How do you nicely tell your partner to lose weight?

24

Replies

  • taessane
    taessane Posts: 11 Member
    egray0308 wrote: »
    I always wondered how men/women encouraged their significant other to eat healthy and workout... it’s rare that you see a couple where one is fit and the other is not ...

    well I guess it's bc being fit is what got them together in the first place, they met at the gym maybe, or they were struggling with the way they looked and encouraged each other to improve bc no one is patient enough to get along with someone who isn't fit and try to change them
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 270,349 Member
    egray0308 wrote: »
    That’s a super cute story. I thought I’d ask because a close friend of mine bf told her he wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore because she let herself “go.” In a way I respect his honesty but in another way I see it as being mean and rude. I thought that would light her fire to make her start working out with me but it only made things worse. 😞

    It would make me want to punch him out :#
  • Phoenixsunflr
    Phoenixsunflr Posts: 78 Member
    you simply dont
  • Cowsfan1
    Cowsfan1 Posts: 7,937 Member
    @LiftingSpirits you gotta take on this ?
  • avalonblues
    avalonblues Posts: 556 Member
    I don't think you can force someone to do something they simply do not want to do. So unless your SO expresses interest in losing weight, there is nothing you can say or do to force a change. Just as gaining weight is a choice and requires a commitment to relative inactivity & over-eating (which is really easy to make), losing weight and getting in shape is a choice that requires a commitment (difficult under any circumstances). Often people who choose a fitness lifestyle gravitate together and people who do not gravitate together, but those interests do not always hold over time.

    If you are that latter position, all you can do is be the best you you can be and pursue a healthy, fitness-oriented lifestyle for its own sake. If your partner rejects that lifestyle that's just the way it is. You each have the chance to choose what is most important to you - the relationship or pursuing a different relationship perhaps with a more compatible person. It's a hard choice. Many times, the choices we have to make are.

    Incidentally, being kind and honest or not is a kind of a choice too.
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,580 Member
    Considering that the individual is your friend and not your significant other, scheduling a "girls outing" to a facility like the attached might trigger her to want to change her eating habits and inculcate exercise.


  • egray0308
    egray0308 Posts: 8 Member
    @LyndaBSS considering that you have no idea who she is is the best part about it. If a complete stranger who knows no parties involved there can be no bias. When you’re truly friends with someone you know what would embarrass them and what would not. She’s fine with it but thanks for your concern 🙄
  • sugarcakes38
    sugarcakes38 Posts: 80 Member
    Never mind the weight loss, seems to me this girl has more on her plate to think about and commit to than diet and exercise. There’s plenty of time to lose weight, but not a lot of time to live life at your fullest potential, clock starts at the first hour of life.
    What I mean is, is she even overweight? Or just not thin enough for some people. Does she even WANT to lose weight? Or are people just trying to make this plan work for her. Lastly, is this the biggest problem her partner and you can find in her? Because it sounds as though she is being pushed from both ends, not just to lose weight, but also to be your fitness buddy? If she’s content with herself, why can’t that be okay?

    As for the question, that’s sort of like asking “How do you stab the one you’re supposed to love and respect with a dull knife without it hurting?”. There’s no nice way of telling someone they should lose weight. In fact, there’s really no valid reason to, aside from suffering from a cold hard case of narcissistic personality disorder. Maybe even more because that takes a lot of balls.

    Those in healthy relationships where one has/faces weight-related health issues, their partner don’t tell them to “lose weight”. Weight loss is not a fix a flat or a cure-all. Normally, the concern is for the seriousness of the issues, themselves. As for that type of discussion, nothing a decent amount of common sense, trust, compassion and a healthy dose of tact can’t relay effectively.

    A person’s mental/emotional health is as equally important as physical well-being (not appearance) and there’s a great divide between expressing a genuine concern for co-morbidities, and commanding a more attractive partner. The differences are like night and day, as are the conditions in which a person is left afterward. As for helping her lose weight, I’d help her love herself, first.

    As for her, I’d get started living today. Start by pulling that metaphorical knife out my back and getting rid of that horse’s *kitten* of a partner, easiest and fastest 100 lbs she’d ever lose.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,714 Member
    I don't think there's anything wrong with telling a partner that you no longer desire them because of it. Honesty. You don't have to be a jerk about it, but nobody should be having sex they don't really want. It's going to hurt, but that doesn't make it wrong. Most people need a spark of physical attraction to make physical love. That's not the same as not loving the person anymore.
    I don't think there's anything wrong with expressing concerns over a partner's health because of their weight. Looking out for each others health and welfare is part of the deal.

    That said, your friend's guy sounds like a jerk. She should ditch him, get healthy for herself, and find someone nicer.
  • kevinflemming1982
    kevinflemming1982 Posts: 158 Member
    edited July 2019
    My girlfriend and I always say that we just want to be fit and healthy, to live longer lives so we can spend more time with each other and encourage the other to keep fit whenever we are able. She has just started a new job and has her (well, our) daughter to sort out before work and is tired by the time she gets home, so I don't expect her to always be working out.

    She's not overweight anyway and only has a little bit of podge around her middle, so I don't give her too much hassle about it. She's just as gorgeous with it, as without it. But obviously I want her to be healthy. I do try to use my enthusiasm to spur her on a little.

    I recently started working out properly, not slacking off lol. I constantly keep her updated of what I've done (as I do with everything) and how much weight I've lost. She will always congratulate me and give me encouragement to keep going. :blush:

    I would never tell her that I wasn't attracted to her anymore, because I know in my heart that would never happen. But it doesn't hurt to look after yourself. Luckily, when we're together, we won't see it as working out. It's more just spending time together.
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,234 Member
    My husband very kindly told me my weight was becoming an issue attraction wise but he never told me i had to lose weight.
    Because you can't. You can't make anyone do something.
    That being said, sounds like bigger issues are afoot.
  • PAFC84
    PAFC84 Posts: 1,869 Member
    mbaker566 wrote: »
    My husband very kindly told me my weight was becoming an issue attraction wise but he never told me i had to lose weight.
    Because you can't. You can't make anyone do something.
    That being said, sounds like bigger issues are afoot.

    And then the super athlete upside down in your profile pic? Or is that what you did to his body? Lol
  • hixa30
    hixa30 Posts: 274 Member
    You are actually allowed to ask your partner to be healthier, or stop doing unhealthy activities, whatever they are. I've done it.
  • mermaidsgrave
    mermaidsgrave Posts: 98 Member
    egray0308 wrote: »
    I always wondered how men/women encouraged their significant other to eat healthy and workout... it’s rare that you see a couple where one is fit and the other is not ...
    egray0308 wrote: »
    That’s a super cute story. I thought I’d ask because a close friend of mine bf told her he wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore because she let herself “go.” In a way I respect his honesty but in another way I see it as being mean and rude. I thought that would light her fire to make her start working out with me but it only made things worse. 😞


    I had a friend who’s husband said the same and she was devastated. I can honestly see both sides and I told her as much. Yes she’s hurt but at least he was honest. She knew there had been bedroom issues, she was always telling me she needed to lose weight etc. They used to work out together all the time in the beginning but after having kids she kinda let it all go so to speak.... he met her when they were fit and active together. Your spouse should be able to be honest about how they feel. At least he wasn’t at the gym macking on every hot girl he saw.
  • lovelylosses
    lovelylosses Posts: 27 Member
    egray0308 wrote: »
    That’s a super cute story. I thought I’d ask because a close friend of mine bf told her he wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore because she let herself “go.” In a way I respect his honesty but in another way I see it as being mean and rude. I thought that would light her fire to make her start working out with me but it only made things worse. 😞

    Love. Is. A. Verb.

    You show someone whether or not you love them. I doubt this dude cares about anyone other than himself. As evidenced by him framing her entire body as a vehicle for his own sexual desires.

    Your friend needs to find someone who will appreciate her for the kind soul she is - whatever the package might be on the outside. That, and a little mental self-love and I think she'll feel much more empowered to treat her body with kindness as well.
  • stricklee11
    stricklee11 Posts: 217 Member
    There's no nice way to put it. I think my husband phrased it as "We should start exercising together" i.e. you need to lose weight. Even that discussion and other hints did not motivate me to lose the weight. It wasn't until I was ready and willing to lose weight that I got serious about it.

    I think it's understandable if one partner was thin or muscular when they first got together to want them to go back to the way they were. I know love is about more than attraction but at the same time, it's akin to a bait and switch. Everyone has their preferences.