Husband critisizing weight loss plateau

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Replies

  • mulecanter
    mulecanter Posts: 1,792 Member
    Well, as a fellow evil husband let me offer that he is probably trying to help but stepping in it as this is a highly charged, sensitive issue for you. I suggest you focus on the plateau issue and not his commentary. My experience is that if your weight loss trend line has leveled off you might need to revisit your intake logging. Over time we tend to migrate back to old habits. Recalibrate your portion measurements, weigh everything for a while to ensure your 1200 is really 1200--it's really easy to make errors. If you really are at 1200 then you have a big loss pending--fluid retention doesn't last forever. If your logging was off you can fix it and get back on track.
  • nickssweetheart
    nickssweetheart Posts: 874 Member
    sharneseconey7376 wrote: »
    musicfan68 wrote: »
    sharneseconey7376 wrote: »
    Ive lost about 45 lbs since January. For the past month though i have only lost 3lbs. I am eating 1200 per day calories and still have over 100lbs to lose.

    Today my husband commented on my weight loss saying maybe the calories of the things i am eating are more because there is no way they can be accurate and that i should eat less than 1200 calories. I told him i cant do that i and he said why not its just a made up number. I told him its insulting to criticise my weight loss and just to shut up about it and explained to him that i started exercising this month and have been less motivated and not recording accurately.

    He still doesnt drop it and continues saying it might be because of companies and mfp not accurately stating calories. I tell him it could be anything and that i dont need to eat fewer than 1200 and that i just need to get back on track. He doesnt understand how hurtful it is for him to continue pointing out the fact that im not losing as much weight as before. He is supposed to motivate me and refuses to apologize because he thinks he is right. He said he is sorry but i should just consider what he is saying at eat less calories. I told him to try eating 1200 calories for a week and see how he feels then try and eat less cals. Im just so frustrated and right now and in need of support.

    I agree that your husband shouldn't be telling you to eat less than 1200 calories, but that being said, one thing you said that I bolded is that maybe the calories of the things you are eating are more. He might be right, because if you were truly eating only 1200 calories with 100 lbs to lose, the weight should be falling off of you. I assumed a few things like age, and if you are set at 2 lbs a week loss, then it puts you between 12-1300 calories a day. Are you weighing your solid foods and measuring liquids, then finding correct entries for the foods?

    Or, since you just started exercising, maybe the water weight from that has masked some of the weight loss and it will catch up with you in a week or so.

    I weigh everything. He thinks mfp and food companies labels are incorrect. For example lets say a a food is 300 cals according to mfp or nutrition labels he wants me to eat half or less than the whole thing then still record 300.

    I was feeling charitably toward him before thinking it was just helpful concern, but this is just flat out irritating and the kind of thinking that gets people into eating disorder territory. Stand strong. The weight will come off when it comes off. Weight loss is not linear and people who expect it to be have probably never seriously dieted. And that's even more true for women with our pesky hormonal cycles.
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,463 Member
    Tell him you've considered it and researched and what you've decided is xxx and would he please support you in this plan?
  • sharneseconey7376
    sharneseconey7376 Posts: 19 Member
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    sharneseconey7376 wrote: »
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    You're probably retaining water from the additional exercise. That being said, given your stats I can't see how MFP only gave you 1200 cals?

    Idk either im on 2lbs loss a week. Im 5'4 i recalculate it every 10lbs lost

    and you are completely sedentary?

    No. The beginning of may i started walking about 1.5 miles and riding my bike 5 mile. I eat back the calories also i use samsung health to track exercise
  • sharneseconey7376
    sharneseconey7376 Posts: 19 Member
    Jennloella wrote: »
    wait, you said he refused to apologize but then you said he said sorry.....were you complaining about your plateau and that was his solution or was he looking over your shoulder and giving completely unsolicited advice. The people in our lives every day definitely feel comfortable in all of our business people that aren't sensitive about certain things don't get it when other people are. Don't start thinking he's not on your side because I bet he is. Just keep going.

    He said "sorry but you should still eat less than 1200 calories". He still thinks he is right and doesnt understand why i just wanted him to drop it. Thats not an apology to me whatsoever.

    We weigh ourselves every morning together even though he is not trying to lose weight. I dont discuss my weight with but he sees it. He saw me eating a serving size of icecream and was like maybe the calories are wrong. that icecream cant be 120 calories (i weighed out the serving size by the way) all the stuff youre adding could be wrong who even says you have to eat 1200 calories, you should eat less calories how are all the calorie counts round numbers and thats why you havent lost weight. I tried explaining anything could be the reason, my hormones, water retention from exercising, not drinking enough water (i struggle with this i drink only 80 oz a day on avg sometimes less than 50) i also have braids and they get wet in my shower. It could be anything, i told him to research weight loss plateau and get back to me. He wouldnt drop it. He says so what ur saying is what im saying cant at all be the reason youre not losing. I asked him not to comment on my diet, or body but he wouldnt drop it. It got to the point where i just wanted to leave the house. I told him it was insulting to recommend anything to me when he knows nothing about that im doing with my weight other than what the scale says.
  • nickssweetheart
    nickssweetheart Posts: 874 Member
    Time to draw a boundary. If he can't be quiet about your weigh ins, tell him he is no longer invited to participate.
  • try2again
    try2again Posts: 3,562 Member
    sharneseconey7376 wrote: »
    Jennloella wrote: »
    wait, you said he refused to apologize but then you said he said sorry.....were you complaining about your plateau and that was his solution or was he looking over your shoulder and giving completely unsolicited advice. The people in our lives every day definitely feel comfortable in all of our business people that aren't sensitive about certain things don't get it when other people are. Don't start thinking he's not on your side because I bet he is. Just keep going.

    He said "sorry but you should still eat less than 1200 calories". He still thinks he is right and doesnt understand why i just wanted him to drop it. Thats not an apology to me whatsoever.

    We weigh ourselves every morning together even though he is not trying to lose weight. I dont discuss my weight with but he sees it. He saw me eating a serving size of icecream and was like maybe the calories are wrong. that icecream cant be 120 calories (i weighed out the serving size by the way) all the stuff youre adding could be wrong who even says you have to eat 1200 calories, you should eat less calories how are all the calorie counts round numbers and thats why you havent lost weight. I tried explaining anything could be the reason, my hormones, water retention from exercising, not drinking enough water (i struggle with this i drink only 80 oz a day on avg sometimes less than 50) i also have braids and they get wet in my shower. It could be anything, i told him to research weight loss plateau and get back to me. He wouldnt drop it. He says so what ur saying is what im saying cant at all be the reason youre not losing. I asked him not to comment on my diet, or body but he wouldnt drop it. It got to the point where i just wanted to leave the house. I told him it was insulting to recommend anything to me when he knows nothing about that im doing with my weight other than what the scale says.

    I can't imagine how frustrating this would be, but again, you need to stop including him in any aspect of your weight loss and to only reply, "I'm not discussing this with you" when he brings it up again.

    I just want to point out, too, that what you have described is not a "plateau". A plateau assumes that you are doing everything right and inexplicably have not seen results for many weeks. You yourself said that you have not been tracking carefully and have lost weight in the last month, just not at the rate you had hoped for. I'm not saying this to be critical- just to point out that you are still in complete control of the situation. :)
  • sabellee
    sabellee Posts: 1 Member
    I really feel for you and I’m very concerned that his involvement in your eating and weight will lead you to give up completely or develop an eating disorder. You have done an amazing job so far and should be proud of your hard work! It sounds like you are being more patient with the process than he is...which is super weird to me. You definitely need to set some boundaries with him on this and also don’t vent to him your frustrations with plateaus. Turn to MFP or your supportive family/friends. And if he won’t give you some room to figure this out yourself, you may want to seek out a marriage counselor as this behavior is really not great for your marriage regardless of how helpful he is trying to be.
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    edited June 2018
    sharneseconey7376 wrote: »
    musicfan68 wrote: »
    sharneseconey7376 wrote: »
    Ive lost about 45 lbs since January. For the past month though i have only lost 3lbs. I am eating 1200 per day calories and still have over 100lbs to lose.

    Today my husband commented on my weight loss saying maybe the calories of the things i am eating are more because there is no way they can be accurate and that i should eat less than 1200 calories. I told him i cant do that i and he said why not its just a made up number. I told him its insulting to criticise my weight loss and just to shut up about it and explained to him that i started exercising this month and have been less motivated and not recording accurately.

    He still doesnt drop it and continues saying it might be because of companies and mfp not accurately stating calories. I tell him it could be anything and that i dont need to eat fewer than 1200 and that i just need to get back on track. He doesnt understand how hurtful it is for him to continue pointing out the fact that im not losing as much weight as before. He is supposed to motivate me and refuses to apologize because he thinks he is right. He said he is sorry but i should just consider what he is saying at eat less calories. I told him to try eating 1200 calories for a week and see how he feels then try and eat less cals. Im just so frustrated and right now and in need of support.

    I agree that your husband shouldn't be telling you to eat less than 1200 calories, but that being said, one thing you said that I bolded is that maybe the calories of the things you are eating are more. He might be right, because if you were truly eating only 1200 calories with 100 lbs to lose, the weight should be falling off of you. I assumed a few things like age, and if you are set at 2 lbs a week loss, then it puts you between 12-1300 calories a day. Are you weighing your solid foods and measuring liquids, then finding correct entries for the foods?

    Or, since you just started exercising, maybe the water weight from that has masked some of the weight loss and it will catch up with you in a week or so.

    I weigh everything. He thinks mfp and food companies labels are incorrect. For example lets say a a food is 300 cals according to mfp or nutrition labels he wants me to eat half or less than the whole thing then still record 300.

    Does he think there is some huge MFP and corporate conspiracy going on here? I mean that sounds ridiculous. Must be a hell of a set up to get all food companies and MFP to mislabel calories. Also if that's the case why is everyone else on MFP losing weight by using labels and MFP? Actually that might be a good point for you, MFP users use the same things you are to count calories and they are losing weight so how could that be? as an aside since MFP info is put in by users you do have to fact check against the label once in a while but most times people have already done it for you.
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
    i didn't share my weight loss with my husband. he tried to help and be supportive but he fell into the cut out sugar or carbs trap. and that wasn't going to float with me. so i counted and measured. i gave him the food and portions he wanted and ate within my calorie allotment. this worked and kept the peace most days.

  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    You have been losing really well. 3 lbs in a month is not nothing. If you are still losing weight it is not a plateau or maintenance.
    The calorie counts on most foods are probably fine if you are weighing and logging as accurately as you can. If you are not being accurate logging that is tbe first thing to change.
    If you are eating all of your exercise calories you might want to eat back less.

    At 5'4" and 228 lbs you should be able to lose 1 lb a week eating more than 1,200 calories. If you are feeling burned out maybe reset to 1 lb a week. It is okay to slow down your rate of loss.

    Your husband needs to butt out unless you asked for input. It is your body and he doesn't get to tell you to abuse it by malnourishing yourself or telling you you need to lose faster. 1,200 is the minimum recommended for health not a made up number. It is also not sustainable to eat a very low calorie diet. Tell him to eat below 1200 every day for a week and see how he feels. Give him some reading to do.
    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10569458/why-eating-too-little-calories-is-a-bad-idea/p1

    I'd distance him from your weight loss efforts. Stop weighing in with him if he is going to criticize your progress. Stop discussing the topic with him. Absolutely do not take his advice.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    In my opinion 1200 calories is not enough. That being said - your husband is being an insensitive *kitten* AND he doesn't know what he's talking about so clearly he should not be giving you weight loss advice. Discussion over. Tell him to keep his negative thoughts to himself. You've lost 45 pounds so far! That's awesome! That's success! If you need more motivation or inspiration - look for it here on MFP. We got your back! Lol, if it were me, spite alone would prompt me to jump back on the fitness wagon. I'd show him a thing or two about weight loss. Don't give up, get better, you got this!
  • simplypositive01
    simplypositive01 Posts: 19 Member
    1200 is hard! Ouch! I have about 90 pounds to go and have lost 80. I weigh about 234 and eat 1900-2000 daily. From what I understand, we're not supposed to eat below 1200 because of malnutrition possibilities. So it's easy to hit a wall when you're already as low as you can go calorie wise. Would you be able to do reverse dieting for a couple of weeks?
  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,333 Member
    You started exercising this month, that's why you're not losing as much..because of the false water weight gain from tears in your muscles. Just stick to your plan and the weight will start coming off as fast again. Also, maybe consider not talking to your husband about your weigh in days.. or even lie to him. what harm could that do..but make your life easier.

  • ChristianMomWifeFriend
    ChristianMomWifeFriend Posts: 26 Member
    Sometimes mfp doesn't always calculate food calories. One chick had logged that she cleaned the house or 20 minutes and mfp said she burned like 600 calories. Just go with your intuition. And make sure youre not stressing. Sometimes lack of sleep can slow loss down. I lost 10 pounds in the past 2 months cause I am sleeping better. Of course it didn't last I'm stuck but that's just the way my journey has been.
  • Mithridites
    Mithridites Posts: 600 Member
    This happens. But it’s SO hard. The calories we are given for exercising are often more than we ACTUALLY burn. But the hunger that comes from starting to exercise can be huge. So we take those exercise calories like a blessing and chomp them down and ask for more. If we are not losing any weight for a while, then we need to re-balance the equation. CICO works but our body doesn’t want to hear about math. It doesn’t like sudden change either and it will protest and fight our brain that knows better. This is the struggle. I’m halfway to my goal weight and this has been my experience the last 3 months. Hang in there and be awesome for and to yourself.
  • Gisel2015
    Gisel2015 Posts: 4,190 Member
    tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »
    Maybe it's time to stop discussing the amount of calories you eat and your weight loss with your husband, particularly as he isn't being supportive.

    BOOM!!! best answer ever.
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