What nobody tells you about losing weight
Replies
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RelCanonical wrote: »kenyonhaff wrote: »RelCanonical wrote: »brittanystebbins95 wrote: »Noreenmarie1234 wrote: »long_for_me wrote: »I have not yet gotten over the fact that you suddenly become visible. People hold the doors open, sropat crossings and talk to me a lot more often. I thought that I had lost this with age. Nope, I was just fat...
I confess to a certain amount of Schadenfreude there - as someone who has been fat and ignored for my entire life, now that I'm normal weight and the some of the pretty ones among my friends have gone the other way, I am taking an entirely mean-spirited satisfaction from their shock and confusion at the way the world has suddenly stopped being friendly towards them.
I try not to, but it has been painful experiencing how much better I am treated now and therefore how much our different lives have been defined by our different appearances. And I'm only human.
"People will treat you better, and you’ll think less of them for it" - one of my biggest takeaways from all this
It's very true. A few months ago I had a puncture and was changing a tyre. As a driver this had happened many times before, and only once did anyone ever stop to help. This time 5 people all stopped to ask if I needed help. I now have people open doors for me, I don't have to work as hard to get service in shops or a bar, and even the treatment I get from the medical establishment is much better. It's been a real eye opener.
I didn't notice this difference with weight loss, but I notice it if I dress nicely. If I put makeup on and do my hair, I am treated COMPLETELY differently than if I go out with my hair up, no makeup and in a frumpy outfit. Complete night and day difference with how I am treated.
I was discussing this with.a really good, and always slim, friend. And she remarked that I seemed much more outgoing, confident and positive these days. While she did not deny people do treat you better if you're not obese, there's also the confidence factor. Having said that, l know people, especially men, are more courteous and helpful.
I think that for a lot of people, myself included, this might have more to do with our attitudes toward ourselves than it does others.
When I was overweight, I was constantly judging myself and comparing myself to others. I thought less of myself. I was usually cranky, unapproachable, and downright miserable. Always had a scowl on my face.
This journey of losing weight? It has been so much more than that. I lost many pounds, yes. But I have gained so much, too. I gained confidence, I have learned what I am capable of, I have come to appreciate my body and yes, even love myself. As a result I am a happier person, not just on the inside, but on the outside. I am more pleasant to be around. I am empathetic, bubbly, and talkative, and I smile a lot and greet strangers. Positive energy is contagious. If you greet the world with a kind and happy heart, you'll typically see a similar response in other people. Negative energy is the same way. If you're sour all the time, people are going to avoid you.
To be honest, I think that people treated me differently when I was fatter because I was a different person then. I have changed, and so has my perspective. Perhaps nobody even treated me differently, I only saw it that way because I was so negative. My overall attitude and energy is better now and it shows.
That may be true for you.
I, however, was just as friendly and approachable as a fat person as I am now.
Actually, I was nicer as a fat person. I felt I owed it to people to be helpful and agreeable as a sort of apology for being fat. I am a lot less nice now as I feel I have the 'right' to complain or to ask for things. And yet, people are still nicer to me...
I think people are nicer because they realize they can't push you around. You're probably still nice, but you have firmly set boundaries, and people actually appreciate that more, and therefore are nicer. I used to be too agreeable as well, but as I've been gaining more confidence, I've come to realize that people who are like that can actually be tiring to be around. It almost feels like you have to manage them, whereas with a person with more boundaries, you feel like you can be yourself more without worrying about it affecting them.
Oh I wish that it wasn't just because people are mean to overweight people - but honestly people often just are. It's just awful.
I agree, but I think it's a little of both rather than one or the other. Appearing more authoritative will often make people treat you nicer, and they'll treat you noticeably nicer if you're authoritative and have lost weight. That combo deal.
It really is amazing that all these complex social interactions can be conducted in the two seconds it takes to pass a stranger in the street or decide whether to take their coffee order just past closing.
I really don't think I'm conveying much about my authoritativeness and boundaries when I spill my drink all over myself and ask apologetically for napkins. And yet my perpetual clumsiness now draws indulgent laughter and often a free replacement, rather than impatience and withering looks. I really don't think that's down to a personality change in me.25 -
+ That it can be an emotional roller-coaster. Some days you are happy with yourself and other days you get upset because you ate too much or you don't look right or you haven't lost any weight this week, etc. Learn to ride the roller-coaster and don't get off.
apparently written 4 yeras ago but absolutely hitting the spot for me today. i love this. Wish i could engrave it on a plaque! lol12 -
RelCanonical wrote: »kenyonhaff wrote: »RelCanonical wrote: »brittanystebbins95 wrote: »Noreenmarie1234 wrote: »long_for_me wrote: »I have not yet gotten over the fact that you suddenly become visible. People hold the doors open, sropat crossings and talk to me a lot more often. I thought that I had lost this with age. Nope, I was just fat...
I confess to a certain amount of Schadenfreude there - as someone who has been fat and ignored for my entire life, now that I'm normal weight and the some of the pretty ones among my friends have gone the other way, I am taking an entirely mean-spirited satisfaction from their shock and confusion at the way the world has suddenly stopped being friendly towards them.
I try not to, but it has been painful experiencing how much better I am treated now and therefore how much our different lives have been defined by our different appearances. And I'm only human.
"People will treat you better, and you’ll think less of them for it" - one of my biggest takeaways from all this
It's very true. A few months ago I had a puncture and was changing a tyre. As a driver this had happened many times before, and only once did anyone ever stop to help. This time 5 people all stopped to ask if I needed help. I now have people open doors for me, I don't have to work as hard to get service in shops or a bar, and even the treatment I get from the medical establishment is much better. It's been a real eye opener.
I didn't notice this difference with weight loss, but I notice it if I dress nicely. If I put makeup on and do my hair, I am treated COMPLETELY differently than if I go out with my hair up, no makeup and in a frumpy outfit. Complete night and day difference with how I am treated.
I was discussing this with.a really good, and always slim, friend. And she remarked that I seemed much more outgoing, confident and positive these days. While she did not deny people do treat you better if you're not obese, there's also the confidence factor. Having said that, l know people, especially men, are more courteous and helpful.
I think that for a lot of people, myself included, this might have more to do with our attitudes toward ourselves than it does others.
When I was overweight, I was constantly judging myself and comparing myself to others. I thought less of myself. I was usually cranky, unapproachable, and downright miserable. Always had a scowl on my face.
This journey of losing weight? It has been so much more than that. I lost many pounds, yes. But I have gained so much, too. I gained confidence, I have learned what I am capable of, I have come to appreciate my body and yes, even love myself. As a result I am a happier person, not just on the inside, but on the outside. I am more pleasant to be around. I am empathetic, bubbly, and talkative, and I smile a lot and greet strangers. Positive energy is contagious. If you greet the world with a kind and happy heart, you'll typically see a similar response in other people. Negative energy is the same way. If you're sour all the time, people are going to avoid you.
To be honest, I think that people treated me differently when I was fatter because I was a different person then. I have changed, and so has my perspective. Perhaps nobody even treated me differently, I only saw it that way because I was so negative. My overall attitude and energy is better now and it shows.
That may be true for you.
I, however, was just as friendly and approachable as a fat person as I am now.
Actually, I was nicer as a fat person. I felt I owed it to people to be helpful and agreeable as a sort of apology for being fat. I am a lot less nice now as I feel I have the 'right' to complain or to ask for things. And yet, people are still nicer to me...
I think people are nicer because they realize they can't push you around. You're probably still nice, but you have firmly set boundaries, and people actually appreciate that more, and therefore are nicer. I used to be too agreeable as well, but as I've been gaining more confidence, I've come to realize that people who are like that can actually be tiring to be around. It almost feels like you have to manage them, whereas with a person with more boundaries, you feel like you can be yourself more without worrying about it affecting them.
Oh I wish that it wasn't just because people are mean to overweight people - but honestly people often just are. It's just awful.
I agree, but I think it's a little of both rather than one or the other. Appearing more authoritative will often make people treat you nicer, and they'll treat you noticeably nicer if you're authoritative and have lost weight. That combo deal.
It really is amazing that all these complex social interactions can be conducted in the two seconds it takes to pass a stranger in the street or decide whether to take their coffee order just past closing.
I really don't think I'm conveying much about my authoritativeness and boundaries when I spill my drink all over myself and ask apologetically for napkins. And yet my perpetual clumsiness now draws indulgent laughter and often a free replacement, rather than impatience and withering looks. I really don't think that's down to a personality change in me.
It is definitely complex. There is something very unsettling about the way we judge overweight people, even when we're overweight ourselves, and it leads to complexes within ourselves.3 -
ReapingMyHarvest wrote: »+ That it can be an emotional roller-coaster. Some days you are happy with yourself and other days you get upset because you ate too much or you don't look right or you haven't lost any weight this week, etc. Learn to ride the roller-coaster and don't get off.
apparently written 4 yeras ago but absolutely hitting the spot for me today. i love this. Wish i could engrave it on a plaque! lol
I can very much relate to it too, and a lot of times I feel that way even when I'm doing well with my eating and weight loss. About a month or two ago I was having a serious existential crisis about what-the-hell-am-i-doing because I was losing weight but hadn't worked out my body images issues and it just kind of came all at once. Making it through that without getting off-track was a huge win. I wouldn't say I'm "better", but I'm coping much better.2 -
FitOldMomma wrote: »That the simple act of tying ones shoes becomes so much easier! That your bum will start hurting when sitting too long on a hard chair without the extra 'padding'. That several pairs of my shoes are now too loose. That actually seeing and feeling your wrist or ankle bones is pretty cool.
I bought a seat cushion for at home and one for at work!3 -
ReapingMyHarvest wrote: »+ That it can be an emotional roller-coaster. Some days you are happy with yourself and other days you get upset because you ate too much or you don't look right or you haven't lost any weight this week, etc. Learn to ride the roller-coaster and don't get off.
apparently written 4 yeras ago but absolutely hitting the spot for me today. i love this. Wish i could engrave it on a plaque! lol
Yep I also relate to this. Some days I feel amazing, beautiful, and proud of all the weight I've lost (49lbs). Other days I feel absolutely disgusted by myself and the weight I still need to lose (20lbs). Sometimes it's both at once and very tough!12 -
ReapingMyHarvest wrote: »+ That it can be an emotional roller-coaster. Some days you are happy with yourself and other days you get upset because you ate too much or you don't look right or you haven't lost any weight this week, etc. Learn to ride the roller-coaster and don't get off.
apparently written 4 yeras ago but absolutely hitting the spot for me today. i love this. Wish i could engrave it on a plaque! lol
Definitely relatable...wouldn't mind it on a t-shirt!0 -
The loose skin on my knuckles and finger joints is not cute ... LOL4
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RelCanonical wrote: »
I agree, but I think it's a little of both rather than one or the other. Appearing more authoritative will often make people treat you nicer, and they'll treat you noticeably nicer if you're authoritative and have lost weight. That combo deal.
No matter what the cause, it can be very unsettling and upsetting to feel that sudden change in treatment. I remember going to the grocery store by myself 2 weeks after giving birth and being shocked that no one held doors open for me or smiled at me. Then it dawned on me that I wasn’t obviously pregnant anymore. People were super nice to me 3 weeks before, but now I just looked like a frumpy and overweight woman—no one we needed to be extra nice to. I quickly realized the why, but it still was a little sad to think that we decide so much how to treat people based on what we see instead of just treating everyone nicely. (That said, I am 100% guilty of giving every stranger a once-over threat assessment while running outside, chatting at the store, etc) Sigh.
Moral of the story, I get it and it doesn’t feel good, and I’m sorry you are having to face this change. Hugs!9 -
RelCanonical wrote: »
I agree, but I think it's a little of both rather than one or the other. Appearing more authoritative will often make people treat you nicer, and they'll treat you noticeably nicer if you're authoritative and have lost weight. That combo deal.
No matter what the cause, it can be very unsettling and upsetting to feel that sudden change in treatment. I remember going to the grocery store by myself 2 weeks after giving birth and being shocked that no one held doors open for me or smiled at me. Then it dawned on me that I wasn’t obviously pregnant anymore. People were super nice to me 3 weeks before, but now I just looked like a frumpy and overweight woman—no one we needed to be extra nice to. I quickly realized the why, but it still was a little sad to think that we decide so much how to treat people based on what we see instead of just treating everyone nicely. (That said, I am 100% guilty of giving every stranger a once-over threat assessment while running outside, chatting at the store, etc) Sigh.
Moral of the story, I get it and it doesn’t feel good, and I’m sorry you are having to face this change. Hugs!
Oh, don't feel bad there. I work as a correctional officer. I deal with so many drug addicts that I've started to develop a stereotype for what they "look" like or how they dress, just based on personal appearance.
I'll be at the grocery store or in a movie theater minding my own business, see a person, and immediately my brain goes, "DRUGS" before I have a chance to mentally correct myself with a reminder that I have no idea who that person is and don't know anything about them.9 -
i thought i'd be proud of myself for losing weight. i am not.31
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I have just hit the "Lost 50 Pounds Club!" I'm happy I can give myself a pedicure and reach my feet and not run out of breath!!!27
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1. That you'll start being interested in/more inclined to eat food that you would never, under any circumstances, eat. I'm flirting with the idea of a fresh cucumber and tomato omelette. Still didn't get to that point, but oh god, does it sound like a delicious breakfast.
2. That you'll freeze your *kitten* off one minute, and the next you'll experience Hell-worthy hot flashes.
3. That you'll be in a constant state of shock how much/little calories certain food has, so you'll think twice before eating it.
4. That you'll be equal parts frustrated/pleased with meal planning.
5. That you'll jump for joy when you realize that you can eat a whole 325g apple, and that you still have about 700 calories left to eat.
6. That you'll have much more energy
7. That your head will feel much clearer
8. That you'll be more daring to do new things.
9. That almost all of your family members are in it together (see point 3.)10 -
Hungry_Shopgirl wrote: »
because i never should have let myself get the way i did in the first place.17 -
Thanos5, I so get that. Absolutely. And yet, we can only go forward. Hugs.6
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At 68 I am starting to realize I tend to live in the past or the future more than in the present. My past WOE's were not what they should have been but I can not change the past. I can only change my future by changing the Present I now understand.
Losing weight can change relationships I now better understand. Most people are happy that I have maintained a 50 pound weight loss for 4 years ago but it is harder for others (as it was for me in the past) who lost when I did but have had 100%+ regains since. It is a reminder they could have maintained their loss as well.
Stopping dieting for weight loss 5 years ago was the best thing I ever did for my health. I can't fail to lose weight if I am not trying to lose weight. Working for better health is a goal that really works for me weight wise.
Now I understand to become morbidly obese first requires a health failure. Once I started working on the root cause of my obesity vs. calories was key in my health starting to recover. I grew up in an area where they poke food in front of you if you are having a bad day for ANY reason. The extra food only caused me to want eat even more food. Back then my 'comfort' foods were mainly carbs.16 -
That no matter who you start your lifestyle change most will stop and it is only you who can keep it going5
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I heard recently that 80% of thin people did not have to work at it.
We have different metabolisms and born into different lifestyles. I don’t think we should take the blame for how we got there .. but definitely take the credit for losing it and huge kudos for keeping it off ( the Biggest Loser never had a reunion show for a reason)
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Hungry_Shopgirl wrote: »
because i never should have let myself get the way i did in the first place.
*Hugs* I get it, but still, congrats on being part of the small percentage of people who didn't just whine and moan, but actually did something about it!13 -
Hungry_Shopgirl wrote: »
because i never should have let myself get the way i did in the first place.
Hugs.
That person is the person that also lost the weight and made amends for their "mistakes" the majority makes, and that person is sorry they were "wrong".
I'm sure you would forgive a friend who is sorry and has made amends.8 -
Something nobody told me....that my husband had a whole album of photos of me on his phone that I never knew he had taken. We were on holiday with our youngest daughter last week and he started showing her photos of me I had no idea existed.I had only about half a dozen photos of myself at my largest (naturally, the mot flattering ones) and I still have that “can’t see the difference in the mirror” issue.
I had NO idea I had gotten that big or looked like that to other people. I didn’t even recognize myself. My daughter and I were dumbfounded at the difference.
I need to go give him a hug right this moment, because a.) he loved me enough to want to take pictures of me regardless of size and never criticized and b.) he hasn’t said anything about my efforts, and I’ve worried he thought I was obsessive with the constant weighing and talking about the process, but at that moment, when he shared the old photos to her to compare to the “new” me, I realized how proud of me he was. I am a very lucky woman.
I didn’t take measurements when I started and had so few “before” photos I didn’t really have anything to compare to til he shared with us. It really was like being hit by a lightning bolt. Just electric. Took my breath away. Like being slapped upside the head with before and after reality.57 -
lemonsurprise wrote: »Wanted to make this thread for motivationial purposes more than anything but they don't all have to be super positive! More of what came as a surprise. I'll start..
- how much confidence it will actually bring, especially when strangers start treating you like royalty all of a sudden!
- Sitting (particularly in baths) and laying (particularly in beds) will become ever increasingly uncomfortable.
- how vain you will become! I can't walk past a mirror without checking how I look nowadays!
Your turn!lemonsurprise wrote: »Wanted to make this thread for motivationial purposes more than anything but they don't all have to be super positive! More of what came as a surprise. I'll start..
- how much confidence it will actually bring, especially when strangers start treating you like royalty all of a sudden!
- Sitting (particularly in baths) and laying (particularly in beds) will become ever increasingly uncomfortable.
- how vain you will become! I can't walk past a mirror without checking how I look nowadays!
Your turn!lemonsurprise wrote: »Wanted to make this thread for motivationial purposes more than anything but they don't all have to be super positive! More of what came as a surprise. I'll start..
- how much confidence it will actually bring, especially when strangers start treating you like royalty all of a sudden!
- Sitting (particularly in baths) and laying (particularly in beds) will become ever increasingly uncomfortable.
- how vain you will become! I can't walk past a mirror without checking how I look nowadays!
Your turn!lemonsurprise wrote: »Wanted to make this thread for motivationial purposes more than anything but they don't all have to be super positive! More of what came as a surprise. I'll start..
- how much confidence it will actually bring, especially when strangers start treating you like royalty all of a sudden!
- Sitting (particularly in baths) and laying (particularly in beds) will become ever increasingly uncomfortable.
- how vain you will become! I can't walk past a mirror without checking how I look nowadays!
Your turn!lemonsurprise wrote: »Wanted to make this thread for motivationial purposes more than anything but they don't all have to be super positive! More of what came as a surprise. I'll start..
- how much confidence it will actually bring, especially when strangers start treating you like royalty all of a sudden!
- Sitting (particularly in baths) and laying (particularly in beds) will become ever increasingly uncomfortable.
- how vain you will become! I can't walk past a mirror without checking how I look nowadays!
Your turn!lemonsurprise wrote: »Wanted to make this thread for motivationial purposes more than anything but they don't all have to be super positive! More of what came as a surprise. I'll start..
- how much confidence it will actually bring, especially when strangers start treating you like royalty all of a sudden!
- Sitting (particularly in baths) and laying (particularly in beds) will become ever increasingly uncomfortable.
- how vain you will become! I can't walk past a mirror without checking how I look nowadays!
Your turn!
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1. Worst thing is the extra skin that prevents the lower abs. Only surgery will fix?
Also I’m jacked but don’t see the definition I would like due to the fact I was close to 300lbs for most of my life.
2. Can’t eat anything without wanting to immediately log it in to MFP and then check my macros.
3. Finding out when you get close to goal weight you can’t depend on your bathroom scale because we are mostly water, so now I get InBody 570 measurements:( fat, muscle, and water percentage measurements
3.B. ..also feeling weird when I don’t buy supplements from the owner of that inBody machine the day I go.
4. Only wanting to wear my Apple Watch so I know my Calories, so I never wear my Rolexes or Breitling anymore.6 -
smiliekiwi wrote: »I heard recently that 80% of thin people did not have to work at it.
We have different metabolisms and born into different lifestyles. I don’t think we should take the blame for how we got there .. but definitely take the credit for losing it and huge kudos for keeping it off ( the Biggest Loser never had a reunion show for a reason)
I was thin all my life and never had to work at it UNTIL my mid-40s. Went up two sizes that year and then another size the following year. Accepted it as the natural progression of getting older. Wore bigger sizes for at least 8 years (didn’t even diet for my wedding). Finally faced my 162-pound self (I’m 5’4.5” ) and was aghast when I looked at the pictures. Lost 27 pounds. Gained 10 back. Lost 5. Am now trying to lose again. It can become a real struggle EVEN for those who were previously thin!
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1: motivating others to lose weight. (I lost 30ish pounds and 3 sizes. Motivated my best friend to lose as well.
2: losing motivation when the person you motivated does better than you (gained back my 30ish pounds in frustration eating)
3: realizing how competitive you really are and secretly being happy when you do better. But still being happy with others progress.
4: you realize others are competitive as well and not everyone is happy for you.
5: that nervous feeling when going outside in something you wouldn't normally wear and realizing it's not the end of the world.
6: not everyone cares or will be as excited about your progress as you. And not everyone can see the 5 pound difference in your pics (made this mistake when a friend thought my after pic was the before pic)11 -
Lol @lemonsurprise I thought the runny poo.was just me!1
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This is a little backwards, but I think it still applies
No one told me that sometimes when you’re a mom and you’re nursing your baby you have to choose between fat loss and nursing the baby.
And to further this, no one told me (and BOY is it hard to find stories of similarity online) that EVEN if you’re SO grateful to be able to breastfeed successfully, 4yrs of pregnant/nursing/pregnant/nursing can really wear on the mind. It’s been unbelievably taxing (mentally)!
I’ve got 3 kids, youngest is a yr. I was discouraged when I didn’t lose the weight by breastfeeding my first. I lost it once I weaned (yay!) I tracked and taught myself to eat while nursing my second. If I dipped below 2400 calories the milk supply would start to dry up within 24hrs! Crazy! Even with 120oz of water + eating nutrient dense foods. I was lifting (following fitnessblender workouts online) and therefore changing my body composition. I did the same with baby #3 this last year.
I’ve since learned all about the hormone prolactin and it’s role in a mamas body + how different bodies respond to it.
And after 4yrs of being grateful (I truly do love breastfeeding!!) I am so READY to finally be able to eat in a deficit + lift heavy things and SEE results. I was unprepared for how weary my mind would be as I felt “trapped” in this body, grateful to be breastfeeding, then guilty for feeling “trapped” when this such a special time. I always was “shoulding” on myself. It was a real mental battle! “You should be more grateful for this special privilege instead of wishing for the time when it can be done and you’re ‘free’ to ‘be yourself’ again” bllahhhhhhh.
My body and my mind are ready for a break! And I wish there were more stories of mamas like me out there so when we’re discouraged we can more easily find out that we’re not alone. 33 -
This is a little backwards, but I think it still applies
And after 4yrs of being grateful (I truly do love breastfeeding!!) I am so READY to finally be able to eat in a deficit + lift heavy things and SEE results. I was unprepared for how weary my mind would be as I felt “trapped” in this body, grateful to be breastfeeding, then guilty for feeling “trapped” when this such a special time. I always was “shoulding” on myself. It was a real mental battle! “You should be more grateful for this special privilege instead of wishing for the time when it can be done and you’re ‘free’ to ‘be yourself’ again” bllahhhhhhh.
My body and my mind are ready for a break! And I wish there were more stories of mamas like me out there so when we’re discouraged we can more easily find out that we’re not alone.
Well count me as another mama like you! I have carried 3 pregnancies since 2014 and nursed two babies. I’m still nursing the 16 month old. I think I had 2 months off between 1 & 2. (Weaning and then pregnant again). It is exhausting. For me, just wearing a sports bra affected my milk supply! I can’t leave those on any longer than necessary.
We do give up our bodies and make the baby that we are growing—inside our outside our body—first priority. And it’s ok to feel both frustrated and grateful that we are able to breastfeed and give up our bodies for so long. I’m sure that when I’m old and looking back this will seem like a much shorter season of life than it seems right now.
6
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