Sabotage or just being too sensitive
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I would just have another chat with him about your goals and the changes you are trying to make. Yes, it was nice of him to think of you but clearly he didn’t think that hard since he brought you something that he knew you were trying to cut out.
My husband used to bring me Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups occasionally as a treat because they are my favorite. But once I told him I really wanted to focus on losing weight, he stopped because it would no longer be a sweet, thoughtful gesture. It would just be a sign that he wasn’t supportive of my efforts or that he just doesn’t listen to me or pay attention to my life.
Honestly, it makes me so sad to see how many posters here have spouses/partners that aren’t supportive of their weight loss.17 -
Running2Fit wrote: »I would just have another chat with him about your goals and the changes you are trying to make. Yes, it was nice of him to think of you but clearly he didn’t think that hard since he brought you something that he knew you were trying to cut out.
My husband used to bring me Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups occasionally as a treat because they are my favorite. But once I told him I really wanted to focus on losing weight, he stopped because it would no longer be a sweet, thoughtful gesture. It would just be a sign that he wasn’t supportive of my efforts or that he just doesn’t listen to me or pay attention to my life.
Honestly, it makes me so sad to see how many posters here have spouses/partners that aren’t supportive of their weight loss.
Support means different things to different people.23 -
I don't think he is intentionally trying to sabotage you. I also think that you're justified in being frustrated, but it's probably better to not show that frustration at this point if you can.
Here is what I would probably say to him (feel free to adapt as you like):
"Honey, I really appreciate that you thought about me. I don't think I want to drink any more Dr. Pepper for a while, though. I'd rather have [flavored water, tea, coffee, diet soda, whatever else he could bring you]. Could you get me one of those next time instead?"15 -
Running2Fit wrote: »I would just have another chat with him about your goals and the changes you are trying to make. Yes, it was nice of him to think of you but clearly he didn’t think that hard since he brought you something that he knew you were trying to cut out.
My husband used to bring me Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups occasionally as a treat because they are my favorite. But once I told him I really wanted to focus on losing weight, he stopped because it would no longer be a sweet, thoughtful gesture. It would just be a sign that he wasn’t supportive of my efforts or that he just doesn’t listen to me or pay attention to my life.
Honestly, it makes me so sad to see how many posters here have spouses/partners that aren’t supportive of their weight loss.
If a person chooses a keto diet to lose weight, and their spouse has 0 interest in eating a keto diet, does that obligate the spouse not to bring bread & pasta into the house, or eat in front of the other person at mealtimes? Are they not being supportive enough if they do? Or is the issue only if the spouse gifts the forbidden food to them? Not trying to be smart-alecky... genuinely curious how you view the 2 situations.20 -
I can't see if you've specified what about this made him upset?
Was he upset that it was going to go to waste (fine), or annoyed at himself he forgot (fine) or annoyed at you for expecting him to remember (dodgy) or annoyed you weren't as grateful as you were supposed to be (oh no)?16 -
I imagine he's just doing what he's always done. Your mindset has changed but his hasn't.6
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Hey you're lucky that Diet Dr Pepper is actually decent, you can tell him you like it just as much and to grab you one of those next time. As for the stuff you don't want, thank him warmly and set it aside.9
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Depends on if he had a habit of bringing you food and drinks or this is new behavior.
If he never brought you this stuff before you told him you were not going to consume these things then his behavior is suspect. If he always did it then he probably is just not used to the changes you are making. Tell him something he can bring you if he likes to treat you.18 -
Depends on if he had a habit of bringing you food and drinks or this is new behavior.
If he never brought you this stuff before you told him you were not going to consume these things then his behavior is suspect. If he always did it then he probably is just not used to the changes you are making. Tell him something he can bring you if he likes to treat you.
Good point
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Running2Fit wrote: »I would just have another chat with him about your goals and the changes you are trying to make. Yes, it was nice of him to think of you but clearly he didn’t think that hard since he brought you something that he knew you were trying to cut out.
My husband used to bring me Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups occasionally as a treat because they are my favorite. But once I told him I really wanted to focus on losing weight, he stopped because it would no longer be a sweet, thoughtful gesture. It would just be a sign that he wasn’t supportive of my efforts or that he just doesn’t listen to me or pay attention to my life.
Honestly, it makes me so sad to see how many posters here have spouses/partners that aren’t supportive of their weight loss.
If a person chooses a keto diet to lose weight, and their spouse has 0 interest in eating a keto diet, does that obligate the spouse not to bring bread & pasta into the house, or eat in front of the other person at mealtimes? Are they not being supportive enough if they do? Or is the issue only if the spouse gifts the forbidden food to them? Not trying to be smart-alecky... genuinely curious how you view the 2 situations.
My understanding of the post was that he bought the soda for her. In my opinion, that’s different than buying it for himself. If someone chooses to do Keto, it would not be supportive for their partner to come home and say “Hey, I picked up some pasta for you today, here you go” I never said or even implied that no “off-limits” food can’t be brought into the house for whoever else lives there.
But don’t bring it in and say it’s a thoughtful gift for her, because it’s not.15 -
Honestly, the poor guy has probably seen you jump on the wagon and fall off a million times, if you're anything like me. Last month, you were probably delighted with the Dr. Peppers and other things. I think that it takes a long time for our loved ones to see changes in our lives and act.
Unless your husband is just the absolute worst and laughs evilly while dangling Dr. Peppers in your face and sneaking them into your cups.... I'd assume the best of him and not say that he is sabotaging you. It may take time and consistency for him to stop.27 -
Thank him for thinking of you and remind him gently what you are doing. Then when he’s gone pour or throw out what he bought you.6
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Running2Fit wrote: »Running2Fit wrote: »I would just have another chat with him about your goals and the changes you are trying to make. Yes, it was nice of him to think of you but clearly he didn’t think that hard since he brought you something that he knew you were trying to cut out.
My husband used to bring me Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups occasionally as a treat because they are my favorite. But once I told him I really wanted to focus on losing weight, he stopped because it would no longer be a sweet, thoughtful gesture. It would just be a sign that he wasn’t supportive of my efforts or that he just doesn’t listen to me or pay attention to my life.
Honestly, it makes me so sad to see how many posters here have spouses/partners that aren’t supportive of their weight loss.
If a person chooses a keto diet to lose weight, and their spouse has 0 interest in eating a keto diet, does that obligate the spouse not to bring bread & pasta into the house, or eat in front of the other person at mealtimes? Are they not being supportive enough if they do? Or is the issue only if the spouse gifts the forbidden food to them? Not trying to be smart-alecky... genuinely curious how you view the 2 situations.
My understanding of the post was that he bought the soda for her. In my opinion, that’s different than buying it for himself. If someone chooses to do Keto, it would not be supportive for their partner to come home and say “Hey, I picked up some pasta for you today, here you go” I never said or even implied that no “off-limits” food can’t be brought into the house for whoever else lives there.
But don’t bring it in and say it’s a thoughtful gift for her, because it’s not.
We see many posts on here from people who say their spouses are being unsupportive because they continue to eat foods in their presence that they're avoiding, so I was just trying to clarify.
I was thinking about how, a few weeks ago, my husband, who almost never does this sort of thing, brought me home a new coffee drink he thought I would enjoy even though he knew it was probably calorific and that I can't generally afford liquid calories. It brightened my spirits that, in his imperfect way, he was trying to please me. I guess it's all in the way we look at it (unless, like @Lounmoun mentioned, there is clearly harmful intent). (BTW, I had a few sips in his presence and threw the rest out
) 10 -
We had a talk and he wasn't thinking he says but he also has been feeling a little put off by me wanting to lose weight he likes bigger women but also wants me healthy15
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It isn't sabotage. It's just a change you've implemented that he hasn't adapted to yet.
He has to come to a conclusion to do this on his own and any attempts to nudge him will likely backfire. All you can do is lead by example. Good men like to make their spouses happy, so as others have suggested be direct and specific on what drinks you want. Good marriages are the result of constant communication.
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My mom used to teach weight watchers. She said that it was common enough to be a thing for men to start bringing their wives "presents" of chocolates about the time they started losing visible amounts of weight and settling into a new eating routine. Change is uncomfortable and threatening and the people close to you may resist when you try to change.
I have a very different opinion from the first piece of advice you received here. I feel that life is hard enough without having to fight battles in your own house, every moment of every day. And for your husband to get upset that you reminded him not to do something you have asked him not to do more than once is ridiculous. When I embarked on my current lifestyle two years ago I had a Come to Jesus meeting with my husband, and pointed out that my life and health were at stake, and if he loved me, he surely wanted me to be alive and healthy. And from that point on he supported me. Some of our rules: he doesn't ask me if I want more of something. He doesn't push his food he can't finish on me, I am not the garbage disposal. He does not eat dessert with every meal anymore (this was a thing, he ate dessert even with breakfast) - if he wants a dessert he can eat it when I am also having dessert, or he can have something later. His treats are in a separate area where I don't look at them.
If he actually brought me soft drinks after I specifically asked him not to, they would be out in the street as far as I could fling them and he would be getting them and putting them in the trash. Really now, how hard is it not to do something? Men are not little babies or seniors with dementia. I'm betting he doesn't "just forget" things his work asks him to do.19 -
I'm sure he was just trying to do something nice. Save them for a rare treat but remind him that your trying not to have unhealthy things. Had the same thing with my boyfriend bringing home king size pot noodles in the past.1
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Best thing is to ask him what his motive was OP then there's no misunderstandings. All the best with losing the weight love
If my other half of 30 years brought that sugary drink in for me it would be.........what part of I'm not drinking pop [soda] do you not understand lol
He's the other way around though.......7.30am this morning and 3 days into my calorie counting he pipes up with .......would you like me to get the exercise bike out of the loft darling......
He knows I'm a sloth and need time to get into something like that....a week at least!
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This thread is a very interesting reflection of lots of different types of relationships...13
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I apologize if this comes across as sexist, but some men (my bf included!) Are forgetful. They are also not mind readers. I think that your husband was forgetful about your diet, and I wouldnt hold it against him. That is just my experience though, it could be totally different. I just dont think he would want to sabotage you bettering yourself if he truly loved you.9
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