Trigger warning: ED vent
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I am just overwhelmed at the support in this group!! Thank you all so very much!
It is true that my bipolar 2 isn't being managed right now, and is making things more difficult, but even when it is the compulsive eating is still there, so also needs to be dealt with as well. I just run to food as a reward, a break, a distraction, an emotional jolt.
I will go through the free resources some of you posted, and despite the shame I am feeling, I will reach out to my wellness nurse, who is also a free resource thanks to a health grant. (Mental health care, however, is not. Unless I can find a free counselor and psych nurse to work with long term, I am on my own there. Sucks, but the choice is mortgage or medical care, and I choose mortgage.)16 -
Update: Finally called my wellness nurse and confessed how much trouble I am in. I am to start writing my emotional state down before I eat, and see if I can short circuit the bingeing and self-sabotage. She will also check with the counselor to see if I can get into see her, although financially I have no clue I how I can do it. One step at a time, i guess.
In all honesty, I'm not looking forward to doing this. I don't enjoy working on emotional stuff. As I told my nurse, I know I have driven my car into a ditch, but I don't want to get out and push because it's messy, hard work, and no fun!20 -
CoachJen71 wrote: »Update: Finally called my wellness nurse and confessed how much trouble I am in. I am to start writing my emotional state down before I eat, and see if I can short circuit the bingeing and self-sabotage. She will also check with the counselor to see if I can get into see her, although financially I have no clue I how I can do it. One step at a time, i guess.
In all honesty, I'm not looking forward to doing this. I don't enjoy working on emotional stuff. As I told my nurse, I know I have driven my car into a ditch, but I don't want to get out and push because it's messy, hard work, and no fun!
One step at a time... you can do this. Best of luck to you.
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CoachJen71 wrote: »In all honesty, I'm not looking forward to doing this. I don't enjoy working on emotional stuff. As I told my nurse, I know I have driven my car into a ditch, but I don't want to get out and push because it's messy, hard work, and no fun!
Was told by a prior therapist that that was why I try to self-medicate/numb myself, with food. I would rather eat my feelings than deal with them.
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Jen - I happened to catch a YouTube lecture, part of a series on the psychology of eating and a speaker was discussing amino acids (gotten in food or supplements) that help with different things like anxiety, mood swings, etc. she mentioned bi-polar, but I didn’t really catch it. But it made me think of you. Anyway, Her name is Trudy Scott, you can google and see if there’s anything of interest in her work. She got my interest with glutamine that is said to help with cravings and binging.
Here’s a link to the conference if you’re interested: https://ipe.infusionsoft.com/app/linkClick/344907/4a3a10fb50c92b29/77728231/14c3fb8f0453d8d7
The website for the host is: www.psychologyofeating.com
May be some Free or cheap take-aways, or not. I hope it helps.3 -
You have made a huge step forward and should feel so proud of yourself. I am the opposite to you though. The more out of control I feel with my emotions the more in control I become with my eating. Neither approach is healthy., especially as my BMI is bordering on underweight. I would really love to eat 'normally' whatever that is, being that most that eat in this normal carefree style are overweight.6
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Major set back. Biggest binge/purge yet and I saw blood. I decided to try taking some old bipolar meds to try and even myself out.
I wish to God that health care wasn't out of reach financially. Therapy is expensive. Meds are ridiculously expensive. Regular lab work is crazy expensive, too. And the bipolar meds didn't even help all that much, but I found some old ones in my med cabinet and will try using them to level out. Will let my nurse know on Monday. I will get yelled at for self-dosing and because my white blood cell count is already too low and the meds make it worse, but committing suicide by purge isn't so great either.19 -
I don't know what to say, I have no advice to offer, but do know there are a whole lot of people here listening to you.
Keep posting, especially if it helps you work through things. If talking here will help you not purge/binge, reach out and talk. There is always someone around. I'm a west coast night owl so am usually here when it is the quiet hours. If there is nothing else I can do, I will listen and reply.
Keep safe. h.
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Can you run? And run. And run. And run?
This helps me (also bpii not currently medicated) I run until I am physically exhausted. I can then focus mentally. I run around inside the building where I work, or an inside track at the rec ctr.
I have found that I need to run for at least 30 minutes hard to get the benefit.
Have you tried physically exhausting yourself? Make your body work to process those chemicals that are too much or too little?
I am not a medical person or scientist, but I have found that running (any type of physical exertion really, but I love to run. Maybe I am running from myself?) helps.
ETA: Pacing helps also. Thank goodness I learned about NEAT. I pace and pace and pace. If I can't run.5 -
Coachjen, please give us an update. We are worried about you. Hope that your Saturday went better.1
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@SummerSkier No purging. Just staying pretty quiet, except for some light housekeeping. Trying to stick with soft bland foods and praying that this tear can heal on its own. The bipolar med won't help with that due to side effects, but on the balanace I figure I really need to get my head back together.
Will be calling my nurse tomorrow. Not looking forward to that.
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https://www.amazon.co.uk/BrainwashED-Diet-Induced-Eating-Disorders-Recover-ebook/dp/B01E4N8VS6
This is the book that helped me out of a very similar hell hole1 -
Your condition sounds really concerning.. I pray that you can make it through this. I had and still am struggling with Anorexia Nervosa, even though I've gotten help for it 2-3 years ago the road to recovery is very long.. You can do this. Trust me, at first it will feel like emotional hell, but after a while it DOES get better.6
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Prayers for you, @CoachJen71. I know you are scared. Please, please talk to your nurse tomorrow. There must be some way for you to seek medical care. We are all rooting for you!2
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I don't have much to add but want to wish you the best and let you know my husband and I have been following this thread and you have been and will stay in our thoughts.6
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Thanks for the support, everyone! It means so much!
My nurse is setting up a doc appt and blood work. Endoscopy and a tele-psych visit are also on the list. Told hubby to buy lottery tickets.15 -
The struggle is real. MFP can be a slippery slope with EDs. I don't have any advice bc I struggle with being too militant sometimes too. But I hear you!2
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Glad to hear you made it to your nurse'a appointment and things are moving forward.
((())), h. 4 -
I just wanted to let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. Find someone to help you with this we're here for you.1
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Update: BP and pulse are normal. Am to continue with trileptal and add Prilosec. Will see nurse next week and doc the week after. No tele-psych person currently working with my doc's office, so question as to who I might see for ongoing head med supervision (need to stabilize the bipolar and add something on for anxiety), and still trying to find a way to get set up with the therapist.13
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