My journey journal

Am new to this group. I am an emotional eater. but by God's grace I can overcome. we are here to support each other.

So I am still working on reading through your full thread but I had a couple thoughts that I wanted to get out before I lost them. If they have already been said, I'm sorry. I also apologize for the length.

First: I have struggled with the proverbial donut myself and so had my husband. This time around in, what we are now referring to as, our healthy lifestyle (as opposed to before when we were just dieting) we know that this test items that we love are going to magically go away. Something that has been working for me, and I'm supporting my husband in his journey to come to fully realize this, is to make sure it's truly worth it.

At his work people have brought in Krispy Kreme donuts twice recently. He had had one or two, logged them, for them into his calories or made the concepts decision to go over. So these things are progress from the days of overeating and not paying attention. But the thing he said to me, both times, is that he didn't enjoy them. For me, I know that I love Dunkin Donuts old fashioned. Every once in a while (maybe once a month) I'll get one old fashioned and a small cup of blueberry coffee. I will take my time and enjoy it. Do I want more? Heck yes. Can I walk away satisfied? Yes. Because that donut is worth it. If I had a Krispy Kreme, and I'm not knocking their donuts but everyone had preferences, I wouldn't be satisfied so if still be selling more donuts to try and get that satisfaction.

The other thing I wanted to mention is that sometimes we all need a break. I think recently you saw this with your eat whatever day. I'm not saying that we should all go wild with our eating. But sometimes we need to continue practicing our mindful eating habits but do so while eating at maintenance calories. You won't lose any weight but you also won't understand all the positive things you've accomplished. This allows you to take a mental break and have a little breather. Also, it could possibly help with your hunger and satiety hormones by giving them a little break as well. Being on restricted calories for long periods of time can wear you down.

I don't know if any of this will be helpful. Either way, I'm really enjoying reading about your journey. It fills my heart to see the perseverance and self love. I know it can be hard but I am truly rooting for you.

Dear Lrlong82

I just read your entire journal and I want to commend you for showing up and logging your food despite the trials and tribulations of struggling with a serious illness, and by that I mean obesity. I see you hit a low point in July and logged a 5000 cal binge, which is very useful data because it showed you just how bad your food addiction is- and how important it is to get treatment for it. Maintenance caloric requirement for a woman of 237 pounds is 2400 calories, so that kind of binge risks propelling you to an even higher weight.

Right now, I think your priority is simply not to gain. (I don't know where you are exactly weight wise, because you had dropped to 207ish, but you have recorded struggling since, so I suspect you have regained some or much of it.) So it's really important to acknowledge your obesity as the life threatening condition that it is, because it is a progressive disease and can worsen. Just stabilizing at your current weight is a victory. And kudos to you for logging, even when it reveals painful truths.

I think that your doctor proposed way too aggressive a goal for you- losing 10-12 pounds in a month. Rapid weight loss is often counter productive because it triggers our fears and it also slows down our metabolism. People end up being able to eat less than before they started their diet. It's not worth it. Go on the maintenance page and read the stories there. Some people took several years to reach their goal weight. Some accepted goal weights that are higher than "ideal" and feel healthy and happy anyway.

Cutting your calories to 1250, as your doctor prescribed, is really low and likely to result in rebound eating, which you have experienced. Your idea to focus on keeping your calories below 2000 is a good one. Baby steps. A sedentary 200 pound woman of your age and height can supposedly eat 1900 calories a day in maintenance (obviously individual metabolism can affect this.) Add in a bit of exercise and you might take off a few more pounds. (I would not, however, give yourself permission to eat all the exercise calories back, since calculations are inexact and could lead to overeating.) You've already discovered how much better you felt at around 200 than at 237. Focus on that feeling.

Lastly, I note and sympathize with your feelings of depression around your eating situation. Addiction is a tough affliction to grapple with. I think it's really good that you are participating here on MFP and that it is an outlet for sharing feelings. I would also ask if you have the means to go to a therapist once a week to explore these feelings "What does it matter?" "Why bother?" because I think getting to the root might really be helpful.

I think right now rather than focusing on a far away goal weight or attempting rapid weight loss, it's more important to try to change your relationship with food and to explore why you feel so empty. But I think you've already discovered a better approach when you say, [I'm] "Not using someone else's prescription for my food intake but consistently logging my meals, observing my behaviors and making adjustments until I found what works for me." Way to go!

And keep showing up here!

Wow! Looking great! Taking off 30# is a wonderful achievement! Hang in there!

Lrlong83, I know that the only way that I can make it through the day is by prayer. I went to the store the other day just to pick up three things, I prayed Father just let me get though the store and get just the three things. I came out of the store an praised God that I did make it. You see sometimes in the store I lie to myself and say God I can handle this, I can eat just one serving, but the truth is I really know I can't. If I buy it I eat it. So I have to rely on God to help me not do that. There are foods I cannot have in my house. Perhaps one day I will be able to do that, but not yet.
I am also a believer and I know one thing I cannot do this without God.
I will be praying for you along with my prays, If you have a day that you fall, then just pick yourself up, brush yourself off and keep going. We are not perfect people, You can do this, I know that you can, you sound very happy and excited and with Gods help you will make it. He has your best interest at hand and loves you so much. He is always there for us. Keep up the good work . Such a inspiring and great post. God Bless you