I am tired of family members telling me to stop losing weight

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Replies

  • sauronseye
    sauronseye Posts: 40 Member
    Their hearts are not in the 'right place', they are being rude and insulting. I know you don't want to, but you might want to suggest to them that losing a few would not hurt them next time they start telling you how 'skinny' you are.
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
    100_PROOF_ wrote: »
    midlomel1971 wrote: »
    I think a lot of people in the US (assuming you are American here) are not used to seeing people at a normal weight. There is so much obesity here...I think people see overweight as the norm. When I tell people I am trying to lose 30 pounds, they are like, 'Why? You look great." and I'm like, "Okay, but I can step on a scale for you and show you the numbers. I'm considered overweight according to my BMI."

    A lot of people are also just trying to be nice when they say things like " you look fine, you don't need to lose weight!"

    I am American and can definitely spot an over weight person but I also don't feel the need to tell them that they are obese . I usually say nothing at all when the conversation comes up. There are many people who operate differently though. They feel the need to comment and tell people that they look fine when In reality they do not. (Some will even turn around and laugh when the person in question walks away)

    Take what others say with a grain of salt and try not to make sweeping generalizations.

    Yeah, totally this.

    It also depends on where you live and your social circle or family. Being overweight is not the norm in my social circle -- even at a normal weight (5'3, 120) I am not particularly thin, and no one would tell me I was too thin (I'm heavier than lots of people in my normal social circle, even here in the -- gasp! -- US).

    However, since I'd lost lots of weight, I got lots of comments about "wow, you look great, so thin" at first, and since my loss was fast (or seemed fast to people who don't see me that often), I'd get comments that reflected that.

    But then people got used to it.

    I don't really tell people I'm trying to lose when I am, anyway -- why would I?
  • JKolb17
    JKolb17 Posts: 11 Member
    You could also let them know you are not "dieting" but on a path of healthy eating and you goal is to be a healthier version of you. If that doesn't work, tell them it's none of their damn business, it's your body! :-)
  • steveko89
    steveko89 Posts: 2,223 Member
    jseams1234 wrote: »
    RGv2 wrote: »
    midlomel1971 wrote: »
    I think a lot of people in the US (assuming you are American here) are not used to seeing people at a normal weight. There is so much obesity here...I think people see overweight as the norm. When I tell people I am trying to lose 30 pounds, they are like, 'Why? You look great." and I'm like, "Okay, but I can step on a scale for you and show you the numbers. I'm considered overweight according to my BMI."

    Um....wut?

    In the best shape of my life I was considered "overweight" by the BMI scale and my BF% was around 10-12%. I tried to get into a normal BMI, I got about 7-10lbs away and just looked imaciated. I ended up recomping and adding about 7-9 to get back to an "overweight" BMI. I looked (and felt) so much better.

    I'm in the same boat. I just ended my cut and I'm still a few pounds over the high normal range for BMI. I'm 6'1 and I've been both underweight by BMI and smack in the middle of "normal". I looked like Ichabod Crane at normal ranges and Pumpkin Head from that cheesy 90's horror flick when under. I've noticed that short guys look better in the normal range than tall guys.

    This is symptomatic of limitations of the BMI system. It's not really designed to take into account an even above-average degree of muscle mass; it's purpose is provide a suggested range of what's "healthy" for the widest range of population possible. Many elite athletes would be considered "overweight" or even "obese" by BMI standards as a result. On the flip side, I've seen a number of posts over the years by users looking to lose a significant amount of weight who use the top end of the healthy BMI to set their "Ultimate Goal Weight" only to be disappointed looking in the mirror when they get there. Personally, I know what I look like at 189lbs (top end of "healthy) and it's unequivocally FAT. Everyone is so different I put very very little stock in BMI and I think it's a shame it's still such a widely used metric.

    Regarding the opinions of others, I have to echo what everyone has been saying; everyone seems to have an opinion about what weight others should be and how others should look and those opinions are often incredibly biased by their own weight and perceptions. I was not insignificantly overweight growing up, until about age 17, therefore my mother has always been sensitive to me trying to lose too much weight (in her eyes). I'm to the point now where my fluctuations are pretty mild bulk/cut cycles within the confines of about a 10lb range that isn't terribly noticeable when clothed so as long as I don't talk about it around her I usually don't get any comments. my lightest and leanest was likely still at the end of freshman year in college. I'd lost around 30 lbs before senior year of high school and maintained through that year that I wasn't about to let the expected Freshman-15 undo that progress. I had a relatively light first year course load so I was able to increase my exercise at the on-campus rec center and be fully in control of my meals for the first time being away from home. I'm not sure/don't remember what I weighed but I'd guess somewhere in the mid-150s at 6'1", lacking any significant muscle, estimating about 10% body fat (exercise was running or rowing machine). Going back to visit my high school teachers I had a number of them comment how thin I'd gotten and one assumed I was seriously ill. That teacher also happened to have been significantly overweight for my four years knowing him and had some form of gastric bypass surgery. Any more I get different unsolicited opinions from different people. I had a coworker notice I'd been cutting weight after Christmas (down to 170lbs, ~13% body fat) and said he was glad because he thought I had gotten 'too bulky' in the fall. At the same time a close friend asked why I was cutting, suggesting dropping any more fat would 'just make me look scrawny'. This friend happens to be currently ~25lbs overweight but at the lowest weight I've known for the duration of our seven year friendship.

  • 100_PROOF_
    100_PROOF_ Posts: 1,168 Member
    lemurcat12 wrote: »
    100_PROOF_ wrote: »
    midlomel1971 wrote: »
    I think a lot of people in the US (assuming you are American here) are not used to seeing people at a normal weight. There is so much obesity here...I think people see overweight as the norm. When I tell people I am trying to lose 30 pounds, they are like, 'Why? You look great." and I'm like, "Okay, but I can step on a scale for you and show you the numbers. I'm considered overweight according to my BMI."

    A lot of people are also just trying to be nice when they say things like " you look fine, you don't need to lose weight!"

    I am American and can definitely spot an over weight person but I also don't feel the need to tell them that they are obese . I usually say nothing at all when the conversation comes up. There are many people who operate differently though. They feel the need to comment and tell people that they look fine when In reality they do not. (Some will even turn around and laugh when the person in question walks away)

    Take what others say with a grain of salt and try not to make sweeping generalizations.

    Yeah, totally this.

    It also depends on where you live and your social circle or family. Being overweight is not the norm in my social circle -- even at a normal weight (5'3, 120) I am not particularly thin, and no one would tell me I was too thin (I'm heavier than lots of people in my normal social circle, even here in the -- gasp! -- US).

    However, since I'd lost lots of weight, I got lots of comments about "wow, you look great, so thin" at first, and since my loss was fast (or seemed fast to people who don't see me that often), I'd get comments that reflected that.

    But then people got used to it.

    I don't really tell people I'm trying to lose when I am, anyway -- why would I?

    Same here.
    It is definitely not the norm in my social circle to be over weight or obese. Most of my circle is the exact opposite of that.
    I do know plenty of co-workers who 100% tell people how great they look ( even though they do not) just because they think it's polite and nice. Some even turn around and laugh after the person walks away . They feel like it's the right thing to do. I'm not the morality police so I stay out of it but I know it's common. People want something to say, they like having something to talk about and mostly they want to come across as likeable and friendly. Many of them would tell someone they looked great even if they showed up wearing a clown suit and a Batman cape.

    I take others opinions with a grain of salt because I know that most people aren't bold enough to tell the truth or say how they really feel anyway. Some have been programmed since kids to always give compliments and be kind and friendly even when they feel differently.

    To say that Americans are blind to what normal weight looks like is just as ignorant because it doesn't take many things into consideration including that most people don't say how they really feel when it comes to others appearances.


  • 1BlueAurora
    1BlueAurora Posts: 439 Member
    "Well, it's my body and I'll do what I want with it. My doctor said I should do this. So, what have you been doing for fun lately?" That's one possible approach. My sister, on two separate visits, felt she had to say, "You really need to stop losing weight, you're looking way too skinny." The first time I let it slide. The second time, I said, "It's my body, I'll do what I want to do, and I have way more energy to do stuff." She actually apologized!
  • Oma827
    Oma827 Posts: 114 Member
    For all the times we have confided to each other that “sometimes I still see that fat girl in the mirror,” I think we can understand people thinking our body shape is nice as is, when we’re not at goal. They’re not analyzing our shapes nekkid.
    Sometimes they’re playfully complimenting, sometimes being bossy. This is OUR health decision. We must not let anyone be more influential than ourselves and our health care team.
    I am just starting to hear this. I have said, “gosh, I wish you were my doctor but I’m gonna stick with his plan.” No one has pressed me yet, so I have no advice for more bossy comments.
    You are doing great OP!
  • motivatedmartha
    motivatedmartha Posts: 1,108 Member
    HoneyBadger155 wrote: »
    Perhaps stop sharing that you are on a diet with people who aren't going to be supportive? Many friends, family, and coworkers are NOT going to be supportive of you getting healthy. If your doctor agrees with losing a few more pounds, just go with it. Don't share WHY you're choosing the foods you are, don't make comments about "I can't have that" - just say you're full and leave it at that.

    I've had friends berate me for wanting to lose 5 pounds (back when I was closer to my ideal weight), and guess what - ALL of them were overweight! I've never had a fit, trim friend/coworker/family member make a comment like that!

    Find support in places like these forums, the gym, or social media groups focused around what you are doing/enjoy doing in regards to diet and fitness. THAT'S where you'll get good motivation - not from the fat family members who know they SHOULD be doing what you're doing - but don't want to. You have to realize, by making better choices, you are making them feel guilty for theirs? Don't rub their noses in it, and don't expect them to be supportive - get that support in better places, and don't share with your family what or why you are doing it. Chances are, if you don't say anything about what you 'can't do/have/eat' or share about all of your time in the gym, they'll probably stop caring/noticing.

    And if they don't, just say you're working with your doctor closely and trust their advice.

    Exactly! You don't have to justify your food choices to anyone other than yourself - no-one else needs to know you are watching your calorie intake. I find telling people just gives them licence to comment, or they try and help you out with the 'one more little bit of ooey gooey thing won't hurt, I won't tell ha-ha' etc. I prefer to keep stum on the diet and wait for the compliments on how trim I am beginning to look. If I do get those I just say 'Thank you' and move on - I never mention the word diet. :)
  • CarvedTones
    CarvedTones Posts: 2,340 Member
    Tell them "This is what healthy looks like." and hope they infer what you are implying...
  • PokeyBug
    PokeyBug Posts: 482 Member
    Grimmerick wrote: »
    I find asking questions is a good way to divert and put attention back where it belongs. Maybe something like

    Q:"Why do you think it's your place to talk to me about this, when my doctor is happy with where I am?"
    A: We love you and just want you to be healthy, you look too skinny.

    Your response: My doctor is very happy with where I am at and is monitoring me, Meanwhile I am glad you brought this up because I have been wanting to talk to you about being so overweight, it's very unhealthy and just like you're there for me, I am gonna be there for you, reminding you and encouraging you whenever I see you to lose weight because I love you and I am concerned, it's very unhealthy.

    Then if they do bring it up again..........well you know what to do.

    I really like this advice. I'm going to second trying this.
  • OhMsDiva
    OhMsDiva Posts: 1,073 Member
    My two cents. I used to get the you do not need to lose any more weight or you are so skinny now comment. It is never from a negative place. What I have learned that is that I hear and I don't hear people's comments. Nobody motivated me to lose weight but myself and no one is going to motivate me to stop losing weight if I do not want to.
    What used to bother me is on occasion my mom would see me in various states of undress and she would exclaim WOW look how much weight you have lost. I know she meant no harm, but I am still getting used to dealing with my new body. Now I just say thank you. Back to the topic at hand. When people tell me I have gotten so skinny I just laugh. I am nowhere skinny under any stretch of the imagination. I could lose 100 more lbs and not be skinny. However, compared to when I was 200 lbs bigger I may appear skinny.
    If the person that keeps commenting is coming from a negative space then you could just ignore them or tell them that you heard them the first time they made the comment and that they do not need to keep repeating it.
    Some people like to get under other's skin. If you ignore them then you take away their power. Enjoy your success and do not let anyone stop you.

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