Comments on pre-weight loss body

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  • RaeBeeBaby
    RaeBeeBaby Posts: 4,245 Member
    edited December 2017
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    What a jerk comment. I can't think of any way around what he said that would make it even slightly OK. And since it wasn't the first comment that was off-putting, there's a pattern.
  • Psychgrrl
    Psychgrrl Posts: 3,177 Member
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    HellYeahItsKriss wrote: »
    I find it funny how easy it is to tell someone else to kick a guy to the curb simply from 1 situation in a small paragraph.

    People can sometimes suck and saying what they mean the right way.

    I am one of those people. Blunt and I have no social skills. Should everyone cast me out of their life too?

    Nope! :heart:
  • LAWoman72
    LAWoman72 Posts: 2,846 Member
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    eliciaobrien1 wrote: »
    The way he said it is weird. “I don’t ever want to see you look like that again” This sounds red flaggy. Especially since he TOLD you you shouldn't be offended. Why does he think he has say in what you do with your body or how you feel? Weird............

    Just...all of this.

    JMO.
  • LAWoman72
    LAWoman72 Posts: 2,846 Member
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    WhereIsPJSoles wrote: »
    I'm not one of those people who runs after a single weird comment, I swear. In fact, I've stayed way too long in relationships with my rose colored glasses on not being able to see the red flags. I put my foot in my mouth, I apologize, I hope they get over it. Guys do it to me, too. This one comment felt totally different though, because it WAS pretty controlling. And just going with my gut, if I addressed this, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get an apology. That's why he immediately went in with why I shouldn't be offended. He thought about it, decided to say it, and anticipated that I might take it badly, and had a defense for that too. And that's just too much, like I can roll with a lot in relationships and friendships, but you know...if this was just a friend and they had said something like that to me, I'd be distancing myself. Maybe it means I'm thin skinned, but that's not likely to change soon so I'm doing a favor for the both of us by not being a part of it any more.

    The thing is, when someone is negging you, you're SUPPOSED to doubt yourself.

    Run, Forest.
  • Jackibrazil
    Jackibrazil Posts: 124 Member
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    Christine_72 wrote: »
    HellYeahItsKriss wrote: »
    I didn't say it had to be about your body. I said about anything.

    Congrats tho ladies for marrying perfect human beings I guess? Lol..

    in my experience people can say something rude without knowing it came out that way.

    I realize I will not have the popular opinion. But oh well.. the OP understood I was speaking from a general stance so that's all I care about

    Fear not Kriss.. I married a far from perfect guy! He thinks he's saying something positive and harmless, but it comes out the complete opposite as the way he intended it. You'd think he would have learnt to keep his mouth shut by now, but naaah :weary:

    My boyfriend thought it would be flattering to say "I just assume you dated all the guys you've introduced me to." Apparently he in his sleepiness thought this was a compliment because he meant because I'm so pretty and social. I believe him too. He's nothing but sweet to me. Men say the dumbest things sometimes. We definitely had a talk though about why this statement was hurtful. He felt so bad.
  • MegaMooseEsq
    MegaMooseEsq Posts: 3,118 Member
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    LAWoman72 wrote: »
    Jackibrazil wrote: »
    Christine_72 wrote: »
    HellYeahItsKriss wrote: »
    I didn't say it had to be about your body. I said about anything.

    Congrats tho ladies for marrying perfect human beings I guess? Lol..

    in my experience people can say something rude without knowing it came out that way.

    I realize I will not have the popular opinion. But oh well.. the OP understood I was speaking from a general stance so that's all I care about

    Fear not Kriss.. I married a far from perfect guy! He thinks he's saying something positive and harmless, but it comes out the complete opposite as the way he intended it. You'd think he would have learnt to keep his mouth shut by now, but naaah :weary:

    My boyfriend thought it would be flattering to say "I just assume you dated all the guys you've introduced me to." Apparently he in his sleepiness thought this was a compliment because he meant because I'm so pretty and social. I believe him too. He's nothing but sweet to me. Men say the dumbest things sometimes. We definitely had a talk though about why this statement was hurtful. He felt so bad.

    Oh my God, so funny. I don't mean it's funny that you got hurt, that part is awful but I am just imagining his "I did NOT say that" look that surely must have followed. Oh dear goodness.

    My otherwise sensitive, appreciative and (you won't believe this after reading the following) intelligent ex-husband once said to me, comparing me to his ex: "You know, [the ex] was like a Camero. All flash on the outside, totally sexy, everybody WANTS a hot car but there's no substance. But you, [LAWoman72]...you're more like...kind of like a station wagon, I guess. Oh sure, maybe not so much fanciness on the outside but I always know when I get into a station wagon that if I put the key in it's going to work. Every single time. You never have to guess with a station wagon. It's dependable."

    I could see his increasing look of panic and "holy s---, I'm digging myself in deeper but I just can't shut up" as this utterly tragic, plane-crashing-into-the-side-of-a-mountain speech progressed. Finally he petered out, thank God. I'm surprised he ever spoke again.

    Poor dude.

    For oh, probably a good month after that, every time he snuggled close in just that special way I'd ask him, "Are you ready to put the key in now? Am I expected to turn over reliably?" so eventually we were able to laugh our way out of it.

    That is some epic foot-in-mouth right there. Wow. I would totally tease the *kitten* out of my husband if he said something like that. Even if I’m quite proud of being reliable.
  • maggibailey
    maggibailey Posts: 289 Member
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    I think the moral of the story is if it makes you feel like *kitten* and you aren’t willing to put up wth it don’t. I am married to the perfect man and he still says dumb stuff sometimes the to have to say “seriously guy? That felt like the right comment?” There is room for dumb things to be said in relationships, you just need to know you, and your significant other and what you are willing to ignore and what you are not.
  • lucerorojo
    lucerorojo Posts: 790 Member
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    HellYeahItsKriss wrote: »
    PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »
    I don't tolerate disrespect. I'm the same person as I was in the before pictures. If you disrespect her, you disrespect me. Not sure I'd break up over it but I would straighten that *kitten* out in a hurry.

    Exactly. You can stick up for your feelings without just shoving someone out of your life over It.

    That's why I said to ask him what he meant. Listen to his response and then tell him how it made you feel. How can someone show you that they meant well if you just say *kitten* you and thats that.
    Generally this is a foreshadowing of the future. What he said was really rude and if it was just one stupid comment, I'd say let it go. But apparently he's said other things that make the OP think he's not happy with her for her. The appropriate thing to say (if anything) is I'm happy that you are taking care of your health.
  • lucerorojo
    lucerorojo Posts: 790 Member
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    You look great in both!!
  • a01396392
    a01396392 Posts: 1 Member
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    it could just be a dumb guys unthoughtful way of trying to motivate or keep you going down the road of progress. In my opinion if that’s the only flaw you find in him the entire time you’ve been seeing him, then it was just a moment of stupidity on his part. If there are other red flags though, take it for what it’s worth in camparison to everything he has done.

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