Disposable people

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  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,864 Member
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    Who are you people and how did y'all get in here?
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    I think when you stretch yourself thin (ie, you mentioned always responding immediately, no matter how inconvenient), you have the potential to set up unreasonable expectations, both in yourself, and the other person. There is a tendency to expect the other person to give of themselves on the same level that you have, when they may not be willing or even capable, but since you have that expectation, and they don't meet it, you are both disappointed. It's totally appropriate to set boundaries and not always be available for someone whenever they reach out.
  • nooshi713
    nooshi713 Posts: 4,877 Member
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    MistressSara wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    MistressSara wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    Try not to feel bad. I think *ghosting* is common practice in dating now although I think it is horrible and cowardly. Most likely the other person has someone else. It is not a reflection on you though.

    Oh. I didn’t think of it in terms of “dating.” Still, online or IRL?

    I was talking about IRL.

    I think that’s different. And I think even an online sexual/romantic relationship is different. I was thinking strictly of “friends” like on a friend list on MFP. I guess context matters

    Oh ok. Well in that case I'm not sure if I would consider it ghosting because you never met them.
  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,864 Member
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    MistressSara wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    MistressSara wrote: »
    nooshi713 wrote: »
    Try not to feel bad. I think *ghosting* is common practice in dating now although I think it is horrible and cowardly. Most likely the other person has someone else. It is not a reflection on you though.

    Oh. I didn’t think of it in terms of “dating.” Still, online or IRL?

    I was talking about IRL.

    I think that’s different. And I think even an online sexual/romantic relationship is different. I was thinking strictly of “friends” like on a friend list on MFP. I guess context matters

    Wait, you have friends on your FL that you are sexual with? I've been doing this MFP thing ALL wrong!
  • RhiAnLewis17
    RhiAnLewis17 Posts: 2,299 Member
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    SwannySez wrote: »
    Who are you people and how did y'all get in here?

    We came in the side door.
    There's a secret password..
  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,864 Member
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    RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »
    SwannySez wrote: »
    Who are you people and how did y'all get in here?

    We came in the side door.
    There's a secret password..

    After all that work I put in on the back door? Really? REALLY?
  • RhiAnLewis17
    RhiAnLewis17 Posts: 2,299 Member
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    SwannySez wrote: »
    RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »
    SwannySez wrote: »
    Who are you people and how did y'all get in here?

    We came in the side door.
    There's a secret password..

    After all that work I put in on the back door? Really? REALLY?

    The back door got smashed in.
    To smithereens.
  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,864 Member
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    RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »
    SwannySez wrote: »
    RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »
    SwannySez wrote: »
    Who are you people and how did y'all get in here?

    We came in the side door.
    There's a secret password..

    After all that work I put in on the back door? Really? REALLY?

    The back door got smashed in.
    To smithereens.

    Was it a...minivan?
  • RhiAnLewis17
    RhiAnLewis17 Posts: 2,299 Member
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    SwannySez wrote: »
    RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »
    SwannySez wrote: »
    RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »
    SwannySez wrote: »
    Who are you people and how did y'all get in here?

    We came in the side door.
    There's a secret password..

    After all that work I put in on the back door? Really? REALLY?

    The back door got smashed in.
    To smithereens.

    Was it a...minivan?

    With waaaaay more than five.
  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,864 Member
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    RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »
    SwannySez wrote: »
    RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »
    SwannySez wrote: »
    RhiAnLewis17 wrote: »
    SwannySez wrote: »
    Who are you people and how did y'all get in here?

    We came in the side door.
    There's a secret password..

    After all that work I put in on the back door? Really? REALLY?

    The back door got smashed in.
    To smithereens.

    Was it a...minivan?

    With waaaaay more than five.

    Sounds like a real pain in the *kitten*.
  • Reckoner67
    Reckoner67 Posts: 3,344 Member
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    Moon_Stone wrote: »
    Longish post, sorry in advance.

    Maybe it comes down to expectations and/or compatibility between the individuals be it romantic/ platonic or online/IRL relationships.

    I’ve ghosted before and just didn’t think the person would be bothered because we didn’t interact much or communicate. It felt superficial. I’ve also tried to say bye and sorry and that felt egotistical and terrible because it had nothing to do with them, just me and my own issues and it made it seem like I was making a production about saying goodbye. I felt really bad but didn’t want to get into it with them. I understand why people just disappear and I don’t think it’s horrible in all cases, just easier. It’s not because they’re disposable though at all.

    I’d take them ghosting you as having nothing to do with you. It’s whatever is going on in their head. You’re not disposable, your just not their priority unfortunately or maybe they didn’t feel like their expectations were being met. Don’t let this steal your joy or lose time on second guessing your worth. Let it go. Easier said than done, but focus on people still around you, who want to be around you and people that give as much as you give or have the same expectations.

    This is just my opinion and there are so many variables/possibilities of why, what if etc. Some people just disappear because they don’t think they meant enough to that person anyways or they just don’t care at all because your nothing to them. Whatever the reason you might never know, don’t let them steal joy and time from you with all the wondering. People come and go, and sometimes that’s a good thing.

    Oh yeah, this. I'm a serial social-media abandoner--I almost always come back, but I'm learning that when I need a break, I *need* that break. For me, it's pretty much 100% always where I am in my head. It's one of those self-care mechanisms, and generally what always brings me back is the people I enjoy talking to.

    Sometimes things get a 'lil dark in the old brain area though, and social media isn't the best place to hang out when stuff gets bad.
  • CaptainFantastic01
    CaptainFantastic01 Posts: 9,557 Member
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    Almost everyone I’ve “hung out with” has been a one time thing and then I get ghosted and it’s not fun. Emotions man. I got em
  • Taz6o5
    Taz6o5 Posts: 3,441 Member
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    JustPassingTime wrote: »
    I don't carry these kinds of emotion. I'm heartless I guess

    Heartless no .
    Thick skin yes.

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