Just be nice
timsethna
Posts: 10 Member
I’ve used this app on and off for years but never read the community section. And now as I read it there is a LOT of just pure hatred and people being mean. So many people here are just asking questions and want input and even learn. I see post of people saying this or that is wrong or just plain being mean.
So if you post replies be supportive of one another. It is a community of people trying to better themselves. Lift each other up in encouragement, support and kindness. It always will come back to you. That being said, Happy Thursday 😁
So if you post replies be supportive of one another. It is a community of people trying to better themselves. Lift each other up in encouragement, support and kindness. It always will come back to you. That being said, Happy Thursday 😁
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Replies
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Just so you know, "group slap" threads (where you chide a whole bunch of people for not behaving the way that you would) or "why is everyone so mean?" threads typically don't go well.
If you decide you'd like to delete this and keep things more positive, you can flag your own thread for deletion and the mods will remove it.48 -
I am nice. I am also honest. It's not my fault if people think honesty is being mean. thats on them. not me.36
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I was nice once. It gave me heartburn.18
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We are a pretty supportive group of people. We also will be brutally honest. I felt like you do when I first came here but realize now that if some of the people on here hadn't been as upfront with me as they were, I wouldn't have been successful. @janejellyroll is one that I respect for her blunt honesty. Sometimes people have to hear the honest, hard truth.21
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'Pure hatred'? Really? Care to link to some 'hatred'?
Yes there's straight talking and a lack of sugar coating (who's got the spare cals for that?!) But I have never seen hatred, and I've been here a loooooooong time.35 -
It's not all fluffy bunnies and rainbows, if that's what you are looking for, but these forums are a far cry from pure hatred. Those exist, of course, but not here.11
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Telling the truth, especially about pseudoscience, is a lot nicer than perpetuating misinformation that can be potentially dangerous. That's a lot more supportive of people's health and wellbeing than encouraging them to continue using snake oil.15
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I haven’t been on MFP in quite some time, but it’s nice to see some things never change lol.
I’ve always found that the ‘mean’ people are the most helpful. It’s more supportive to give facts and tell people what they may not want to hear than it is to give bad advice and encourage foolishness.24 -
TavistockToad wrote: »'Pure hatred'? Really? Care to link to some 'hatred'?
Yes there's straight talking and a lack of sugar coating (who's got the spare cals for that?!) But I have never seen hatred, and I've been here a loooooooong time.
Pure hatred is starting this thread on a Thursday and making me think for a minute that it's actually Friday.39 -
It's been my experience that every helpful poster on these forums, every single one, will be called rude, mean, negative, troll, bully, etc. at some point or another no matter how carefully they phrase their advice. Posts like this tend not to be very helpful. When every helpful poster is called out as mean at some point or another, then making a post like this without examples or qualifications just ends up pointing fingers at everyone.
There is some actual rudeness that goes above and beyond what should be acceptable here. Report it (use the actual report function not the flags) or call it out where you see it. But posts like this just add to the negative atmosphere that you're trying to combat instead of solving anything.
"Pure hatred" is quite an accusation for a board like this. The flag button is meant to get hate speech and the like off of the boards as quickly as possible, so if you're seeing hatred like that please do flag it. With 5 abuse flags it will get knocked off the boards (remember, abuse flags are for hate speech or pornography only. Lesser posts should be reported rather than flagged).17 -
janejellyroll wrote: »Just so you know, "group slap" threads (where you chide a whole bunch of people for not behaving the way that you would) or "why is everyone so mean?" threads typically don't go well.
Especially when they are started by someone who has not contributed to the forum.
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Don't confuse attacking information with attacking a person. They are different, and the distinction is important.16
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I think the first time I posted here I was worrying about "starvation mode" after 2 weeks of crash dieting. I am pretty happy people corrected my misconceptions... I don't know and frankly don't really care if any of them were rude. I am just happy I was given correct information.27
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I think pure hatred is overrated. There is nothing wrong with a few preservatives mixed in to increase hatred longevity.22
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janejellyroll wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »'Pure hatred'? Really? Care to link to some 'hatred'?
Yes there's straight talking and a lack of sugar coating (who's got the spare cals for that?!) But I have never seen hatred, and I've been here a loooooooong time.
Pure hatred is starting this thread on a Thursday and making me think for a minute that it's actually Friday.
No, but it IS rage-quit Thursday.12 -
cmriverside wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »'Pure hatred'? Really? Care to link to some 'hatred'?
Yes there's straight talking and a lack of sugar coating (who's got the spare cals for that?!) But I have never seen hatred, and I've been here a loooooooong time.
Pure hatred is starting this thread on a Thursday and making me think for a minute that it's actually Friday.
No, but it IS rage-quit Thursday.
I don't believe in rage-quitting. Once I have worn out my welcome I stay for maybe 4 or 5 more years and then I just disappear.18 -
I haven't seen a "mean people thread" in days
MFP will never change
I am kind. I try to be fair. I have sympathy with people who genuinely struggle, and I can be patient if people want to change, but are scared, confused and overwhelmed. But I have zero tolerance for BS.16 -
I've posted this before, but if you want "meen people" threads, try posting a newbie question in a Linux forum. And a lot of those forums don't have obscenity filters.
In my experience, the "hatred" is generally started by a poster spreading misinformation when posters question their sources, or challenge the woo with sources of their own. How many times have we seen a response along the lines of "you people are stupid and ignorant for disagreeing with me and I hope you all enjoy your miserable lives until you end up dead of [some woo disease]."
Challanging misinformation and woo isn't mean or hateful. There are other forums where you can post any damn thing that comes out of your head and everyone will nod in agreement. How is that educational or supportive?
edited for grammar11 -
cmriverside wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »'Pure hatred'? Really? Care to link to some 'hatred'?
Yes there's straight talking and a lack of sugar coating (who's got the spare cals for that?!) But I have never seen hatred, and I've been here a loooooooong time.
Pure hatred is starting this thread on a Thursday and making me think for a minute that it's actually Friday.
No, but it IS rage-quit Thursday.
I don't believe in rage-quitting. Once I have worn out my welcome I stay for maybe 4 or 5 more years and then I just disappear.
How do you feel about flouncing? I think that's much classier than rage-quitting.10 -
I've posted this before, but if you want "meen people" threads, try posting a newbie question in a Linux forum. And a lot of those forums don't have obscenity filters.
In my experience, the "hatred" is generally started by a poster spreading misinformation when posters question their sources, or challenge the woo with sources of their own. How many times have we seen a response along the lines of "you people are stupid and ignorant for disagreeing with me and I hope you all enjoy your miserable lives until you end up dead of [some woo disease]."
Challanging misinformation and woo isn't mean or hateful. There are other forums where you can post any damn thing that comes out of your head and everyone will nod in agreement. How is that educational or supportive?
edited for grammar
Right?
I belong to one of each type of those forums. Myfitnesspal has some dogma, no doubt about that, but try posting just about anything on a dog forum that has to do with pack leader and you'll be so so very sorry. I've heard parenting forums are the worst.
Then on the flipside I'm on another forum where there is virtually no disagreement allowed. The Special Snowflakes have won that one.6 -
I think it's important to consider how effective a cold bucket of reality is really going to be when the dynamic isn't you and your BFF, but a bunch of strangers, many of whom might be feeling sensitive or vulnerable. I'm sure everyone IS intending to be helpful and honest, but what I typically see is:
OP: I want to do <insert popular diet/unrealistic weight loss goal/scam/green tea supplements>
MFP: That won't work. You're overcomplicating this. Eat less. (Sometimes accompanied by flow chart.)
That cold bucket feels...cold. It also could feel discouraging. The OP could interpret it as, "They think I'm stupid."
I mean these are people who are going out on a limb, talking to strangers. They might be frustrated with their bodies, which is no fun And now they feel ostracized for their brains as well, or at least their judgment.
I'm not saying that we should LIE, but there's probably something in between being blunt and maybe a wee bit judgmental and patting them on the head condescendingly.
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Running_and_Coffee wrote: »I think it's important to consider how effective a cold bucket of reality is really going to be when the dynamic isn't you and your BFF, but a bunch of strangers, many of whom might be feeling sensitive or vulnerable. I'm sure everyone IS intending to be helpful and honest, but what I typically see is:
OP: I want to do <insert popular diet/unrealistic weight loss goal/scam/green tea supplements>
MFP: That won't work. You're overcomplicating this. Eat less. (Sometimes accompanied by flow chart.)
That cold bucket feels...cold. It also could feel discouraging. The OP could interpret it as, "They think I'm stupid."
I mean these are people who are going out on a limb, talking to strangers. They might be frustrated with their bodies, which is no fun And now they feel ostracized for their brains as well, or at least their judgment.
I'm not saying that we should LIE, but there's probably something in between being blunt and maybe a wee bit judgmental and patting them on the head condescendingly.
How would you answer that post, just out of interest? Or would you just scroll on past?6 -
DeadliftsAndSprinkles wrote: »I’ve used this app on and off for years but never read the community section. And now as I read it there is a LOT of just pure hatred and people being mean. So many people here are just asking questions and want input and even learn. I see post of people saying this or that is wrong or just plain being mean.
So if you post replies be supportive of one another. It is a community of people trying to better themselves. Lift each other up in encouragement, support and kindness. It always will come back to you. That being said, Happy Thursday 😁
This is a legitimate question: if someone here posts misinformation, do you think it's mean for someone to tell them that they're wrong?
Depends on 1. Whether they can do so without insults and 2. Whether they can explain how it’s “misinformation.”
I posted something last year about what I was doing to rev up my metabolism and I was jeered and mocked and had a pack of people following me to other threads to talk about how I was out to hurt people with my “lies.” Sometimes there are simply different viewpoints with legitimate scientific support. I get what the op means.23 -
Had to look up flounce. LOL
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Flounce3 -
cmriverside wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »'Pure hatred'? Really? Care to link to some 'hatred'?
Yes there's straight talking and a lack of sugar coating (who's got the spare cals for that?!) But I have never seen hatred, and I've been here a loooooooong time.
Pure hatred is starting this thread on a Thursday and making me think for a minute that it's actually Friday.
No, but it IS rage-quit Thursday.
I don't believe in rage-quitting. Once I have worn out my welcome I stay for maybe 4 or 5 more years and then I just disappear.
How do you feel about flouncing? I think that's much classier than rage-quitting.
If it is classier I don't want to have anything to do with it.
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Running_and_Coffee wrote: »I think it's important to consider how effective a cold bucket of reality is really going to be when the dynamic isn't you and your BFF, but a bunch of strangers, many of whom might be feeling sensitive or vulnerable. I'm sure everyone IS intending to be helpful and honest, but what I typically see is:
OP: I want to do <insert popular diet/unrealistic weight loss goal/scam/green tea supplements>
MFP: That won't work. You're overcomplicating this. Eat less. (Sometimes accompanied by flow chart.)
That cold bucket feels...cold. It also could feel discouraging. The OP could interpret it as, "They think I'm stupid."
I mean these are people who are going out on a limb, talking to strangers. They might be frustrated with their bodies, which is no fun And now they feel ostracized for their brains as well, or at least their judgment.
I'm not saying that we should LIE, but there's probably something in between being blunt and maybe a wee bit judgmental and patting them on the head condescendingly.
I think most posters give the kind of advice that they themselves respond best to. If people want to see more of their own kind of advice then I think the best way is to jump in and start giving it. Be the change you want to see and all of that.21 -
Running_and_Coffee wrote: »I think it's important to consider how effective a cold bucket of reality is really going to be when the dynamic isn't you and your BFF, but a bunch of strangers, many of whom might be feeling sensitive or vulnerable. I'm sure everyone IS intending to be helpful and honest, but what I typically see is:
OP: I want to do <insert popular diet/unrealistic weight loss goal/scam/green tea supplements>
MFP: That won't work. You're overcomplicating this. Eat less. (Sometimes accompanied by flow chart.)
That cold bucket feels...cold. It also could feel discouraging. The OP could interpret it as, "They think I'm stupid."
I mean these are people who are going out on a limb, talking to strangers. They might be frustrated with their bodies, which is no fun And now they feel ostracized for their brains as well, or at least their judgment.
I'm not saying that we should LIE, but there's probably something in between being blunt and maybe a wee bit judgmental and patting them on the head condescendingly.
I'd like to think that most people are giving information the way they prefer to receive it. So "cold bucket" people may actually prefer for people to be blunt and straightforward with them.
You're going to have people with different preferences interacting in situations like this and it can be complicated when we don't have the immediate feedback of facial expressions, body language, tone of voice. In real life, someone may start out blunt and immediately see a look of hurt or shock on someone's face and have time to adjust their communication.9 -
cmriverside wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »'Pure hatred'? Really? Care to link to some 'hatred'?
Yes there's straight talking and a lack of sugar coating (who's got the spare cals for that?!) But I have never seen hatred, and I've been here a loooooooong time.
Pure hatred is starting this thread on a Thursday and making me think for a minute that it's actually Friday.
No, but it IS rage-quit Thursday.
I don't believe in rage-quitting. Once I have worn out my welcome I stay for maybe 4 or 5 more years and then I just disappear.
How do you feel about flouncing? I think that's much classier than rage-quitting.
I flounced from these boards once. It didn't stick.10 -
diannethegeek wrote: »cmriverside wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »'Pure hatred'? Really? Care to link to some 'hatred'?
Yes there's straight talking and a lack of sugar coating (who's got the spare cals for that?!) But I have never seen hatred, and I've been here a loooooooong time.
Pure hatred is starting this thread on a Thursday and making me think for a minute that it's actually Friday.
No, but it IS rage-quit Thursday.
I don't believe in rage-quitting. Once I have worn out my welcome I stay for maybe 4 or 5 more years and then I just disappear.
How do you feel about flouncing? I think that's much classier than rage-quitting.
I flounced from these boards once. It didn't stick.
Well, that’s because science, like CICO. 😜4 -
L1zardQueen wrote: »Had to look up flounce. LOL
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Flounce
hah. The original!!
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