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Insecure after losing weight

beth0277beth0277 Member Posts: 217 Member Member Posts: 217 Member
I’ve lost about 60 pounds and have about 10 to go before my goal. I’m feeling more insecure than ever. I just thought I’d be happier by this point by I’m not. I still find I’m not happy with how my body looks but I feel like I’m even more critical than before I lost the weight. Has anyone else felt this way?

Replies

  • rheddmobilerheddmobile Member Posts: 5,627 Member Member Posts: 5,627 Member
    Congrats on your loss! Would it help to set some non-appearance related fitness goals, so that you can enjoy the things your new, slimmer body can do? Lifting weights and running are great for my self-confidence, but anything you want to do could work. And getting more activity will help add muscle to fill in loose skin and improve your overall shape.
  • ahoy_m8ahoy_m8 Member Posts: 2,108 Member Member Posts: 2,108 Member
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    It's common to believe that being fat is the cause of problems that, in fact, it doesn't cause. (Sometimes it was the reverse, the problem was part of what led to becoming fat; sometimes it's really unrelated.)

    I think being fat has a weird sort of place in our culture, being attached to various stereotypes with no rational basis ("fat people are lazy" "fat people are jolly", etc.), and assumptions ("fat people must feel miserable"). Talking about fat is taboo in many contexts, and even factual statements about it (in oneself) can be met with denial by others, as if it were a character fault rather than a physical characteristic.

    Confidence is a thing all to itself, including body confidence. Fat people, thin people, and people in between can be body confident; and general confidence can be completely unrelated to appearance.

    Here's the good stuff: You've lost enough weight to materially improve your health and health prospects. That's a truly excellent achievement. And you've recognized that you have an additional thing you'd like to work on: Improving your confidence and sense of security. There are lots of ways to do that, including talking with a counselor, as others have suggested. (There are also practical strategies in books and online.) Your weight loss should tell you that you are able to take on a big goal, and succeed at it.

    I hesitate to suggest that you continue to focus directly on your appearance, if the larger problem is feeling insecure or unconfident. It's always possible to change and even improve appearance, such as by focused exercise programs and excellent nutrition; but if the impulse to self-criticism is still there, there's a that no improvement will ever seem like enough to feel positive. Better: Learning to celebrate your strengths, the wonderful things you and your body can do, and to make potential goals less about "faults to fix" and more "opportunities to improve". The difference between a fault and an opportunity is just how we think and feel about it.

    Best wishes! :flowerforyou:

    Just want to tag on bolded part. Good job, OP! Give yourself some credit where it’s deserved, and you might feel self esteem rise.
  • Commander_KeenCommander_Keen Member Posts: 1,203 Member Member Posts: 1,203 Member
    beth0277 wrote: »
    I’ve lost about 60 pounds and have about 10 to go before my goal. I’m feeling more insecure than ever. I just thought I’d be happier by this point by I’m not. I still find I’m not happy with how my body looks but I feel like I’m even more critical than before I lost the weight. Has anyone else felt this way?

    Thats ok. !st be happy and proud of yourself for losing 60 lbs.
    It took you x-amount of time Not X-amount-+Time.
    Be proud that you didn't quite.
    Be proud that you got it done.
    Be proud that you did It !!!

    Now.. start to buy clothing, a shirt, a skirt, shoes that fits you, that makes you look good.

    Then look at the threads on how to put on muscle mass and the body that you want.
    edited May 2019
  • Commander_KeenCommander_Keen Member Posts: 1,203 Member Member Posts: 1,203 Member
    @OP - Listen to Gvizzle74 It sounds like she knows what she's talking about.
  • seltzermint555seltzermint555 Member Posts: 10,339 Member Member Posts: 10,339 Member
    I agree about gvizzle74 knowing her stuff. 100%

    I never expected to have a "perfect" body or even "acceptable" body. I would look at the before & after pics in magazines captioned "They lost 100 lb" and scoff at the lack of loose skin or stretch marks or any belly fat. I know some people do have that experience but I think it's pretty rare for those who lose a LOT of weight. Anyway, I find that insecurity takes many forms. After losing 130+ and maintaining for about 5.5 years so far...I have far fewer body insecurities than I did for most of my life. I feel free to dance around and act silly at any moment and in front of anyone. I am comfortable in my clothes and never shy away from photos or stand behind others to hide. BUT I'm still insecure. I transfer that to other things like aging skin and being critical of features I was never critical of when I was heavier. It's just part of being a human and all we can do (IMHO) is work on being less critical and taking actions where we can to improve how we feel and sometimes, how we look. YMMV!
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