In need of a guys opinion
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I see nothing wrong nor dis-interesting about that mid-section. Having said that, you are more than a 10" piece of torso... A genuine guy who is worth your time and attention will like you more for who you are, what you like to do, your humor, wit, intelligence or caring and compassionate personality.. those traits matter more.
Once you love who you are yourself (doesn't mean you can't be displeased with your physical condition and working to improve), then others will find you more attractive as well. As has been said, confidence shows through to others, and that alone can turn people towards you or away.9 -
@sjulez26 I'm responding as an older married man, so perhaps my sentiments vary from what an 18 year old wants to hear.
1) A human is more than just a body, so perhaps you need to meet people who appreciate you as a whole person.
2) My wife is not a bikini model but that's not what I looked at when I met her. Actually, I first saw her in the company of another girl, and all the guys were going crazy over the other one. My opinion varied from the others, but I'm happy with what I got.
3) You can't please everybody, so perhaps you should start with being happy with yourself. All others will follow.13 -
I can't speak to the mind of an 18yr old... and I'm not sure the kind of attention/acceptance you're looking for, so take this for what it's worth.
I'd dress how ever you feel most confident (easier said than done, I know, but...). Having a bit of confidence, even it's only a tiny bit, will benefit your FAR more than will a specific type of swimsuit/clothes/whatever.
As far as getting in shape... just be prepared that it will take longer than you think/want, and probably require more work/discipline. Have appropriate expectations for what you can accomplish and how quickly you can accomplish it. Plan for the long haul.3 -
So I’m 18 and very insecure about my body shape and extra weight. I want to get fit for myself, but I am scared guys will be turned away from me lol. Especially now bc summer is coming. Be honest with me please. This is me at the end of the day, no sucking in or editing.
I totally understand your hesitation, but not because I think it's warranted. I understand because I see it so much in young ladies like yourself. My 20 year old daughter (and her friends) struggled with the same doubts, regardless of how they looked. You're young, beautiful, healthy, intelligent, vibrant. OWN IT. It's yours. Confidence will come with a little more life experience. In the meantime, you work towards the goals YOU have, and if that includes building up some muscle or going on long runs, then do it. And as far as clothes and bikinis, try on clothes that catch your eye and wear the ones that make you feel your best. Truly. Maybe that's a cool, retro one-piece swimsuit. Maybe it's a string bikini. Anyone who says anything hurtful and unsolicited to another person is simply warning us all of the ugliness in their heart so we know to steer clear.4 -
also..everyone has different opinions and tastes so asking what "guys" think of your picture wont get you one difinitive answer..just be confident in yourself and the one that thinks you are perfect in every way will come along. then who cares what anyone else thinks.4
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What's important is the whole you. At your age you should be more focused on your education and getting started at life. Physical fitness should be on your to-do list along with school. Men that judge and value purely on looks will have sad lives. Wives get pregnant, their bodies obviously change so their torso shots will be rounder than your mild curves. I didn't find my wife any less attractive when she was pregnant (3 times) and now that she is 53 she has some mild curves and she still gets my motor running. Finding a mate means finding someone that loves the whole you. Chill out, stop looking in the mirror so much and focus on you--the guy thing will take care of itself.6
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I don’t believe anyone
This is important to realize. Your bad feelings about your body are from your internal voice. Until you say my body is fine, I like my body you are not going to accept a positive response from anyone. I recommend working on this with professional help or alone.
You are also attractive for more than your outside appearance. You might try making a list of everything you like about yourself- not what you think other people like but what you like. Not just physical either.
IME the most attention I ever got from guys was when I was happy and self-confident. Your attitude and personality will make more important in attracting others.
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RecognitionT wrote: »
Just curious... do you actually think that's helpful?19 -
you need a therapist, not random opinions of anyone (especially men)
for the record, my fiance fell in love with me for my MIND, sense of HUMOR, and a million other qualities that he will (and has) listed far above any physical attribute.
And thats exactly how it SHOULD be.6 -
Learn to love yourself. Don’t change your body because you’re trying to impress or look good to other people. I know it’s easier said than done but I truly don’t care if my body is what other men or women would find attractive. I like to keep healthy and somewhat fit but I do it for me, not for anyone else. I know I’ve got some tummy fat and I’m nowhere near the most fit and trim girl at the gym and I don’t care! I look fine to me and there’s more important things in life than how I look. To me you look good but it’s not what I think that matters! Do what feels right to you.2
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@mulecanter Very well said. I included a bit less detail in my post, but your information matches my actual situation almost identically.0
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If a guy is put off by the way you look, now or later, he's not worthy of you.9
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If a guy turns away from you because of your body, do you really want to be with that guy anyway? Don't worry about what anyone will think of you in a bikini. Wear anything you want, but own it when you wear it! Confidence is way more becoming than "thin-ness" or fitness.3
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1) If a guy has the cojones to vocalize to you that your body is a turn-off, that guy is a loser. The right guy knows that aesthetics are fleeting and will find qualities within a woman that have universal value through every stage of life. But you don't need to worry about this right now because you're young.
2) Stop caring what guys think. It's not relevant to your value as a person. The quality and fullness of your life is not defined by whether you can hook a man or not. You will never fill whatever hole exists within you by receiving whatever approval you need from a man. Only you can do that when you start focusing on the right priorities in life. Stop worrying about this. Have fun with your friends and make memories with them and enjoy the beautiful weather this summer. The end.6 -
RecognitionT wrote: »
Just curious... do you actually think that's helpful?
Yes. The incessant sugar coating and coddling that occurs on this forum is just out of control and needs to be dealt with with some tough love.
Especially for something as silly as needing emotional validation because you think you'll be unattractive to potential mates.
As much as it sickens me reading things like "you need to love yourself before you can love someone else", there's an underlying truth to it. So if you're worried about attracting others, deal with your own issues and insecurities first, or you'll develop a codependent relationship that revolves around you getting off on the validation your partner gives you.
Then when something goes wrong and you have a disagreement, or God forbid, split up? That person will be taking all the validation they gave you with them, leaving you feeling like the same hopeless mess you were before, probably even worse off.
I can rant about this *kitten* forever because I've experienced it firsthand, and never want others to undergo that same level of suffering. So if that means toughening them up before they get themselves into the mess in the first place, albeit by being a total d*ck to them, I've achieved my goal.32 -
You look fine2
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Older guy - longer perspective. But there is always this: looks are fleeting. It's the whole person that matters. You are you - specially made.
Here's what I tell my daughter (who's still a bit younger than you): "Don't be a target. Be a treasure. A treasure is worth somebody's effort to find. Be somebody who is worth the extra effort. The one who gives the extra effort is not one who is concerned about how you look in a bikini. That person is looking specifically for you. Be that treasure that holds value over time. Wait for the person who sees a treasure, not a target".
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RecognitionT wrote: »RecognitionT wrote: »
Just curious... do you actually think that's helpful?
Yes. The incessant sugar coating and coddling that occurs on this forum is just out of control and needs to be dealt with with some tough love.
Especially for something as silly as needing emotional validation because you think you'll be unattractive to potential mates.
As much as it sickens me reading things like "you need to love yourself before you can love someone else", there's an underlying truth to it. So if you're worried about attracting others, deal with your own issues and insecurities first, or you'll develop a codependent relationship that revolves around you getting off on the validation your partner gives you.
Then when something goes wrong and you have a disagreement, or God forbid, split up? That person will be taking all the validation they gave you with them, leaving you feeling like the same hopeless mess you were before, probably even worse off.
I can rant about this *kitten* forever because I've experienced it firsthand, and never want others to undergo that same level of suffering. So if that means toughening them up before they get themselves into the mess in the first place, albeit by being a total d*ck to them, I've achieved my goal.
Tough love or not... just seems like all of that would have been WAY more helpful thanRecognitionT wrote: »Grow up.16 -
This guy hates telling a woman she is beautiful and her telling him he is wrong/crazy/in need of glasses, etc. It is a major turn-off to have my personal feelings dismissed. You don't know what is in my brain and what I find attractive or not.
Also, if you are not careful your insecurities could lead you to the very wrong kind of guy.7 -
This guy hates telling a woman she is beautiful and her telling him he is wrong/crazy/in need of glasses, etc. It is a major turn-off to have my personal feelings dismissed. You don't know what is in my brain and what I find attractive or not.
Also, if you are not careful your insecurities could lead you to the very wrong kind of guy.
Yes, OP stay away from men who use negging: https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Negging1
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