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Frustrating
Jadu786
Posts: 141 Member
People can be so frustrating! A co worker of mine asked if they can ride with me to work in the mornings for a month as they are 8 months pregnant and so it would make things easier on them, so I said yes. Since then, they have asked:
1. Can I pick them up and drop them off to their place
2. Can they borrow my parking pass the week I am out of town
3. When I come back from vacation - can I come stay with them the next day for 2-3 days as their husband will be out of town and we can ride to work together
4. Can we leave my place by 7:30 instead of 8 because they have an 845 meeting. (which I wouldn't care about but I workout with a trainer in the morning - have to shower etc. and he didn't have any earlier morning appointments)
5. Can we ride together permanently? This would be hard because I am allowed to work from home sometimes and they are not..
Why is it that people always just demand more?
1. Can I pick them up and drop them off to their place
2. Can they borrow my parking pass the week I am out of town
3. When I come back from vacation - can I come stay with them the next day for 2-3 days as their husband will be out of town and we can ride to work together
4. Can we leave my place by 7:30 instead of 8 because they have an 845 meeting. (which I wouldn't care about but I workout with a trainer in the morning - have to shower etc. and he didn't have any earlier morning appointments)
5. Can we ride together permanently? This would be hard because I am allowed to work from home sometimes and they are not..
Why is it that people always just demand more?
13
Replies
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It's up to you to decide what you think is reasonable and to set boundaries with this person. If you can't or don't want to do what they're asking, then you need to tell them so.11
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Some people are just wired that way. Plus you have the miracle of building a new life thing happening.6
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Set your boundaries. Next thing you know, you'll be delivering the baby. 😩24
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3. When I come back from vacation - can I come stay with them the next day for 2-3 days as their husband will be out of town and we can ride to work together
Oh goodness, absolutely no. As another poster above mentioned, it sounds like this person has no boundaries and it will be up to you to set them.
A couple of scripts I've found are useful "I'm sorry, but that doesn't work for me" or "I'm happy to help you out, but I need to make sure I don't over-extend myself so I can be there when you really need it."
13 -
A world of NO. She can take the ride at the time you drive or ask someone else. And no to the other stuff. Don't do "reasons" either, like, "I can't come early because I work out" - no doubt the response will be, well work out earlier. It's not a dialogue, you are allowed to just "no." If you need more words than that "no, that won't work for me" and keep repeating the time that you can give her a ride that suits you.11
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Everyone’s different when it comes to that. They either look out for themselves for you or meet in the middle. If you’re not happy then you need to clarify. The more you let it happen, the more people will expect from you!4
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Oh goodness, absolutely no. As another poster above mentioned, it sounds like this person has no boundaries and it will be up to you to set them.
A couple of scripts I've found are useful "I'm sorry, but that doesn't work for me" or "I'm happy to help you out, but I need to make sure I don't over-extend myself so I can be there when you really need it."
You're so much more tactful than I
I do try to be kind, but I also have no issues saying "No" in a wide variety of ways. I admit I've never been great at handling people who thoughtlessly over reach. 7 -
You're so much more tactful than I I do try to be kind, but I also have no issues saying "No" in a wide variety of ways. I admit I've never been great at handling people who thoughtlessly over reach.
Yep. I am the kind of person that will hand you your coat and show you the door if you have stayed 20 minutes longer than I like.7 -
Won't she be on maternity leave soon? Then don't pick back up the carpooling afterwards. If she asks, go with the "that doesn't work for me anymore."11
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Yep. I am the kind of person that will hand you your coat and show you the door if you have stayed 20 minutes longer than I like.
That's all some people will respond to/understand LOL! I have close friends and some acquaintances that are wonderful at picking up the slightest polite hint. Others need a bit more forceful.....guidance.2 -
She's looking for a doormat. Be the door.11
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That's all some people will respond to/understand LOL! I have close friends and some acquaintances that are wonderful at picking up the slightest polite hint. Others need a bit more forceful.....guidance.
Was I supposed to hint first? Is saying "It is 10:20 and time for you to go home" a hint?2 -
Was I supposed to hint first? Is saying "It is 10:20 and time for you to go home" a hint?
I thought the hint was a big stretch and exaggerated yawn with a long look at your watch?1 -
Yep. I am the kind of person that will hand you your coat and show you the door if you have stayed 20 minutes longer than I like.
I thought the hint was a big stretch and exaggerated yawn with a long look at your watch?
I start putting away the snacks when I've had people over and I'm ready for them to go home. That usually gets them out the door. If that doesn't work, I tell them I'm going to sleep now. Forget the exaggerated yawn...I'm just heading toward the bedroom. If y'all missed the first hint, that's on you.0 -
Yep. I am the kind of person that will hand you your coat and show you the door if you have stayed 20 minutes longer than I like.
13 -
Yep. I am the kind of person that will hand you your coat and show you the door if you have stayed 20 minutes longer than I like.
We used to spend Christmas Eve at my Aunt's house. She had a great trick when she wanted everyone to leave. She'd say, "I'm going to put all your coats in the dryer for a few minutes so that they will be toasty-warm when you go out into the cold!" Everyone saw this as being thoughtful, but it was her way of saying "Get the hell out".12 -
SuzySunshine99 wrote: »
We used to spend Christmas Eve at my Aunt's house. She had a great trick when she wanted everyone to leave. She'd say, "I'm going to put all your coats in the dryer for a few minutes so that they will be toasty-warm when you go out into the cold!" Everyone saw this as being thoughtful, but it was her way of saying "Get the hell out".
That's an excellent method. We usually say it's getting late and suggest they start their car to warm it up.7 -
People can be so frustrating! A co worker of mine asked if they can ride with me to work in the mornings for a month as they are 8 months pregnant and so it would make things easier on them, so I said yes. Since then, they have asked:
1. Can I pick them up and drop them off to their place
2. Can they borrow my parking pass the week I am out of town
3. When I come back from vacation - can I come stay with them the next day for 2-3 days as their husband will be out of town and we can ride to work together
4. Can we leave my place by 7:30 instead of 8 because they have an 845 meeting. (which I wouldn't care about but I workout with a trainer in the morning - have to shower etc. and he didn't have any earlier morning appointments)
5. Can we ride together permanently? This would be hard because I am allowed to work from home sometimes and they are not..
Why is it that people always just demand more?
This woman is looking for someone to take care of her (I'm assuming she doesn't have a partner?), and by making incremental requests that escalate from smaller favors to long-term committments she's slowly sucking you into that role. The longer this goes on the harder it will be to back out. You'll start feeling like you're leaving her stranded at a vulnerable point in her life, and if it impacts the baby it will be because of your cold heart. Don't let this happen. Finish your 30 day committment to drive with her with no other concessions, and follow the advice above and practice saying "No, that doesn't work for me." Avoid starting with "Sorry, ...". You have nothing to be sorry for and even that little bit of softness can allow her to feel like she can worm her way in by playing on your emotions.
Your feelings about this situation are completely valid.4 -
This woman is looking for someone to take care of her (I'm assuming she doesn't have a partner?),
Ummm....3. When I come back from vacation - can I come stay with them the next day for 2-3 days as their husband will be out of town and we can ride to work together6 -
SuzySunshine99 wrote: »
We used to spend Christmas Eve at my Aunt's house. She had a great trick when she wanted everyone to leave. She'd say, "I'm going to put all your coats in the dryer for a few minutes so that they will be toasty-warm when you go out into the cold!" Everyone saw this as being thoughtful, but it was her way of saying "Get the hell out".
Your aunt is the best.2 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »
Maybe her husband sucks at it
Still, I think we can all agree, it's not OP's job to step in and take care of this demanding, prego succubus (too mean?)4 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »
Yikes, missed that! Thanks for pointing it out.1 -
smoofinator wrote: »
Maybe her husband sucks at it
Still, I think we can all agree, it's not OP's job to step in and take care of this demanding, prego succubus (too mean?)
Yes, too mean. Although I wouldn't say that if you'd left out the pregnancy shaming.
Certainly it's not OP's job to take care of a demanding co-worker who wants the OP to rearrange their life indefinitely to provide a (free?) ride to the co-worker, especially when OP wouldn't otherwise even be commuting every day! The initial request and the drop-off/pick-up request, assuming the co-worker lives nearby or on the way, don't seem insanely pushy, and lending a parking pass you're not using (assuming that's not violating some terms under which the parking pass was issued) doesn't seem like a heavy lift, but everything after that seems pretty self-centered even to make the request, unless it were accompanied by repeated statements that the co-worker knows they're asking a lot and that they will completely understand if you say no.
But just because the person asking doesn't seem to recognize your right to say no doesn't mean you can't say no. "No, I'm sorry." "No, I'm afraid I can't." Not "no, because ..." You don't want to give the other person the idea that if they can just dispense with your reason that you'll say yes. The only time to offer a reason is if you really would like to say yes and you want to try to negotiate.9 -
She's asking for your help. It's not her fault you keep saying yes. And since you keep saying yes then why wouldn't she keep asking for help.8
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MelanieCN77 wrote: »A world of NO. She can take the ride at the time you drive or ask someone else. And no to the other stuff. Don't do "reasons" either, like, "I can't come early because I work out" - no doubt the response will be, well work out earlier. It's not a dialogue, you are allowed to just "no." If you need more words than that "no, that won't work for me" and keep repeating the time that you can give her a ride that suits you.
THIS. These people are taking advantage of you.2 -
MelanieCN77 wrote: »...Don't do "reasons" either, like, "I can't come early because I work out"...It's not a dialogue, you are allowed to just [say] "no."
THIS^^THIS^^THIS^^THIS^^THIS^^THIS^^THIS^^THIS^^THIS^^THIS^^THIS^^THIS
I cannot click like enough for this statement.
You do not owe anyone an explanation for why you can or cannot do something for them.
3 -
Next she'll be asking you to babysit on the days you work from home.
I'd say no to *all* the extra requests. Even the parking pass. It would suck for her to come up with many reasons she can't get it back to you right away. It's not even a stretch to expect that to happen.
People who are this pushy with requests will expect you to drop everything to accommodate them.0 -
I’m trying to be stern about things .. I’ll try not to pick car poling back up after maternity leave ..3
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I’m trying to be stern about things .. I’ll try not to pick car poling back up after maternity leave ..
World of difference between "try" and "do."
After her mat leave, either just tell her that it no longer works for you (no other explanation needed) or get stuck in the same rut. Absolutely your choice.
I have a saying that I live by: Sometimes you have to teach people how to treat you. If you allow them to treat you badly, you deserve the treatment you get. 5 -
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