How do you respond to dieting "confessionals"?
Running_and_Coffee
Posts: 811 Member
"You look great!" from a friend often turns into, "Ugh, I need to do something myself....I <insert non-diet-friendly behavior here>." Such as, I ate a pizza for lunch, I have gained 10 lbs since I saw you last. I don't want to reply in a way that sounds like I am judgmental, some sort of diet expert or lying. Which means I'm not going to tell them they should or should not have not eaten the pizza, and I'm not going to offer a recipe for a cauliflower crust instead, and I'm also not going to say, "You don't look like you gained an ounce!"
What I usually do is try to change the subject. Like I might say, "Oh, you know me, always on a diet! So how are the kids?" But was just curious how other people respond as I am sure I'm not the only one getting these confessions!
What I usually do is try to change the subject. Like I might say, "Oh, you know me, always on a diet! So how are the kids?" But was just curious how other people respond as I am sure I'm not the only one getting these confessions!
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Replies
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If it's just chit-chat, chit-chat away. I just told them I could talk a long time if they wanted to learn. They don't.14
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If you really want it, then do it. If you really want the pizza, then eat it. It's up to you to decide what's more important to you.9
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Another reason to not have friends.48
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I usually say some variation of, "Well, when you're ready to make a change, I've got a great app to recommend." Since no one wants to hear me go on about the wonders of MFP anymore, they usually change the subject.24
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I only have one friend that consistently does that, and to her I say "you always look great to me". Which she does. She is beautiful at any weight. For other people if they ask questions and are curious I tell them what I do. If they just want to talk about what they should be doing, I just let them.8
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I don't recall ever having that conversation with anyone...many of my friends are healthy and fit and the one's that aren't don't really care that they're overweight and out of shape.
If someone did say something like that I'd probably just tell them that it's pretty easy once you get going.7 -
Just break up.6
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I know a few women who can't get 5 words in without saying something hateful about their bodies and/or habits. If I'm feeling tired of hearing it (usually) I say, "Oh" or "Hm" and try to change the subject. If they keep on then I say something like, "Oh, I totally understand, I used to feel that way too. But then I decided to have some self compassion and now things are a lot better." They usually ignore me and keep on so then I say, "You know it's OK to be kind to yourself. How about we focus on what to do right now, or next time?" If they keep rambling after that, I usually have to remove myself from the conversation. Then in the back of my head I wonder if I used to be like that too? How did I get to know so many self-hating women? Is everyone like this? etc, etc.14
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I get this a lot and feel strange commenting! Just as I don't love receiving all the unsolicited advice and comments, I don't love giving them!
I usually just say "if I could do it, anyone can. If you want to try the app I used let me know. I'm happy to help you figure it out". If it's comments about workouts I usually say they are welcomed to join me at the gym any time, but I'm no trainer and far from an expert! I try remain sympathetic and listen to them. But that's hard for me also. I've never been a talker and when I was unhappy with myself I never confided in anyone. I usually try to quickly change the subject before it turns in to a pity party, which somehow ends up focusing back on me . Today I ran into a friend who has not seen me since I've lost 75 pounds. I tried to say thank you and move on and it very quickly escalated to her saying that she feels gross and fat because of seeing me and my results. What do you even say to that?!?!12 -
I just try to change the subject.0
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If they say "I need to make a change" or some variation of that, I say "If you do, you will really be glad you did". If all they do is berate themselves, it's much harder to think of anything to say.2
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I usually say "You can do it!" and then change the subject. I hate when people want to talk diets and weight loss with me but I figure encouraging them and changing the subject means I acknowledged them and also made it so they get that I dont want to talk about weight loss with them.2
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My DIL says all the time she needs to lose weight (she does btw), but I know she doesn't want to hear advice from anyone... she's hoping like so many hope for a magic pill!
After the nth time recently of her telling me she needed to 'cut back' I mentioned MFP and just counting cals, I just put that idea out there - perhaps she will try it but a person has to be willing to put in the effort to lose...4 -
LivingtheLeanDream wrote: »My DIL says all the time she needs to lose weight (she does btw), but I know she doesn't want to hear advice from anyone... she's hoping like so many hope for a magic pill!
After the nth time recently of her telling me she needed to 'cut back' I mentioned MFP and just counting cals, I just put that idea out there - perhaps she will try it but a person has to be willing to put in the effort to lose...
A friend of mine does this too. I say try myfitnesspal and get a food scale. She says it's too much work. I tell her you're always on the phone and in the kitchen so why not. She downloaded the app but has yet to use it. At least she took the first step.3 -
If people ask what I'm doing I tell them. If they just say they need to lose weight I tell them what I'm doing too. Of course most people that come up to me about my weight loss are friends family and coworkers who I am fairly close to so I don't worry about changing the subject. If they didn't want to hear about they'd tell me. I like talking about my weight loss though. I have motivated 2 of my sisters my mother and a few coworkers.3
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I know a few women who can't get 5 words in without saying something hateful about their bodies and/or habits. If I'm feeling tired of hearing it (usually) I say, "Oh" or "Hm" and try to change the subject. If they keep on then I say something like, "Oh, I totally understand, I used to feel that way too. But then I decided to have some self compassion and now things are a lot better." They usually ignore me and keep on so then I say, "You know it's OK to be kind to yourself. How about we focus on what to do right now, or next time?" If they keep rambling after that, I usually have to remove myself from the conversation. Then in the back of my head I wonder if I used to be like that too? How did I get to know so many self-hating women? Is everyone like this? etc, etc.
We're not all like that. I think I look fantastic LOL12 -
I know a few women who can't get 5 words in without saying something hateful about their bodies and/or habits. If I'm feeling tired of hearing it (usually) I say, "Oh" or "Hm" and try to change the subject. If they keep on then I say something like, "Oh, I totally understand, I used to feel that way too. But then I decided to have some self compassion and now things are a lot better." They usually ignore me and keep on so then I say, "You know it's OK to be kind to yourself. How about we focus on what to do right now, or next time?" If they keep rambling after that, I usually have to remove myself from the conversation. Then in the back of my head I wonder if I used to be like that too? How did I get to know so many self-hating women? Is everyone like this? etc, etc.
Question? Do you feel that if someone says that they are fat is negative speak. Because I have said that to people and they say no you're not. I was over 200lbs. I was FAT. I'm just curious because maybe I made people uncomfortable and now I kind of feel bad. Of course I'd only mention that I was fat when asked what I was doing after work and I'd tell them going home to work out because I am fat.2 -
comment on the food or something. "wow I love pizza. was it dominoes? im so mad they got rid of the breadsticks"6
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I brush it off.
If someone complains about how they just overate, I ask them if the food was good.
If they complain about how they need to lose X lbs, I tell them it's a beautiful day for an outdoor activity.3 -
Just say okay and change the subject if it isn't something you want to get into.1
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