"Be Kind to Yourself" Success stories...what does it mean and how do you do it regularly? Pls. share
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I’m adding in to all of these wonderful statements, setting realistic goals is a huge kindness I’ve learned to do for myself. Yes we’d all love to lose twenty lbs this month or fifty by Valentine’s Day but realistically my body’s speed is more like 5lbs a month or 15 in three.
When I’m realistic with my goals I don’t get into that self hating cycle of constantly failing to reach unattainable goals. Lol my realistic goal for December is 2lbs and to get in all my workouts. I can do that!
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NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »Example, he would constantly tell me stuff like "don't go looking for trouble, because you will surely find it
The version of this I grew up with was "don't trouble trouble 'til trouble troubles you."
For me, I try to do a few minutes of meditation and focusing on my breathing every day. When you are aware of your breath, you can use it as a tool to calm down quickly in stressful situations.
I also subscribe to the "comparison is the thief of joy" philosophy alluded to in one of the above posts. I do my best to not compare myself to others. I don't use social media like facebook or instagram too often for that reason.5 -
For me its being able to get away from it all, even for just an hour, and listen to soft music and do something creative.3
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Copper_Boom wrote: »NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »Example, he would constantly tell me stuff like "don't go looking for trouble, because you will surely find it
The version of this I grew up with was "don't trouble trouble 'til trouble troubles you."
For me, I try to do a few minutes of meditation and focusing on my breathing every day. When you are aware of your breath, you can use it as a tool to calm down quickly in stressful situations.
I also subscribe to the "comparison is the thief of joy" philosophy alluded to in one of the above posts. I do my best to not compare myself to others. I don't use social media like facebook or instagram too often for that reason.
Man oh MAN!!!!! I feel like I just won a billion bucks, TAX-FREE with this "gift" of your kindly shared here, especially:
" I try to do a few minutes of meditation and focusing on my breathing every day. When you are aware of your breath, you can use it as a tool to calm down quickly in stressful situations. "
I've NEVER considered doing this, breathing business. It's on now! Also your sharing "comparison is a thief of joy"??!!!???. I've been there for years and am a witness to how comparing oneself and one's situation with someone or worse yet, EVERYONE else is a recipe for all kinds of YUCK, but NEVER considered it a "thief" of joy. WOW I LOVE AND CAN USE THIS IN MY LIFE/THOUGHTS and {{{{
HUGS }}}} to you again for sharing such VALUABLE and DOABLE ideas--Boom!
EVERYTHING you've contributed here is so wonderful and doable. Thank you ever so much for your reply!!!!
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self talk. saying no to others when needed (and that's so hard for me) taking time for myself. feeding myself good food (im worth the effort and expense) taking time to workout. go to my massages at massage envy - go in the massage chair is something I have to talk myself into///focusing on me in a positive way is hard for me...I was not treated well by my parents and I think that is where all this comes from
Girlfriend--BOOM! This "business" of "saying NO to others when needed" is one of the "blessings" that kick started all kinds of tremendous things in my life. Thank you ever so VERY much for your reply--you ROCK, period.1 -
For me, it's about not beating myself up when I want a cookie (or eight, lol). When I eat the eight and blow my calories for the day, I shrug my shoulders and move on. It doesn't mean that I don't recognize the fact that I may not lose weight as fast that week, but I no longer make it about my character flaws or lack of will power.4
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This is something I've struggled to do for the last few years, since it was brought up to me that I needed to "be kinder to myself." The question of "how?" was big for me, and a lot of your answers are cool to read. Thanks for everybody posting what works for them!1
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"Be kind to yourself" means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. It's easier said than done, but worth the practice. For me, it means to forgive myself when I mess up. Like a lot of people, I tend to be my own worst critic. I need to not be so hard on myself all the time and not punish myself for binge-eating. Self punishment isn't the answer; it's never solved any problems.2
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Running2Fit wrote: »For me it's the self talk. I try to never say something to myself even in my head that I wouldn't say to my best friend. If I do, I bring myself back and remind myself that I AM my best friend and deserve to be treated that way
I think this really gets to the heart of what it means to be kind to yourself. We are our own harshest critics. A lot of people talk to themselves in ways they would never talk to their loved ones. People beat themselves up for one binge or one missed workout. People are afraid to even start trying to lose weight because they tell themselves they can’t do it.
Positive self-talk is powerful and important. No one reaches their goals while telling themselves they suck and can’t do it. Believing in yourself, treating yourself well, allowing yourself not to be perfect are all so important.
Additionally, it’s important to make yourself a priority. Your workout, your diet, your needs are important and it’s okay to say no to others when what they are asking for will interfere with your efforts be be healthier (mentally and physically). It’s okay to put yourself first and make sure you are taken care of. This attitude isn’t just good/healthy for you, it’s better for everyone in your life because you are better able to help others when you’ve made sure you are in a good place.
Wow Running...what a power-filled and most excellent reply. Thank you ever so much for your contribution to this thread. What you've written is going to help inspire/encourage and "wake-up" so many people (like me) as to the "how-to's" of being kinder to oneself...you ROCK, period.1 -
Another way I am "kind to myself" is by eating WHATEVER I want to, WHENEVER I want to with ZERO limits, no restrictions of any kind. I tried so many "diets, gimmicks" and just about everything under the sun to get down to size and nothing worked and/or was not "sustainable" to/for me, for sooooo MANY years.
This business of eating whatever I want to, whenever I want to... just smaller quantities/portion sizes and/or not as frequently through-out the day (as when/like I used to eat when I was obese and overweight)--I'm now, today "on the high side of "normal" BMI--no longer obese nor overweight--YAY! I'm now aiming to/for my final goal weight of approximately 140lbs which would put me on the lower-mid range BMI) This way of "living" is/has not only allowed me to get down to size (from a 22w/219.8lbs (body fat% of almost 50% this time last year) 
--to a size 10/152.4lbs (bodyfat% 19%) as of today 
). The weight is sliding off of me, but SLOWLY. I absolutely REFUSE to include HURRY/ANXIETY in my new way of eating and drinking, period. Absolutely NO more HURRY about anything included in this weight blastification, no more "I've got to hurry and reach this (fill in the blank) goal. Nope, Slowly but surely and having a great (if not super decent) time of it. Also, more important, reaching my goals in an patient, pleasant/enjoyable/doable way that fits me to a T.
I LOVE not freaking out over eating something NOR when to eat/drink something. If I want it, I'll have it--just a smaller portion or perhaps not today, or if at all--it's up to me with NO stress/mess/fuss or YUCK at all. I LOVE being "kind" to myself this way.6 -
JoAnna4731 wrote: »For me, it's about not beating myself up when I want a cookie (or eight, lol). When I eat the eight and blow my calories for the day, I shrug my shoulders and move on. It doesn't mean that I don't recognize the fact that I may not lose weight as fast that week, but I no longer make it about my character flaws or lack of will power.
This, all of this. It's a cookie, or eight, not a moral failing.1 -
This is complicated, I think. I'll start off by saying something that sounds facile: To be kind to myself, I need to like myself, recognize myself as a multifaceted person with strengths and weaknesses for sure, but as a person who is OK, right now, today.
There have been threads where people have said they have to be unhappy about themselves (or at least some aspect of themselves) in order to make progress. I think I used to feel more than way, when I was younger: That dissatisfaction is a good motivator. (I'm 63, if that matters.)
Nowadays, I feel like I have to like myself in order to make progress, because I'm worth the investment of time and energy. That's being kind to myself: Making the investment.
For me, liking myself, and recognizing that I have both capabilities and limitations, goes hand in hand with recognizing that I have tools I can use to improve my life and happiness, and that I can use insights about weaknesses to avoid potholes, or sometimes even game them into an advantage in certain scenarios.
Thinking about it this way helps me see that I have both agency (ability to do things) and responsibility (I can focus on the parts I can control or influence, rather than blaming others and being stuck).
One of the most useful things I've learned (in a management education class, of all things!) was, when faced with an unpleasant situation, to ask myself "what have I done to create, promote, or allow this to happen?". Looking at things that way zeroes in on the points where I have power, where I can take action. It's productive. Looking at things in a way that's more likely to generate improvement is certainly part of being kind to myself . . . as is letting go of things that are completely outside my influence as much as feasible, since stress over unchangeables is completely unproductive, and deepens unhappiness.5 -
This is complicated, I think. I'll start off by saying something that sounds facile: To be kind to myself, I need to like myself, recognize myself as a multifaceted person with strengths and weaknesses for sure, but as a person who is OK, right now, today.
There have been threads where people have said they have to be unhappy about themselves (or at least some aspect of themselves) in order to make progress. I think I used to feel more than way, when I was younger: That dissatisfaction is a good motivator. (I'm 63, if that matters.)
Nowadays, I feel like I have to like myself in order to make progress, because I'm worth the investment of time and energy. That's being kind to myself: Making the investment.
For me, liking myself, and recognizing that I have both capabilities and limitations, goes hand in hand with recognizing that I have tools I can use to improve my life and happiness, and that I can use insights about weaknesses to avoid potholes, or sometimes even game them into an advantage in certain scenarios.
Thinking about it this way helps me see that I have both agency (ability to do things) and responsibility (I can focus on the parts I can control or influence, rather than blaming others and being stuck).
One of the most useful things I've learned (in a management education class, of all things!) was, when faced with an unpleasant situation, to ask myself "what have I done to create, promote, or allow this to happen?". Looking at things that way zeroes in on the points where I have power, where I can take action. It's productive. Looking at things in a way that's more likely to generate improvement is certainly part of being kind to myself . . . as is letting go of things that are completely outside my influence as much as feasible, since stress over unchangeables is completely unproductive, and deepens unhappiness.
I love the bolded in particular. Thanks for this and OP thanks for this thread!0 -
Reckoner67 wrote: »This is something I've struggled to do for the last few years, since it was brought up to me that I needed to "be kinder to myself." The question of "how?" was big for me, and a lot of your answers are cool to read. Thanks for everybody posting what works for them!
LOVE this post, thank you ever so much for posting this--isn't it, ummmmm, "comforting and encouraging" to know that one is NOT alone and there is so much power in learning from others--so much!0 -
gettinfitaus wrote: »For me being kind to myself is intrinsically linked to doing things for myself that I will appreciate later. Things like eating in moderation, I might want a hamburger but unless I REALLY REALLY want it I already know that it's not a great choice and is going to make me feel like rubbish, so instead most of the time I will choose the chicken for dinner instead or an option that is "in between" the two. Similarly I don't feel like doing yoga today, I am sore from leg day yesterday and I am tired for some reason today and dragging. But I also know that yoga makes my back feel MUCH better and that it will make the DOMS in my legs ease up a bit, it is self care to do the yoga because of the benefits (both immediate and long term) THAT is a kindness to myself.
Kindness to myself is also sometimes giving in. Like I said above I am dragging today and so I put myself back to bed this morning in order to feel better...
Honeyyyyyy...that "doing things for oneself" vs. needing or even wanting others approval, likes, etc. took me YEARS to "get". Being one's own cheerleader is the bombdotcom and filled with such "power" and hope and just plain, ummmmm...fabulosity I'm going to say.
Thank you ever so much for contributing to this thread--you're fabulous, period.1 -
For me, the phrase I use often is be gentle to yourself. Which is so much better for the inner me than (multiple choice). Wallowing in guilt over perceived faults, or shortcomings or even something failed. Oh the time that is wasted on this. That there is nothing wrong/bad with coming to the realization. LET IT GO! Does not matter is the extra serving or two of name your delight, said some unkind words that cannot be unsaid, failed to keep an appointment with the Dr, because did not want to hear the "you need to lose some weight for your health".
Oh the misery we cause ourselves by clinging to the past in one form or another. It is not worth it, no good will come out of it. So I have learned in 2018 Let it go. The past is gone, I can only make a difference for today and the future. I will try my best as it is all I have to give.
Now I take the time to get a massage every 6 weeks or so, it is my time of peace, quiet, relaxation. I also only live about 30 minutes away from the Gulf of Mexico. So every other week, unless it is raining. I go and walk along the water line, I find it so soothing, calming it my place to ruminate as I walk along. Also for me give me a good thriller book on my Nook a pot of hot tea, and I literally feel free.2 -
The worst critic I have ever experienced is me. It has taken me many years to realize that being kind to myself is simply finding ways to acknowledge I am a work in progress and rather than dwell on my shortcomings, I should focus on the positive changes I'm making in my life. Sometimes it's a matter of changing my perspective. Do I wish I didn't have loose skin or the wrinkles on my face were less noticeable? Sure. But am I happy I've lost and kept off enough weight to have those wrinkles appear from a far more contoured face? Yes, I am.
For me, I have to remind myself daily that where I am now mentally and physically is a much better place than I was in the past. Positive thinking begets positive results and success begets success.2 -
I love this thread, so inspiring!0
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I started my journey (again) on October 31st, and realized how nice it has been that I had not eaten junk so have not beaten myself up over failing.
Last night was not pretty for me and was giving myself the beat down.
Saw this thread and have refocused my thoughts, God has a funny way of putting others in my path to keep me on track. Thanks everyone.2 -
BEVERLYSTEEN wrote: »I started my journey (again) on October 31st, and realized how nice it has been that I had not eaten junk so have not beaten myself up over failing.
Last night was not pretty for me and was giving myself the beat down.
Saw this thread and have refocused my thoughts, God has a funny way of putting others in my path to keep me on track. Thanks everyone.
{{{{{ BEVERLY HUGS }}}}}} You are so NOT alone and I want to thank you ever so VERY much for contributing to this thread. I do so relate to your post and high fives for starting again, you ROCK, period. YAY YOU!!! {{{{Hugs again}}}}} 1
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