Comments on pre-weight loss body

Christine_72

HellYeahItsKriss wrote: »

Yup. It happens. Mine does the same. He also does the belly thing.. I'll be laying there and he takes his hand and jiggles me lol.. so you and I seem to be dating twins.

Haha yep. He knows my belly really bothers me, so playing with it is his way of letting me know that he loves me and my bajiggly paunch. It still bugs me though...

HellYeahItsKriss

And if the guy is legit being an *kitten* hat then yeah it would for me too.. all I said was it needed more context before jumping on the kick him to the curb band wagon

HellYeahItsKriss

Christine_72 wrote: »

HellYeahItsKriss wrote: »

Yup. It happens. Mine does the same. He also does the belly thing.. I'll be laying there and he takes his hand and jiggles me lol.. so you and I seem to be dating twins.

Haha yep. He knows my belly really bothers me, so playing with it is his way of letting me know that he loves me and my bajiggly paunch. It still bugs me though...

Lol. I assume that's why Dustin does it too.. I can't remember if it bothered me at first or not. I just go with it.. only time it bugs me is if j wake up to pee and I'm still tired and try to go back to sleep and he wakes up and starts jiggling me. It shakes my whole body lol

LAWoman72

WHAT the...I mean most of us learned how to appropriately speak to other human beings in kindergarten. Just sayin'. Perhaps he was out sick that day of class.

It doesn't matter whether he, or we, feel you are being on oversensitive. Even if you were giggling with mirth over this, his statement would still comfortably fall within the range of bizarrely socially stunted and obviously deliberately mean, considering he took a whole day to come up with it. Distance yourself. I have one acquaintance who delivers a dig into every single thing she says. It is all couched in "Oh, I'm just suuuuuuuch an honest person." No, actually, you're just suuuuuch a damp q-tip end. Bye.

GemstoneofHeart

I agree that it was rude and definitely not his place to say something like that, but we all say stupid things and have word vomit on occasion.

I suggest talking to him and letting him know it bothered you. Set some boundaries on what is okay and what isn’t regarding your body. If he’s a good guy, he’ll apologize and work to do better. If not, there’s your answer.

I don’t like how we as women tend to automatically dismiss a man whenever he makes any mistake. We need to practice communication and forgiveness before deciding to never talk to someone again.

LAWoman72

GemstoneofHeart wrote: »

I agree that it was rude and definitely not his place to say something like that, but we all say stupid things and have word vomit on occasion.

I suggest talking to him and letting him know it bothered you. Set some boundaries on what is okay and what isn’t regarding your body. If he’s a good guy, he’ll apologize and work to do better. If not, there’s your answer.

I don’t like how we as women tend to automatically dismiss a man whenever he makes any mistake. We need to practice communication and forgiveness before deciding to never talk to someone again.

Any? I thought she said it is a pattern?

As for my own example, it was a woman I was dismissing and it was after repeated word vomit, so...similar.

I guess if someone were advocating that this woman toss the man on his ear for one tiny slipup then this would apply but that isn't the situation.

Also, it wasn't an in the moment slipup...this guy took a day to think about exactly what he was planning on saying before bringing the subject up so he could inform OP that he NEVER wants to see her that way again.

Hard to give too much of a benefit of doubt here; this fellow is a nozzle.

Lounmoun

HellYeahItsKriss wrote: »

I can't comment because I wasn't there to witness it.. thats what i mean, she can choose whatever she wants to do, based on how she feels about it, she can go, she can ask, etc, but without more context, sometimes people can say things thinking they are making a joke and it's really not funny.. im not saying don't give her advice or suggest it's unhealthy, but it's a common thing i have noticed over time on many threads, someone has an issue, talks about it and everyones first reaction is "Kick him to the curb".. Did everyones current partner never say anything dumb or rude or felt disrespectful ever?

I advise people who are in these situations to give it a lot of thought and make up their own mind. If it were me and this were going on it would be a sign we should not go further. I'm not going to tell someone who has been together for years to break up over 1 dumb comment. People can work things out if underneath it is coming from a place of caring. But if a date or partner makes you feel *kitten* or uncomfortable multiple times then really think hard about being with that person. To me that isn't an awkward caring guy who had a brain fart moment.

I've been married for 18 years and my dh has never had a habit of saying or doing rude, dumb, disrespectful things. He is not perfect but never had that particular issue. He has told me I am sexy and he loves me at every weight I have been. He told me he wants me to be happy with my weight and healthy. I feel the same about him. So I don't really get accepting "I don't ever want to see you gain weight" comments from a partner.

dsboohead

WhereIsPJSoles wrote: »

Nony_Mouse wrote: »

WhereIsPJSoles wrote: »

Haven’t talked to him since, but I don’t know how sensitive I’m being. I just don’t get it because I was the living, breathing “before” when I met him.

I don't think you're being over-sensitive. That kind of behaviour is telling, and should be off putting to any woman imho. But again, you were there, we weren't.

Have you been dating right from when you met him, or did that come later?

Yeah pretty much, no “just friends” time or anything. But it’s super casual dating, not like a relationship. So definitely easier to back away from.

No point in seeing this fool! I would certainly hate to be pregnant around him.......jerk!

lynn_glenmont

HellYeahItsKriss wrote: »

PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »

I don't tolerate disrespect. I'm the same person as I was in the before pictures. If you disrespect her, you disrespect me. Not sure I'd break up over it but I would straighten that *kitten* out in a hurry.

Exactly. You can stick up for your feelings without just shoving someone out of your life over It.

That's why I said to ask him what he meant. Listen to his response and then tell him how it made you feel. How can someone show you that they meant well if you just say *kitten* you and thats that.

No one has a right to be in your life. If someone wants someone out of their life, that's their right. You can kick someone to the curb just because you don't want them in your life. People who think they have a right to a reason that they consider adequate for being kicked out of someone else's life have just demonstrated that they don't respect the autonomy of the person who doesn't want them in their life -- which is a really good reason not to want somebody in your life.

HellYeahItsKriss

Okay but this post aside, in general, people say stupid things all the time.. often times cause it just comes out wrong, my point is, that if you just kick every person out of your life because their comment made you feel bad.. sometimes** people do deserve a second chance. Again, this post aside. I think people are too entirely focused on this thread and my comments.

lynn_glenmont

GemstoneofHeart wrote: »

I agree that it was rude and definitely not his place to say something like that, but we all say stupid things and have word vomit on occasion.

I suggest talking to him and letting him know it bothered you. Set some boundaries on what is okay and what isn’t regarding your body. If he’s a good guy, he’ll apologize and work to do better. If not, there’s your answer.

I don’t like how we as women tend to automatically dismiss a man whenever he makes any mistake. We need to practice communication and forgiveness before deciding to never talk to someone again.

There's a difference between saying something stupid and being controlling. This guy has exhibited a pattern of wanting her to change her appearance in all kinds of ways to suit him.

And controlling, abusive individuals often apologize and promise to try to do better. It doesn't make them good guys.

jennifer_417

It's a pretty douchy thing to say, but if that's the only time he's ever said something obnoxious to you, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and write it off.

4legsRbetterthan2

HellYeahItsKriss wrote: »

As someone who is dating a guy who means well but the words never come out right...

Ask him what he meant. If he meant well he meant well.. but you won't know until you ask and only you would know the sincerity in his responses.

Sorry this is a bit behind the game but:

That all depends on his character. Abusive guys always do the "but I love you baby" routine, then turn around and keep playing mind games with you. Just because he says "Oh yeah, I meant well" doesn't mean he actually did or its a good situation to stay in.


ETA: OP It seems like your gut is telling you this isn't the best situation. Go with your instincts, they are alot better then we realize sometimes.

HellYeahItsKriss

I must not be speaking english on this thread.. lol

Anyway, rather then waste more time trying to just give some guys the benefit of the doubt in a general sense outside of this thread, im just going to pretend to jump on the kick him to the curb if he says anything wagon..

ladyhusker39

MySweetLavinia wrote: »

HellYeahItsKriss wrote: »

Did everyones current partner never say anything dumb or rude or felt disrespectful ever?

Actually yes, my husband is never rude or disrespectful to me. Don't think he ever has been once in our relationship, and we've been together ten years. He's said dumb stuff (don't we all) but not directed at me, and definitely not about my body, even when I was at my worst. Maybe I am just lucky!

If a guy said to me what OP's buddy said to her, I would tell him to bug off. A person would have to be either incredibly stupid or incredibly self-centered to not understand that weight and body are sensitive subjects for most people, even very fit and attractive people.

My first husband was just like OPs guy. Maybe that's why I'm so sensitive about it and probably projecting a little bit.

My current husband has never once said anything rude, hurtful or disrespectful to me. I purposely looked for a man I knew wouldn't do that. It's simply not in him to be unkind. Do we annoy each other occasionally? Absolutely. Do we disagree and sometimes argue? You bet!

But it never turns personal or mean. That's the difference.

ladyhusker39

HellYeahItsKriss wrote: »

I didn't say it had to be about your body. I said about anything.

Congrats tho ladies for marrying perfect human beings I guess? Lol..

in my experience people can say something rude without knowing it came out that way.

I realize I will not have the popular opinion. But oh well.. the OP understood I was speaking from a general stance so that's all I care about

No Kriss, we're just sharing different perspectives, experiences and opinions in the hopes of maybe helping OP a bit. I have great respect for your contributions here on the board. Nothing but luv :-)

Good_Morning_Glory

HellYeahItsKriss wrote: »

I didn't say it had to be about your body. I said about anything.

Congrats tho ladies for marrying perfect human beings I guess? Lol..

in my experience people can say something rude without knowing it came out that way.

I realize I will not have the popular opinion. But oh well.. the OP understood I was speaking from a general stance so that's all I care about

Hahahaha!! Perfect my *kitten*. He can be a perfect dick. He would just never go there regarding size or weight. Probably because he has sisters?

I get what you’re saying. And agree. Because I’ve said things that were construed as hurtful when it wasn’t meant that way. To ME. But we’re all different in our levels of sensitivity.

whosshe

The way he said it is weird. “I don’t ever want to see you look like that again” This sounds red flaggy. Especially since he TOLD you you shouldn't be offended. Why does he think he has say in what you do with your body or how you feel? Weird............

WhereIsPJSoles

I'm not one of those people who runs after a single weird comment, I swear. In fact, I've stayed way too long in relationships with my rose colored glasses on not being able to see the red flags. I put my foot in my mouth, I apologize, I hope they get over it. Guys do it to me, too. This one comment felt totally different though, because it WAS pretty controlling. And just going with my gut, if I addressed this, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get an apology. That's why he immediately went in with why I shouldn't be offended. He thought about it, decided to say it, and anticipated that I might take it badly, and had a defense for that too. And that's just too much, like I can roll with a lot in relationships and friendships, but you know...if this was just a friend and they had said something like that to me, I'd be distancing myself. Maybe it means I'm thin skinned, but that's not likely to change soon so I'm doing a favor for the both of us by not being a part of it any more.