When others sabotage your efforts

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Replies

  • Jelly8035
    Jelly8035 Posts: 12 Member
    Sounds like you need to move far far away. Worked for me, never looked back. I have a great relationship now, on the phone, 8 states away lol. Far enough that they won't spend the $to sabotage in person. Be your own person. If you move or not. Be healthy for you, not them.
  • 150poundsofme
    150poundsofme Posts: 523 Member
    This woman hounds me to eat the ice cream even though I said no thank you. She lost 100 lbs. Really don't know why she would push food on anyone. The other day I turned down cookies. Immediately a man said "You're on a diet!" I said no, I don't like coconut. I think people do like to see others bigger than themselves or like you said, to have you be the weaker one. Many times I do succumb to the food. Why? Sure, I want to eat it. Even though I said I wouldn't because of my plan or health. Deep down, I am still compulsive with the food. I have to remain strong and determined to my own decisions and not let anyone deter me from it.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    Jelly8035 wrote: »
    Sounds like you need to move far far away. Worked for me, never looked back. I have a great relationship now, on the phone, 8 states away lol. Far enough that they won't spend the $to sabotage in person. Be your own person. If you move or not. Be healthy for you, not them.

    She did move :)

    Her grown daughter still has contact with them and that was triggering her.
  • texasredreb
    texasredreb Posts: 541 Member
    My friends who know I'm dieting are supportive because I've told them that I'm facing some health issues (which is true). To all others who inquire, I say "I"m cutting back on sweets, so no thanks but it looks delicious." Again, most have been supportive.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,302 Member
    I haven't had anyone try to sabotage me and your examples do sound really extreme.

    The silly type comments you mentioned though - birthday cakes don't have calories, but it's Sunday,etc - sure, people make them and I've probably made them myself too.

    But always been in light hearted way, everyone knows is not meant literally and then accepted No anyway.
  • csplatt
    csplatt Posts: 1,206 Member
    Is it possible that you talk too much about your food and your diet, and they are kind of rebelling against you because they don't know how to have a good time without always being reminded of your goals? On the flip side, when I read the part about shoving a cigarette in your mouth, I was literally like... why wouldn't she just find new friends...

    I also am just not in the same space as food and friends unless it's Sunday evenings, and then it's taking turns cooking for each other's families. So I can't relate to "constantly" being in the middle of food negotiations with people. I'm either getting ready for work, at work, letting my kids rest at home. It's really just once a week I'm in the friend/food mash-up.
  • TypingToaster
    TypingToaster Posts: 4,110 Member
    Kathryn247 wrote: »
    I've cut ties with immediate family members. It's not worth having people in your life who treat you badly just because they're related to you. Take care of you. <3

    Exactly. That is why I cut ties with my paternal grandmother 7 years ago.
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,302 Member
    yes, sounds like they have a new scapegoat.

    I think your only option is to keep away as much as possible - it sounds too extreme to be 'corrected' by anything you can do.
  • admaarie
    admaarie Posts: 4,297 Member
    In the beginning of my journey my mom used to do this. I know her intensions weren’t ill. She was just always so used to be eating whatever she was cooking. But I had to be stern with her and let her know this is what it is. You’re either gonna support me or move out of my way 🤷🏾‍♀️
  • MrsBradyBunch
    MrsBradyBunch Posts: 182 Member
    admaarie wrote: »
    In the beginning of my journey my mom used to do this. I know her intensions weren’t ill. She was just always so used to be eating whatever she was cooking. But I had to be stern with her and let her know this is what it is. You’re either gonna support me or move out of my way 🤷🏾‍♀️

    I wish I could put an exclamation point on that "like" I just gave your post.
  • CSARdiver
    CSARdiver Posts: 6,252 Member
    Have we all come up against this at some time or another? It doesn't even have to be a party or a holiday. Sometimes it's just the family supper. I have found that the worst thing I can do is let anybody know I'm watching what I eat. The minute I say that, cue the food pushing. Whatever I just told them I'm cutting down on, that's what they're going to push. For example, I tell them I'm concentrating on fruits, vegetables, and white meat, and they'll immediately suggest going out for a double bacon cheeseburger.

    It's easy to advise me, "Well, just say no." Of course I say no. They keep pushing. "Oh, come on, just have a little." They'll tell me all things are good in moderation, that I don't have to be a fanatic about it, that I shouldn't get carried away and lose too much weight or get too skinny. "Skinny" is one word that has never described me, and they're telling me this while I still have a BMI over 40. A lot of times they tell me I don't need to worry so much about losing weight because I'm beautiful the way I am. Well, thank you very much, but it's not about being beautiful. I'm diabetic and have arthritis, and I'm trying to improve my health, here.

    Sometimes they'll make jokes. "We have a machine that takes out all the calories." "Calories don't count on Sundays /birthdays /whatever holiday it is." Or they'll squint and look closely. "Calories? I don't see any calories." They'll try to make me feel rude and unsociable if I turn it down. "Aunt Martha made this. Are you going to hurt her feelings?" I've had family members actually cut me a slice anyway and put it in front of me, completely disregarding that I've said no several times.

    They did it with cigarettes and alcohol too. That is, pour me a drink, or actually shove a cigarette into my mouth, even after I told them I'm trying to quit. Generally the people who push alcohol and cigarettes on me are drinkers and smokers themselves, but not all of the ones who push food on me are overweight. To put a stop to this, I've had to go so far as cutting ties with some family members. I moved thousands of miles away and have no contact with them now.

    Now, why do you suppose people do this? Is it really what I suspect? And what I suspect is, they want to keep me overweight and unhealthy so that they can feel superior to me. As long as I'm the low person on the family or social totem pole, then at least they're not at the bottom. This gives them room to 1.) "tease" me with fat jokes, and 2.) gossip among themselves about how big I am, all the while pretending to be so concerned about me. Am I reading this right?

    Yes you are reading this right. Man is not inherently good and will rail against the successful (be it wealth, fitness, etc.) as those truly successful people are a living reminder that they are the cause of their own problems.

    Ignore them, this is a central point to narcissistic behavior and defies all logic. You cannot reason with someone who thinks this way. All you can do is limit your time with them and remove all control they have over you.
  • JasJaworska
    JasJaworska Posts: 22 Member
    It's all nice to say thank you and I agree with you letting them know why (they are family, haha). My sister went vegetarian and my grandma made a big meaty meal and my sister declined and she explained why but my grandma just scoffed when she found out, some family members are set in their ways and don't realize what they're doing affects what we want. The way they seem to treat you seems unkind though, they shouldn't push you around but always try to be your authentic self and do everything with what best suits you!

    Good luck on your journey and future successes! :)
    Jas
  • Ddsb11
    Ddsb11 Posts: 607 Member
    edited April 2019
    People can't affect you if you don't let them. We have no control over what others do, just how we handle it.

    If one feels the need to complain, one only needs to redirect their own thoughts and actions for change. Best to direct the energy you have towards something productive than feeling frustrated. It's entirely our call how we choose to feel.
  • Athijade
    Athijade Posts: 3,300 Member
    The only person that can sabotage me... is me.

    If people are not supportive of your choices (healthy ones like losing weight, not destructive ones), then they don't need to be a part of your life. Don't discuss things with them. Don't spend time with them. The stress that they put on you is not worth it. If you truly want to be healthy, then you need to stop allowing the toxic people to be a part of things.
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