Splitting up the bill
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cmriverside wrote: »girlinahat wrote: »I have never heard of splitting by couple. So if there’s two couples and you, it gets divided how? By three? That seems bizarre.
Various options I would accept -
Split by number of people evenly - assuming everyone had roughly the same to eat, and in my experience it balances out in the end.
Each pay what for what they ate - this can create conflict, take time, and can be seen as petty. For some reason the bill never seems to add up properly when you do this
Take the wine off the bill and split that amongst the drinkers, then split the food evenly - this is the most common way we do things, as it reduces conflict and is quicker.
Hang around with friends who pay for everything - this happens, but I don’t much like it.
3 couples and me - they ALWAYS divide the bill by 4. I edited out about kids bc the kids are not with us much in the past ten years.
Well, that's just weird. How did you let this happen even one time?
I was a server for nearly 20 years. People ask for separate checks all the time. Do that next time. Especially with drinkers.
I can't believe you let this go on...
I am a very assertive person - HOWEVER - my husband died I had two kids under 6 years old. no one in our family had ever been a single/widowed parent - I was hurt, tried, vulnerable...alone and over the years it just rolled forward In the status quo - everyone learned that I COULD HANDLE ANYTHING IN ANYWAY REGARDLESS THE COST because I never said anything - fast forward 20 years..AND its still going on.
Yep, people treat you the way you let them. Are these couples friends or family?! Not sure which is worse!0 -
Just say you have to use the restroom when the bill comes, then sneak out.9
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If I were a widow raising two kids alone and went out to dinner with my family, they would be falling all over each other to pay my bill. That's just sad!
Ask for a separate bill and tell them to eff off if they complain about it. Or order the most expensive house champagne, surf & turf, and dessert and split the bill - wonder how that would go over?7 -
VegHeadGettingFit wrote: »Just say you have to use the restroom when the bill comes, then sneak out.
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If I were a widow raising two kids alone and went out to dinner with my family, they would be falling all over each other to pay my bill. That's just sad!
Ask for a separate bill and tell them to eff off if they complain about it. Or order the most expensive house champagne, surf & turf, and dessert and split the bill - wonder how that would go over? 0 -
reading the feedback makes me feel sad that I have not stood up for myself fully for over 20 years w this issue...I am laughing above bc its better than crying. its been a hard road raising two girls alone.. now my oldest just got her PhD and my youngest just started her own business....so maybe that is why I feel I can look at this things...cuz I have done my job w my kids.
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Don't feel sad! You had a great deal on your shoulders. Sometimes you have to pick your battles, and you had to save your strength for more important things like raising your daughters. Now that they are grown and successful, you have time to focus on these other things like setting your family straight on the fair way to pay at a restaurant. You should be very proud of what you and your children have accomplished!3
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Don't feel sad! You had a great deal on your shoulders. Sometimes you have to pick your battles, and you had to save your strength for more important things like raising your daughters. Now that they are grown and successful, you have time to focus on these other things like setting your family straight on the fair way to pay at a restaurant. You should be very proud of what you and your children have accomplished!
Exactly what I was going to say. I'm pretty stubborn about things but even I pick my battles and sometimes say "eh, whatever" just so I can move on with my day. It doesn't mean that I"m going to say "eh, whatever" every time from now until eternity.1 -
reading the feedback makes me feel sad that I have not stood up for myself fully for over 20 years w this issue...I am laughing above bc its better than crying. its been a hard road raising two girls alone.. now my oldest just got her PhD and my youngest just started her own business....so maybe that is why I feel I can look at this things...cuz I have done my job w my kids.
Sounds like you raised a couple of great kids! I'm sure it's been quite an adjustment for you, not having to focus so much of your time and attention on them. Be kind to yourself
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reading the feedback makes me feel sad that I have not stood up for myself fully for over 20 years w this issue...I am laughing above bc its better than crying. its been a hard road raising two girls alone.. now my oldest just got her PhD and my youngest just started her own business....so maybe that is why I feel I can look at this things...cuz I have done my job w my kids.
There's no point worrying about it now, what's done is done. :flowerforyou:2 -
Sounds like you did a great job with your kids!
Now, about the checks. I definitely agree to just casually tell the server you'd like a separate check and, if probed by your friends/family, tell them the truth. You're just one person and they're not.1 -
I usually find that those who suggest splitting the bill evenly tend to be the big drinkers that I know. They are used to everyone else subsidizing their orders. I have found this with men and women. This day and age servers don't complain about making separate checks anymore. When they were using old cash registers, it was a hassle.1
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We always pay for what we order. Never do an "even" split of the bill.1
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I did that once.. not only bc I was with couples but because I DONT DRINK and they do, especially the men. They felt that I was being petty. (and mind you I raised two daughters on my one paycheck)
You would never have to worry about that with my wife and me. In fact, we would make you feel incredibly guilty after a few outings because we would never let you pay for anything. We pay for everyone 99.9 percent of the time. I have made a few exceptions over the years.
I have never in my life heard of splitting a grocery store bill for a dinner party. That is so bizarre. If someone picks up a fruit tray or something on the way to our house for a party or something we ALWAY reimburse them. They are lucky we don't pay for their gas if they went out of their way to get it.
Are you Canadian? 3 -
Whenever i go out to dinner in a group, we each pay for whatever we've eaten or drunk. Why would i pay for someone elses meal?? I'm not rockafella..2
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Here's a somewhat tongue in cheek suggestion (it would be fun to do the last time you go out with this group, if you decide to cut ties):
When everyone orders, order two meals, and box one right away. When it comes to splitting up the check, make sure they plan to do it the usual way. If anyone fusses, smile brightly and say something like "For 20 years, you've each ordered two meals, and paid 1/3 share. I figured I ought to do the same. This is tomorrow's lunch".
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If I were a widow raising two kids alone and went out to dinner with my family, they would be falling all over each other to pay my bill. That's just sad!
Ask for a separate bill and tell them to eff off if they complain about it. Or order the most expensive house champagne, surf & turf, and dessert and split the bill - wonder how that would go over?
Better yet, ask for three orders of surf and turf and ask the server to bring two orders already in to-go boxes and immediately explain (while the server is still there to hear) that this is what you'll be doing be doing for the next 20 years to make up for the two decades that they've been happy to have a widow with two kids subsidize their food and drink.6 -
Here's a somewhat tongue in cheek suggestion (it would be fun to do the last time you go out with this group, if you decide to cut ties):
When everyone orders, order two meals, and box one right away. When it comes to splitting up the check, make sure they plan to do it the usual way. If anyone fusses, smile brightly and say something like "For 20 years, you've each ordered two meals, and paid 1/3 share. I figured I ought to do the same. This is tomorrow's lunch".
Oops, you beat me to it.2 -
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Agreed wth most posts. If you’re out to eat let the server know before hand (or after) that what you ordered is on a separate bill. If I’m at a grocery store with my sister and her fiancé, unless it’s explicitly stated one of us is paying for the other, I hold my things and insist on separating my items.
Now I don’t do venmo but maybe that’s a thing to request?? Like if you cover ask them to send you their bit- I’ve done that with some friends when I’ve bought items for them..I cover it and they send me the money. I’ve also been out with friends where one person suggested we split the bill and someone else said it straight- I got one item, I’m not splitting a bill for everyone’s drinks (everyone else had multiple drinks) and I think that’s more than fair.
Hope this gets resolved!0 -
L1zardQueen wrote: »Are you Canadian?
No. Is that a thing up there?
Just wondering. I have vacationed in Canada a few times and found the people there as very kind and generous.
I like your posts. Carry on 0
This discussion has been closed.
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