Corniest Jokes/Puns

2

Replies

  • KeepRunningFatboy
    KeepRunningFatboy Posts: 3,055 Member
    What do you call a bear with no teeth?

    A Gummy Bear.
  • KeepRunningFatboy
    KeepRunningFatboy Posts: 3,055 Member
    What sound does a T-Rex make when it sleeps?

    A Dino Snore.
  • KeepRunningFatboy
    KeepRunningFatboy Posts: 3,055 Member
    Ever had sex while camping in the woods?

    It’s *kitten* in-tents.
  • KeepRunningFatboy
    KeepRunningFatboy Posts: 3,055 Member
    What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home?

    Where on Earth have you been?
  • rickiimarieee
    rickiimarieee Posts: 2,212 Member
    What did the grape say when he got stepped on?
    Nothing he just let out a little whine.
  • rickiimarieee
    rickiimarieee Posts: 2,212 Member
    cee134 wrote: »
    Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.
    11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

    Probably one of my favorites lol
  • gomissfitnes
    gomissfitnes Posts: 268 Member
    If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom? European!
  • _thisnameischosen_
    _thisnameischosen_ Posts: 168 Member
    edited April 2018
    I post this on every single joke thread on here but I feel like its one everyone (in the world) must know..

    *Ahem*

    Why are pirates called pirates??

    Because they arrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

    Cracks me up :D:unamused:
  • maymwah
    maymwah Posts: 10 Member
    ak61mike wrote: »
    I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it struck me.

  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
    _thisnameischosen_ wrote: »
    I post this on every single joke thread on here but I feel like its one everyone (in the world) must know..

    *Ahem*

    Why are pirates called pirates??

    Because they arrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

    Cracks me up :D:unamused:


    You know what has 8 legs, 8 hands, and 8 eyes?
    8 Pirates
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    This content has been removed.
  • kd_mazur
    kd_mazur Posts: 569 Member
    Do you know the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? one is heavy and one is a little lighter.
  • gophermatt
    gophermatt Posts: 129 Member
    KeepRunningFatboy wrote: »
    Ever had sex while camping in the woods?

    It’s *kitten* in-tents.

    From a local on a Canadian fishing trip:

    What do making love in a canoe and American beer have in common?

    They’re both *kitten* close to water.
  • princess7955
    princess7955 Posts: 1,277 Member
    Don't trust atoms, they make up everything
  • ak61mike
    ak61mike Posts: 145 Member
    6:30 is the best time on a clock… hands down.
  • BecomingMoreAwesome
    BecomingMoreAwesome Posts: 151 Member
    Knock knock

    Smell mop
  • _thisnameischosen_
    _thisnameischosen_ Posts: 168 Member
    cee134 wrote: »
    _thisnameischosen_ wrote: »
    I post this on every single joke thread on here but I feel like its one everyone (in the world) must know..

    *Ahem*

    Why are pirates called pirates??

    Because they arrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

    Cracks me up :D:unamused:


    You know what has 8 legs, 8 hands, and 8 eyes?
    8 Pirates

    What kind of instrument does a pirate play??


    A haaarrrrrrrrrmonica
  • ak61mike
    ak61mike Posts: 145 Member
    I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
    “You’re a unit of power, Harry.”
    Harry Potter: “I’m a watt?”
  • ak61mike
    ak61mike Posts: 145 Member
    What do you call a dead parrot ? Polygon
  • mbh28
    mbh28 Posts: 12 Member
    Wanna hear a joke about pizza?

    Never mind, it's too cheesy.
  • tinuz
    tinuz Posts: 1,123 Member
    The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation.

    It just doesn’t make any cents!??!!?!?!?!!!?
  • tinuz
    tinuz Posts: 1,123 Member
    If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple
    rickiimarieee wrote: »
    What did the grape say when he got stepped on?
    Nothing he just let out a little whine.

  • huntersvonnegut
    huntersvonnegut Posts: 1,177 Member
    You matter. Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared...then you energy.
  • huntersvonnegut
    huntersvonnegut Posts: 1,177 Member
    What do you call dental X-rays? Tooth pics.
  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
    My dad didn’t love me as a child, but I don’t really blame him.
    I wasn’t born until he was an adult.
  • tinuz
    tinuz Posts: 1,123 Member
    this one i actually heard today.....

    Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
  • tinuz
    tinuz Posts: 1,123 Member
    A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized, that toucan play at that game.
  • beastier
    beastier Posts: 1,908 Member
    I logged on to a healthy eating website - first thing it asked me was to accept cookies
  • mandystar
    mandystar Posts: 271 Member
    If flies didn't have wings, would we call them walks?
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