"Be Kind to Yourself" Success stories...what does it mean and how do you do it regularly? Pls. share
NewLIFEstyle4ME
Posts: 4,440 Member
Over my many years of being on Mfp, I've heard untold numbers of times people saying:
"Be Kind to Yourself". I know most people know/understand what this means and it sounds simple enough to understand and do. But for YEARS, this "be kind to yourself" to me was a LOT like many things my father used to tell me a lot when I was young, and I would just shake my head in agreement with him and walk out thinking, "he's a crazy old coot--I don't have a CLUE what he means. Example, he would constantly tell me stuff like "don't go looking for trouble, because you will surely find it or when I couldn't achieve something, he'd say--that's cause you aint hungry enough, once you get hungry enough, you'll find the answers to what you're looking for" or you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink, you can send a boy to school, but you can't make him think" Stuff like that, when I was young and even up until my getting much older, I just didn't get it/undestand it--sounded like crazy old coot talk.
The same thing with "Be kind to yourself" that sounds easy to understand and do...but for a lot of people--it's not. That's why I'm starting this thread--so people can understand "get-it" what being kind to oneself actually looks like and means in a practical everyday way. One way I think we can be kind(er) to ourselves is our user names. I see many people with user names that are seemingly used/chosen to be funny or "lighthearted" but they are really negative and maybe even sublimely keeping them down and out. Like for example of a user name (I'm making these up, hopefully there is nobody using this name--if they are, sorry about that). User names like "Imfatandhopeless" or "bigolepig" or fatforeverandloving it, stuff like that. If we choose a user name that is more, ummmm, positive and uplifting, more "powerful" if you will...that is being kind(er) to oneself and may inspire you.
So, if you will...please add some ways that you are kind to yourself (on a regular basis) and also what does being kind to yourself mean to you?
"Be Kind to Yourself". I know most people know/understand what this means and it sounds simple enough to understand and do. But for YEARS, this "be kind to yourself" to me was a LOT like many things my father used to tell me a lot when I was young, and I would just shake my head in agreement with him and walk out thinking, "he's a crazy old coot--I don't have a CLUE what he means. Example, he would constantly tell me stuff like "don't go looking for trouble, because you will surely find it or when I couldn't achieve something, he'd say--that's cause you aint hungry enough, once you get hungry enough, you'll find the answers to what you're looking for" or you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink, you can send a boy to school, but you can't make him think" Stuff like that, when I was young and even up until my getting much older, I just didn't get it/undestand it--sounded like crazy old coot talk.
The same thing with "Be kind to yourself" that sounds easy to understand and do...but for a lot of people--it's not. That's why I'm starting this thread--so people can understand "get-it" what being kind to oneself actually looks like and means in a practical everyday way. One way I think we can be kind(er) to ourselves is our user names. I see many people with user names that are seemingly used/chosen to be funny or "lighthearted" but they are really negative and maybe even sublimely keeping them down and out. Like for example of a user name (I'm making these up, hopefully there is nobody using this name--if they are, sorry about that). User names like "Imfatandhopeless" or "bigolepig" or fatforeverandloving it, stuff like that. If we choose a user name that is more, ummmm, positive and uplifting, more "powerful" if you will...that is being kind(er) to oneself and may inspire you.
So, if you will...please add some ways that you are kind to yourself (on a regular basis) and also what does being kind to yourself mean to you?
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Replies
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For me it's the self talk. I try to never say something to myself even in my head that I wouldn't say to my best friend. If I do, I bring myself back and remind myself that I AM my best friend and deserve to be treated that way
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I've said it to a few people on here who seem to be (a) embracing extreme and completely unnecessary deprivation, or (b) beating themselves up or sinking into despair because their weight has gone up or stayed steady for a few weeks. But it's a useful maxim for me too - a reminder to put myself first sometimes. This weight loss thing is going to be a long journey - a year would be my best guess - and I refuse to make myself miserable in the process. Little things can make all the difference to my state of mind: To have a lie in on a Sunday morning, take a soak in the bath, treat myself to a pedicure, or just curl up with a book... I count them all as important self-care and a reminder that I am a *kitten* delight at any weight, and I should treat myself accordingly.
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For me it's about focusing on actual happiness. I know eating well (subjective, I know) and exercising will make me happy in the long term so I plan for that. But on the other hand if I overeat, skip the gym or have a few extra drinks it won't make me happy to beat myself up about it so I just don't.
I don't know where I first heard this phrase but "Nobody ever hated something so much that they started to love it." Shame and guilt and hating myself gets me absolutely nowhere so they get deleted.For me it's the self talk. I try to never say something to myself even in my head that I wouldn't say to my best friend. If I do, I bring myself back and remind myself that I AM my best friend and deserve to be treated that way
I like this
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This is a really good idea for a thread! Mine is practical . When my pants are tight—TOM, too much dinner , retaining salt—instead of beating myself up about it I put on something soft and comfortable- or the next size up.7
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Finding my own self worth recently... I have always entrusted my husband with telling me how beautiful I was and how amazing I looked. He continues on, but it wasn't until a week ago when I saw some stuff on his phone that had me questioning everything. This was the motivation I needed to get going. Men think that they can view images of other woman and it shouldn't affect their significant other- but it does and it did. It hurt a lot. Mostly because my worth and self esteem was based on what he thought of me. I immediately began self doubt... but slowly and surely I am seeing myself in a new light. I want to lose this weight for me and feel beautiful for myself. I'm not sure of this vent goes along with what you posted but I reflected on it anyway
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self talk. saying no to others when needed (and that's so hard for me) taking time for myself. feeding myself good food (im worth the effort and expense) taking time to workout. go to my massages at massage envy - go in the massage chair is something I have to talk myself into///focusing on me in a positive way is hard for me...I was not treated well by my parents and I think that is where all this comes from9
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For me it's the self talk. I try to never say something to myself even in my head that I wouldn't say to my best friend. If I do, I bring myself back and remind myself that I AM my best friend and deserve to be treated that way
Wow...just wow and I love this--how very excellent and doable/some tremendous things to practice/exercise daily. You ROCK, and thank you ever so much for your reply.4 -
For me it's the self talk. I try to never say something to myself even in my head that I wouldn't say to my best friend. If I do, I bring myself back and remind myself that I AM my best friend and deserve to be treated that way
I think this really gets to the heart of what it means to be kind to yourself. We are our own harshest critics. A lot of people talk to themselves in ways they would never talk to their loved ones. People beat themselves up for one binge or one missed workout. People are afraid to even start trying to lose weight because they tell themselves they can’t do it.
Positive self-talk is powerful and important. No one reaches their goals while telling themselves they suck and can’t do it. Believing in yourself, treating yourself well, allowing yourself not to be perfect are all so important.
Additionally, it’s important to make yourself a priority. Your workout, your diet, your needs are important and it’s okay to say no to others when what they are asking for will interfere with your efforts be be healthier (mentally and physically). It’s okay to put yourself first and make sure you are taken care of. This attitude isn’t just good/healthy for you, it’s better for everyone in your life because you are better able to help others when you’ve made sure you are in a good place.4 -
For me being kind to myself is intrinsically linked to doing things for myself that I will appreciate later. Things like eating in moderation, I might want a hamburger but unless I REALLY REALLY want it I already know that it's not a great choice and is going to make me feel like rubbish, so instead most of the time I will choose the chicken for dinner instead or an option that is "in between" the two. Similarly I don't feel like doing yoga today, I am sore from leg day yesterday and I am tired for some reason today and dragging. But I also know that yoga makes my back feel MUCH better and that it will make the DOMS in my legs ease up a bit, it is self care to do the yoga because of the benefits (both immediate and long term) THAT is a kindness to myself.
Kindness to myself is also sometimes giving in. Like I said above I am dragging today and so I put myself back to bed this morning in order to feel better...5 -
Dressing myself well in the size I am NOW. I use to not buy nice clothes for the "fat" me. I would buy cheap and usually poorly fitting clothes to "get by" with until I was thinner. But dressing myself nicely in clothes that I actually like makes feel like a rockstar even if I am not at my ideal size.21
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It means accepting that I'm human and human beings make mistakes and let themselves down all the time - but that's ok.4
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As another user said, you have to care for yourself, appreciate your body which carries you everyday and give yourself some self-love. We constantly and subconsciously criticize ourselves by comparing us to others or reminiscing on our flaws, when we should be making an active effort to tell ourselves at least once a day how awesome we are!
Also letting yourself live a little and enjoy treats and things you love. The 'punishing yourself' mentality because you have a 'wrong' diet or lifestyle takes you nowhere good!1 -
"Being kind to myself" used to always mean, that I ate something - the more, the better. After 9 months with MFP I have slowly learned that there are other ways being kind to myself and I remind myself daily of that fact. But I still go to my local coffee shop for a good quality espresso or cappuccino - at about 100 calories, I can afford that on my daily meal plan and for me it's a special treat I wouldn't want to miss.2
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“Being kind to yourself”, for me would be placing my mental health and inner needs above people pleasing and people chasing.
Having an understanding and a plan intact, when placing myself into hard environments (family gatherings). Being kind to myself, is saying no. To not place myself around people who dimiss and invalidate who I am or why I am how I am. Being kind, would be not panicking over a day of bad eating choices or a missed workout. Being kind, is making that commitment of placing my mind at highest priority, dropping those who bring confusion.9 -
I've said it to a few people on here who seem to be (a) embracing extreme and completely unnecessary deprivation, or (b) beating themselves up or sinking into despair because their weight has gone up or stayed steady for a few weeks. But it's a useful maxim for me too - a reminder to put myself first sometimes. This weight loss thing is going to be a long journey - a year would be my best guess - and I refuse to make myself miserable in the process. Little things can make all the difference to my state of mind: To have a lie in on a Sunday morning, take a soak in the bath, treat myself to a pedicure, or just curl up with a book... I count them all as important self-care and a reminder that I am a god damned delight at any weight, and I should treat myself accordingly.
Thank you so much for replying to this thread--Man oh man, I LOVE when you say, understand and do this:
" This weight loss thing is going to be a long journey - a year would be my best guess - and I refuse to make myself miserable in the process." How utterly powerful and doable, this "business" of REFUSING to allow/make yourself miserable in this process. That a HUGE deal and a a big ole powerful CHOICE and for you to "get this" is everything, also your examples are terrific too! Wow...how/what a fabulous way to think and live.
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QueenBee2018 wrote: »This is a really good idea for a thread! Mine is practical . When my pants are tight—TOM, too much dinner , retaining salt—instead of beating myself up about it I put on something soft and comfortable- or the next size up.
{{{{ Hey Queenbee }}}}}}
I just love, love, LOVE the "idea" of being practical/practicality--especially in this "getting down to size" business. Substituting "beating one's self up" for being practical and wearing something soft and comfy instead during the in-between sizes and/or those bloated times is so doable and wise. Thanks so much for contributing to this thread!
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Another way one can be kinder to oneself is to REFUSE to compare oneself with someone else. This doesn't sound as important as it actually is. When we compare ourselves with one another or someone else, some super YUCK happens in/thru and to us. We set ourselves up for all kinds negativity and woe. MAKING oneself refuse to compare ourselves or our situations with others, helps in so many ways, I can't even count. Comparing ourselves with others is a recipe for not only "beating ourselves up" but keeps us in a "funk/box/self-imposed prison" that will make it almost impossible to get out of and also makes us build unreasonable expectations on ourselves, that in turn depresses and makes us feel hopeless. Catching/recognizing yourself "comparing yourself with others" and REFUSING to that to yourself is a winning way to help us be kind(er) to ourselves!3
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It's taking on a new meaning for me lately...
I'm learning that I have to take care of myself. I've been a mother since 18 years old and now a grandmother and I always think in terms of taking care of everyone else first. I'm learning that being kind to myself means taking care of my body/mind. The way I think of myself, dress myself, feed and exersise it and how I treat others (important to me).
Within the confines of taking care of myself by "being kind to myself" it means not over complicating things, not stressing about how many calories something has, not freaking out going over occasionally, not worrying about the scale and how often or how much it goes down or up. It also means continuing to have an open mind and listening to other folks who are successful on the same weight & strengh training path I'm trying to stay on:).
It means focusing on making a habit out of logging food and exercising and enjoying my second half of life.5 -
Finding my own self worth recently... I have always entrusted my husband with telling me how beautiful I was and how amazing I looked. He continues on, but it wasn't until a week ago when I saw some stuff on his phone that had me questioning everything. This was the motivation I needed to get going. Men think that they can view images of other woman and it shouldn't affect their significant other- but it does and it did. It hurt a lot. Mostly because my worth and self esteem was based on what he thought of me. I immediately began self doubt... but slowly and surely I am seeing myself in a new light. I want to lose this weight for me and feel beautiful for myself. I'm not sure of this vent goes along with what you posted but I reflected on it anyway
Thank you so much for posting here and {{{{ HUGS }}}}}}
I LOVE and am so inspired by your refusing to take-on/embrace bitterness at what's going on in your life, but instead powerfully and wisely CHOOSE/CHOSE to make yourself embrace getting/being BETTER instead of again, bitter--as EASY as getting/being bitter is, for you to go against the grain and MAKE yourself see this as an "opportunity" to throw down the gauntlet (with yourself) and see this as motivation...You ROCK, period. I also am thrilled for you that you are "slowly but SURELY" seeing yourself in a new light, that's just so tremendous--YAY YOU!!!!! {{{{Hugs again AND the highest of fives to you }}}}}2 -
For me, I just try to not say negative things to myself. Sometimes, you can't fight it and the thoughts come on their own, but actively dismissing them when they pop up is extremely helpful.2
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I’m adding in to all of these wonderful statements, setting realistic goals is a huge kindness I’ve learned to do for myself. Yes we’d all love to lose twenty lbs this month or fifty by Valentine’s Day but realistically my body’s speed is more like 5lbs a month or 15 in three.
When I’m realistic with my goals I don’t get into that self hating cycle of constantly failing to reach unattainable goals. Lol my realistic goal for December is 2lbs and to get in all my workouts. I can do that!
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NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »Example, he would constantly tell me stuff like "don't go looking for trouble, because you will surely find it
The version of this I grew up with was "don't trouble trouble 'til trouble troubles you."
For me, I try to do a few minutes of meditation and focusing on my breathing every day. When you are aware of your breath, you can use it as a tool to calm down quickly in stressful situations.
I also subscribe to the "comparison is the thief of joy" philosophy alluded to in one of the above posts. I do my best to not compare myself to others. I don't use social media like facebook or instagram too often for that reason.5 -
For me its being able to get away from it all, even for just an hour, and listen to soft music and do something creative.3
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Copper_Boom wrote: »NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »Example, he would constantly tell me stuff like "don't go looking for trouble, because you will surely find it
The version of this I grew up with was "don't trouble trouble 'til trouble troubles you."
For me, I try to do a few minutes of meditation and focusing on my breathing every day. When you are aware of your breath, you can use it as a tool to calm down quickly in stressful situations.
I also subscribe to the "comparison is the thief of joy" philosophy alluded to in one of the above posts. I do my best to not compare myself to others. I don't use social media like facebook or instagram too often for that reason.
Man oh MAN!!!!! I feel like I just won a billion bucks, TAX-FREE with this "gift" of your kindly shared here, especially:
" I try to do a few minutes of meditation and focusing on my breathing every day. When you are aware of your breath, you can use it as a tool to calm down quickly in stressful situations. "
I've NEVER considered doing this, breathing business. It's on now! Also your sharing "comparison is a thief of joy"??!!!???. I've been there for years and am a witness to how comparing oneself and one's situation with someone or worse yet, EVERYONE else is a recipe for all kinds of YUCK, but NEVER considered it a "thief" of joy. WOW I LOVE AND CAN USE THIS IN MY LIFE/THOUGHTS and {{{{ HUGS }}}} to you again for sharing such VALUABLE and DOABLE ideas--Boom!
EVERYTHING you've contributed here is so wonderful and doable. Thank you ever so much for your reply!!!!
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self talk. saying no to others when needed (and that's so hard for me) taking time for myself. feeding myself good food (im worth the effort and expense) taking time to workout. go to my massages at massage envy - go in the massage chair is something I have to talk myself into///focusing on me in a positive way is hard for me...I was not treated well by my parents and I think that is where all this comes from
Girlfriend--BOOM! This "business" of "saying NO to others when needed" is one of the "blessings" that kick started all kinds of tremendous things in my life. Thank you ever so VERY much for your reply--you ROCK, period.1 -
For me, it's about not beating myself up when I want a cookie (or eight, lol). When I eat the eight and blow my calories for the day, I shrug my shoulders and move on. It doesn't mean that I don't recognize the fact that I may not lose weight as fast that week, but I no longer make it about my character flaws or lack of will power.4
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This is something I've struggled to do for the last few years, since it was brought up to me that I needed to "be kinder to myself." The question of "how?" was big for me, and a lot of your answers are cool to read. Thanks for everybody posting what works for them!1
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"Be kind to yourself" means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. It's easier said than done, but worth the practice. For me, it means to forgive myself when I mess up. Like a lot of people, I tend to be my own worst critic. I need to not be so hard on myself all the time and not punish myself for binge-eating. Self punishment isn't the answer; it's never solved any problems.2
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Running2Fit wrote: »For me it's the self talk. I try to never say something to myself even in my head that I wouldn't say to my best friend. If I do, I bring myself back and remind myself that I AM my best friend and deserve to be treated that way
I think this really gets to the heart of what it means to be kind to yourself. We are our own harshest critics. A lot of people talk to themselves in ways they would never talk to their loved ones. People beat themselves up for one binge or one missed workout. People are afraid to even start trying to lose weight because they tell themselves they can’t do it.
Positive self-talk is powerful and important. No one reaches their goals while telling themselves they suck and can’t do it. Believing in yourself, treating yourself well, allowing yourself not to be perfect are all so important.
Additionally, it’s important to make yourself a priority. Your workout, your diet, your needs are important and it’s okay to say no to others when what they are asking for will interfere with your efforts be be healthier (mentally and physically). It’s okay to put yourself first and make sure you are taken care of. This attitude isn’t just good/healthy for you, it’s better for everyone in your life because you are better able to help others when you’ve made sure you are in a good place.
Wow Running...what a power-filled and most excellent reply. Thank you ever so much for your contribution to this thread. What you've written is going to help inspire/encourage and "wake-up" so many people (like me) as to the "how-to's" of being kinder to oneself...you ROCK, period.1 -
Another way I am "kind to myself" is by eating WHATEVER I want to, WHENEVER I want to with ZERO limits, no restrictions of any kind. I tried so many "diets, gimmicks" and just about everything under the sun to get down to size and nothing worked and/or was not "sustainable" to/for me, for sooooo MANY years.
This business of eating whatever I want to, whenever I want to... just smaller quantities/portion sizes and/or not as frequently through-out the day (as when/like I used to eat when I was obese and overweight)--I'm now, today "on the high side of "normal" BMI--no longer obese nor overweight--YAY! I'm now aiming to/for my final goal weight of approximately 140lbs which would put me on the lower-mid range BMI) This way of "living" is/has not only allowed me to get down to size (from a 22w/219.8lbs (body fat% of almost 50% this time last year) 
--to a size 10/152.4lbs (bodyfat% 19%) as of today 
). The weight is sliding off of me, but SLOWLY. I absolutely REFUSE to include HURRY/ANXIETY in my new way of eating and drinking, period. Absolutely NO more HURRY about anything included in this weight blastification, no more "I've got to hurry and reach this (fill in the blank) goal. Nope, Slowly but surely and having a great (if not super decent) time of it. Also, more important, reaching my goals in an patient, pleasant/enjoyable/doable way that fits me to a T.
I LOVE not freaking out over eating something NOR when to eat/drink something. If I want it, I'll have it--just a smaller portion or perhaps not today, or if at all--it's up to me with NO stress/mess/fuss or YUCK at all. I LOVE being "kind" to myself this way.6
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