How do you nicely tell your partner to lose weight?

BasedGawd412 wrote: »

cayenne_007 wrote: »

If you're not physically attracted to someone - and especially you're not married to them - then why on earth would you stay with them?

It would've been 10,000 times easier for me to process if my ex had the cojones to simply say he was finished with our marriage than it was to take the constant attacks on everything about myself. By being told there were things I had to change about myself to earn his love/approval - that's just cruel.

It makes a difference I guess if your friend has gained a significant amount of weight in the time they've been together in my perspective. I've never believed that it's right to let yourself change drastically and expect your partner to still want you..... (I'd hope they would, but still - I feel a responsibility to take care of myself.)

I'm very sorry that you had to deal with that toxicity. I hope you are in a much better place now. Most people stay in unhappy relationships out of comfort. I think a lot of times for men it just comes down to money, they don't want to pay for alimony, child support, or live on a single income. He possibly thought he was Mr. hot stuff and thought he could do better than you but reality smacked him in the face that he was really average or below so he stuck with you.


I find this topic really interesting because like I previously said, I've been on both sides of this coin. Long read below


I'm single and divorced. When I was dating women would always ask why did you get divorced and I would just sum it up replying back "I lost attraction to her". It's funny because their reactions were always like the majority of the women in this thread "You are mean", "*kitten*", "how shallow" etc jumping to conclusions that it was purely physical attraction I was speaking of when it encompassed much more.


I was a very committed, supportive, loving husband and gave my ex wife everything a wife would want from a husband. Instead of taking opportunities to enhance her life which would of enhanced our lives, she became super complacent, didn't strive for anything, didn't do the things that made me fall in love with her anymore, and started complaining about trivial things on a daily basis. She was very content just watching tv all day and nothing else.

When I got with her at 17 she was 160lbs at 5'1". She was chubby but rocked her weight well. At age 22 I got into really good shape she went up to 180lbs. I found it bothersome but not a deal breaker. I was straight up honest with her how I felt but did not shame her. We worked out together sometimes and bought a whole lot less processed foods. She tried her best and gave up after a few months. I didn't get mad, I was like whatever. She's my best friend and we have each others backs no matter what so that kept me in love with her.

I was around 23 working as a night auditor in a pretty popular hotel in super shape. I was in phenomenal shape at this time and would have women approach me here and there but I stayed faithful to my ex wife. Ever since we had our first son I took night shift jobs that way we could always be around our sons. I was a major help at home, I changed diapers, cleaned dishes, kept the house clean, washed, folded, and put away clothes, took my sons to school, Dr appointments, and extracurricular activities.

Working the night shift seeing my peers waltzing into the hotel lobby having nights on the town started to get to me. I never had a weekend off or a vacation yet in my life. I felt like my younger years were passing me by while all I did was work. So one night I ask my ex wife would she mind working a night shift job while I took a day shift job. She flat out said "No". I thought she was joking and I asked again, she said "no, I would not work a night shift job" sternly.

In my head I'm going "wooooooooooooow, unbelievable!" At this point she was 5'1" 190lbs. What little attraction I did have left for her all died right there. I got tired of carrying her on my back and decided to do me at that point putting my best interest in mind.







I left my ex wife and got into a super toxic relationship with my ex gf where she lost attraction to me lol



That relationship is a lifetime movie, just way too much to write about. I'll try to make a long story short.

I have no technical skills and only a GED to my name. When I got with my ex gf she was going thru some things which prevented her from having a job. I took on 2 full time jobs working a minimal of 80 hour a week to make ends meet.

I brought my ex gf a brand new car, taught her how to drive so she could get her license, she wanted to join the army so I would work out with her in the middle of my shift at my day job to support her losing weight, leave in the middle of my shift of my night job and hold her so she could get thru her night terrors, got her a apartment, attended all but one of her therapy sessions as a support system, and gave her a heads up on this job that she thrived in.

I was still taking care of my kids instead of throwing them off on my ex wife and did all of this for a little over 2 years. We brought a house together and I was burned the *kitten* out at this point. I remember explicitly telling her I'm so tired of being tired, for the next couple of months I just want to chill, play videogames, and get fat which I did. I was 6ft 185lbs and blew up to nearly 240lbs during my fat period. She was 5'0" 142lbs when I met her and gained 40lbs herself weighing 182lbs but still rocked her weight well.


During this time, she really started feeling herself. She worked in a call center and worked up way up to a managerial position fairly quickly. She's a pretty girl so she was constantly being hounded with attention. Call centers are *kitten* houses. I knew she lost attraction to me because she didn't want to be around me like before, she wasn't all loving like before, and I started hearing the excuses "I'm tired" "I'm not in the mood" frequently more when it came to intimacy.

It sucked but I wasn't hurt. I knew what I looked like and I understand how important physical looks are in a relationship. I wasn't worried the least bit because I knew I would bounce back when I was good and ready, I always do.

What bothered me that she didn't have to the gall to tell me straight up that she didn't find me attractive anymore but instead chose to be fake about it framing her concern under "health".


I remember one day after leaving the mall I went to McDonald s, Taco Bell, and Burger King back to back to back.

My ex gf says to me "Basedgawd, that's unhealthy"

This puts a real sour taste in my mouth because she never worked out, ate snacks all day, went to 142lbs to 182lbs in 3 years with no kids and I've neeeeeeeeeever mentioned her weight gain a single time.

Me "What's unhealthy about it?"

Her "It's just unhealthy"

Me "Surely you must have a idea, am I breathing hard doing normal activities, having a hard time walking up steps, constantly out of breath help me out and explain what's unhealthy about it"

Her "I don't know, it's just unhealthy!"

Me "If you don't find me attractive, be a adult and just *kitten* say it"



After this argument I made my plans to exit the relationship because I knew the relationship was dead and that she already moved on.

BasedGawd412 wrote: »

cayenne_007 wrote: »

If you're not physically attracted to someone - and especially you're not married to them - then why on earth would you stay with them?

It would've been 10,000 times easier for me to process if my ex had the cojones to simply say he was finished with our marriage than it was to take the constant attacks on everything about myself. By being told there were things I had to change about myself to earn his love/approval - that's just cruel.

It makes a difference I guess if your friend has gained a significant amount of weight in the time they've been together in my perspective. I've never believed that it's right to let yourself change drastically and expect your partner to still want you..... (I'd hope they would, but still - I feel a responsibility to take care of myself.)

I'm very sorry that you had to deal with that toxicity. I hope you are in a much better place now. Most people stay in unhappy relationships out of comfort. I think a lot of times for men it just comes down to money, they don't want to pay for alimony, child support, or live on a single income. He possibly thought he was Mr. hot stuff and thought he could do better than you but reality smacked him in the face that he was really average or below so he stuck with you.


I find this topic really interesting because like I previously said, I've been on both sides of this coin. Long read below


I'm single and divorced. When I was dating women would always ask why did you get divorced and I would just sum it up replying back "I lost attraction to her". It's funny because their reactions were always like the majority of the women in this thread "You are mean", "*kitten*", "how shallow" etc jumping to conclusions that it was purely physical attraction I was speaking of when it encompassed much more.


I was a very committed, supportive, loving husband and gave my ex wife everything a wife would want from a husband. Instead of taking opportunities to enhance her life which would of enhanced our lives, she became super complacent, didn't strive for anything, didn't do the things that made me fall in love with her anymore, and started complaining about trivial things on a daily basis. She was very content just watching tv all day and nothing else.

When I got with her at 17 she was 160lbs at 5'1". She was chubby but rocked her weight well. At age 22 I got into really good shape she went up to 180lbs. I found it bothersome but not a deal breaker. I was straight up honest with her how I felt but did not shame her. We worked out together sometimes and bought a whole lot less processed foods. She tried her best and gave up after a few months. I didn't get mad, I was like whatever. She's my best friend and we have each others backs no matter what so that kept me in love with her.

I was around 23 working as a night auditor in a pretty popular hotel in super shape. I was in phenomenal shape at this time and would have women approach me here and there but I stayed faithful to my ex wife. Ever since we had our first son I took night shift jobs that way we could always be around our sons. I was a major help at home, I changed diapers, cleaned dishes, kept the house clean, washed, folded, and put away clothes, took my sons to school, Dr appointments, and extracurricular activities.

Working the night shift seeing my peers waltzing into the hotel lobby having nights on the town started to get to me. I never had a weekend off or a vacation yet in my life. I felt like my younger years were passing me by while all I did was work. So one night I ask my ex wife would she mind working a night shift job while I took a day shift job. She flat out said "No". I thought she was joking and I asked again, she said "no, I would not work a night shift job" sternly.

In my head I'm going "wooooooooooooow, unbelievable!" At this point she was 5'1" 190lbs. What little attraction I did have left for her all died right there. I got tired of carrying her on my back and decided to do me at that point putting my best interest in mind.







I left my ex wife and got into a super toxic relationship with my ex gf where she lost attraction to me lol



That relationship is a lifetime movie, just way too much to write about. I'll try to make a long story short.

I have no technical skills and only a GED to my name. When I got with my ex gf she was going thru some things which prevented her from having a job. I took on 2 full time jobs working a minimal of 80 hour a week to make ends meet.

I brought my ex gf a brand new car, taught her how to drive so she could get her license, she wanted to join the army so I would work out with her in the middle of my shift at my day job to support her losing weight, leave in the middle of my shift of my night job and hold her so she could get thru her night terrors, got her a apartment, attended all but one of her therapy sessions as a support system, and gave her a heads up on this job that she thrived in.

I was still taking care of my kids instead of throwing them off on my ex wife and did all of this for a little over 2 years. We brought a house together and I was burned the *kitten* out at this point. I remember explicitly telling her I'm so tired of being tired, for the next couple of months I just want to chill, play videogames, and get fat which I did. I was 6ft 185lbs and blew up to nearly 240lbs during my fat period. She was 5'0" 142lbs when I met her and gained 40lbs herself weighing 182lbs but still rocked her weight well.


During this time, she really started feeling herself. She worked in a call center and worked up way up to a managerial position fairly quickly. She's a pretty girl so she was constantly being hounded with attention. Call centers are *kitten* houses. I knew she lost attraction to me because she didn't want to be around me like before, she wasn't all loving like before, and I started hearing the excuses "I'm tired" "I'm not in the mood" frequently more when it came to intimacy.

It sucked but I wasn't hurt. I knew what I looked like and I understand how important physical looks are in a relationship. I wasn't worried the least bit because I knew I would bounce back when I was good and ready, I always do.

What bothered me that she didn't have to the gall to tell me straight up that she didn't find me attractive anymore but instead chose to be fake about it framing her concern under "health".


I remember one day after leaving the mall I went to McDonald s, Taco Bell, and Burger King back to back to back.

My ex gf says to me "Basedgawd, that's unhealthy"

This puts a real sour taste in my mouth because she never worked out, ate snacks all day, went to 142lbs to 182lbs in 3 years with no kids and I've neeeeeeeeeever mentioned her weight gain a single time.

Me "What's unhealthy about it?"

Her "It's just unhealthy"

Me "Surely you must have a idea, am I breathing hard doing normal activities, having a hard time walking up steps, constantly out of breath help me out and explain what's unhealthy about it"

Her "I don't know, it's just unhealthy!"

Me "If you don't find me attractive, be a adult and just *kitten* say it"



After this argument I made my plans to exit the relationship because I knew the relationship was dead and that she already moved on.

your_future_ex_wife wrote: »

I agree his story seems not entirely about physical attractiveness. There were other issues.

I did want to add my opinion that for ME obesity is an issue if it impedes function and mobility. There are things a fit person can do that an unfit person can’t. Then again, imagination and attitude trumps all of that.