Envy Problems

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braewe
braewe Posts: 22 Member
in Motivation and Support
I just started this week and thus far have kept to my goals. I have started with another who is losing weight with me, but they have not got as much to lose (I'm trying for 100 lbs, will see what goals are there, from what what I remember in my Air Force days at 120 I still had some flab and I started the week at 245.)

Anyway, I was relaying my dinner plans for grilled chicken and asparagus with lemon pepper(and yes it was good) but my buddy responded with her day, which included a breakfast out at Denny's and lunch at this new place. 'I'm sooo fullll' she moans. And I'm soooo envious. I've resolved, you see, to just make everything at home, since my willpower when out is utterly and completely and entirely nonexistent. (appetizer? SURE! Ranch on the side? You bet! Did you want to upgrade? Why not!)

She says it's her cheat day but if I went out, my cheat day would probably ruin an entire week, so I won't, but that feeling is still there of 'I wanna I wanna I wanna'
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Replies

  • Candyspun
    Candyspun Posts: 370 Member
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    Could you try going to one of those places and try portion controlling and tracking a meal, within your deficit?
  • braewe
    braewe Posts: 22 Member
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    Thanks! I think I will try the 'look at the menu before going' idea. And I guess I hadn't planned far enough ahead for 'never' eating out.

    I also hadn't considered the budgeting for a splurge, by extra activity or saving. I didn't even know you COULD 'save' I thought each day was just, each day.
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
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    braewe wrote: »
    Thanks! I think I will try the 'look at the menu before going' idea. And I guess I hadn't planned far enough ahead for 'never' eating out.

    I also hadn't considered the budgeting for a splurge, by extra activity or saving. I didn't even know you COULD 'save' I thought each day was just, each day.

    Some people look at the week as a total, having high and low days. They all even out in the end. After a higher calorie day, it's not uncommon to have the scale read a bit higher. That's a combination of water and extra waste, not fat. So don't allow that to shock you.
  • JaydedMiss
    JaydedMiss Posts: 4,286 Member
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    i struggle with this and am currently regaining so depending how you look at it im either someone perfect to understand this...or totally unqualified to answer anymore lol. BUT i did lose 110 so i feel qualified. When losing and i saw everyone i know going drinking and eating and stuff...I tried to get into the mindset of screw jealousy, I put the effort into making my food something i like. And i was gaining fitness and health and smaller clothing and higher confidence. While still eating yummy food. Sure, It was different foods, But i was gaining alot more by not going out to dennys for monster plates of pancakes (often) then id of gained in the hour id spend going. Or not havign to feel bad about going out drinking and all the inevitable drunk food id eat. Id have more time feeling happier when i stayed on course to what i wanted. Whether that meant ordering some awesome burger for example but with a side salad, Or just going out drinking on nights when i know something fun and special is planned vs just dirty club dancing and winging it. Its a balancing act but overall aslong as you make more good choices you stay on the happier side of the line and feel overall beter. Just focus on being the happy middle ground you and you wont need to feel envy.
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,874 Member
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    88olds wrote: »
    You’ve discovered the problem with the weight loss buddy system. I think WL Support is a myth. Best support I’ve found aside from my wife, is on message boards where we don’t actually know each other. BTW, my wife supports me, but is not involved in the nitty gritty of my planning or decision making.

    Weight loss is a solitary pursuit because so much of it takes place in our own heads. We are all different, even from our best friends.

    I agree with this. Weight loss has always been a very private pursuit for me. In fact, it's rather annoying in a way when the results become obvious enough for others to notice and comment.

    My husband is my biggest supporter and helps me by weighing things when he cooks, running menus by me, and letting me pick where we eat out if I have a preference based on my needs for the day. Beyond that, I'm much happier keeping myself to myself other than here, where we're all more or less going through or have been through similar situations.

    I agree 100% with looking up menus online and choosing before you go. With a significant amount of weight to lose (or even if it wasn't) committing to making every scrap of food you'll eat at home just isn't realistic. You need to develop the necessary skills to adjust on the fly and not allow yourself to be derailed by something as simple as a dinner out with friends.
  • itsgood
    itsgood Posts: 85 Member
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    Like others have mentioned...restaurants are a part of life for many of us so somehow we need to be able to manage eating out. I know it sounds silly, but often when I do go out and opt for the salad (even though I want the fettucine alfredo!) I take a moment to savor the atmosphere, the company, the break from cooking/cleanup/dishes. I try to remind myself that it's just as much the experience as the food. It helps, both in the moment because I'm feeling good about the time I had and not bad about the food I ate, and also in the long run because my expectations for going out shift away from the exclusive focus on food.

    I don't have much experience with the buddy system. I'm thinking workout buddies may be more effective than "diet" buddies unless you're a solitary type like me! In the end, find your own way by focusing on what you need to do, what works for you and what makes you feel supported. There is definitely no "one size fits all" when it comes to this journey!
  • dsboohead
    dsboohead Posts: 1,900 Member
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    Eyes on the prize not on a temporary fix that will have you hating yourself after!
    Do you not see YOURSELF healthier. feeling good about yourself and your decisions???
    You should feel superior to your friend and her cheat meals which will get her nowhere!
    Temporary fixes is what got you in the fix you are in now! Jealous of her overeating at Dennys?! Phhhhhphht!!! :s
  • NewLIFEstyle4ME
    NewLIFEstyle4ME Posts: 4,440 Member
    edited August 2018
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    I think you're an amazing and super strong person. You can count one ONE hand the amount of people willing to ADMIT a seemingly "it's okay and it's "normal" cause everybody does it" issue/problem/FAULT of yours--but for you to have the understanding that "envy" is not only wrong, it's the "gateway" to a whole lotta other serious issues that can/will cause character problems and relational problem and just jack you up in so many ways. BRAVO to you to seek help/advice on this again, seemingly normal problem. Envy is so NOT normal and don't DARE accept it as "normal" and always KNOW it's a CHOICE of y/ours, period. MAKE yourself see envy for the "monster" it truly is!

    You just got started and it's going to take some TIME and trial and error to get into a new "rhythm" of what works and doesn't work for you. It took probably many years to get to the weight you're at and it's going to take time to get it off, period. You're going to face MANY issues like you're facing and these things are designed to help make you stronger and stronger. Again, just posting this (in my eyes) shows that you're ARE already getting stronger, by recognizing "thoughts and feelings" inside you that are counter-productive and designed to keep you from achieving your goals. Kick that envy in the face by doing exactly the opposite of what that "envy" is deceiving you with. Give that friend a big ole high five and genuinely MAKE yourself be happy for her, then tell yourself/that envy that you've only just begun and once you get a handle on things, you'll be ready, willing and able to do similar things.

    BOOM! That's how you handle >:) envy >:) --with seeing it AND calling it out as the destructive force/spirit and ENEMY of your progress it truly is and then utterly and completely REJECTING it as the loser and again exposing it and NOT giving in to it/allowing it/giving "FREE place to it in your thoughts/mind/life. REFUSE to "allow" it to "live" in your heart/mind another second! KILL it with gladness for your friend and watch "it" (envy) die a slow and painful death in your heart and mind!
  • braewe
    braewe Posts: 22 Member
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    I like these forums already. Never even thought of swapping things around to the 'I stuck to it and she didn't' although I want her to succeed too...
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
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    itsgood wrote: »
    Like others have mentioned...restaurants are a part of life for many of us so somehow we need to be able to manage eating out. I know it sounds silly, but often when I do go out and opt for the salad (even though I want the fettucine alfredo!) I take a moment to savor the atmosphere, the company, the break from cooking/cleanup/dishes. I try to remind myself that it's just as much the experience as the food. It helps, both in the moment because I'm feeling good about the time I had and not bad about the food I ate, and also in the long run because my expectations for going out shift away from the exclusive focus on food.

    I don't have much experience with the buddy system. I'm thinking workout buddies may be more effective than "diet" buddies unless you're a solitary type like me! In the end, find your own way by focusing on what you need to do, what works for you and what makes you feel supported. There is definitely no "one size fits all" when it comes to this journey!

    I don't think it's silly at all. If you go out often, jigsawing your calories can become a drag. I don't go out often, so every time I do it's special and food is part of it. If it were something I did often, I too would opt for a lower calorie option I like. Knowing I have the option of a higher calorie meal doesn't mean I should always get it. Choosing to have something lower in calories is an absolutely valid option. The only time it's a problem is when you restrict out of fear and anxiety not out of choice.
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,774 Member
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    88olds wrote: »
    You’ve discovered the problem with the weight loss buddy system. I think WL Support is a myth. Best support I’ve found aside from my wife, is on message boards where we don’t actually know each other. BTW, my wife supports me, but is not involved in the nitty gritty of my planning or decision making.

    Weight loss is a solitary pursuit because so much of it takes place in our own heads. We are all different, even from our best friends.

    This is so true! I don’t even like discussing dietary habits outside of here. Too many well meaning friends and family have their own ideas of what’s best for me when they should be looking at their own situations first.
  • itsgood
    itsgood Posts: 85 Member
    edited August 2018
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    itsgood wrote: »
    amusedmonkey I completely agree!

  • dsboohead
    dsboohead Posts: 1,900 Member
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    Always see what you eat as what you CAN have...not what you CANNOT!
    Research what you can have as you start logging...its kind of fun! Put in Dennys for the heck of it and you will see everything they have on menu! You do not have to sit in a closet with a chicken breast and broccoli.
    You just have to be clever with substitutions!
    Make it work for YOU!
    By the way you can have chicken breast and broccoli if you really like it.
    You are not on a DIET! You are changing your lifestyle!
  • braewe
    braewe Posts: 22 Member
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    Fortunately for me I DO like chicken and broccoli. And asparagus and brussel sprouts and cauliflower. Buuuuuut I also like most of these with those oh so rich and yummy sauces. Still experimenting with healthier but still yummy alternatives. I grew this large, I think, by just eating too much of everything. I also went from a rigorous exercise regime (swam oodles of laps every day before my shift in the Air Force) and when I had my children I just ... stopped. The kiddos are grown now but I've never returned to exercising. Beginning to get arthritis so knees/ankles/joints really do NOT take to running.

    Starting a slowish walking program now just to get moving, and digging out the weights to work those in.
  • alteredsteve175
    alteredsteve175 Posts: 2,718 Member
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    nutmegoreo wrote: »
    braewe wrote: »
    Thanks! I think I will try the 'look at the menu before going' idea. And I guess I hadn't planned far enough ahead for 'never' eating out.

    I also hadn't considered the budgeting for a splurge, by extra activity or saving. I didn't even know you COULD 'save' I thought each day was just, each day.

    Some people look at the week as a total, having high and low days. They all even out in the end. After a higher calorie day, it's not uncommon to have the scale read a bit higher. That's a combination of water and extra waste, not fat. So don't allow that to shock you.

    Good strategy there. I have a daily calorie target, but really pay attention to the weekly totals. That lets me fit in a restaurant visit or drinks or eat a treat meal without blowing the whole program. Had a party with some old friends Friday night - was over my daily target but will not exceed the weekly allowance. Keep working on this and checking here for advice and you will figure out something that will work for you.

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