My family stresses me out.

Do you live with him?

I had to go nearly no-contact for a lot of years with one immediate family member.

In time I understood she wasn't going to change and I just had to find other ways to deal with my emotions surrounding her behavior.

I assume you're just yelling this out into the world, and don't really want solutions since you haven't given any details.

But, yeah. Most people have to deal with problematic family members.

What do you mean it's none of your business? He's moving people into your property. You should be able to legally kick him and/or the others out. otherwise give him a timeline - get his act together in X months, or he leaves. He knows he can do what he's doing now because you're around. Take care of yourself first.

Yeah, I agree. He's a grown man, let him live with the consequences of his own choices.

It's not your job to "help" and it just makes him dependent.

You need to get past the idea that you are trapped.

There’s a middle way. Just refuse to bail him out any more. Give him fair warning (30 days).

He can still have your love and care - by appointment - over dinner - his treat.

If he is spoiled beyond recovery he’ll disappear. If he does, consider it a win.

SicklyMixed wrote: »

And I want to get over it but instead I eat. Anyone else have a sibling that you just want to cut out of your life but can't? How did you deal? I feel like a hateful person but I cannot stand my sibling and I wish he'd get his *kitten* together.

I cut two of my sisters out of my life because they were both starting drama and trying to cause trouble for me and Im the kind of person I keep to myself. I had to cut my mom out of my life for the same reasons,as well as treating my kids like garbage all the time. so why cant you cut them out of your life? you are an adult correct?


stop caring for him and enabling him and give him an ultimatum sometimes you just have to say no and put your foot down. if hes an adult he needs to learn to sink or swim on his own. if he has no way to work he has two feet. he can walk and if its too far he needs to find something closer. find a sitter or daycare or something for your son. you dont want him around that drama trust me. They have something called care.com where you can look for legit sitters. try that and see what happens. you are NOT responsible for your brother so if he loses his job sure hes going to blame you but its his responsibility to get himself there.

if he cant help pay for gas then he can figure things out on his own.my sister has it hard and she struggles having 3 kids and a boyfriend who wont work(whole other story) and she has never ONCE asked me for money to get to work,or anything else.she figures it out on her own. if she can do it with 3 kids your brother can and his new wife needs to get out and work too if thats the case


one you get the stress out of your life you will feel a whole lot better. you get no where in life expecting others to take care of you.you have to be an adult and put on your big girl panties and let him figure it out for himself. if he cant make it on his own its HIS fault and not yours.you cant do this forever and its not showing your son how to be responsible either. hes going to think its ok to rely on others to do for him when hes older.

SicklyMixed wrote: »

I'm not obese but I am overweight. The emotional stress of it all is what hurts the most. I feel alone in this. I reach out to my dad and he says to be patient and my brother has it so hard but I have it hard too. Just because I'm thriving doesn't mean my life is easy. It's an easier life because I take care of my *kitten*. I learned not to rely on other people and it's pretty lonely. I made the mistake of picking night shift thinking my brother would get his act together. Now I have to figure out how to fix it. And it seems like a big thing but I know my job will work with me. I know my friend will make her best effort to help me until I go back to days. And hopefully things will heal with my brother in a few years. It's just a lot to process in the now. Eating poorly for a few days won't ruin my success. You're right about big girl panties but the pain, guilt, emotional exhaustion that goes with putting my big girl panties on, that's still a big pill for me to swallow. I hated cutting my dad out of my life, but it did wonders for our relationship and healed so much quicker than I had imagined. Cutting people off is very painful, it used to be easier when I was a master of numbing my emotions but when they would bleed out I was a wreck for days. I want to go through this in as healthily as a way that I can but it's hard. I keep saying I'm going to meet with a counselor or therapist but I never call in. Maybe this new year will be the year I finally get therapy. I think the big gust issue is I feel like I am living in my childhood again and I've made helluva effort to release myself from it. Thanks for the input from all of you. I had to vent.

you have to live for YOU and your son and no one else. you arent alone there are people here who have been through it and understand. you should feel no guilt for helping them out,they should feel guilty for taking advantage of you. you cannot keep enabling his behavior or its just going to keep eating at you and causing you stress. as for seeing someone call them monday and get something set up asap. you need to take steps to ensure your well being and mental stability. your dad also needs to be made to understand that his grandchild needs to come first in your life and not your brother. you cant wait until he gets his crap together. the more people enable him the more hes going to take advantage and he will never change. he has a wife now and his focus should be on the both of them and bettering themselves. hes not doing it relying on you.

why doesnt he have a car? why doesnt his wife?

You can't choose your family. All you can do is grow up ..get out.. and put up boundries.

IN the meantime, all i can tell you is my husband's brother worked to ruin his young life and make him miserable at home.

Why let a person like that actually be successful? Don't let a troubled or jealouse sibling keep you from achieveing your goals. Try not to let him/her bother you.. limit your exposure to them.. it won't always be like this, that's what is wonderful about being an adult.

It sounds like you have a co-dependent toxic relationship with one another. Were you guys happened to be raised by a parent either on drugs or with alcoholism? I ask because this type of behavior happens when there is substance abuse present. If that is the case you need to set clear boundaries. It is hard to do at times and it will typically get worse before it gets better. I grew up in a household with alcoholism and had to set those boundaries with my mother, it was hard and still is at times. I can handle her now in small doses before things start to unravel. If you are able to speak with a therapist or counselor to help you set up the boundaries necessary. Just take it one day at a time. Hang in there. Sometimes space is the best thing.

CharlieBeansmomTracey wrote: »

Milocmolly wrote: »

It sounds like you have a co-dependent toxic relationship with one another. Were you guys happened to be raised by a parent either on drugs or with alcoholism? I ask because this type of behavior happens when there is substance abuse present. If that is the case you need to set clear boundaries. It is hard to do at times and it will typically get worse before it gets better. I grew up in a household with alcoholism and had to set those boundaries with my mother, it was hard and still is at times. I can handle her now in small doses before things start to unravel. If you are able to speak with a therapist or counselor to help you set up the boundaries necessary. Just take it one day at a time. Hang in there. Sometimes space is the best thing.

I agree and I too grew up with an alcoholic mother.

+2.

I just want to say to OP about "lending" your car.

Are you 100% certain your brother has a valid driver's license? I mean, call the police and ask.

Second, does your insurance cover any damage he does to your car? Call your insurance company and ask. What if Mr. Genius drives it through a rain-swollen creek?

No one drives my car. No. One. Ask me why...

Well, you don't have to ask. You can think of a worst-case scenario of what could happen when/if someone else is driving my car - and that's what happened. No one drives my car except the shop that fixes it.