Anyone else have friends who suck?
Replies
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seltzermint555 wrote: »toned_thugs_n_harmony wrote: »I know exactly how you feel. I'm 39 single & have 4 friends & all single (3 are 39) too. 3(girls) of them have some sort of anxiety problems, they're always bailing on me. I'm lucky if I can get a chance to have an afternoon coffee with them on a Sunday afternoon if they don't get a panic attack. The other feels like he only wants to catchup when a blockbuster movie is out (so not too much catch up there.
I found that going to the gym has helped me find new friends. Mind you it has been a slow process (about 2 years). I've slowly gotten to know these people found out we're all there with similar goals. We've finally gone on some charity events a couple of dinners and planning on going on some fun runs.
Do you have any interests or hobbies or sports? Maybe by attending cooking/ language classes or crafts or even the gym for example, you might come across people with the same interests (well I at least you're both there doing the same activity ) & hopefully make new friends.
I feel your pain, it can get pretty lonely flying solo.
All my female friends are the same. They always back out and cancel plans due to their anxiety. I know anxiety is real, but I feel many use it as an excuse honestly. This is why 90% of my friends are males. They’re much more reliable.
Anxiety and other mental health issues take a lot of forms, I know. But I think it's interesting that I have generalized anxiety disorder (since early childhood) and honestly never cancel plans. I do have a few friends who often cancel due to their depression and/or anxiety and unfortunately most of them have been only on the periphery for years now or have become more like acquaintances as the years pass. I think some people have legitimate issues and others really do use it only as an excuse for being tired, lazy, etc. I have known a few who are definitely just blowing others off.
Agreed. I also have anxiety, including significant social anxiety, but I only cancel for true illness. In my mind it's how I express to my friends that I care and enjoy spending time with them enough that I'm willing to try to get a grasp on my *kitten*.
That's awesome and I feel very similarly. Sometimes I get really nervous even about getting together with ladies who are like sisters to me! But I do it anyway. I know not everyone can get to that point and just move past the anxiety, of course.0 -
None of my friends suck.. they're all pretty amazing. However, I'm the only in my circle who is still single-no kids, so I've learned to enjoy doing things on my own. I take solo trips quite often and have come to enjoy the freedom of traveling alone.
There's a silver lining behind every cloud
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craygslyst1 wrote: »Friends ebb and flow. Some that are friends now may not be in a year. Or 5.
People are generally unreliable.
Circles of friends change. Few stay constant.
In all honesty, I have maybe 1 ‘friend’. And they’re not a close friend. Such is life.
Haven’t been out to have a drink with a friend in nearly 30 years. Not that I wouldn’t. Just don’t have that kind of connection.
Yeah same here....i don't do girls nights/trips. I go shopping by myself not with a friend...sometimes I wonder if that is weird. My work friends we r friends at work but don't really do anything outside of work. Sometimes I am very sociable but another side of me is a loner too
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toned_thugs_n_harmony wrote: »I know exactly how you feel. I'm 39 single & have 4 friends & all single (3 are 39) too. 3(girls) of them have some sort of anxiety problems, they're always bailing on me. I'm lucky if I can get a chance to have an afternoon coffee with them on a Sunday afternoon if they don't get a panic attack. The other feels like he only wants to catchup when a blockbuster movie is out (so not too much catch up there.
I found that going to the gym has helped me find new friends. Mind you it has been a slow process (about 2 years). I've slowly gotten to know these people found out we're all there with similar goals. We've finally gone on some charity events a couple of dinners and planning on going on some fun runs.
Do you have any interests or hobbies or sports? Maybe by attending cooking/ language classes or crafts or even the gym for example, you might come across people with the same interests (well I at least you're both there doing the same activity ) & hopefully make new friends.
I feel your pain, it can get pretty lonely flying solo.
All my female friends are the same. They always back out and cancel plans due to their anxiety. I know anxiety is real, but I feel many use it as an excuse honestly. This is why 90% of my friends are males. They’re much more reliable.
It's true the male friend hasn't bailed on me nearly as much as my girlfriends, but he's not very flexible in agreeing to times change. Etc. I found my new gym buddies more reliable as we are all planning on going to things we all share an interest in.
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Most of all my old friends are dead. The few that remain are very dear indeed to me.
However, I do have newer friends, most of which are good and reliable. I'm pretty careful of the people that I let into my inner circle. But I have had a few that started to become flaky, when that happened I stopped making plans with them. Life is too short for paper friends.
Got up with my two remaining true friends from H.S. the weekend. As stated earlier many of our friends from back then have all passed on. The old Jim Carroll song “People Who Died” is kind of our anthem to our gang.
One of our buddies lives up in an old country town in the center of Va, about three hours away. We had a great time, went to the range for a few hours then went back to his place and killed off a bottle of rum and tequila saluting all our friends that are gone. I felt it like a mutha on the three hour ride home yesterday but it was worth it.
We actually talked about a few of our friends that we use to hang with that we all disconnected from as they were never true friends. Kind of people that would ask the biggest favors of you and then never return even the smallest or they would give you hell about doing it and then constantly remind you that they did something for you. Then you’d later learn that they ran their mouths about you as well. Hell no, I got no time for toxic friends.
Cut and run!2 -
I only got one real good friend and sadly she is in love with me.1
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laprimaJenny wrote: »What I don’t get with friendships is how people lack the understanding of what I consider unknown simple rules of educate. For example, if I invite you over three times in a row, how can you not feel the need to invite me back?!
When we moved to our current town and got a house we invited out of town friends and family to visit several times. They pretty much said they would not come because there was nothing to do in a small town or small towns are horrible. They had never been here and really do not leave their comfort zone. They vacation in the same place every year even.
We had pets and found out that nearby family didn't like to come because they were allergic or scared of animals.
Local friends all gather at one or two homes in the area. They kind of have the best set up for big gatherings, kid stuff to do and are used to having people over all the time. Since we are a small family and don't entertain much we don't have enough dishes, comfortable seating, etc. Every time we have people over I hear comments about how we do something odd for some reason. My confidence with hosting is very low.
So we don't invite people over very often at all compared to the invitations we receive. It is not a lack of understanding reciprical relationships.0 -
It’s unfortunate that being a good friend isn’t always reciprocal.2
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I just got sucked in again by a so called friend. Only contacts me when needs something or needs to feel sorry for herself. It drains your energy. Asked me to get her a ticket to a seminar & she would pay me back on the night. When the seminar finished she's practically taken off. 😠 Claims she tried to look for me (obviously she forgot the moment she walked straight pass me & out the door). Arrgh should of known as it's not the first time it's happened.0
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I did and this is why I am (mostly) alone now. Friends who can't be bothered to keep engagements or actually bother to pick up a phone and call you once in awhile or find time to hang out aren't really friends at that point.2
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seltzermint555 wrote: »toned_thugs_n_harmony wrote: »I know exactly how you feel. I'm 39 single & have 4 friends & all single (3 are 39) too. 3(girls) of them have some sort of anxiety problems, they're always bailing on me. I'm lucky if I can get a chance to have an afternoon coffee with them on a Sunday afternoon if they don't get a panic attack. The other feels like he only wants to catchup when a blockbuster movie is out (so not too much catch up there.
I found that going to the gym has helped me find new friends. Mind you it has been a slow process (about 2 years). I've slowly gotten to know these people found out we're all there with similar goals. We've finally gone on some charity events a couple of dinners and planning on going on some fun runs.
Do you have any interests or hobbies or sports? Maybe by attending cooking/ language classes or crafts or even the gym for example, you might come across people with the same interests (well I at least you're both there doing the same activity ) & hopefully make new friends.
I feel your pain, it can get pretty lonely flying solo.
All my female friends are the same. They always back out and cancel plans due to their anxiety. I know anxiety is real, but I feel many use it as an excuse honestly. This is why 90% of my friends are males. They’re much more reliable.
Anxiety and other mental health issues take a lot of forms, I know. But I think it's interesting that I have generalized anxiety disorder (since early childhood) and honestly never cancel plans. I do have a few friends who often cancel due to their depression and/or anxiety and unfortunately most of them have been only on the periphery for years now or have become more like acquaintances as the years pass. I think some people have legitimate issues and others really do use it only as an excuse for being tired, lazy, etc. I have known a few who are definitely just blowing others off.
Likewise. I have both general/social anxiety and take medication for it. I still NEVER cancel plans unless I am dying or something warranting an emergency comes up. I just don't do it. It makes me feel like a *kitten* person.
The depression one is even worse because although I deal with this fun little issue, too.. I have had a good majority of my friends in the past who also suffered, but their depression manifested much differently than my own, so it was hard to connect with or feel sympathy when they canceled on me due to issues involving depression. It's a tricky *kitten* like that.
Honestly, I've lost quite a few friends over the years because they were not only flaky, they suffered anxiety/depression and either refused to get help or work on coping strategies.. or used it as an excuse for not doing anything or being in general crappy friends while not realizing that I suffer from both as well.
As a person who has to navigate the world with these issues, I just didn't feel that ultimately, that was extra baggage I needed.. so I cut ties.0 -
My best friend in the world of nearly 20 years is the biggest flake. She disappears for for months (at one point years) on end. You can’t call text email carrier pigeon. Nothing works. She’ll reappear with out a missed beat and be the best friend in the world. Although sometimes I’m upset because I want her around for my own selfish reasons, I try to remind myself that I’m happy she’s happy. She living her life and doing her thing. Even though I miss her when she’s gone, I’m so lucky to have her.1
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AmberGlitterSparkles wrote: »My best friend in the world of nearly 20 years is the biggest flake. She disappears for for months (at one point years) on end. You can’t call text email carrier pigeon. Nothing works. She’ll reappear with out a missed beat and be the best friend in the world. Although sometimes I’m upset because I want her around for my own selfish reasons, I try to remind myself that I’m happy she’s happy. She living her life and doing her thing. Even though I miss her when she’s gone, I’m so lucky to have her.
LMAO Carrier Pigeon.
Where does she go when she's gone for years??0
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