Your friends aren't going to do this for you.
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Of course my theory is most of the people who are posting that they are looking for friends and accountability partners are the ones who prefer to stand on the sidelines and talk about it. You'll stop talking about it when you jump into the trenches and get beat up a little bit but still press on. The time for being coddled is over. It’s time to get serious and punch this thing in the face!3
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Whilst you're right in saying that frinds can't do it for you, they can make a fairly significant positive impact on what can be a difficult process.
I have used MFP for 7 years but only lost/maintained weight succesfully in the last 13 months, which consequently is when I started making use of the forums and adding friends.
Wanting accountability with other users doesn't necessarily mean you are setting yourself up for failure - after all, a problem shared is a problem halved.
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I get the need for social support but I dunno how people have time to actually check other peoples logging/diaries. I personally find it a chore to keep track of my own calories, so there’s no way I’d be interested in checking up on someone else’s as well. I don’t know why people expect internet strangers to provide a service to them for free. Or idk maybe it just feels like a service to me because I don’t find it particularly fun?1
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I think a *smallish* group of relatively like minded people can help someone - IF that person is already of the mindset that, ultimately, it's up to them and it's a way of life. That being said, on another group I'm part of a quarterly challenge group (generally the same people on our team) and the accountability helps keep things on track when we might otherwise (momentarily) stray.
Shoot, having a gym buddy meant I got one workout in this week I probably would have skipped.
The issue comes when someone expects that "accountability" groups will change their mindset, or make up their mind for them. Doesn't mean it doesn't help to surround yourself with people with similar goals and outlooks.0 -
I look for new friends all the time on here. So I can see their food diary to get some new fresh ideas. lol
I dont necessarily need " accountability" or "motivation" but I do like the support I get from my "friends" on here. Some people may have ZERO support in the outside world and the internet may be the only place they can receive that.
The reason why people look for new friends is for no one to judge and make assumptions.
What kind of accountability do you get from people who don't judge? If one's "friends" say it's all good, how are they providing accountability?1 -
I would not be on the streak I'm on if I didn't have a friend that was 100+ days and I was like WHAT?!? If she can do that, I can do it. And, I do enjoy reading diaries too to get ideas. Although, I have my own nutritionist who sets my macros. But, I've been on my fitness pal for nearly 5 years now and it wasn't until I got on the streak and got super honest with recording my true intake and not subtracting for workouts did I make progress.0
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I've been on MFP for 3 years and have a small group of friends that I really value and appreciate as people. But I recently had sort of an epiphany that they really can't help me with my weight loss. I turned off all of my news feed notifications and now just communicate when I want to share something or comment on what others are doing. There isn't going to be anyone following me around the rest of my life to make sure I'm logging accurately or meeting my calorie goals- that's all on me.
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I understand the want to add people who have been in your situation. Seeing someone who was where you are now and who was successful is some good motivation. But I don't understand the people who post on the very first day on MFP.
It took me at least 3 months to post on the forums and I never wrote an "introduce yourself" post. MFP does prompt you to write a post to introduce yourself tho. So these people might not know what else to say other than "I need motivational friends".2 -
It’s important to celebrate successes too. Hard to celebrate when you are alone6
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It took me at least 3 months to post on the forums and I never wrote an "introduce yourself" post. MFP does prompt you to write a post to introduce yourself tho. So these people might not know what else to say other than "I need motivational friends".
I don't understand why people do that anyway... we don't go around in real life asking random people to be our friends. We hang out, get to know people, and sort of hone in on those we enjoy and have things in common with.4 -
OP, agree with you totally and you voiced exactly what I've been thinking. Never been too keen on needy people...they bore me so I usually never open the "I need an accountability friend" blah..blah and boo hoo.
Successes are what power me not expecting someone to babysit me and listen to my deep seeded problems
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OP, agree with you totally and you voiced exactly what I've been thinking. Never been too keen on needy people...they bore me so I usually never open the "I need an accountability friend" blah..blah and boo hoo.
Successes are what power me not expecting someone to babysit me and listen to my deep seeded problems
Agreed. Personally, I grow tired of all the soft pedaling and hand holding. If I was going to seek out friends to help me, I would want someone that doesn’t pull punches. Tell it like it is and kick my butt if I need it, don’t come at me with all this you can do it, you got this man crap. The ugly truth behind this whole thing is many of us have been or are overweight and for various reasons. Some out of laziness some have addictions and so on. This isn’t some social experiment, this is a war and I want to be around people who are willing to do whatever it takes to win. The people who are looking for someone to drag them over the finish line won’t be achieving any goals nor will they be holding anyone accountable. I don’t want high fives and words of encouragement, I want weapons which in this case is knowledge. If others want to spend precious energy pouring over other people’s food diaries and wagging their fingers at them for logging too many doughnuts that’s up to them. I don’t have the time or the energy for that and I think that many others spend too much of their resources doing just that.
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OP, agree with you totally and you voiced exactly what I've been thinking. Never been too keen on needy people...they bore me so I usually never open the "I need an accountability friend" blah..blah and boo hoo.
Successes are what power me not expecting someone to babysit me and listen to my deep seeded problems
this is a war and I want to be around people who are willing to do whatever it takes to win. I don’t want high fives and words of encouragement, I want weapons which in this case is knowledge.
I love this statement- I don't want high-fives, I want weapons! (but honestly would prefer a little less bitterness in the delivery ) 2 -
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I love this statement- I don't want high-fives, I want weapons! (but honestly would prefer a little less bitterness in the delivery )[/quote]
I do sound bitter don’t I? LOL, sorry. I just get fired up thinking about this stuff. Trying to inject some passion into this community. It just seems like the general mentality on here is fear based. People seem to be wishing for someone to hold their hands and living in fear of the calories coming to get them. I’d like to see more people going on offense and attacking this thing with everything they’ve got.2 -
I love this statement- I don't want high-fives, I want weapons! (but honestly would prefer a little less bitterness in the delivery )[/quote]
I’d like to see more people going on offense and attacking this thing with everything they’ve got. [/quote]
The best defense is a good offense 0 -
I’d like to see more people going on offense and attacking this thing with everything they’ve got. [/quote]
The best defense is a good offense [/quote]
Exactly. I’ve been on here quite a bit over the past couple months. Never even knew there was a community component all this time. Don’t get me wrong, there’s some pretty sharp people on here that give good advice but if someone comes here looking for inspiration and passion, it’s not easy to find. One has to wade through hundreds of posts of people begging for someone to be their friend and save them from eating the cheesecake. Huh? Where are the warriors? Where are the people who are out there kicking this thing’s teeth out? They’re here, they’re just not posting anything apparently. It’s the whole attitude thats missing. There’s no secret to this thing, everyone knows what to do. Losing fat is one of the easiest things on the planet. People just struggle with the decision and when someone needs 100 internet chat room friends talking them off the chocolate ledge, that person hasn’t made a decision yet.
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I get the need for social support but I dunno how people have time to actually check other peoples logging/diaries. I personally find it a chore to keep track of my own calories, so there’s no way I’d be interested in checking up on someone else’s as well. I don’t know why people expect internet strangers to provide a service to them for free. Or idk maybe it just feels like a service to me because I don’t find it particularly fun?
Because some people are interested and enjoy helping others for free?1 -
I agree, but some people are not like that,,, they need other peoples stimulations to pump them up, they have lower self esteem and need it.What works for me is not what works for others.1
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The best defense is a good offense [/quote]
Exactly. I’ve been on here quite a bit over the past couple months. Never even knew there was a community component all this time. Don’t get me wrong, there’s some pretty sharp people on here that give good advice but if someone comes here looking for inspiration and passion, it’s not easy to find. One has to wade through hundreds of posts of people begging for someone to be their friend and save them from eating the cheesecake. Huh? Where are the warriors? Where are the people who are out there kicking this thing’s teeth out? They’re here, they’re just not posting anything apparently. It’s the whole attitude thats missing. There’s no secret to this thing, everyone knows what to do. Losing fat is one of the easiest things on the planet. People just struggle with the decision and when someone needs 100 internet chat room friends talking them off the chocolate ledge, that person hasn’t made a decision yet.
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Well yes, we all need to "kick butt", but this is high "newbie season". If you haven't noticed the boards are flooded. These people need to settle in. I always think that they make friends among themselves, since the "vets" don't add to their friends lists. I, personally, don't see anything wrong with it. They come on spouting what the media tells them--motivation, cico, keto, vegan, carbs are bad, etc etc. They'll eventually get it--or leave. Being that MFP is actually an educational process it just takes time, and patience. You might want to schedule your vacation next year in January and avoid alot of irritation. Just an idea.4 -
I agree OP, there's alot of posts about needing friends for motivation but I have to say when I first started on MFP, while I didn't actively seek friends here, because I was on the forums and commenting friends found me. It was actually great to celebrate achievements during weight loss with others - I found it an encouragement back then and I can see why some people might find having people motivate them useful/helpful.
Ultimately my weight loss success was down to only me but it was nice to have others on the same journey to share with.
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