Anyone noticed people are nicer when you’re skinnier?
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When I lost a lot of weight 10 years ago (after quitting Paxil), I noticed how people at the coffee shop, in the street, at the gym, at the movies, everybody was smiling at me, complime4nting me on my scarves, purse, nail polish, etc. All the things I had before but was so invisible being fat that nobody noticed.
At work was even more noticeable, people who I worked with for a couple of years started talking to me randomly, smiling, and my work seemed to be more appreciated and my ideas seems to be better (they were not, I was always good ; )
It's true that I was less embarassed by my body, but it cannot explain everything. Even being heavier I always had a big smile and an easygoing attitude.4 -
I grew up skinny and was underweight until my early 20's and people were often mean or unfriendly about it. I was called names, had average weight girls tell me they hated me after asking my weight, etc regularly. People were not smiling at me or being more friendly because of my size back then that I noticed.
At a healthy weight I think I felt I got less comments on my body... maybe blended in more at 20 lbs heavier. People were maybe being more positive to me but I was also in a more confident and outgoing period of my life and interacting with more mature people.
Going from a healthy weight to overweight and obese I did not feel that people I knew treated me differently or that I was ignored or discriminated against in situations I was in. I guess I could have been but I did not put it down to being weight related. I think I tended to appear smaller than many aquaintances my age still anyway.
Losing weight did not seem to have changed how people have treated me.
I believe that people are treated differently because of weight but there may be other factors influencing it.3 -
Not really. People treat me worse now that I've lost weight and I go to the gym frequently. They keep telling me to not workout too much so I don't look manly (news flash - doubtful this will ever happen unless I start with 'roids). Fit shaming is a thing.4
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I haven't noticed it that much with people that I know. But there is a huge difference with strangers. When I would go shopping before I lost weight I was rarely offered help and people at the check out would be very snotty to me like I was inconveniencing them. After I lost 35 lbs (which on a 5 foot half an inch frame it seems like more) I constantly have people asking if I need help finding anything and actually smiling and chit-chating with me at the checkout line.2
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gallicinvasion wrote: »Acquaintances seem to be friendlier towards me than they used to be when I was fatter. Anyone else experience this?
Oh yes, people are definitely treating me differently than when I was heavier. People are nicer towards me now, I get treated with more respect, and acquaintances who were previously not nice to me are now treating me a little better. I don't feel invisible like I did before. People often used to bump into me all the time and I never understood that: how you could possibly miss a 6 foot tall 355 pound woman in bright pink?!6 -
I grew up heavy but felt like I had received enough attention the way things were. Then I lost 125 pounds. It changed almost every public interaction I had. Meaning the grocery store, the gas station, work meetings etc. not in a rude way but in a way where more doors were open, more smiles, more go ahead type stuff. I missed being invisible. I did not like the attention. You can hide under an extra 100 pounds, once that's gone you are there for everyone to see. I don't have that much to lose this time (only about 60) but I do worry about it. I don't know if that was a factor with the regained weight but now that I'm more aware of it, I feel like I'll handle it differently. Maybe avoid gaining back half the weight I lost.6
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There's a thing called the halo effect. In this book i read, the idea is that the subconscious mind has a set of cognitive biases and from the standpoint of evolutionary psychology, these biases can be seen to play out in not just our culture, but every culture. Attractive people are privileged over unattractive people. It used to be really important for the sake of the species (our genes) to bond with strong members who took care of themselves.
People aren't always just being jerks when they treat thinner or more attractive people better. It's kind of in our wiring. It would be cool if more people knew that and consciously worked to treat everyone the same but, alas.12 -
Didn't notice friends or acquaintances being any nicer to me...I do get flirted with more though1
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cwolfman13 wrote: »Didn't notice friends or acquaintances being any nicer to me...I do get flirted with more though
How YOU doin'?
I have some friends who have lost a lot and have commented on how much better they're treated. I've witnessed the difference when I'm with them as well.4 -
Not really. People treat me worse now that I've lost weight and I go to the gym frequently. They keep telling me to not workout too much so I don't look manly (news flash - doubtful this will ever happen unless I start with 'roids). Fit shaming is a thing.
This I have experienced. It's indeed a thing.
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Yes and no...
With men, I'd say they are in many ways less friendly now that I'm in better shape... You get sized up up by some and others look at you as if they may be intimidated but I'm just a nice guy...
Although I'm guilty of sizing up guys with a decent build as well... Not in a negative way, just trying to see where I compare... Massive weight loss will do this to you
As for women, I think I'm treated a little better lol...
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It doesn't surprise me. People tend to feel awkward around people who are "less fortunate" sometimes. Not just overweight/obese people, but it seems like people tend to avoid eye contact with people with physical disabilities, people with down syndrome, and many others. People who are "different" (although being overweight/obese isn't uncommon). It might also be that you are a little more confident as you lost weight? I don't get random people complimenting me and being "nice" to me even though I've always been a healthy weight (Except for right after giving birth) but I'm really socially awkward.4
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This is interesting. I've been between 20-22 BMI for most of my life, I'm fit and athletic, and I don't get compliments about my appearance. People are nice to me, and people do look at me, but they don't mention my looks at all when they speak to me.
I wonder why some people get compliments and others don't. Must be something about their demeanor that makes people feel comfortable (or not) doing it. I'm actually glad people don't compliment me on my appearance
Maybe BMI 24 is the sweet spot. Lower than 23 = slim, strong, athletic, don't mess with her. Higher than 25= cute but would be better with fewer pounds. Higher still = let me act like I didn't see her even if she is 6ft, 355 lbs and dressed in bright pink @Kimmotion57832 -
My theory would be it's your veiw that has changed of yourself. You have a whole new look on life and new attitude and feel more comfortable in your own skin. It is only people reacting to your new found confidence not you new pants size.3
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Miss_Snow_White wrote: »My theory would be it's your veiw that has changed of yourself. You have a whole new look on life and new attitude and feel more comfortable in your own skin. It is only people reacting to your new found confidence not you new pants size.
Everyone keeps saying this, and altruistically I wish it was the case, but it's not. People are nicer to me when I'm a normal weight. Men smile at me, open the door, and offer to help me 1000x more often. I'm not batting my lashes and flipping my hair, either. It's just the way it is. This is not the first time I've been a normal weight. I've walked the road to invisibility and back a couple of times now, and the same always holds true.16 -
Men are friendlier. Women less so. People in stores still ignore me. Doors have a 50/50 chance of being held open or allowed to shut in my face. Honestly, the biggest difference has been in the level of harassment I receive from strange men. That has, sadly, gone way way up.
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Perhaps you are the one assuming what others are thinking?gallicinvasion wrote: »It’s more like observing differences in behavior (more people initiating conversation, more smiling, etc), rather than assuming thoughts.
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This is interesting. I've been between 20-22 BMI for most of my life, I'm fit and athletic, and I don't get compliments about my appearance. People are nice to me, and people do look at me, but they don't mention my looks at all when they speak to me.
I wonder why some people get compliments and others don't. Must be something about their demeanor that makes people feel comfortable (or not) doing it. I'm actually glad people don't compliment me on my appearance
Maybe BMI 24 is the sweet spot. Lower than 23 = slim, strong, athletic, don't mess with her. Higher than 25= cute but would be better with fewer pounds. Higher still = let me act like I didn't see her even if she is 6ft, 355 lbs and dressed in bright pink @Kimmotion5783
I think there is something to that. I was a Psych major in college, so perception always fascinated me. I read one study where women found men most attractive at around 18% body fat, which would roughly equate to around 23/24 for women, as women tend to be around 4/5% higher body fat then men.2 -
Not even a little. I don't know if it makes a difference that I've long been . . . um . . . assertive, fat and thin. Or that I'm pretty old (63 next month) and other women say they feel more invisible as they age. I don't feel invisible.
Yes, men don't flirt with me, but I put that down to my being argumentative, overbearing, and not even remotely interested in being cute.9 -
I don't think people are nicer per say, but I think I am nicer, or less angry, or irritable, and so I perceive that people are nicer. I'm also a giant human with resting *kitten* face, and so I think people avoid me cause I give off some weirdo vibes. -shrug-4
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Not even a little. I don't know if it makes a difference that I've long been . . . um . . . assertive, fat and thin. Or that I'm pretty old (63 next month) and other women say they feel more invisible as they age. I don't feel invisible.
Yes, men don't flirt with me, but I put that down to my being argumentative, overbearing, and not even remotely interested in being cute.
Is that what's happening for me? :laugh: Good thing I'm self-sustaining.4 -
Acquaintances yes. Strangers no. I think strangers, both male and female, were much nicer to me when I was very obese...I think sometimes it was pity and sometimes with women my age, seeing me as a lack of competition.5
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Everyone keeps saying this, and altruistically I wish it was the case, but it's not. People are nicer to me when I'm a normal weight. Men smile at me, open the door, and offer to help me 1000x more often. I'm not batting my lashes and flipping my hair, either. It's just the way it is. This is not the first time I've been a normal weight. I've walked the road to invisibility and back a couple of times now, and the same always holds true.
You are probably exuding a sense of security in the way you carry yourself when you are what you call a normal weight, it can be something a person is not totally aware of but other people pick up on those non-verbal cues. It goes both ways people pick up on non-verbal cues more often than not and likewise people will respond to what is deemed "attractive" to them. It's a weird grouping behavior that humans just do, we tend to open ourselves and groups to people that will most likely fit into that group and it can be vain and shallow all at the same time.
I routinely test as an INFJ so I come off as a bit cold to people and it takes a while before I let people get to know me no matter how they look and likewise groups of people tend to not be welcoming to me no matter how in or out of shape I am in. I give off unconscious cues all the time and I have been called on it by my friends over the years.
There are non-verbal evolutionary responses and social responses we humans are just hardwired with.
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Didn't notice any difference in how people treated me between 135 and 220 pounds. However, there is a big difference in how I am treated whether I am smiling and demure across all weights.
The only difference I noticed that was weight-related was that male co-workers voiced they didn't think the thinner me was capable of doing manual labor or lifting heavy objects (a key part of my job). Random men with desk jobs would run up to help me lift various things I was hired to lift. I would decline. They would insist. I told them I'd agree if I could replay the favor by entering some numbers in their accounting software, to help them out.8 -
Yes, definitely! When I started my weight loss journey and joined a gym, nobody talked to me or even looked at me. As I started to lose weight and it was noticeable, other members started talking to me. I get a lot of men who come up to me and compliment me about my muscular legs lol1
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Absoultey YES. first thing I noticed was after losing 50 people stopped going sideways and avoiding eye contact passing me in the hall in my office building (I always walk straight forward). I am also no longer "invisible" in stores or in public like I used to be. People and staff will actually approach, talk to and help me. I also notice people actually looking at me in my periferal vision (again no longer invsible). I have always been very aware of people around me and I have always been very friendly.
Just curious : do you know at which weight you stopped being invisible? Were you normal weight? Overweight? Obese but not that much?
I was obese and 90 pounds overweight. The sideways down the hall stopped after I lost 50. I am now down 60 with 30 more to reach my goal.1 -
Slight swerve to observe that men can be strange and funny creatures:Didn't notice any difference in how people treated me between 135 and 220 pounds. However, there is a big difference in how I am treated whether I am smiling and demure across all weights.
The only difference I noticed that was weight-related was that male co-workers voiced they didn't think the thinner me was capable of doing manual labor or lifting heavy objects (a key part of my job). Random men with desk jobs would run up to help me lift various things I was hired to lift. I would decline. They would insist. I told them I'd agree if I could replay the favor by entering some numbers in their accounting software, to help them out.
My last job was in a male-dominated field; and I worked hard to project a strong, capable, tough-as-*kittens* vibe. I'm 5'9, and progressed from about 40 to 70 lbs overweight while I worked there; so no one had to worry about treating me like some frail delicate thing (or showing off for the sexy hot chick). And I always lifted whatever I needed moved or carried.
Until one day I needed help. I needed to get a banker's box crammed full of papers and binders down from on top of a 6-foot-tall bookcase. I knew I couldn't do it by myself - not safely, anyway. The bookcase was right next to the desk of our resident body-builder, bow-hunter, and all-around poster boy for testosterone (who for the record, was a very decent guy and one hell of an engineer). I asked him to reach it down for me and he did, as easily and neatly as if the box were empty.
But by his expression and body language, he was damned near ecstatic. That may be the happiest I have ever made a man in my life.
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nutmegoreo wrote: »Not even a little. I don't know if it makes a difference that I've long been . . . um . . . assertive, fat and thin. Or that I'm pretty old (63 next month) and other women say they feel more invisible as they age. I don't feel invisible.
Yes, men don't flirt with me, but I put that down to my being argumentative, overbearing, and not even remotely interested in being cute.
Is that what's happening for me? :laugh: Good thing I'm self-sustaining.
I think self-sustenance and the characteristics on my list are correlates. In fact, I think they're probably cause and effect . . . but I'm not sure which way the causation arrow points.
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nutmegoreo wrote: »Not even a little. I don't know if it makes a difference that I've long been . . . um . . . assertive, fat and thin. Or that I'm pretty old (63 next month) and other women say they feel more invisible as they age. I don't feel invisible.
Yes, men don't flirt with me, but I put that down to my being argumentative, overbearing, and not even remotely interested in being cute.
Is that what's happening for me? :laugh: Good thing I'm self-sustaining.
I think self-sustenance and the characteristics on my list are correlates. In fact, I think they're probably cause and effect . . . but I'm not sure which way the causation arrow points.
I suspect it's circular.3 -
Men treat me differently when I’m thin. Hold open doors, all that. I’m basically invisible at this weight, which isn’t always a bad thing.1
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