Tips on getting your partner to join the gym
tlosal
Posts: 7 Member
My wife hates working out. She's not fat or anything but I want her to start thinking of her health and eating better. Joining a gym would be good since we can work out together and have more time with each other. Any tips?
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Replies
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Yes, don’t try to force her to join the gym if she hates working out. There are plenty of other ways to exercise that don’t involve a gym. She needs to find something she likes and finds fun. And working out as a couple doesn’t always work well; if you have different fitness levels or prefer different forms of exercise, for example. She may also feel intimidated if she thinks you are watching/evaluating her workouts.27
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Lie to her. Tell her you're taking her somewhere she likes.29
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Tips on getting your partner to join the gym: Don't force her (or anyone really). Forcing an adult to do something that they aren't in any way shape or form obligated to do won't end well. I also don't think it's very kind, but that's me. I also second everything that @whmscll said. Let your wife find something that she wants to do and actually enjoys. Also, for you, realize that exercising is far from confined to being in the gym.12
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She's an adult ... she can do what she wants to do.20
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Unless you want her to be an ex wife stop trying to change who she is. You do you.26
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PLEASE don't push her. There are so many things she can do besides going to the gym. She might like some "me" time. You can tell her that you'd love for her to consider going with you--once, then leave it be. Maybe she'd like walking. Start going places with her and doing something she'd like.5
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As already said, you don't. You could spend time with her doing incidental activity though, going for walks (doesn't have to exercise walks), maybe playing golf or social activities that involve incidental movement.6
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Thanks for the thoughts and opinions. I was stating gym as an example. The main goal for this post was to find ways for both of us to be in a healthier lifestyle and how to influence those options. Some of you are taking it a bit too serious tho lol22
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Thanks for the thoughts and opinions. I was stating gym as an example. The main goal for this post was to find ways for both of us to be in a healthier lifestyle and how to influence those options. Some of you are taking it a bit too serious tho lol
stop thinking you can or should try and influence your wife's behaviour.16 -
Thanks for the thoughts and opinions. I was stating gym as an example. The main goal for this post was to find ways for both of us to be in a healthier lifestyle and how to influence those options.
then ask her what sorta things SHE wants to do don't force her to do the thing YOU like to do. then pick one you can both enjoy.
think of her general preferences and suggest trying things more up her alley to try.
can be as simple as going for walks/hikes.23 -
TavistockToad wrote: »Thanks for the thoughts and opinions. I was stating gym as an example. The main goal for this post was to find ways for both of us to be in a healthier lifestyle and how to influence those options. Some of you are taking it a bit too serious tho lol
stop thinking you can or should try and influence your wife's behaviour.
😂😂😂14 -
Thanks for the thoughts and opinions. I was stating gym as an example. The main goal for this post was to find ways for both of us to be in a healthier lifestyle and how to influence those options. Some of you are taking it a bit too serious tho lol
Re read your OP. If that's what you really think then it wasn't very clear. To me, it sounded like you're trying to convince her to do something of your choice. Obviously if she was on board, she'd already be at the gym working out.15 -
Lead by example and keep your mouth shut (I've been married 16 years lol). My husband has decided on his own, to make some positive changes to his health, as he's seen me make changes. But, I would never get after him to do what I think he should do-that's just a disaster waiting to happen.11
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Nothing good will come out of pushing her. If you keep telling her that she needs to go to the gym, what she will likely hear you are saying is "you're fat". That's not gonna be good for either her self esteem or your relationship.
Let her be herself. Maybe she will be inspired by your change if you keep continuing to make it. My wife has started going back to the gym after watching me transform and being inspired by my progress. But she goes to a different gym that does a completely different style of exercise than what I train in, since it fits her best.
Gym time doesn't exactly count as quality time together, even if you could get her to go. You would likely be at different places in your fitness journey and doing different things, and trying to get her to foow what you are doing is just going to cause stress and strife.
If you want more quality time with your wife, make time for it. Do the things that she likes to do. If there is an active element, like going to the park or something, great. But if not, that's fine too.
Don't try to force anything on her, it's just gonna backfire and make both of you unhealthy.11 -
My husband tried to get me to work out with him over the past 3 years (not at the gym though). After a couple session, I would stop because I was so embarrassed at how unfit I was. I was already feeling insecure about being overweight and didn't want him to see me in such a state.
Your wife has to take the initiative to get fit on her own. If you try to coax her into doing it, she may resent you or feel like you find her unattractive or fat.16 -
I would suggest some fun and active things to do, like some of the posters mentioned above. Suggest a walk, or a bike ride when you have some time. Or dancing, ice skating, paddle boarding, canoeing—there are so many active things you can invite her to do that might feel more fun than the gym. As others said, lead by example, and then keep the invitation open to her to join in without pressure. Offer to cook—and cook healthy food.7
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My husband is like your wife. Not overweight, but also not all that physically active. I know its hard, but you can't force an adult to do something they have no interest in doing. Your best bet is to lead by example and hopefully inspire her to do the same, but realize that may not happen. I rarely invite my husband to the gym, but I always invite him out on walks with me, which is a much more couplely activity. I also have some exercise equipment at home (kettle bells, ab roller, etc.). I bought them for myself and do small workouts on lazy days. That seems to inspire to workout much more than me harping on him about going to the gym.6
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It is not uncommon for people to get the health bug for a time and then annoy the crap out of people around them. Often the newfound fervor doesn't last because the change in habits were too sudden or too extreme and things go back to the way they were before. While it is commendable that you want to have a healthy lifestyle that includes your wife if this is new for you, you might need to just keep focusing on your own sustainability.
If you have been committed to this for 8 or so months and you feel rooted in your changes you can simply ask your wife if there is anything small she would like to do to start spending time sharing this part of your life with you. I suggest something like taking dance lessons together.9 -
Lead by example and keep your mouth shut (I've been married 16 years lol). My husband has decided on his own, to make some positive changes to his health, as he's seen me make changes. But, I would never get after him to do what I think he should do-that's just a disaster waiting to happen.
Seconded.
I have been married nearly 30 years. My wife avoided exercise like the plague for decades. She finally realized she had been anemic (or almost anemic) for many years. Once she got that under control she found some easy exercise classes she liked... last year she decided to try running and doing harder exercise.
If the OP's wife has any underlying medical issues that might be making her tired or in pain he could try to help on that end, otherwise just lead by example and don't be a nag.5 -
No tips, except to let her make her own decision. Improving her health, through what you interpret as eating better and exercising is up to her. Trying to change any adult, besides yourself, is pointless, and may cause problems. It’s her choice.4
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How about hiking, or doing something outdoors that you both enjoy that involves physical activity?6
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I love to run. My husband hates to run. I never ask or tell my husband that he should run with me. Because he hates to run.
He loves to cycle. I'm not really a big fan of cycling. He never bugs me about going cycling because he knows I am not a fan.
We both love to hike. We go on a lot of hikes together.18 -
I'm not a fan of any type of equipment except the treadmill and spin cycles, but love activities like basketball, racquetball, swimming, etc. Does your gym offer these amenities? It might be easier to go play a game of hoops than suggesting an hour on the elliptical. Solid workout, you're spending time and having fun together, and she may not feel pressured. But definitely don't pressure her. She has to WANT to be there. My boyfriend and I use the gym as "date" time, since collectively we have nine children between us and have full time careers. We love to be in the pool and then have our meaningful conversations and make plans in the hot tub.1
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How about hiking, or doing something outdoors that you both enjoy that involves physical activity?
Yes, if she doesn't like the gym because she finds indoor cardio tedious, like I do, something outdoors might do the trick.
I dragged my OH outdoors Sunday for yard work
(He's great about OUR yard, but the town removed a bunch of dead trees behind our fence and I have started to turn it into an extension of our property. Haven't decided what to do. Won't be grass. I have planted two maple trees and may sprinkle wildflower seeds all over. Won't let the multiflora roses grow back.)
OP - if your wife doesn't like the gym because she doesn't know what she's doing, ask her if she'd like you to get her a few sessions with a personal trainer. Don't offer to be her trainer - if she wanted this, she would have asked already.6 -
I don't know of very many stories where people were successful getting fit doing something that they hated. Very few of us have the ability to develop a consistent, long-term habit doing something that we hate.
Are there activities your wife might enjoy?
My husband hates running and doing cardio on equipment. But he found that he loves body weight resistance training and taking long walks outside. So his fitness involves those activities.4 -
Approach it like this. "I enjoy our time together and want to spend more with you"
Then work together to find something you both enjoy. Is there something she is passionate about that you don't enjoy? Work this problem in reverse and think what would entice you to try something new?
How long have you been married? This may be off base, but I'm going to offer some advice that no one person can be your everything - this is a terrible responsibility and burden to bear. You are going to need a number of friends and family to support your marriage and your marriage will in turn support your friends and family.
Don't push. Don't prod. ...but be there to support her passions.8 -
mburgess458 wrote: »Lead by example and keep your mouth shut (I've been married 16 years lol). My husband has decided on his own, to make some positive changes to his health, as he's seen me make changes. But, I would never get after him to do what I think he should do-that's just a disaster waiting to happen.
Seconded.
I have been married nearly 30 years. My wife avoided exercise like the plague for decades. She finally realized she had been anemic (or almost anemic) for many years. Once she got that under control she found some easy exercise classes she liked... last year she decided to try running and doing harder exercise.
If the OP's wife has any underlying medical issues that might be making her tired or in pain he could try to help on that end, otherwise just lead by example and don't be a nag.
Good point. I had crippling fatigue when my anemia was not properly treated. Other deficiencies can cause fatigue as well.
This may not be relevant to the OP's situation, but might help someone else reading.1 -
maybe she likes her time away from you while you go to the gym so she tells you she hates so she gets to stay home and you get of her hair for a while10
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NorthCascades wrote: »Lie to her. Tell her you're taking her somewhere she likes.
So, like telling your dog you're taking them to the park and going to the vet instead? Seems like a good way to have a bad time...
OP, you do you. Let your wife do her thing.7
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