I’m surrounded by Stepford wives

jebagby2014
jebagby2014 Posts: 18 Member
edited April 2019 in Motivation and Support
Actually, even worse...Stepford ex wives. Women who look perfect and are now on the dating scene as my competition. I’m 40 and divorced and I live in a town where there’s a lot of money and pretty people. Out of my three closest friends only two of them work and one doesn’t even have to. They can take the time to work out during the week and actually cook dinner and lunch every day. I work 9 hour days and my office is a 100 mile round trip. I don’t move from my desk much even eating lunch at it, I’m just too busy. I don’t get home until 7:45 and by then I just want to have fun and go out (hello loaded cheese fries and ranch) or scarf something down from a drive-thru because I just traveled an hour and a half and I don’t feel like cooking. I’m not blaming or judging my friends or the perfectly quaffed women in my town for how I look and my bad habits-I’m just discouraged that I don’t think I’ll ever turn heads like them. And frankly I’m jealous that they don’t have to work.

So I’m starting to go grocery shopping on the weekends and make my dinner on Saturday or Sunday so I have something ready to go when I come home from a long day. That’s worked out well so far. I wiped the dust off of the old treadmill and I’ve walked four miles so far this week! I’m down a pound - woot! A whole pound. But you know what, it’s something. I’m 256 pounds and I actually embrace my curves but I want to turn heads, you know? I want to know what that feels like. My goal is to be down to 200 or below by the fall. The toughest part is going to be when I go out. Ugh I love my Miller Lites...and my martinis from the sugar rimmed lemon drop to the oh so yummy espresso martini. Martinis are big in my town. And so is beer if you hit up one of our finer dive bars. Which I do. Dont let me play darts though I have been known to nearly take the lights out.

I was recently broken up with by a guy who I really liked which happens to the best of us. But, I saw him talking to this woman (it’s a small town, can’t get away from anyone) and she was gorgeous. And I thought, as nice, funny, smart and successful as I am, I will not get a guys attention like a good set of boobs and a small backside. I mean my boobs are great but hers were solid. I decided then and there I am going to work on getting my revenge body. I haven’t always been so heavy and I heard muscles have memory and let’s hope my muscles remember. We’ll see.

Anyone else on a revenge body kick? Or surrounded by women looking like they’re on their way to audition for NBC news or a J Crew photo shoot? I hope someone can relate and we can keep each other motivated. Did I mention in the summer everyone goes boating? Swimsuits people!

Anyway, it’d help to know I’m not alone and maybe we can encourage each other not to order the loaded cheese fries or espresso martini or whatever your vice is. And to not compare ourselves to others and focus on our own goals.
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Replies

  • chelny
    chelny Posts: 179 Member
    I don't drink a lot, more so during football season. But I fully plan on making room in my life for a couple of light beers on a weekly basis. I don't know how those compare with martini calorie-wise. You can do it.

    I second the idea of finding a fun exercise outlet, such as an ultimate frisbee team or soccer club or yoga class or whatever interests you. I have been interested in learning to row, but haven't taken the opportunity. And then walking on the treadmill the other days. I, too, have a long commute, although not quite as bad as yours. I'm making small changes here and there and trying to develop discipline for the greater good.

    I'm not doing this for revenge. I just want to be healthy. So, I can't relate to that part. I've never been the pretty girl, but I do have a good man. I think especially when we get into our 40s, there are men who care more about good companionship than a hot bod. But everyone has their own tastes. What kind of man are you looking for? Surely you're not only interested in the exterior?
  • jebagby2014
    jebagby2014 Posts: 18 Member
    Thanks for the comments! My commute is ridiculous but I wouldn’t want to live near work. Where I live is small town but it’s pretty and on the water. Gives me an escape from the craziness of work and the city.

    At the end of the day the revenge body I hope to have will be for me. But it’s my current motivation so I’m going to use it to keep me going.

    I will try lifting weights! Any particular exercise that you found worked best @Cassandraw3 ?
  • jebagby2014
    jebagby2014 Posts: 18 Member
    @chelny agreed - I need to find something else to do for fun, thanks for the suggestions. And I do hope to find someone who is looking for something deeper than the exterior. I certainly look past that. The top five things I’m looking for are attributes not physical characteristics. The guy for me will feel the same. Looks fade. But I’m also a realist, there’s got to be physical attraction too and so I’m trying to even the playing field by trimming myself down a bit. I know I’m good on the inside, I just need the opportunity to show people that.
  • Cassandraw3
    Cassandraw3 Posts: 1,214 Member
    Thanks for the comments! My commute is ridiculous but I wouldn’t want to live near work. Where I live is small town but it’s pretty and on the water. Gives me an escape from the craziness of work and the city.

    At the end of the day the revenge body I hope to have will be for me. But it’s my current motivation so I’m going to use it to keep me going.

    I will try lifting weights! Any particular exercise that you found worked best @Cassandraw3 ?

    The below post has a wide range of lifting programs to choose from.

    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10332083/which-lifting-program-is-the-best-for-you/p1

    There are several on MFP that recommend the StrongCurves program for building glutes. I personally prefer using barbell movements (deadlift, squats, snatch, bench press, etc.). As a beginner, I would recommend getting a personal trainer to make sure you have proper form when starting out.
  • Dandylines
    Dandylines Posts: 18 Member
    I am with some of the other commentators. Learn to like who you are. Stop comparing. Decide on what you want and improve for yourself. You will always find someone who you perceive to be better looking, accomplished, etc. Except they are not and you will find they are comparing themselves to someone else. Do some personal work and then look at men that will appreciate you for you (I did and it made all the difference.) I am so much happier when I let comparisons go.
  • julesdechaine
    julesdechaine Posts: 138 Member
    This actually makes me really sad for you. Before you attempt to tackle the outside, start working on your insides. You seem very disgruntled and bitter, and I don't mean to be harsh with that. You are judging people pretty meanly, and because a guy was talking to a pretty woman, you broke up with him?

    Comparing yourself to others will literally destroy you. Focus on all the positive attributes you possess, and grow from there.

    If your only motivation is revenge, you will not be successful.
  • jebagby2014
    jebagby2014 Posts: 18 Member
    @TavistockToad I didn’t mean to give the impression I drink every night. I actually very rarely drink when I have to work the next day. But I do go out on weekends. Counting calories has helped me think about what I’m consuming and alcohol has so many calories it makes me take note whereas before I’d just let loose. I don’t want to not go out with my friends so I need to find a way to be social but not over do it.
  • jebagby2014
    jebagby2014 Posts: 18 Member
    @Cassandraw3 thank you!
  • whmscll
    whmscll Posts: 2,254 Member
    Are there any hiking or other outdoor activity-related Meetup groups in your area? I have met some of my best friends (and my husband) while hiking.
  • jebagby2014
    jebagby2014 Posts: 18 Member
    @julesdechaine Thanks for your comment. I don’t mean to come off as disgruntled - my sense of humor must not have translated well. I’m just discouraged. I didn’t break up with that guy, he broke up with me and it hurt me to see him talking to a girl that I feel like I could never look like. I know not to compare myself but it’s hard not to sometimes. We didn’t break up over looks of course-it was actually over our schedules but it made me jealous. I’m putting myself way out there because I know it doesn’t matter in my heart what anyone looks like including myself but I’m having a bout with insecurity.
  • jebagby2014
    jebagby2014 Posts: 18 Member
    @whmscll good idea! Yes we have those.
  • jebagby2014
    jebagby2014 Posts: 18 Member
    @chelny Bu the way you should definitely try rowing! That actually sounds like a fun way to get toned!
  • jebagby2014
    jebagby2014 Posts: 18 Member
    It’s not all in my head, I had a guy tell me he’d be happy to have a physical relationship with me but as far as girlfriend material, I don’t have “the look” he’s going for. Naturally comments like this knock back who I know I am and my confidence to put myself out there.
  • MichelleWithMoxie
    MichelleWithMoxie Posts: 1,817 Member
    You must live in SoCal 😆
  • KimberlyCapone
    KimberlyCapone Posts: 42 Member
    This actually makes me really sad for you. Before you attempt to tackle the outside, start working on your insides. You seem very disgruntled and bitter, and I don't mean to be harsh with that. You are judging people pretty meanly, and because a guy was talking to a pretty woman, you broke up with him?

    Comparing yourself to others will literally destroy you. Focus on all the positive attributes you possess, and grow from there.

    If your only motivation is revenge, you will not be successful.

    Thank you for posting this. Self love is SO important. There will always be someone prettier, funnier, and smarter than you - but there is not another you.
  • MikePTY
    MikePTY Posts: 3,814 Member
    I would try not to get yourself into the comparison mode, or the "revenge" mode. I know that sometimes it is hard to avoid it, but I would focus on worrying what is best for you, and not about how you compare to everyone else. Comparison is the thief of joy. There will always be someone out there skinnier, prettier, more in shape, etc. If we try to measure our value based on others we will always fall short.

    Rather focus on making improvements for yourself. A diet with a reasonable calorie deficit is all you need (exercise is good too but it is a plus) and you can make changes and progress. Focus on doing those things for you, and I am confident you can have results.
  • tattoomary
    tattoomary Posts: 44 Member
    I think you sound like a great fun person....Id love a friend like you :) We all get bouts of insecurity, keep you head up get a bit of 'me' time and all will come good.
  • jebagby2014
    jebagby2014 Posts: 18 Member
    Thanks for the kind comments!
  • tracieknits
    tracieknits Posts: 7 Member
    For me, drinking will tank all of my effort in weight loss. Especially sugary cocktails and beer. I had to learn to like very dry wine, or gin in seltzer with a twist of lime or grapefruit. Far fewer calories and carbs! When I was over 270, I was really eating so much crap, and I didn't really realize how bad it was. And I was depressed. Well when I started eating better (i.e. half the plate green vegetables, most of my meals from scratch), I started feeling so much better. And *that* helped me stay on track for weight loss.

    I'm not perfect, but it's 8 years later and I'm still down over 50 pounds. I've been down as far as 74 pounds down but I've been enjoying too much wine and gin over the past year. So I'm cutting back and getting serious again.

    We have a lot of stepford wives here too and I'm frankly glad I don't have to compete. But let me tell you something - you want a guy who cares about more than looks.