Your friends aren't going to do this for you.
Replies
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OP, agree with you totally and you voiced exactly what I've been thinking. Never been too keen on needy people...they bore me so I usually never open the "I need an accountability friend" blah..blah and boo hoo.
Successes are what power me not expecting someone to babysit me and listen to my deep seeded problems
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OP, agree with you totally and you voiced exactly what I've been thinking. Never been too keen on needy people...they bore me so I usually never open the "I need an accountability friend" blah..blah and boo hoo.
Successes are what power me not expecting someone to babysit me and listen to my deep seeded problems
Agreed. Personally, I grow tired of all the soft pedaling and hand holding. If I was going to seek out friends to help me, I would want someone that doesn’t pull punches. Tell it like it is and kick my butt if I need it, don’t come at me with all this you can do it, you got this man crap. The ugly truth behind this whole thing is many of us have been or are overweight and for various reasons. Some out of laziness some have addictions and so on. This isn’t some social experiment, this is a war and I want to be around people who are willing to do whatever it takes to win. The people who are looking for someone to drag them over the finish line won’t be achieving any goals nor will they be holding anyone accountable. I don’t want high fives and words of encouragement, I want weapons which in this case is knowledge. If others want to spend precious energy pouring over other people’s food diaries and wagging their fingers at them for logging too many doughnuts that’s up to them. I don’t have the time or the energy for that and I think that many others spend too much of their resources doing just that.
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OP, agree with you totally and you voiced exactly what I've been thinking. Never been too keen on needy people...they bore me so I usually never open the "I need an accountability friend" blah..blah and boo hoo.
Successes are what power me not expecting someone to babysit me and listen to my deep seeded problems
this is a war and I want to be around people who are willing to do whatever it takes to win. I don’t want high fives and words of encouragement, I want weapons which in this case is knowledge.
I love this statement- I don't want high-fives, I want weapons! (but honestly would prefer a little less bitterness in the delivery ) 2 -
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I love this statement- I don't want high-fives, I want weapons! (but honestly would prefer a little less bitterness in the delivery )[/quote]
I do sound bitter don’t I? LOL, sorry. I just get fired up thinking about this stuff. Trying to inject some passion into this community. It just seems like the general mentality on here is fear based. People seem to be wishing for someone to hold their hands and living in fear of the calories coming to get them. I’d like to see more people going on offense and attacking this thing with everything they’ve got.2 -
I love this statement- I don't want high-fives, I want weapons! (but honestly would prefer a little less bitterness in the delivery )[/quote]
I’d like to see more people going on offense and attacking this thing with everything they’ve got. [/quote]
The best defense is a good offense
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I’d like to see more people going on offense and attacking this thing with everything they’ve got. [/quote]
The best defense is a good offense [/quote]
Exactly. I’ve been on here quite a bit over the past couple months. Never even knew there was a community component all this time. Don’t get me wrong, there’s some pretty sharp people on here that give good advice but if someone comes here looking for inspiration and passion, it’s not easy to find. One has to wade through hundreds of posts of people begging for someone to be their friend and save them from eating the cheesecake. Huh? Where are the warriors? Where are the people who are out there kicking this thing’s teeth out? They’re here, they’re just not posting anything apparently. It’s the whole attitude thats missing. There’s no secret to this thing, everyone knows what to do. Losing fat is one of the easiest things on the planet. People just struggle with the decision and when someone needs 100 internet chat room friends talking them off the chocolate ledge, that person hasn’t made a decision yet.
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I get the need for social support but I dunno how people have time to actually check other peoples logging/diaries. I personally find it a chore to keep track of my own calories, so there’s no way I’d be interested in checking up on someone else’s as well. I don’t know why people expect internet strangers to provide a service to them for free. Or idk maybe it just feels like a service to me because I don’t find it particularly fun?
Because some people are interested and enjoy helping others for free?1 -
I agree, but some people are not like that,,, they need other peoples stimulations to pump them up, they have lower self esteem and need it.What works for me is not what works for others.1
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The best defense is a good offense [/quote]
Exactly. I’ve been on here quite a bit over the past couple months. Never even knew there was a community component all this time. Don’t get me wrong, there’s some pretty sharp people on here that give good advice but if someone comes here looking for inspiration and passion, it’s not easy to find. One has to wade through hundreds of posts of people begging for someone to be their friend and save them from eating the cheesecake. Huh? Where are the warriors? Where are the people who are out there kicking this thing’s teeth out? They’re here, they’re just not posting anything apparently. It’s the whole attitude thats missing. There’s no secret to this thing, everyone knows what to do. Losing fat is one of the easiest things on the planet. People just struggle with the decision and when someone needs 100 internet chat room friends talking them off the chocolate ledge, that person hasn’t made a decision yet.
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Well yes, we all need to "kick butt", but this is high "newbie season". If you haven't noticed the boards are flooded. These people need to settle in. I always think that they make friends among themselves, since the "vets" don't add to their friends lists. I, personally, don't see anything wrong with it. They come on spouting what the media tells them--motivation, cico, keto, vegan, carbs are bad, etc etc. They'll eventually get it--or leave. Being that MFP is actually an educational process it just takes time, and patience. You might want to schedule your vacation next year in January and avoid alot of irritation. Just an idea.4 -
I agree OP, there's alot of posts about needing friends for motivation but I have to say when I first started on MFP, while I didn't actively seek friends here, because I was on the forums and commenting friends found me. It was actually great to celebrate achievements during weight loss with others - I found it an encouragement back then and I can see why some people might find having people motivate them useful/helpful.
Ultimately my weight loss success was down to only me but it was nice to have others on the same journey to share with.
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Omigosh, amen! That being said, I love scrolling through my homepage and reading people's updates!1
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snowflake954 wrote: »
The best defense is a good offense
Exactly. I’ve been on here quite a bit over the past couple months. Never even knew there was a community component all this time. Don’t get me wrong, there’s some pretty sharp people on here that give good advice but if someone comes here looking for inspiration and passion, it’s not easy to find. One has to wade through hundreds of posts of people begging for someone to be their friend and save them from eating the cheesecake. Huh? Where are the warriors? Where are the people who are out there kicking this thing’s teeth out? They’re here, they’re just not posting anything apparently. It’s the whole attitude thats missing. There’s no secret to this thing, everyone knows what to do. Losing fat is one of the easiest things on the planet. People just struggle with the decision and when someone needs 100 internet chat room friends talking them off the chocolate ledge, that person hasn’t made a decision yet.
[/quote]
Well yes, we all need to "kick butt", but this is high "newbie season". If you haven't noticed the boards are flooded. These people need to settle in. I always think that they make friends among themselves, since the "vets" don't add to their friends lists. I, personally, don't see anything wrong with it. They come on spouting what the media tells them--motivation, cico, keto, vegan, carbs are bad, etc etc. They'll eventually get it--or leave. Being that MFP is actually an educational process it just takes time, and patience. You might want to schedule your vacation next year in January and avoid alot of irritation. Just an idea.[/quote]
You do have a point. Even though I’ve been a long time user with the app, I’m pretty new to the forums. I suppose I do need to take the time of year and the concept of them being new in account...darn it.5 -
snowflake954 wrote: »
The best defense is a good offense
Exactly. I’ve been on here quite a bit over the past couple months. Never even knew there was a community component all this time. Don’t get me wrong, there’s some pretty sharp people on here that give good advice but if someone comes here looking for inspiration and passion, it’s not easy to find. One has to wade through hundreds of posts of people begging for someone to be their friend and save them from eating the cheesecake. Huh? Where are the warriors? Where are the people who are out there kicking this thing’s teeth out? They’re here, they’re just not posting anything apparently. It’s the whole attitude thats missing. There’s no secret to this thing, everyone knows what to do. Losing fat is one of the easiest things on the planet. People just struggle with the decision and when someone needs 100 internet chat room friends talking them off the chocolate ledge, that person hasn’t made a decision yet.
Well yes, we all need to "kick butt", but this is high "newbie season". If you haven't noticed the boards are flooded. These people need to settle in. I always think that they make friends among themselves, since the "vets" don't add to their friends lists. I, personally, don't see anything wrong with it. They come on spouting what the media tells them--motivation, cico, keto, vegan, carbs are bad, etc etc. They'll eventually get it--or leave. Being that MFP is actually an educational process it just takes time, and patience. You might want to schedule your vacation next year in January and avoid alot of irritation. Just an idea.[/quote]
You do have a point. Even though I’ve been a long time user with the app, I’m pretty new to the forums. I suppose I do need to take the time of year and the concept of them being new in account...darn it. [/quote]
I just want to say, it's refreshing when any forum user takes others' points to heart and doesn't get all defensive. We could all take a lesson from this 4 -
What's wrong with the quote function? These comments are getting impossible to read
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I'm not friends with alot of people on here, but I will say the 'woohoo!' when I lose a pound, even from people i don't really know very well...it's nice.
The person doing the work is me, it's always me...but people, even strangers, telling me to keep at it, it helps, just a little, but it does help.
It's like when people run marathons and all those people come out to cheer them on, we all know it's the runner doing the work, but the cheers feel good - even if you're the slow runner!
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I'll add OP that you're response to my post wasn't what I expected--you're a mature guy. Anyway, my friends have become people that I enjoy keeping contact with. Most of them are very interesting people. Alot of them really do "kick butt" and they are so varied. I'm happy with people that have asked to be friends over the years. I've never said no and over time it's been a good decision.2
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The problem with saying "no one else can do it for you, you can only do it yourself" is that many people who come to this site are doing so because they haven't been able to do it themselves. They haven't been able to stick to an exercise routine. They haven't been able to successfully reduce their intake. They haven't been able to lose weight, or if they have lost weight, they haven't been able to maintain it.
Different things work for different people. I'm not sure why wanting to have someone to check-in with online for support is something to be ridiculed, especially if it will help that person to their goal. Making changes to one's diet and exercise is a behavioral change, and part of cognitive behavioral therapy is checking in when those behaviors are completed and acknowledging when they are not, as well as coming up with a plan to get back on track. If you can achieve that with the help of an online friend, why wouldn't you do it? It's a well-respected therapy that has shown results, and having friends who support that and are there with you can make it easier to do.
Should someone who needs to hire a trainer and meet with that person in order to workout also be chastised for being un-motivated because they need that push from someone else? Or should we acknowledge that they have chosen to do something that will help them achieve their goal?6 -
The problem with saying "no one else can do it for you, you can only do it yourself" is that many people who come to this site are doing so because they haven't been able to do it themselves. They haven't been able to stick to an exercise routine. They haven't been able to successfully reduce their intake. They haven't been able to lose weight, or if they have lost weight, they haven't been able to maintain it.
Different things work for different people. I'm not sure why wanting to have someone to check-in with online for support is something to be ridiculed, especially if it will help that person to their goal. Making changes to one's diet and exercise is a behavioral change, and part of cognitive behavioral therapy is checking in when those behaviors are completed and acknowledging when they are not, as well as coming up with a plan to get back on track. If you can achieve that with the help of an online friend, why wouldn't you do it? It's a well-respected therapy that has shown results, and having friends who support that and are there with you can make it easier to do.
Should someone who needs to hire a trainer and meet with that person in order to workout also be chastised for being un-motivated because they need that push from someone else? Or should we acknowledge that they have chosen to do something that will help them achieve their goal?
I forgot, too, that many take part in challenges & things with their friends that helps to keep their health & fitness at the forefront. To me, those sorts of things are different than taking turns hitting "like" on a news feed.1 -
The social aspect of MFP keeps me more engaged and interested than if I was using it solely as a calorie counter/fitness tracker app. It's nice to have a place to share the woes and triumphs of weight loss with others who 'get it.' However, I find that slightly different than the 'I need someone to motivate me, kick my *kitten* into gear when I don't exercise, and call me out for making *kitten* food choices' mentality. I'm a grown adult and take responsibility for myself and my own actions.
I also don't limit myself to friends who are the same sex, age, weight, fitness level, or are following the same diet plan. I gain insight from and appreciate some diversity in my friends list.2 -
snowflake954 wrote: »I'll add OP that you're response to my post wasn't what I expected--you're a mature guy. Anyway, my friends have become people that I enjoy keeping contact with. Most of them are very interesting people. Alot of them really do "kick butt" and they are so varied. I'm happy with people that have asked to be friends over the years. I've never said no and over time it's been a good decision.
Wow, I’ve been called a lot of things but rarely mature. LOL. Thanks for the compliment.
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My core support group don’t motivate me. But they sure have stuck around which helps with feeling like I’m worth their time. Also watching all the friends I started with reaching their goals or steadily losing while I’m being all confused and eating too much and not being consistent really REALLY helps me get my *kitten* together.
Also my newsfeed is waaay more about who we are and what we’re going through than it is about how many reps we’ve done and who’s eating what. Because dammit life can be hard and we all need a soft spot sometimes. Or a swift kick in the *kitten*. Balance.
Edited to add: I also don’t open the Add me threads. Because I tried adding friends and it got to the point where I had a bunch of friends who didn’t interact much and I prefer people who explain *kitten* or give me recipes or talk about their like experience.
It takes time and culling.0
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