personalities. So there simply is no "one size fits all" in health and fitness world.

So maybe moderation approach is not the best for your particular type of personality, just as it isn't for me. The thing about food is that it tends to be addictive. Kinda like smoking, caffeine and even heavier drugs like meth (of course not to the same extent but still). This is into our biology, we are wired to crave sugar, fat and salt cos back where we used to be hunter-gatherers that stuff was very rare in nature, so we are programmed to binge on it while it's available. And it's even worse if combined with somebody who has addiction prone personality.

Naturally when somebody is alcohol addict in recovery you would not try to give them bad drinks in moderation. For them complete abstinence is the best. Just as for some people complete abstinence from processed sugars is the best approach. Eventually your body and brain will adjust and you won't crave them anymore. The hardest part is that "withdrawal" period until the craving habit fades.

So for first month or two you might need to use a lot of discipline, but hold on cos that is temporary. To make it easier I would recommend to not buying those foods and not even having them in your house, if you can. There really is no nutritional value in processed sugars and white flour, so it's not like you need them for health.

You feel miserable cos it's your sugar addicted brain talking. That's really all there is to it. "Detox" yourself and after that mental withdrawal period you will feel miserable or like missing out no more. There are so many wonderful and delicious fruits in nature, if you want something sweet. That is also super healthy for you. That's what you should be worried on missing out, instead of biscuits.

Let's be honest---dieting is HARD WORK. It's NOT easy!

It's also REALLY difficult, I find, the first couple of weeks. Changing habits is really, really difficult. Your body has a deep programming to eat sugary, fatty foods. Your mind will resist things that are "difficult" and not fun.

Have some patience with yourself. Change takes time. It's OK.

See your cookie indulgence as an opportunity to learn. On MFP part of the challenge is that no one tells you what to eat and when. You have to figure out what works for you. That means you are going to have some events that aren't instant successes.

In your case with the cookies: Maybe you need to say no to cookies for a while. Or you may need to plan a sweet treat every day so you don't feel deprived. Perhaps you can find a delicious protein bar (some do exist) that satisfies your need for sweet that fits your goals better than the average cookie. I found upping my protein helped keep me satisfied and helped keep cravings for carbs in check. You have lots of choices!

I have never found it particularly difficult and certainly not miserable.

It sounds like you're making too many drastic adjustments to quickly. You can always ease into to it you know. Give yourself time to adjust to small changes.

I've never understood the need to go all out crazy over night. You've got an entire lifetime to do this. Go a little easier on yourself.

It isn't supposed to be effortless (changing habits requires at least some level of awareness), but it isn't supposed to be miserable either. You don't just decide "yeah, I'm now eating healthy" and BOOM! You're perfect at whatever goal you want. It takes time and cultivating a certain mindset, not just random changes (although random changes can be helpful if they add up to habits int he long run). If large steps feel too much why not do small gradual steps instead? What would be the easiest thing for you to change right now? It can be as simple as drinking a glass of water with meals and changing nothing else, or buying a 3 finger kitkat instead of a 4 finger one. Whatever it is, start with it and when it starts feeling too easy add one more thing. The progress may end up very slow, but it sure beats being miserable, quitting, and changing nothing.

It wasn't effortless, but I wasn't miserable either. I think if you're miserable you're probably making too many drastic changes all at once and also likely have an aggressive deficit. I kept mine at about 1 Lb per week...so a 500 calorie daily deficit which wasn't a big deal really.

I also let my diet evolve over time as part of the process...I didn't just flip a switch...my diet evolved over time to be what it is now in maintenance for about 4.5 years.