Comments on pre-weight loss body

DebLaBounty · December 2017

He sounds bossy, controlling and insensitive. Do you want to indulge his growing list of things he'd have you change about yourself?

fromaquasar1 · December 2017

Oh look a great chance to drop some pounds - ie as many as he weighs!

Your partner should want you to be fit and healthy, so they get to keep you longer. That's it. Drop this loser asap and find someone who will support you and
deserve you - not give you ultimatums about what you look like! X

WhereIsPJSoles · December 2017

ladyhusker39 wrote: »

WhereIsPJSoles wrote: »

joemac1988 wrote: »

I'd say you could be overthinking it. He was specifically referring to your looks which is superficial and isn't about YOU as a person. If he had said "I don't ever want you to BE like that again"....well, that's different. On the plus side he's honest. Imagine you had pink hair when you met him, now it's natural and he said "I don't want to ever see you look like that again", would you laugh it off or would it bother you?

You’re right, that probably wouldn’t bother me. And I do appreciate the honesty. But now that I’m looking back on it I realize he’s also suggested I dye my hair, get a fake tan, and get more revealing clothes. And I’ve known him 5 months. And it’s all just a little weird when I look at it all together instead of the separate incidents they were

I think that's very insightful. When you look at your relationship overall you don't seem to feel very good about it. Maybe this latest incident was just what got you started thinking about it. Plus, it appears that you don't feel like you can speak openly with him about it either. That may be only in your head and not anything to do with him, but it merits consideration.

Maybe this is more to do with you and less to do with him and his comments. Maybe you're not in a good place to be in a relationship at all, even a "casual" one.

You could be right, there’s a lot about this situation that’s making me second guess myself - like DID I unconsciously start losing weight because of him? Why would I do that? Why, exactly, did I decide to invest time and energy in a man 10 years older than me who probably sees “fixing” me as a fun project? Was there a second shooter on the grassy knoll?

lorrpb · December 2017

What if he said you looked fine & didn't need to lose weight? What if he said he liked you better before? What if he asked what can he do to help you continue your weight loss? I've read threads where people took offense at all of these comments.

HellYeahItsKriss · December 2017

As someone who is dating a guy who means well but the words never come out right...

Ask him what he meant. If he meant well he meant well.. but you won't know until you ask and only you would know the sincerity in his responses.

Shellz31 · December 2017

lorrpb wrote: »

What if he said you looked fine & didn't need to lose weight? What if he said he liked you better before? What if he asked what can he do to help you continue your weight loss? I've read threads where people took offense at all of these comments.

What does what other people in other situations on other threads think is offensive have to do with OP? Not trying to sound snarky I just don't understand why you posted that.

augustremulous · December 2017

Time to upgrade to a better guy!

HellYeahItsKriss · December 2017

I find it funny how easy it is to tell someone else to kick a guy to the curb simply from 1 situation in a small paragraph.

People can sometimes suck and saying what they mean the right way.

I am one of those people. Blunt and I have no social skills. Should everyone cast me out of their life too?

PaulaWallaDingDong · December 2017

I don't tolerate disrespect. I'm the same person as I was in the before pictures. If you disrespect her, you disrespect me. Not sure I'd break up over it but I would straighten that *kitten* out in a hurry.

HellYeahItsKriss · December 2017

PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »

I don't tolerate disrespect. I'm the same person as I was in the before pictures. If you disrespect her, you disrespect me. Not sure I'd break up over it but I would straighten that *kitten* out in a hurry.

Exactly. You can stick up for your feelings without just shoving someone out of your life over It.

That's why I said to ask him what he meant. Listen to his response and then tell him how it made you feel. How can someone show you that they meant well if you just say *kitten* you and thats that.

tinkerbellang83 · December 2017

HellYeahItsKriss wrote: »

I find it funny how easy it is to tell someone else to kick a guy to the curb simply from 1 situation in a small paragraph.

People can sometimes suck and saying what they mean the right way.

I am one of those people. Blunt and I have no social skills. Should everyone cast me out of their life too?

Because it's not just one situation, OP has said this guy has made a number of comments about her appearance in the 5 months they've been casually dating. There's a big difference between being blunt and struggling with social skills and trying to mould someone into something they aren't and I say this as someone who is pretty blunt myself. The latter can be a slippery slope into far scarier behaviour.

WhereIsPJSoles · December 2017

I guess for context I should add that I wasn’t overweight in my before. Even giving him the biggest benefit of the doubt, my health wasn’t at risk and he wasn’t saying “I don’t want to see you unhealthy ever again” he was saying “I don’t want to see you displease my eyeballs ever again”

ladyhusker39 · December 2017

HellYeahItsKriss wrote: »

I find it funny how easy it is to tell someone else to kick a guy to the curb simply from 1 situation in a small paragraph.

People can sometimes suck and saying what they mean the right way.

I am one of those people. Blunt and I have no social skills. Should everyone cast me out of their life too?

I get what you're saying, but if you read some of her follow up posts, she's been seeing a pattern. Plus, she's unhappy with him and is reacting to what he said that way. That's the biggest red flag for me. She doesn't feel good about the situation. Too often we encourage or even pressure people to ignore their gut instincts about people. I'm a big believer in listening to mine. Also, the fact that they don't seem to be able to talk about things like this is a bad sign.

Lounmoun · December 2017

It sounds like from all your posts that this guy wants a doll not a human partner. I'd thank him for letting you know where he stands and walk away from him.
Someone who wants you to change many things about yourself and demands you maintain a certain appearance is someone I would avoid getting involved with.

toxikon · December 2017

HellYeahItsKriss wrote: »

I find it funny how easy it is to tell someone else to kick a guy to the curb simply from 1 situation in a small paragraph.

People can sometimes suck and saying what they mean the right way.

I am one of those people. Blunt and I have no social skills. Should everyone cast me out of their life too?

All quotes from OP:

"And he said “I don’t ever want to see you look like that again” in reference to my “before”. And then he said that I shouldn’t be offended unless I intended to go back."

"I don’t know, now I’m remembering lots of little offhand comments he’s made and I let go but probably should’ve paid more attention to."

"But now that I’m looking back on it I realize he’s also suggested I dye my hair, get a fake tan, and get more revealing clothes. And I’ve known him 5 months. And it’s all just a little weird when I look at it all together instead of the separate incidents they were"

Does that really sound like a healthy relationship to you?

HellYeahItsKriss · December 2017

I can't comment because I wasn't there to witness it.. thats what i mean, she can choose whatever she wants to do, based on how she feels about it, she can go, she can ask, etc, but without more context, sometimes people can say things thinking they are making a joke and it's really not funny.. im not saying don't give her advice or suggest it's unhealthy, but it's a common thing i have noticed over time on many threads, someone has an issue, talks about it and everyones first reaction is "Kick him to the curb".. Did everyones current partner never say anything dumb or rude or felt disrespectful ever?

WhereIsPJSoles · December 2017

I know what you mean about how people can be a little flippant about relationships they’re not in online. But I will say in this case it’s helped me put the situation into a realistic perspective. Right after he said it I felt like “ok wow, he’s honest. I was a disgusting piece of crap, but he’s honest” and then slowly after talking about it I’ve realized that it was actually super rude and most people would’ve been offended too and I’m not being overly sensitive - it was just a mean thing to say.

And the fact that he waited a day to say it means he had time to think of non-jerk things and chose the jerk thing, anyway. That might be for some women, but I just can’t. There’s nothing redeeming here.

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