I Dated The Above and Ended Up...
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Having to teach him how to spell sorbet.0
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Buying him shirts. He never kept them on!0
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Buying her smaller shirts0
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Trapped in shirts that are way too small.0
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Locked in her closet on a swing0
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With severe DOMS0
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Wondering if he had a head1
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A kept man and what I mean by that is I was kept in the basement 24/6 on the 7th day I had to do yard work!0
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With a beautifully landscaped yard0
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Sanding her floors
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Covered in dust0
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Learning how to shuffle so the next time we hit the Rave we're the coolest kids in town.
If I have to hear "I'm sexy and I know it" one more time - I'm gonna have a stroke
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Paying for his funeral after he had a stroke after "I'm sexy and I know it" played0
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Dancing on a table singing "I touch myself"0
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Touching myself because he wouldn't do it0
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Touching her all the time0
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Not touching anyone0
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Frustrated from a lack of intimacy0
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In bed all day long0
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With a grin that couldn't be rwmoved with an angle grinder.0
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In a Turkish prison.0
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Sleeping with a heavy bag0
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Broken, Beaten, & Scarred0
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Naked and afraid0
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Without a truck cuz he stole it and went to Mexico to try and import ceviche into the country0
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Dodging the border police on foot bc his truck broke down.0
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Watching it all take place on the news with a bag a popcorn and a cold beer0
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Finding underground tunnels to get into Mexico without getting busted. Woo hoo tequilas on me.1
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Flying down to Mexico for some free tequila from a smuggler0
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Having a party at my cartel mansion.0
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