Dating struggles...frustrated and sad.
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Ahhh I really want to read this but there are no paragraphs. I'm too tired.3
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Renegade770 wrote: »To give you a different perspective on this I know alot of guys who use tinder and other online dating apps and at least 7 out of 10 have no interest in a serious relationship. They enjoy the endless dating buffet. If they get a vibe from you that you want something more than a casual hook up thats the end of it. Or they pursue you till they get what they want and then thats the end of it. If i can offer some friendly advice. Just dont date right now. And it has ZERO to do with your weight and hitting your goal weight but everything to do with anything that is making someone as attractive and sexy as you feel unwanted is just a serious negative energy you can do without. Just take time to focus on you. Figure out your goals and your desires for the future. Learn to love yourself enough that if some guy doesnt want a second date with you instead of letting it effect your self worth you almost pity him because he doesnt know what awesomeness he is missing.
Thank you so much for this...I feel 10x better! Even though I'm almost in tears after reading it...they're happy, inspired tears
Aww Im glad it helped It sounds like you have been through alot in the last year. Just take a deep breath and celebrate all your becoming. When the time is right you will meet the guy who makes you thank God the others didnt get that second date. Until then enjoy life anyway !2 -
Guuurl, I'm so sorry for your loss! But for real, it has nothing to do with your weight. Its luck. I would suggest plenty of fish over tinder because I've heard tinder is more of a hook up site. I've had good luck on Plenty of Fish, but holy you gotta be choosy. People are pretty gross for the most part, so its just about trying to find the not gross one. Like searching for a bar of soap in a pile of poo... If anything looking hotter increases your chances of finding a horn-dog not a keeper.
Also listen to that guy Renegade770, he gives good advice.
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Guuurl, I'm so sorry for your loss! But for real, it has nothing to do with your weight. Its luck. I would suggest plenty of fish over tinder because I've heard tinder is more of a hook up site. I've had good luck on Plenty of Fish, but holy you gotta be choosy. People are pretty gross for the most part, so its just about trying to find the not gross one. Like searching for a bar of soap in a pile of poo... If anything looking hotter increases your chances of finding a horn-dog not a keeper.
Also listen to that guy Renegade770, he gives good advice.
I second the POF suggestion. I met my best friend on there 3 years ago, and I've had better success with it than Tinder. I'm still on friendly terms with a few great guys even though the dating part wasn't meant to be.1 -
Very sorry for your loss, and congratulations on taking the steps to improve your health @caiteh86
As to dating, there's a number of reasons why. Most of which it sounds like has been covered. It sucks that a lot of people don't follow through with enjoying time spent with somone, and they tend to ghost them. Could be solely because they only want to date, they're only looking for easy hookups, or perhaps they just don't have the courage to tell someone they aren't interested.
From a guy's perspective, I've not had much luck with apps such as Tinder, PoF, etc. Or, even Match (my account is active, I just removed profile due to no responses/messages. Waiting for it to expire now). But, I'm also extremely busy and don't leave much time for dating due to involvements in activities, work, schooling, etc. So, I really don't even have time to fret over not having dates. Happily single is how I view it.
If you'd like, there is a "Singles Hangout" thread that is fairly active: http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10213897/the-singles-hangout#latest
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missyj1115 wrote: »I have been single for 7 years and yes it is sad, the dating world is definitely not what it used to be! Online seems to give not only men but women a false sense of expectations that are not seemed to be met in person. I did not try dating for 2 1/2 years after my divorce just worked on myself and finding me again. In these past 4 1/2 years of putting myself out there it has been emotionally draining to say the least.
On my profiles I have actually had to put the following; I am not a cougar looking to play out your fantasy's nor am I looking for a much older sugar daddy, I am not bi looking to be a couples playmate, I am not a sub looking for her dom, I will not marry you just to help raise your 7 children, I am not the occasional hook up as you are passing through town nor am I looking for Fu** buddies!! I have been through the ringer so needless to say dates have been few and far in between for me but if you don't keep putting yourself out there are you prepared to spend the rest of your days not knowing?
I hate it I do, do they like me? Do I like them? Am I to picky? Should I settle? (HELL NO NEVER AGAIN) Am I to big? (Who the hell cares) You need to love yourself for who you are before you can expect someone to love and care for you. To all those boys who don't call back or want that second date as much as it might hurt.. Good Riddance you don't want someone in your life that doesn't want to be there.
I truly believe there is someone out there for everyone and as frustrating as it is to wait and wait and wait and wait it is a necessary evil I suppose. I am a single mom full time that works to provide a life for us and have little time to go out searching as to why I am on these sites as well. Who knows maybe one day I will have my Hallmark moment and bump into someone but for the time being I have to sift through all the frogs until I find my prince!! Good Luck to you hun and never settle no matter how much you may miss having that someone in your life, you are better than that never forget that!!!
WOW Missy! It's a shame you had to include all that in your profile. But, there are plenty of jerks out there. I wish you well sifting through frogs.
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The problem with online dating, and social media in general is that, in my humble opinion, is that we have lost the art of real conversation. I've been single for 3 years and bring up two teenage children on my own, and holding down a full time job. Tried online dating had mixed responses. Love my kids too death, but sometimes need some adult conversation.4
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So, I've been overweight for the past 5 years or so, but single for almost a year now (my boyfriend actually passed away suddenly in March of 2017). In November, I decided that enough was enough and it was time to make my health and well being a priority. I started working out at least 3 times a week (heavy lifting, a bit of cardio and recently yoga at home on my off days) and counting calories, being more conscious of what I'm eating and how much. I'm loving this new lifestyle and I can tell there's been a huge shift in my thinking...I'll never go back to my old way of life, I know this. That being said, when I started in November I was 228lbs... I'm now 213, so still very overweight, but figured it was time to get back out into the dating world. I get quite a bit of attention on tinder, Bumble, etc and have gone out on numerous dates over the past few months. We always have a very nice time, the dates always last at least a couple of hours and they always end with the guy saying "I had fun, we should do this again". The only issue? I never hear from them again, unless I contact them first. Usually there's a bit of back and forth convo, maybe a few pics sent and received... but no talk of a second date. I never end up seeing them again. I've met probably 10-12 guys, 2 of them I wasn't interested in, the rest I definitely would have gone out with again if it was an option...but it wasn't. Needless to say, I feel really depressed over this and can't help but feel like I'm "too overweight" to date. I'm 31 and not getting any younger, and still have hopes and dreams of getting married and having children one day... but that's not gonna happen if things keep going like they have been. It's not like I'm only meeting a certain type of guy, either... I've met guys 10 years older, a few years younger, fit, overweight, full head of hair, bald, kids, no kids.... doesn't matter. None of them like me. I feel like giving up completely until I'm at my goal weight...
Let me suggest that you focus on you. Five years ago I was in an unhappy marriage and sorely out of shape. Ironically, my now-ex introduced me to MFP. The LAST thing I had time for was a relationship. Fast forward five years: divorced, made one long distance friend on MFP, and am engaged to a beautiful girl I meet on MFP. It'll all fall into place when it's supposed to.1 -
I’ll date you if you happen to like the ladies too! Lol5
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xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »Very sorry for your loss, and congratulations on taking the steps to improve your health @caiteh86
As to dating, there's a number of reasons why. Most of which it sounds like has been covered. It sucks that a lot of people don't follow through with enjoying time spent with somone, and they tend to ghost them. Could be solely because they only want to date, they're only looking for easy hookups, or perhaps they just don't have the courage to tell someone they aren't interested.
From a guy's perspective, I've not had much luck with apps such as Tinder, PoF, etc. Or, even Match (my account is active, I just removed profile due to no responses/messages. Waiting for it to expire now). But, I'm also extremely busy and don't leave much time for dating due to involvements in activities, work, schooling, etc. So, I really don't even have time to fret over not having dates. Happily single is how I view it.
If you'd like, there is a "Singles Hangout" thread that is fairly active: http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10213897/the-singles-hangout#latest
Look at you advertising for us!!! We are a fantastic lot4 -
xFunctionalStrengthx wrote: »Very sorry for your loss, and congratulations on taking the steps to improve your health @caiteh86
As to dating, there's a number of reasons why. Most of which it sounds like has been covered. It sucks that a lot of people don't follow through with enjoying time spent with somone, and they tend to ghost them. Could be solely because they only want to date, they're only looking for easy hookups, or perhaps they just don't have the courage to tell someone they aren't interested.
From a guy's perspective, I've not had much luck with apps such as Tinder, PoF, etc. Or, even Match (my account is active, I just removed profile due to no responses/messages. Waiting for it to expire now). But, I'm also extremely busy and don't leave much time for dating due to involvements in activities, work, schooling, etc. So, I really don't even have time to fret over not having dates. Happily single is how I view it.
If you'd like, there is a "Singles Hangout" thread that is fairly active: http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10213897/the-singles-hangout#latest
Look at you advertising for us!!! We are a fantastic lot
Wheres all the British singles though lol0 -
I stay married because I can't imagine dating. Too many friends gong through it and just seems there is a lot more BS overall out there than real people.5
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Can I step in and say, I have not had any luck with Tinder, Bumble, etc. Bumble is probably the worst because the guy literally gets to sit back and do nothing except wait. These sites are terrible in that they provide easy access and a new person every weekend or night if need be. There are lots of disrespectful, rude, insane, etc. people on these sites. It's not about your weight, honey. People are just outright disrespectful and childish.
I dated a guy for two months and never asked anything of him, only to be ghosted completely for two months. I let him back in (which was my own fault), only for him to flake out on me again. He pretended to be relationship material when we were together, talking about wanting to meet my friends, and if we could work it out from a distance issue we had, but when we were apart he was a different person. Blah blah enough about him, point is he wasn't worth the time of day and it did not reflect on anything I had done wrong.
I know you feel like it's something you did. It's not. To add to my sob story, I dated a guy I thought was decent and had no issues for two months after the other guy. We made plans for a date on Monday for Friday, and I never heard anything from him since that Monday. Completely ghosted yet again. He got one text and one call from me, and that was all I would be willing to give. I took him off facebook ,and yes it hurt my feelings. Yes for a while, after it happening twice in a row, I wondered what it is about me that would make someone do such a thing.
Then I wrote myself a letter describing all the positive things I had done in general while in those situations. I wrote about all the positive things I like about myself, and about being alone. It sounds cheesy but I wrote them all down and I wrote it with love. I wrote it genuinely, not using any speculation. Anyway it helped remind me, and it is nice to come back to read and be reminded of my worth.
Don't put a timeline on the things in your life. I have had friends who did not have children until they were 40+ and they are happy as ever. I don't mind whether I have children or not, as I know that will not define me. Just as finding a partner in x years or months does not define me either. I hope these words give you some comfort, as I am dealing with similar issues. (Since August LOL!)
Now I'm putting my head down and working. I'm working hard at the gym and at home, trying to get my master's degree finished in a record six months. The distractions are at a minimum which is great so I can get my work done and focus on my career. Find something to throw yourself into, whether it be work, home, gym, whatever. Hope this helps hon, and please do not forget your worth.7 -
Got news for you, being lighter won't change things. I've done (shoot, still am) the online dating thing. Only ONCE has it ever turned into more than 1 date. And I've been single and "actively" (as in looking to) dating for 4 years now.
All of my more "successful" dating adventures were dating someone I knew already or met organically.1 -
HoneyBadger155 wrote: »Got news for you, being lighter won't change things. I've done (shoot, still am) the online dating thing. Only ONCE has it ever turned into more than 1 date. And I've been single and "actively" (as in looking to) dating for 4 years now.
All of my more "successful" dating adventures were dating someone I knew already or met organically.
Well thats me off to join the monastery0 -
I am definitely no authority on dating or marriage. However I would think if you are looking for a serious person to date it would be hard and probably should be. Anything worth a damn in life doesn't come easy, why would finding a serious partner be any different. I'm sure frivolous non serious type dating is far easier because there is no need to check all the boxes. And as far as marriage goes, if someone stays married not out of love or something deeper than, hey it beats the alternative, then I think that's really a waste of life. Again, I have no better experience than anyone else....just my opinion.5
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I stay married because I can't imagine dating. Too many friends gong through it and just seems there is a lot more BS overall out there than real people.I stay married because I can't imagine dating. Too many friends gong through it and just seems there is a lot more BS overall out there than real people.
That’s an awful reason to stay married...? If you don’t want to be with your partner they deserve freedom I hate people like this..
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We live in a world now where everyone wants instant gratification. If someone doesn't find everything they've dreamed of in a person on the very first date, they can justify moving on to the next easy opportunity.5
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VelvetTeddyX wrote: »I stay married because I can't imagine dating. Too many friends gong through it and just seems there is a lot more BS overall out there than real people.I stay married because I can't imagine dating. Too many friends gong through it and just seems there is a lot more BS overall out there than real people.
That’s an awful reason to stay married...? If you don’t want to be with your partner they deserve freedom I hate people like this..
I agree with this.1
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