What’s your Food weakness?

Finding besides the food tracker showing me how I’m eating more of this y less of that is definitely bringing self awareness.Before this journey I thought I drank a normal amount of tea ..then saw the amount of tea logs yikes. Decided to combine them well was a scary number (ever hear of water poisoning? I was near that amount with tea! Scared me) My chocolate 🍫 entries were less healthy alternatives I ate a chocolate bunny from my Daughter (2014 this is 2019) well gotta own up I shouldn’t be eating chocolate 🍫 that old especially since it has milk in it.

Hotdogs I love burned to a crisp on an open flame 🔥 or with mayo y bread 🍞.Why who knows but most would think I set the smoke alarm off by accident.

Learning something new today.My favorite foods are connected to 3 things.
1. Good Memories
2. Rebellion felt in charge for the 1st time
3. Heritage ( family teaching you to eat the family dishes from our homelands)
So gonna work on keeping the memories without having to eat the foods. My tea addiction spiraled after British Moms death.
Just brings back memories when I sip it starting to think it was a coping mechanism. I couldn’t grieve the loss of mom/miscarriage because I became an older pregnant mom again was told no stress allowed. Well no stress is good,but no grieving is bad.After baby boy was born I still didn’t stop to grieve when I did mom guilt hit when it shouldn’t have.
Chocolate lots of memories- birthday 🎂, 1st Woman hood moment, giggling with teen friends back in the day eating it while looking through Catalogs,my grandfather making me Native American goat milk candies in the desert 🌵 stirring it telling me stories from long ago, a Teacher who gave M&Ms in 1st grade y bubble gum as a teaching reward for knowing the answers (felt proud as I popped that reward on), could keep going.
Every food Item I eat is linked to 1 of these 3 things. I own a 50lb bag of Jasmine Rice a family staple like having cans of corn to green beans or spaghetti noodles.
Learning as I go everyone’s journey is different.So today evaluations time guys think about your favorites why are they so precious? Ball game as a kid winning getting a pizza/hot dog/salty or chocolate treat? A grandma who had it ready every time you visited? Your 1st music concert or date? Might even be a Mom/Dad/Relative who comments on your normal kid body using cruel words so it becomes a go to as a way of control (A few Aunts my Moms side they weren’t no skinny Minnie’s yet they like to point out a 9yr olds chubby spots suggest dieting). My kids both got my cheeks so no ones allowed to pinch or point at them! I get grumpy start sounding high pitch (already sound like Minnie Mouse don’t need to go higher lol).Who knows but maybe you’ll discover new stuff about yourself like I did today. My favorite brownie flavors for ice cream would be it was the 1st baked good I ever cooked as a new mom 2 decades ago for my dimpled Daughter her smile is etched forever.
Ps yes she’s holding a eaten candy cane in April definitely not from the Easter 🐣 Bunny 🐰

I’ve been looking for sugar free peanut butter guess it has to be bought online I hear the dried kind (sugar free) can be as low as 60 cal per 2 tbs.
found sugar free box jello eggs 10cal every 1/2cup
100 calories ice cream bar protein in it less sugars but limiting myself to only 1
Found why tea never effected my weight before is I used to make it from bags add my own types of sugar! During pregnancy to now jug teas companies sweetened. At work was on the go so grabbed a 4cal sweetnlow or equal put it in a 2 cal 8oz tea . The jugs are way way way more.
It’s a process I have not ate an M&M or candy in 2 whole days! How don’t know maybe I’m acclimating.
Down to 169lbs from 195 a lot to go.

My Mother grew up in a home where Food means love ❤️ .It was the only time she was shown any.Rest of the time she was hugged barely or spoken to ,a lot of name calling ,y screaming.At the table hugs, praise, more helpings ,y guilt if you left cause your full of food but not of love. Also was the clean your plate before leaving duke.She developed night eating on top of daily over eating. Till the day she died she fought her instincts to show me love at the table. She offered food a lot tho but would say you can say No I will still love you.She made sure to show me love all the time coloring with me to play doh Times.She Broke the cycle from repeating through more generations. My grandma only showed love to her grandkids when they ate too. I had a stomach condition so unable to eat barely at all as a kid I couldn’t.I struggled to keep it down even 2 bites.Near her death she finally learned how to love me without food.