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Have you been both overweight and underweight?
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JellyyBeanz wrote: »What do you think is more offensive, people commenting about you being too big or people commenting about you being too skinny? I’m neither overweight or underweight but I don’t think “skinny shaming” could ever compare to the abuse that fat kids and adults receive. Being skinny is still praised worldwide and even if you wanted to change that, gaining weight is much easier than losing it. What are your thoughts?
Skinny shaming, especially for males, has been a thing for 100 years. Note this Charles Atlas ad from the 1920/30s.
Back story:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Atlas
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I’ve been both under and overweight. At my lowest I was under 6 stone and had a psychological problem called restrictive food intake disorder where because food was the only thing I felt I could control in my life that’s what I did. At my heaviest I was just over 14 stone and the gain was mainly due to a medical illness and subsequent treatment. I got comments at both weights but I definitely got more when I was underweight, even strangers would comment.7
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Never been underweight, probably never will be1
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In high school I swam on a swimming team. I was the fastest swimmer on the team to never go to state...or the slowest state meet swimmer there ever was. I weighed 135 lbs. No skinny shaming because I was in the best shape of my life.
20 years later, at 250 lbs...I heard what you would have expected to hear.
When I lost 75 pounds in 18 months, using diet (moderation) and exercise (it'll never catch on), and was in the 2nd best shape of my life, I did hear skinny shaming: You look gaunt. You need to beef up. You don't look well...etc. All of this from my heavy friends.
At the same time my gym buds and thin friends were very supportive: Amazing transformation. You look great. Wow - how did you do it? I bet you feel great! How much did you lose!? etc.7 -
Not simultaneously.
But I got down to 155# when I was bulimic. I still thought I was fat even though everyone around me saw a skinny person.
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I was underweight when I was in high school. All my friends would always comment on how skinny I was, they'd roll their eyes and say they wished they were "that skinny". After having two kids, my highest weight was about 160 (I'm 5'3"). No one ever said anything about my weight. When I went to the doctor's office, I weighed in at 163 because of clothes and shoes. So I was about 25 pounds overweight but the doctor said nothing of it. I was so surprised that I went home, logged back onto this website and started tracking everything I ate! Maybe it's more common (in American society at least) to be shamed for being too skinny than being somewhat overweight?7
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I have spent most of my life overweight. The lowest I have been was 120 lbs at 5'4", which isn't technically underweight, but for my build it was very small (I had to wear a belt with size 0 pants). I did get made fun of in middle school for being on the heavier side, but I went to a school which had a bullying problem. Other than that, the only other comments really just came from my mother. Most of her comments on my weight were due to her own insecurities, both overweight and at a lower weight. At one point she accused me of being anorexic (which I was not). For me, comments on being overweight were more hurtful because I was also insecure about my own body at higher weights.
On the other side of this, I had a friend who is underweight. She was born with an autoimmune disease and finds it incredibly difficult to gain weight. People often commented on her weight and how she should gain more weight, without knowing her details. She would often find it hurtful that people would comment on it.
As far as what is worse, this will be incredibly individual and will depend on that persons history with their weight. Moral of the story, unless you are the persons doctor, mind your business about everyone else's weight. You don't know what they are going through.3 -
Cassandraw3 wrote: »
On the other side of this, I had a friend who is underweight. She was born with an autoimmune disease and finds it incredibly difficult to gain weight. People often commented on her weight and how she should gain more weight, without knowing her details. She would often find it hurtful that people would comment on it.
Ceoliac? Because that's me too. As a child I couldn't gain weight if I tried. I used to eat as much as the grown men in the family and be hungry in 90 minutes so my hunger and fullness signals are very very broken.
Once I was diagnosed and puberty hit I stopped getting the "look at you, you're so skinny" comments which felt like praise since all the women in my family just used to talk about how fat they were. Once that stopped, even though I was at probably a perfect weight, still slim, it made me feel fat, like I used to get praise and now I didn't so I must have gotten too fat. I've had disordered, weird eating habits my whole life basically but nothing dangerous.
I got to ~150lb (overweight, I'm 5'2") due to depression, comfort eating and alcohol about 6 years ago. Lost that weight down to a slim but healthy 110-115lb and maintained for about 2 years, then went through a breakup, started using weight loss, very strict calorie restriction and the gym to distract myself, and eventually got to 97lb. Could see ribs everywhere, I had no idea I had so many ribs. I was getting the "oh you're so skinny" comments again but they were less positive now! Obviously that wasn't sustainable and eventually the dam broke and I've been struggling to contain a binge eating problem since June.
That's a lot of words lol12 -
Cassandraw3 wrote: »
On the other side of this, I had a friend who is underweight. She was born with an autoimmune disease and finds it incredibly difficult to gain weight. People often commented on her weight and how she should gain more weight, without knowing her details. She would often find it hurtful that people would comment on it.
Ceoliac? Because that's me too. As a child I couldn't gain weight if I tried. I used to eat as much as the grown men in the family and be hungry in 90 minutes so my hunger and fullness signals are very very broken.
Once I was diagnosed and puberty hit I stopped getting the "look at you, you're so skinny" comments which felt like praise since all the women in my family just used to talk about how fat they were. Once that stopped, even though I was at probably a perfect weight, still slim, it made me feel fat, like I used to get praise and now I didn't so I must have gotten too fat. I've had disordered, weird eating habits my whole life basically but nothing dangerous.
I got to ~150lb (overweight, I'm 5'2") due to depression, comfort eating and alcohol about 6 years ago. Lost that weight down to a slim but healthy 110-115lb and maintained for about 2 years, then went through a breakup, started using weight loss, very strict calorie restriction and the gym to distract myself, and eventually got to 97lb. Could see ribs everywhere, I had no idea I had so many ribs. I was getting the "oh you're so skinny" comments again but they were less positive now! Obviously that wasn't sustainable and eventually the dam broke and I've been struggling to contain a binge eating problem since June.
That's a lot of words lol
Hers is an issue with her lungs. I am not quite exactly sure of the details, but she regularly goes to specialists and is in and out of the hospital fairly frequently and has been her whole life. I just know she would eat all the time (college roommate, I saw how much she actually ate) and never gain weight. I believe she was also about 5'1"-5'2" and usually weighed between 90-100 lbs.
It is unfortunate we are in such a weight obsessed world. People don't realize how harmful their comments can be, as innocent as the intention is. I am in a constant internal struggle with food. I was raised in a house where you eat what you want until you are full and don't waste food. I was never taught moderation or balance and struggle with that now as an adult and I know better.
ETA: I feel ya on the binge eating struggle. I am struggling with it too right now.3 -
JellyyBeanz wrote: »What do you think is more offensive, people commenting about you being too big or people commenting about you being too skinny? I’m neither overweight or underweight but I don’t think “skinny shaming” could ever compare to the abuse that fat kids and adults receive. Being skinny is still praised worldwide and even if you wanted to change that, gaining weight is much easier than losing it. What are your thoughts?
I was a skinny kid and coming out of high school I was right on the line of underweight @ 135 Lbs soaking wet on a good day. I got made fun of all the time for being skinny. My nickname in high school was "the giraffe" because I was long and skinny and had a long, skinny neck. For a male in particular, "skinny" isn't praised. I tried and tried to gain weight and never could...so it certainly wasn't easy. It took me until I was about 23 or 24 to start filling my body out to where I didn't look emaciated. I'd even have people ask me if I was sick.
Nobody ever commented on anything when I was overweight...I wasn't huge, just over the line for class 1 obese and only had to lose a few pounds to get into "overweight." Being overweight is far and away more the norm than being skinny and underweight...class 1 obesity is pretty common.
ETA: one of the reasons I didn't care at all that I was getting fat in my 30s was because I felt it was a hell of a lot better than being skinny.8 -
I'd been overweight most of my life but unintentionally became underweight for a while when sliding into maintenance and *that's* when the weight started to really come off.
I blame my ulcerative colitis for that, tho.
I did get some comments. One was from one of our nurse client's who asked if I was sick. My boss, his girl friend at the time, and their neighbor/our client told me I should eat a burrito.
Truthfully, since I'd been overweight for so long, I took all that as a compliment.1 -
I’ve been both over and underweight. Comments from both ends still hurt my feelings.
When I was overweight I would have people pretending that I was causing an earthquake when I walked into a room (i had to be like 8 or 9 at the time) and family members telling me what I should or shouldn’t eat. It seemed to always be a topic of discussion.
When I was actually at a normal/standard weight from middle-high school, I was told I was “too skinny” (mainly within black culture where if you’re too skinny you aren’t as attractive either. Like can a girl just live). I even had family members ask if I was anorexic and just making ignorant comments. Mind you, I was a normal healthy weight.
I got into fitness a year and a half ago and for a bit I was IMO underweight because although I was a regular BMI I personally didn’t look good at that weight. I got a lot of “woah.. you’re so skinny” comments. Nothing really too offensive though, surprisingly.10 -
@jellyybeanz, you can never know what sort of history, insecurity, or personal baggage someone is carrying to broad-brush state that fat-shaming is "worse" than skinny shaming. Being insecure about one's body and having others comment negatively isn't fun, regardless of the circumstance. You're gatekeeping being body shamed as something only a problem for fat people and that's simply not the case.
more simply bc underweight females are prized as most sexually valuable, even if she's undernourished. Males just have to mUScLe uP and be STRONG LIKE A MAAAAN while females are encouraged to starve until we're weak and "elegant". Women's bodies are judged far
more harshly despite what a Dove commercial tells us.
I would know bc that's just the harsh reality. I was overweight as a child and it took full-blown anorexia for people to actually treat me like a human being. I think I was about 20 lbs underweight when I started getting the best of treatment from people, even when they'd laugh at my bones jutting out of my back and chest. People wonder why I'm a misanthrope.
I felt great about my underweightness tho bc for once I felt I looked normal. Skinniness always seemed like the default "normal" to me, so being bony was my way of achieving normality after an entire childhood bullied by my family, strangers, and peers for being fat. Even if it's not what you want, it's definitely easier being skinny. You can't change my mind.:)
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Too skinny when I weighed like 56kg. I’m 180cm tall btw...they were probably right.1
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ghost_of_an_android wrote: »@jellyybeanz, you can never know what sort of history, insecurity, or personal baggage someone is carrying to broad-brush state that fat-shaming is "worse" than skinny shaming. Being insecure about one's body and having others comment negatively isn't fun, regardless of the circumstance. You're gatekeeping being body shamed as something only a problem for fat people and that's simply not the case.
more simply bc underweight females are prized as most sexually valuable, even if she's undernourished. Males just have to mUScLe uP and be STRONG LIKE A MAAAAN while females are encouraged to starve until we're weak and "elegant". Women's bodies are judged far
more harshly despite what a Dove commercial tells us.
I would know bc that's just the harsh reality. I was overweight as a child and it took full-blown anorexia for people to actually treat me like a human being. I think I was about 20 lbs underweight when I started getting the best of treatment from people, even when they'd laugh at my bones jutting out of my back and chest. People wonder why I'm a misanthrope.
I felt great about my underweightness tho bc for once I felt I looked normal. Skinniness always seemed like the default "normal" to me, so being bony was my way of achieving normality after an entire childhood bullied by my family, strangers, and peers for being fat. Even if it's not what you want, it's definitely easier being skinny. You can't change my mind.:)
Wow!
Your view is from only your experience. It's not facts for every female! I was absolutely shamed for being underweight. People commented and shamed me far more than I've been shamed over weight!
I hated my body and myself from 10- almost 20 years old because of being skinny shamed.
I have 4 kids 2 were healthy chunky stage the other 2 were just always thin one of the thin ones were very thin very thin every one of them have been bodyshamed the two younger one 1 boy 1 girl constantly teased for being fat by peers even some adults made comments. Now I say healthy chunky because they were still in normal weight ranges. Once they started developing they've slimmed down and are view to this crap world they are normal!
My older two both girls one being extremely skinny (she did have an eating disorder when she was very very young) the other one was on the light side of normal. Both bodyshamed constantly, relentlessly! They look out for their little sister they know no matter what they are someone on this crappy earth will have a negative attitude about it and they tell eachother they are awesome and beautiful no matter what! Because they are ❤
Most people experience body shaming especially when it comes to weight! I'm telling you it sucks no matter the reason to stick out on either extreme end. To be made to feel less than simply because what people see as being less than perfect.
Boys and men get skinny, fat shamed told their too short they aren't muscular enough, having feminine traits I'm sure I'm missing some since I'm personally not Male and I know men that are anorexic soo some men starve themselves too....
Girls and women also get skinny and fat shamed I also got shamed for being too tall, for having too big of boobs, not having enough boobs, having a flat butt having a huge butt, they probably get shamed for being too muscular too.
It all sucks! It all happens to both genders!
Oh I get picked on also for being too white always have and so does my oldest daughter. I've had black friends get picked on for being too dark and some that are too light.
People in general suck! Being shamed for your appearance sucks!10 -
ghost_of_an_android wrote: »@jellyybeanz, you can never know what sort of history, insecurity, or personal baggage someone is carrying to broad-brush state that fat-shaming is "worse" than skinny shaming. Being insecure about one's body and having others comment negatively isn't fun, regardless of the circumstance. You're gatekeeping being body shamed as something only a problem for fat people and that's simply not the case.
more simply bc underweight females are prized as most sexually valuable, even if she's undernourished. Males just have to mUScLe uP and be STRONG LIKE A MAAAAN while females are encouraged to starve until we're weak and "elegant". Women's bodies are judged far
more harshly despite what a Dove commercial tells us.
I would know bc that's just the harsh reality. I was overweight as a child and it took full-blown anorexia for people to actually treat me like a human being. I think I was about 20 lbs underweight when I started getting the best of treatment from people, even when they'd laugh at my bones jutting out of my back and chest. People wonder why I'm a misanthrope.
I felt great about my underweightness tho bc for once I felt I looked normal. Skinniness always seemed like the default "normal" to me, so being bony was my way of achieving normality after an entire childhood bullied by my family, strangers, and peers for being fat. Even if it's not what you want, it's definitely easier being skinny. You can't change my mind.:)
Wow!
Your view is from only your experience. It's not facts for every female! I was absolutely shamed for being underweight. People commented and shamed me far more than I've been shamed over weight!
I hated my body and myself from 10- almost 20 years old because of being skinny shamed.
I have 4 kids 2 were healthy chunky stage the other 2 were just always thin one of the thin ones were very thin very thin every one of them have been bodyshamed the two younger one 1 boy 1 girl constantly teased for being fat by peers even some adults made comments. Now I say healthy chunky because they were still in normal weight ranges. Once they started developing they've slimmed down and are view to this crap world they are normal!
My older two both girls one being extremely skinny (she did have an eating disorder when she was very very young) the other one was on the light side of normal. Both bodyshamed constantly, relentlessly! They look out for their little sister they know no matter what they are someone on this crappy earth will have a negative attitude about it and they tell eachother they are awesome and beautiful no matter what! Because they are ❤
Most people experience body shaming especially when it comes to weight! I'm telling you it sucks no matter the reason to stick out on either extreme end. To be made to feel less than simply because what people see as being less than perfect.
Boys and men get skinny, fat shamed told their too short they aren't muscular enough, having feminine traits I'm sure I'm missing some since I'm personally not Male and I know men that are anorexic soo some men starve themselves too....
Girls and women also get skinny and fat shamed I also got shamed for being too tall, for having too big of boobs, not having enough boobs, having a flat butt having a huge butt, they probably get shamed for being too muscular too.
It all sucks! It all happens to both genders!
Oh I get picked on also for being too white always have and so does my oldest daughter. I've had black friends get picked on for being too dark and some that are too light.
People in general suck! Being shamed for your appearance sucks!
16 -
ghost_of_an_android wrote: »ghost_of_an_android wrote: »@jellyybeanz, you can never know what sort of history, insecurity, or personal baggage someone is carrying to broad-brush state that fat-shaming is "worse" than skinny shaming. Being insecure about one's body and having others comment negatively isn't fun, regardless of the circumstance. You're gatekeeping being body shamed as something only a problem for fat people and that's simply not the case.
more simply bc underweight females are prized as most sexually valuable, even if she's undernourished. Males just have to mUScLe uP and be STRONG LIKE A MAAAAN while females are encouraged to starve until we're weak and "elegant". Women's bodies are judged far
more harshly despite what a Dove commercial tells us.
I would know bc that's just the harsh reality. I was overweight as a child and it took full-blown anorexia for people to actually treat me like a human being. I think I was about 20 lbs underweight when I started getting the best of treatment from people, even when they'd laugh at my bones jutting out of my back and chest. People wonder why I'm a misanthrope.
I felt great about my underweightness tho bc for once I felt I looked normal. Skinniness always seemed like the default "normal" to me, so being bony was my way of achieving normality after an entire childhood bullied by my family, strangers, and peers for being fat. Even if it's not what you want, it's definitely easier being skinny. You can't change my mind.:)
Wow!
Your view is from only your experience. It's not facts for every female! I was absolutely shamed for being underweight. People commented and shamed me far more than I've been shamed over weight!
I hated my body and myself from 10- almost 20 years old because of being skinny shamed.
I have 4 kids 2 were healthy chunky stage the other 2 were just always thin one of the thin ones were very thin very thin every one of them have been bodyshamed the two younger one 1 boy 1 girl constantly teased for being fat by peers even some adults made comments. Now I say healthy chunky because they were still in normal weight ranges. Once they started developing they've slimmed down and are view to this crap world they are normal!
My older two both girls one being extremely skinny (she did have an eating disorder when she was very very young) the other one was on the light side of normal. Both bodyshamed constantly, relentlessly! They look out for their little sister they know no matter what they are someone on this crappy earth will have a negative attitude about it and they tell eachother they are awesome and beautiful no matter what! Because they are ❤
Most people experience body shaming especially when it comes to weight! I'm telling you it sucks no matter the reason to stick out on either extreme end. To be made to feel less than simply because what people see as being less than perfect.
Boys and men get skinny, fat shamed told their too short they aren't muscular enough, having feminine traits I'm sure I'm missing some since I'm personally not Male and I know men that are anorexic soo some men starve themselves too....
Girls and women also get skinny and fat shamed I also got shamed for being too tall, for having too big of boobs, not having enough boobs, having a flat butt having a huge butt, they probably get shamed for being too muscular too.
It all sucks! It all happens to both genders!
Oh I get picked on also for being too white always have and so does my oldest daughter. I've had black friends get picked on for being too dark and some that are too light.
People in general suck! Being shamed for your appearance sucks!
This might be a cultural thing idk where you live. I've never experienced any of what you're referring to. Sounds like you're around alot of child abuse and a place where women don't have many social rights. I've never been raised to worry if a boy is going to like me and I don't know anyone that openly raises their girls that way.
So my point still stands your experience isn't every female's experience. But just because that's your experience doesn't make your body shaming worst or a man's better or a skinny girl being shamed isn't less damaging than a heavy girl being shamed.
You can't measure your pain against someone else's. It all sucks it's all damaging and it's not right!!!8 -
ghost_of_an_android wrote: »ghost_of_an_android wrote: »@jellyybeanz, you can never know what sort of history, insecurity, or personal baggage someone is carrying to broad-brush state that fat-shaming is "worse" than skinny shaming. Being insecure about one's body and having others comment negatively isn't fun, regardless of the circumstance. You're gatekeeping being body shamed as something only a problem for fat people and that's simply not the case.
more simply bc underweight females are prized as most sexually valuable, even if she's undernourished. Males just have to mUScLe uP and be STRONG LIKE A MAAAAN while females are encouraged to starve until we're weak and "elegant". Women's bodies are judged far
more harshly despite what a Dove commercial tells us.
I would know bc that's just the harsh reality. I was overweight as a child and it took full-blown anorexia for people to actually treat me like a human being. I think I was about 20 lbs underweight when I started getting the best of treatment from people, even when they'd laugh at my bones jutting out of my back and chest. People wonder why I'm a misanthrope.
I felt great about my underweightness tho bc for once I felt I looked normal. Skinniness always seemed like the default "normal" to me, so being bony was my way of achieving normality after an entire childhood bullied by my family, strangers, and peers for being fat. Even if it's not what you want, it's definitely easier being skinny. You can't change my mind.:)
Wow!
Your view is from only your experience. It's not facts for every female! I was absolutely shamed for being underweight. People commented and shamed me far more than I've been shamed over weight!
I hated my body and myself from 10- almost 20 years old because of being skinny shamed.
I have 4 kids 2 were healthy chunky stage the other 2 were just always thin one of the thin ones were very thin very thin every one of them have been bodyshamed the two younger one 1 boy 1 girl constantly teased for being fat by peers even some adults made comments. Now I say healthy chunky because they were still in normal weight ranges. Once they started developing they've slimmed down and are view to this crap world they are normal!
My older two both girls one being extremely skinny (she did have an eating disorder when she was very very young) the other one was on the light side of normal. Both bodyshamed constantly, relentlessly! They look out for their little sister they know no matter what they are someone on this crappy earth will have a negative attitude about it and they tell eachother they are awesome and beautiful no matter what! Because they are ❤
Most people experience body shaming especially when it comes to weight! I'm telling you it sucks no matter the reason to stick out on either extreme end. To be made to feel less than simply because what people see as being less than perfect.
Boys and men get skinny, fat shamed told their too short they aren't muscular enough, having feminine traits I'm sure I'm missing some since I'm personally not Male and I know men that are anorexic soo some men starve themselves too....
Girls and women also get skinny and fat shamed I also got shamed for being too tall, for having too big of boobs, not having enough boobs, having a flat butt having a huge butt, they probably get shamed for being too muscular too.
It all sucks! It all happens to both genders!
Oh I get picked on also for being too white always have and so does my oldest daughter. I've had black friends get picked on for being too dark and some that are too light.
People in general suck! Being shamed for your appearance sucks!
Perhaps women are just more vocal about it. How many men do you actually know? Nearly all men I know are equally insecure about their bodies. Other men will make fun of them for not having enough muscle or other forms of skinny shaming. Men also have social pressure to have a ripped body and visible 6 pack. How many overweight male models do you see? You see all these commercials working to normalize various women's figures, but do you see the same for men?12 -
I've only been fat.
But considering the average person in the USA and UK are now overweight, I think people have lost any idea of what healthy is. I know in my family I'll get comments about being too thin while being obese. So the fact skinny people, regardless of healthy or unhealthy weight get shamed too, makes sense.
I've definitely seen slim friends shamed for it. Struggle to get a PCOS diagnosis believed because "only fat people get PCOS" (a myth btw), I've made a conscious effort to not make the standard jokes as it can be a big issue. And with the whole "real women have curves" things, being rude about slim women, those without bigger hips etc., has become annoyingly acceptable, possibly moreso than fat shaming.
There's a couple of celebrities who every story is they're too fat or too thin, proving that often in current society, there really is no winning.5 -
I have been both overweight and underweight. I found that people are much quicker to comment if you are underweight- it must be more socially acceptable to mention?
Both of my weights were self inflicted so at both ends of the scale I knew I had a problem with food. In that sense it wasn’t really offensive when people bought it up because i knew they were trying to help me.
People definitely pity you more when you’re underweight and feel sorry for you. I think that makes them kinder. Being overweight is so frowned upon that they aren’t as kind at that end of the scale. There’s definitely more judgement for being overweight compared to being underweight.
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