I’m down 90lbs and I’ve never been more miserable

kshama2001 · September 2018

bootyrubsandtacos wrote: »

ErnestineBorgnine wrote: »

I totally understand the “being on 24/7,” even when you’re “off.” There’s no off when you’re the sole caregiver. Do you have any local in-person-flesh & blood support?

I see my therapist once a week. That’s as much support as I get. She’s been really irritating me lately too, because she keeps saying I “chose” this life and that I have “options”. I told her I didn’t choose SH$! I end up in this situation due to circumstances! It’s like she’s essentially shaming me for having a SOUL and doing the RIGHT thing. I understand what she’s getting at, but it still annoys me.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply to my post and offering great advice. I’ve been taken everything you guys have posted to heart.

Hope you don't take the following the wrong way. My point is to encourage you to get help. You can be better for your mom if you are better to you, and you need some help.

But I can see where your therapist is coming from. You do have options. You are aware that there are resources available, and are choosing to not take advantage of them because of prior bad experiences with your gram.

Sure, not all caregivers will be angels. But some can be. Fire the ones who don't make the grade. If someone is supposed to be able to give a bed bath and doesn't know how, you call the agency and tell them that. Also, screening processes may be better these days.

My grandfather was lucky and got a women who was just a God send.

My OH's mother was a very negative person who tended to complain about a lot of people, but there was one caregiver she did really like, who also visited her in the nursing home when she was no longer able to stay at home, and came to her funeral.

1BlueAurora · September 2018

Hi. You mentioned you take Restoril for your insomnia. My understanding is that it is a medication prescribed for the short term, usually no longer than 14 days. I know that for my insomnia, meds would work and then eventually lose their effectiveness. I tried Ambien but did that sleep-eating thing and had to switch to Lunesta. Lunesta worked for about a year, year and a half. My doctor recently switched me out to an antidepressant that has sleepiness as a side effect. This is working well in addressing my insomnia. It's an old school medication called Trazadone. It wouldn't hurt to ask your prescribing physician whether trying yet another medication in place of the Restoril would be worth doing. I dunno. I'm no doctor...

bootyrubsandtacos · September 2018

1BlueAurora wrote: »

Hi. You mentioned you take Restoril for your insomnia. My understanding is that it is a medication prescribed for the short term, usually no longer than 14 days. I know that for my insomnia, meds would work and then eventually lose their effectiveness. I tried Ambien but did that sleep-eating thing and had to switch to Lunesta. Lunesta worked for about a year, year and a half. My doctor recently switched me out to an antidepressant that has sleepiness as a side effect. This is working well in addressing my insomnia. It's an old school medication called Trazadone. It wouldn't hurt to ask your prescribing physician whether trying yet another medication in place of the Restoril would be worth doing. I dunno. I'm no doctor...

I’ve actually tried Trazadone for a few months and it did ZIP. My anxiety can override a lot. I’ve heard a lot of good things about belsomra, but insurance doesn’t cover it.

Small update for anyone who cares. I got a full blood panel this week and it turns out I’m anemic. I have to get some more blood work, before my appointment with my PCP so....... Maybe that’s why I’ve been feeling like refried SH&!. I’m going next week to see her. Hopefully I can get some relief.

bootyrubsandtacos · September 2018

kshama2001 wrote: »

bootyrubsandtacos wrote: »

ErnestineBorgnine wrote: »

I totally understand the “being on 24/7,” even when you’re “off.” There’s no off when you’re the sole caregiver. Do you have any local in-person-flesh & blood support?

I see my therapist once a week. That’s as much support as I get. She’s been really irritating me lately too, because she keeps saying I “chose” this life and that I have “options”. I told her I didn’t choose SH$! I end up in this situation due to circumstances! It’s like she’s essentially shaming me for having a SOUL and doing the RIGHT thing. I understand what she’s getting at, but it still annoys me.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply to my post and offering great advice. I’ve been taken everything you guys have posted to heart.

Hope you don't take the following the wrong way. My point is to encourage you to get help. You can be better for your mom if you are better to you, and you need some help.

But I can see where your therapist is coming from. You do have options. You are aware that there are resources available, and are choosing to not take advantage of them because of prior bad experiences with your gram.

Sure, not all caregivers will be angels. But some can be. Fire the ones who don't make the grade. If someone is supposed to be able to give a bed bath and doesn't know how, you call the agency and tell them that. Also, screening processes may be better these days.

My grandfather was lucky and got a women who was just a God send.

My OH's mother was a very negative person who tended to complain about a lot of people, but there was one caregiver she did really like, who also visited her in the nursing home when she was no longer able to stay at home, and came to her funeral.

Well I was only 13 when she became bedridden. We did that. We went through about 30 or more different aides in about a year. You know what I REALLY need that a aide can’t help me with? MORAL SUPPORT. The physical stuff is cake compared to the emotional sh*** that comes along with this job. I need someone to sit with me and lend me their shoulder to cry on while I’m waiting for my mom during surgery, I need someone who I can call and vent to about having a bad day. I need someone who can give me encouragement and tell me I’m not evil for getting annoyed when I have to clean out my mother’s commode etc. Anyway...... Not yelling at you by the way. Just posting my frustrations.

beaglady · September 2018

I’m sorry you don’t have an in-person shoulder to cry on or an ear when you need to vent. You’re definitely not evil for getting frustrated-just tired I’m sure.

Did you hire your aides through a specific agency? I’m asking cause we have had home aides for my elderly dad both through a private agency, and through one arranged through the county. There is a vast difference not only between individual caregivers, but generally from one agency to the other. You may have much better success with aides from a different source.

Hugs to you for sure. It sounds like you’ve had a ton of responsibility from a young age. You’re certainly allowed to be frustrated. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.

shnell25 · September 2018

I’m going to be praying God’s strength and peace over you.

I agree that you need to see your your Gynecologist or general practitioner/family doctor to address your concerns regarding your cycle. They should be able to come up with a plan to address your issues.

I know you said you don’t have a support group, but if you could have someone relieve you for a weekend (maybe Friday and Saturday) so that you can have some “me” time, that might help relieve a little of your stress.

Remember you need to take of yourself in order to be there for your mom. 💕🤗🙏🏾

gradchica27 · September 2018

SandSeaSkySoul wrote: »

I'd believe that she wasn't consuming enough calories, if she wasn't getting her TOM at all or even less than average but she's getting it more than normal!

Might I suggest that you schedule an appointment, with a gynecologist? Sometimes birth control's necessary, to regulate excessive TOM duration and/or it's amount!

I second all the diet break and lessening exercise/increasing sleep advice. I’m also having hormonal issues and going to see a NaPro doctor (an OB-Gyn that is certified in NaPro technology) has helped. He tested my estrogen/progesterone/testosterone at multiple points in my cycle (before and at ovulation, then a few times after ovulation), and tested various thyroid markers as well.

Then he could give me a targeted dose of the hormone I was low in at the point in my cycle I needed it, instead of blanketing me with hormones I didn’t need (for ex, I have high progesterone and low estrogen, but my estrogen needs supplementation only right after ovulation until my period. I don’t need any progesterone at all and have no need of pre-ovulation estrogen, so I’m not taking anything I don’t need).

I encourage you to get a full hormone testing, instead of just one blood draw. If you tested me in the first week of my cycle, I’d look normal, but by week 2-2.5 the problems and their cyclical progression become obvious to someone who knows what to look for. A lot of OBs just prescribe BC to mask your symptoms and not actually pinpoint the problem.

bootyrubsandtacos · September 2018

gradchica27 wrote: »

SandSeaSkySoul wrote: »

I'd believe that she wasn't consuming enough calories, if she wasn't getting her TOM at all or even less than average but she's getting it more than normal!

Might I suggest that you schedule an appointment, with a gynecologist? Sometimes birth control's necessary, to regulate excessive TOM duration and/or it's amount!

I second all the diet break and lessening exercise/increasing sleep advice. I’m also having hormonal issues and going to see a NaPro doctor (an OB-Gyn that is certified in NaPro technology) has helped. He tested my estrogen/progesterone/testosterone at multiple points in my cycle (before and at ovulation, then a few times after ovulation), and tested various thyroid markers as well.

Then he could give me a targeted dose of the hormone I was low in at the point in my cycle I needed it, instead of blanketing me with hormones I didn’t need (for ex, I have high progesterone and low estrogen, but my estrogen needs supplementation only right after ovulation until my period. I don’t need any progesterone at all and have no need of pre-ovulation estrogen, so I’m not taking anything I don’t need).

I encourage you to get a full hormone testing, instead of just one blood draw. If you tested me in the first week of my cycle, I’d look normal, but by week 2-2.5 the problems and their cyclical progression become obvious to someone who knows what to look for. A lot of OBs just prescribe BC to mask your symptoms and not actually pinpoint the problem.

Oh man!!! I would kill to find a dr like this! 😩😩😩 My last gyno was awful. I have medicaid. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to find someone who specializes in that. I’m going to see my PCP on Friday to talk to her about my blood tests and my anemia and then take it from there. I already printed out a list of OB’s and endocrinologists from my insurance list.

Thanks 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 @beaglady and @shnell25

debtay123 · September 2018

I will continue to pray for you. I know that God has an answer- Maybe if you can not leave your mom to attend a church. maybe you could call a church or some other support system. Surely a pastor would be able to lead you to some resources in your area to help. I will pray.

I’m down 90lbs and I’ve never been more miserable

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