Comments on pre-weight loss body
Options
Replies
-
Does he often say insensitive things, or is this the first time? It could have been a one-off word-vomit kinda thing. I think we all say things that don't quite come out right once and a while. But if it's a pattern of rude, intentional comments - then I'd get out of that relationship.3
-
suzannesimmons3 wrote: »Does he often say insensitive things, or is this the first time? It could have been a one-off word-vomit kinda thing. I think we all say things that don't quite come out right once and a while. But if it's a pattern of rude, intentional comments - then I'd get out of that relationship.
OP Is now remembering comments made before this....sounds like it's a pattern and that was the eye opening moment.
Ah I missed that! Yeah, this guy knows what he's doing. He's subtly manipulating her with his "comments". Slippery slope, OP! Be careful.4 -
The thing is you already know how you feel about it. The fact that it's still eating at you proves it. You're just scared of what you know you should do about it.
You're 29, the clock is ticking. The longer you're willing to stay with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself, the easier it's going to be to spin anything he says.
The fact that he followed up by acknowledging that it's offensive makes it crystal clear what he meant. And in a follow up post you said there have been offhanded comments all along.
I did this exact same thing when I was your age. I eventually married him. It was bad all along, I just made excuses because at least he wasn't hitting me.
Eventually we had a baby together. One night we were fighting and woke the baby. I went to nurse and he stormed into the room yelling at the baby. In that second I saw everything. Once he turned his behavior onto my child, it was crystal clear who he was and had been all along. I couldn't believe I had walked willingly into this life and worse subjected an innocent child to it.
The single greatest regret of my entire life is that I bought an innocent child into an abusive situation. No way was I going to pass this legacy on the my daughter. The next morning I left. It took me having a child to see what was there all along.
It started with "offhanded" comments that made me feel bad about myself. You say this is a casual relationship and he's already being this hurtful. It will get worse as your relationship becomes more complicated.
You're consenting adults and can do what you like, but if you stay the odds that you'll bring an innocent child into the situation is extremely high. Especially since you're already 29.
I beg you to have some foresight and ask yourself if this is the life you really want.24 -
WhereIsPJSoles wrote: »....but then, a day later he asked what I had done for weight loss. I told him briefly my routine in the gym. And he said “I don’t ever want to see you look like that again” in reference to my “before”. And then he said that I shouldn’t be offended unless I intended to go back.
So, the first bolded text leads me to believe that he thought about this and it was intentional. He also anticipated you being offended, otherwise he wouldn't have said the second bolded text.
I don't think you're being oversensitive, I think you're having a negative response to a put-down (and it was definitely a put-down). Personally, I'd see his statement as a deal breaker and not see him anymore.
11 -
Do you have a problem with his opinion, or how he expressed it? It's an important distinction.2
-
It’s your body- you choose what you do with it. He has no right or place to say how he wants it to be. When you care about someone you support them through thick & thin (excuse the pun), sickness & health, etc. Trust your gut!2
-
I'd say you could be overthinking it. He was specifically referring to your looks which is superficial and isn't about YOU as a person. If he had said "I don't ever want you to BE like that again"....well, that's different. On the plus side he's honest. Imagine you had pink hair when you met him, now it's natural and he said "I don't want to ever see you look like that again", would you laugh it off or would it bother you?14
-
Drop him! You never know what could happen in the future medically (unfortunately). What a jerk!1
-
joemac1988 wrote: »I'd say you could be overthinking it. He was specifically referring to your looks which is superficial and isn't about YOU as a person. If he had said "I don't ever want you to BE like that again"....well, that's different. On the plus side he's honest. Imagine you had pink hair when you met him, now it's natural and he said "I don't want to ever see you look like that again", would you laugh it off or would it bother you?
Personally that would bother me, if I want pink hair, I'll have pink hair, it's not up to some casual dalliance to tell me what colour I should have my hair. OP has also mentioned that there is a bit of a pattern of comments. That is worrisome.18 -
If you're in a relationship, the other person has a right to their opinion. Does it matters as much as yours? Probably not, especially if it's a more casual relationship. Should that person be considerate of how they express it? Yes. But they do get to have an opinion.
All this *kitten* about how no one gets to say anything bad about anything is ridiculous. Grow up and quit living in a disney movie.24 -
If you're in a relationship, the other person has a right to their opinion. Does it matters as much as yours? Probably not, especially if it's a more casual relationship. Should that person be considerate of how they express it? Yes. But they do get to have an opinion.
All this *kitten* about how no one gets to say anything bad about anything is ridiculous. Grow up and quit living in a disney movie.
Having an opinion is one thing, flat out telling someone how they should look and also telling them they shouldn't be offended by it is a different matter.13 -
tinkerbellang83 wrote: »If you're in a relationship, the other person has a right to their opinion. Does it matters as much as yours? Probably not, especially if it's a more casual relationship. Should that person be considerate of how they express it? Yes. But they do get to have an opinion.
All this *kitten* about how no one gets to say anything bad about anything is ridiculous. Grow up and quit living in a disney movie.
Having an opinion is one thing, flat out telling someone how they should look and also telling them they shouldn't be offended by it is a different matter.
I don't disagree. But a HUUUGE part of making a relationship work is communication. If you can't work on effective communication, then you probably aren't ready for a serious relationship.
And that's why I said what I said in my first post in this thread -Do you have a problem with his opinion, or how he expressed it? It's an important distinction.
If your problem is with his opinion, then that speaks poorly on the long term potential for the relationship. If your problem is how he expressed it, then it's worth talking to him about it. Assuming you want the relationship to continue.7 -
I don’t expect him to not be human, we probably all have preferences with how the person we’re sleeping with looks. He’d be hotter if he were Jason Momoa, but I don’t go around telling him that13
-
joemac1988 wrote: »I'd say you could be overthinking it. He was specifically referring to your looks which is superficial and isn't about YOU as a person. If he had said "I don't ever want you to BE like that again"....well, that's different. On the plus side he's honest. Imagine you had pink hair when you met him, now it's natural and he said "I don't want to ever see you look like that again", would you laugh it off or would it bother you?
You’re right, that probably wouldn’t bother me. And I do appreciate the honesty. But now that I’m looking back on it I realize he’s also suggested I dye my hair, get a fake tan, and get more revealing clothes. And I’ve known him 5 months. And it’s all just a little weird when I look at it all together instead of the separate incidents they were
21 -
WhereIsPJSoles wrote: »joemac1988 wrote: »I'd say you could be overthinking it. He was specifically referring to your looks which is superficial and isn't about YOU as a person. If he had said "I don't ever want you to BE like that again"....well, that's different. On the plus side he's honest. Imagine you had pink hair when you met him, now it's natural and he said "I don't want to ever see you look like that again", would you laugh it off or would it bother you?
You’re right, that probably wouldn’t bother me. And I do appreciate the honesty. But now that I’m looking back on it I realize he’s also suggested I dye my hair, get a fake tan, and get more revealing clothes. And I’ve known him 5 months. And it’s all just a little weird when I look at it all together instead of the separate incidents they were
Wow, think you may want to direct him here http://shop.mattel.com/shop and say farewell.
7 -
WhereIsPJSoles wrote: »joemac1988 wrote: »I'd say you could be overthinking it. He was specifically referring to your looks which is superficial and isn't about YOU as a person. If he had said "I don't ever want you to BE like that again"....well, that's different. On the plus side he's honest. Imagine you had pink hair when you met him, now it's natural and he said "I don't want to ever see you look like that again", would you laugh it off or would it bother you?
You’re right, that probably wouldn’t bother me. And I do appreciate the honesty. But now that I’m looking back on it I realize he’s also suggested I dye my hair, get a fake tan, and get more revealing clothes. And I’ve known him 5 months. And it’s all just a little weird when I look at it all together instead of the separate incidents they were
Woah. Nope. More than a little weird.4 -
WhereIsPJSoles wrote: »joemac1988 wrote: »I'd say you could be overthinking it. He was specifically referring to your looks which is superficial and isn't about YOU as a person. If he had said "I don't ever want you to BE like that again"....well, that's different. On the plus side he's honest. Imagine you had pink hair when you met him, now it's natural and he said "I don't want to ever see you look like that again", would you laugh it off or would it bother you?
You’re right, that probably wouldn’t bother me. And I do appreciate the honesty. But now that I’m looking back on it I realize he’s also suggested I dye my hair, get a fake tan, and get more revealing clothes. And I’ve known him 5 months. And it’s all just a little weird when I look at it all together instead of the separate incidents they were
Definitely all big red flags. It's great that you noticed them early enough that you can break up cleanly (no kids, or shared living space I hope!). Life is too short to be with people who don't love you for you.6 -
WhereIsPJSoles wrote: »joemac1988 wrote: »I'd say you could be overthinking it. He was specifically referring to your looks which is superficial and isn't about YOU as a person. If he had said "I don't ever want you to BE like that again"....well, that's different. On the plus side he's honest. Imagine you had pink hair when you met him, now it's natural and he said "I don't want to ever see you look like that again", would you laugh it off or would it bother you?
You’re right, that probably wouldn’t bother me. And I do appreciate the honesty. But now that I’m looking back on it I realize he’s also suggested I dye my hair, get a fake tan, and get more revealing clothes. And I’ve known him 5 months. And it’s all just a little weird when I look at it all together instead of the separate incidents they were
I think that's very insightful. When you look at your relationship overall you don't seem to feel very good about it. Maybe this latest incident was just what got you started thinking about it. Plus, it appears that you don't feel like you can speak openly with him about it either. That may be only in your head and not anything to do with him, but it merits consideration.
Maybe this is more to do with you and less to do with him and his comments. Maybe you're not in a good place to be in a relationship at all, even a "casual" one.2 -
WhereIsPJSoles wrote: »joemac1988 wrote: »I'd say you could be overthinking it. He was specifically referring to your looks which is superficial and isn't about YOU as a person. If he had said "I don't ever want you to BE like that again"....well, that's different. On the plus side he's honest. Imagine you had pink hair when you met him, now it's natural and he said "I don't want to ever see you look like that again", would you laugh it off or would it bother you?
You’re right, that probably wouldn’t bother me. And I do appreciate the honesty. But now that I’m looking back on it I realize he’s also suggested I dye my hair, get a fake tan, and get more revealing clothes. And I’ve known him 5 months. And it’s all just a little weird when I look at it all together instead of the separate incidents they were
Oh no, say goodbye. He’s trying to turn you into someone else. His comment about not wanting to see you “like that” was rude and out of line. You deserve better, OP.6
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 389 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 919 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions