How do you feel about cheating and would you forgive your partner if they did?
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deep0
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_barefoot_ wrote: »
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I
Know
Right1 -
_barefoot_ wrote: »
I got you Gurl1 -
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I've been cheated on before, & I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I was younger then and didn't listen to my mom when she said "once a cheater, always a cheater". After a year of my ex randomly showing up, messaging me, saying all the right things to win me back, I forgave him & decided to give "us" another chance. Within a month of being back together, he cheated on me with HIS ex that cheated on HIM. I learned my lesson, though.
Would I forgive someone for cheating on me? Yes, but I will never forget - and they will never be given the opportunity to hurt me again.2 -
I have been cheated on by my ex so many times. Took me 5 years and lots of abuse to finally decide it was enough and realize I had done more then my share to make things work. I always tried to take responsibility in some way, because I thought then it meant that I could change something. You can't change someone. I finally left and met my amazing husband. I know other women/men that also endured more then someone should ever have to. I think it's something most people go through and in itself is a lesson to be learned... I don't think I would ever endure what I endured for my ex ever again. You can tell your friends that they should know better and all, but the true is they do know. It's just hard to accept and move on. I think you need to reach the point of no-return to really get it. Chasing love makes us do weird stuff... cuz REAL love doesn't ask anything, it just gives. I understand that now that I am with a person that takes as good care of me as I took care of him.
Whatever your friend is going through, good luck! Just be understanding, as it already is a hard situation to be in and most people tend to feel ashamed and end up isolating themselves until they (hopefully) finally break free.3 -
caco_ethes wrote: »I know my opinion about this will be unpopular but bear with me. When you sit down and think about it, it’s really kind of strange that ‘cheating’ is a thing.
I know that the vast majority of people view it as morally wrong to ‘cheat’ ie be with someone else. But why do we see it as wrong? I’m not playing dumb, I’m just wondering what it stems from.
If you think about it from an evolutionary aspect, it’s a human drive to procreate. There was a time when it was essential to our survival to procreate like rabbits. Just as essential: eating. So why is it that when we find someone whom we trust and adore and want to be with and have kids with that we must expect them to deny a primal urge to prove how much they love us? I mean when you think about it, isn’t it kinda funny? It’s like marrying someone and being outraged to find out they’re eating carbs behind your back because if they really loved you, they’d deny that urge.
Basically my feeling is that I, in theory, want to show a man that I love him and trust him and enjoy him just as he is. No rules or obligations. He doesn’t owe me a thing. He doesn’t have to deny anything to prove himself to me. I think relationships like that would be more honest and fulfilling.
Like I said, I know it’s unpopular. And it’s just me musing really. I just wonder when it became a virtually worldwide social more. Back in old testament days those dudes had wives and concubines up the wazoo.
Well... Going with what you are trying to say, there are people that are more open-minded then others. My husband and I have included other people in our sex life at times. It was planned, we both agreed, there was no lies. We did it as a couple and had fun doing it. I didn't feel like I was any less important to him. I could NEVER have done this with my ex though... Trust is essential if you are going to let other people into your privacy like that. My husband communicated his desire to try different things, and how he would only do it with me and if I was okay with it. We talked about it for more then a year before it finally happened. We have no regrets, and I find it only brought us closer together.
So there are people and situations where you definitely can ''fulfill your primal instincts'' but I think it always comes back to honesty and respect.
Cheating means that you decided by yourself you were going to do something for your own pleasure, being selfish and neglecting the person that you're supposed to love and respect. Unless there's a mutual agreement prior, but then it wouldn't be called cheating...4 -
SabotageinStilettos I like the way you think lol0
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My partner and I have a cheat list. He can cheat with Patrick Dempsey and I can cheat with Channing Tatum.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NIBxJgUolw
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My thing is, is that if they aren't happy enough with the relationship to be faithful why not just break it off instead of hurting someone that much. I've been cheated on and it's not a good feeling, I forgave them and then they did it again. So I'm very against cheating. And also, it is a thought out decision so they knew exactly what they were doing when they did it and knew that if their S/O found out they would be hurt. That's just my opinion though.3
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ashleyrebekah392 wrote: »My thing is, is that if they aren't happy enough with the relationship to be faithful why not just break it off instead of hurting someone that much.
Exactly.
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caco_ethes wrote: »I know my opinion about this will be unpopular but bear with me. When you sit down and think about it, it’s really kind of strange that ‘cheating’ is a thing.
I know that the vast majority of people view it as morally wrong to ‘cheat’ ie be with someone else. But why do we see it as wrong? I’m not playing dumb, I’m just wondering what it stems from.
If you think about it from an evolutionary aspect, it’s a human drive to procreate. There was a time when it was essential to our survival to procreate like rabbits. Just as essential: eating. So why is it that when we find someone whom we trust and adore and want to be with and have kids with that we must expect them to deny a primal urge to prove how much they love us? I mean when you think about it, isn’t it kinda funny? It’s like marrying someone and being outraged to find out they’re eating carbs behind your back because if they really loved you, they’d deny that urge.
Basically my feeling is that I, in theory, want to show a man that I love him and trust him and enjoy him just as he is. No rules or obligations. He doesn’t owe me a thing. He doesn’t have to deny anything to prove himself to me. I think relationships like that would be more honest and fulfilling.
Like I said, I know it’s unpopular. And it’s just me musing really. I just wonder when it became a virtually worldwide social more. Back in old testament days those dudes had wives and concubines up the wazoo.
Well... Going with what you are trying to say, there are people that are more open-minded then others. My husband and I have included other people in our sex life at times. It was planned, we both agreed, there was no lies. We did it as a couple and had fun doing it. I didn't feel like I was any less important to him. I could NEVER have done this with my ex though... Trust is essential if you are going to let other people into your privacy like that. My husband communicated his desire to try different things, and how he would only do it with me and if I was okay with it. We talked about it for more then a year before it finally happened. We have no regrets, and I find it only brought us closer together.
So there are people and situations where you definitely can ''fulfill your primal instincts'' but I think it always comes back to honesty and respect.
Cheating means that you decided by yourself you were going to do something for your own pleasure, being selfish and neglecting the person that you're supposed to love and respect. Unless there's a mutual agreement prior, but then it wouldn't be called cheating...
Agree totally. Cheating and being open are two different things. I'd be open with being open but my wife is not so I don't. If I did I would be cheating. Now if she ever changes her mind and wants to be open, then I could and it wouldn't be cheating.0 -
Honestly, I see it as wrong but understandable as many times, especially in a marriage, it is easy to drift apart. It happened to my parents, and they stayed together but it's still tough with trust. I dated a guy that cheated on me and I left but we had only been together a few months. I am married now, been together 5 years, I do not have children, and if I found out this very minute that he had cheated I would leave. Maybe I would feel different if we were together for 20 years and had children. The harsh reality is that everyone looks and has thoughts but the question is whether they act on it.0
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