Insecure after losing weight

You're healthier. Your personality is not a function of your weight. You can work on it. It takes time and practice and self-awareness.

beth0277 wrote: »

I’ve lost about 60 pounds and have about 10 to go before my goal. I’m feeling more insecure than ever. I just thought I’d be happier by this point by I’m not. I still find I’m not happy with how my body looks but I feel like I’m even more critical than before I lost the weight. Has anyone else felt this way?

I feel this way! I've lost 65 lbs. and am also about 10 lbs. from goal (currently 138 at 5'7''). I feel like beofre I was sort of oblivious to how overweight I really was, I still felt attractive, and now, I'm constantly thinking about my looser skin (not sagging but when I pinch it it wrinkles up a lot more), stretch marks (they're really not ever bad but I do have them all over), and wonder if my belly button will look like a frown face, and wondering how my body will look at goal. I also pull on my fat more and feel more flabby than ever. In pictures, I look SO much better though and I know it's all in my head...

I don't have a solution yet. I'm just letting you know I totally feel the same and it's disappointing. I'm not at goal yet, though. I'm still super motivated to keep going and see what I can do with my body. I know it's emotional work that I really need, self love and acceptance, I'll find a way to get there...

It's common to believe that being fat is the cause of problems that, in fact, it doesn't cause. (Sometimes it was the reverse, the problem was part of what led to becoming fat; sometimes it's really unrelated.)

I think being fat has a weird sort of place in our culture, being attached to various stereotypes with no rational basis ("fat people are lazy" "fat people are jolly", etc.), and assumptions ("fat people must feel miserable"). Talking about fat is taboo in many contexts, and even factual statements about it (in oneself) can be met with denial by others, as if it were a character fault rather than a physical characteristic.

Confidence is a thing all to itself, including body confidence. Fat people, thin people, and people in between can be body confident; and general confidence can be completely unrelated to appearance.

Here's the good stuff: You've lost enough weight to materially improve your health and health prospects. That's a truly excellent achievement. And you've recognized that you have an additional thing you'd like to work on: Improving your confidence and sense of security. There are lots of ways to do that, including talking with a counselor, as others have suggested. (There are also practical strategies in books and online.) Your weight loss should tell you that you are able to take on a big goal, and succeed at it.

I hesitate to suggest that you continue to focus directly on your appearance, if the larger problem is feeling insecure or unconfident. It's always possible to change and even improve appearance, such as by focused exercise programs and excellent nutrition; but if the impulse to self-criticism is still there, there's a that no improvement will ever seem like enough to feel positive. Better: Learning to celebrate your strengths, the wonderful things you and your body can do, and to make potential goals less about "faults to fix" and more "opportunities to improve". The difference between a fault and an opportunity is just how we think and feel about it.

Best wishes! :flowerforyou:

I understand your feeling. I've dealt with it as well. I had to apply my cognitive behavioral therapy that I've been doing with my therapist and recognize that my body is only part of my life, and that I'm doing this to become a better person overall, not just to see a number on the scale. I've struggled a lot with body image. For me, a lot of it also had to do with the fact that the weight loss was such a big part of my life, and I realized there was nothing to fill the void once I entered maintenance. I didn't figure this out the first time and ended up gaining the weight back. This time, I've been catching on, and while it definitely not "fixed", I feel a lot better about where I'm heading because I have other goals in my life that I'm also working towards.

Not sure how much sense that made.

I lost 145 pounds and felt weirder about my body at first than i did before i lost weight (i've been maintaining for over three years now and feel much better about my body).
When i pictured my "goal weight body" it didn't include loose skin, a flat *kitten*, and small boobs. I pictured the body of a woman who'd never been obese. So i was disappointed and a little angry. So i started focusing on body recomp - weight training, building strength and endurance. I still have loose skin - but it's not as loose and it's better than being full of fat. I still have a flat *kitten* but thanks to a million squats and lunges it's a little less flat. I still have small boobs but thanks to push up bras that's my little secret.
Losing weight isn't a magic bullet that fixes your insecurities or makes you instantly happy with your body - sad but true. It almost makes things worse because you worked so hard to get there - but the work isn't done when your scale says you're at your goal. It can be - but it doesn't have to be. Set new fitness goals. Build strength and endurance. See what your new body can do.
Congratulations on your weight loss. Now on to the next adventure.

Ok first off I just want to throw this out there. I lost about 100 lbs and after I was so frustrated with all the hanging skin. It's now a year and a half after losing and it is so much better. It takes a while for the skin to catch up. Not all of us will be perfect but it does improve. I admit I had a tummy tuck but my butt, thighs and arms have not been surgically altered and they are beginning to look much better.

It took me a long time after losing weight to even think of myself as normal. Give yourself some time.

As for the rest, we tend to think all our problems are because of our weight. When that's gone we have to face the fact that we have other issues to deal with. For some of us those come up quicker now because we aren't stuffing them down with food. If this fits you then you might want to see a counsellor.

Last of all I just want to say... Even skinny people are insecure. We just don't know that until we are one of them.

I hope it gets better for you and in fact I believe it will but just remember every change takes time. Sending you a virtual hug.