Getting past the unfair feeling

VeronicaRooney · August 2019

How do you get past the feeling of "This is F'in unfair. Those skinny people don't exercise or eat right." or "They were raised to have a healthy lifestyle while we lived off of what we could" or "Its easier for them because they don't have kids."

Basically, excuse after excuse and I can't seem to get past this very bitter feeling every time I open a diet/ lifestyle/ health book. I get so bitter at the world and can't even focus on what I am reading or doing because all I can think about is how this is so F'in unfair.

Any advice?

apullum · August 2019

You have no idea what other people's lives are like unless you have a close relationship with that person. You don't know everything about another person's background, health, diet, or exercise.

I would suggest not reading books that make you feel this way.

VeronicaRooney · August 2019

Oh, it's not the books that make me feel this way it's myself. I get that I do not know people or understand what they are going through but its just a literal thought that pops up in my head very aggressively

LyndaBSS · August 2019

You get out of it what you're willing to put into it.

I've never once looked in the mirror or at a fitness model and thought "no fair". My being obese has nothing to do with fairness. It has to do with with the way I consciously chose to behave.

RunsWithBees · August 2019

Stop comparing yourself to others. You have control over your food and fitness choices, no one else. You do you

apullum · August 2019

VeronicaRooney wrote: »

Oh, it's not the books that make me feel this way it's myself. I get that I do not know people or understand what they are going through but its just a literal thought that pops up in my head very aggressively

But now that you are aware of having these thoughts, you can catch yourself when you have them and remind yourself that you don't know what other people's lives are like. You can change your thought patterns, but it takes effort.

I've had people say things to me about me being naturally skinny. I also run, and I bake a lot. People assume that because I'm short and I'm a runner, I can eat whatever I want and stay small. It is the furthest thing in the world from the truth. I used to have a BMI of 42, I worked my butt off to get to where I am, and I continue to work my butt off to maintain. I fit my sweets into my calorie goal. I moved and started a new job in the same month I hit my goal weight, so no one I see on a daily basis understands my past. They make these sorts of assumptions about me that are the complete opposite of what I have actually gone through.

No one knows exactly what another person's experience is like.

glovepuppet · August 2019

Therapy.

If you're trapped in thought patterns that reduce your quality of life, therapy can really help. It's a brain detox.

VeronicaRooney · August 2019

Thank you all very much I shall get a therapist and use everyone else's advice. Thank you again!

lgfrie · August 2019

I second the call for therapy. Your issue is not a weight issue. It's something else.

Hannahwalksfar · August 2019

I told myself I could choose to be a victim story or a success story. And here I am.

Terytha · August 2019

Every time I think that something isn't fair, i hear David Bowie's voice in my head: "You say that so often, I wonder what your basis for comparison is?"

What is fair? Who even said anything would be fair?

NovusDies · August 2019

I don't often think that way. Fair is how I treat other people and how I need to treat myself. It is not something I feel owed. I gained weight by not being fair to myself. I am losing weight by reversing that behavior.

MoxyLeigh · August 2019

@Terytha - I hear David Bowie's voice in my head all the time, but that's an especially good one.

I hope this doesn't seem trite or condescending, but that kinda thing seems like a good time to "focus on gratitude" as the mindful people say. We all have blessings, try to focus on your own.

For example, on this journey of weight loss and getting back into shape, I find myself actively remembering things like, "I'm so lucky that I CAN walk," or "I'm so lucky that I still have time in my life to turn this around." It may sound trite at first glance, but it seems much less so when I'm out for my evening walk and I pass someone who is pushing themself around in a wheelchair with one leg. Which just happened last night, in fact.

Try to remember that you too are blessed with many advantages that others can only dream of. You can do this!

Hannahwalksfar · August 2019

Once you choose your own narrative you suddenly stop comparing your story to anyone else’s.

callsitlikeiseeit · August 2019

go to therapy. your journey is not someone elses and vice versa.

WispyBlue · August 2019

If it makes you feel better, I was that “she eats whatever she wants and never gains weight.” But the thing is all I ate was whatever I eat when I’m out with my friend and didn’t really eat anything at home. I used to average 500-1,000 calories a day depending but to my friends, it was like I was having high calorie meals and never gaining weight. Generally speaking, most people are in the same ball park of metabolism within their height range, so if someone is skinny or fit, it’s because they aren’t eating as much or working out.

TheChristianSimone · August 2019

So I don't know if this post was for attention or to vent but honestly it doesn't matter what others can or can't do it's about you.The only thing you can do is move forward, no complaining and make the needed steps to become healthy and disciplined.. Bitterness is nothing but a way to give power elsewwhere thus absolving oneself from their failures and choices. I grew up poor, abused and with druggies, I could feel bad but I would still just be another fat person not living to my best, so I make the needed changes.

paperpudding · August 2019

VeronicaRooney wrote: »

How do you get past the feeling of "This is F'in unfair. Those skinny people don't exercise or eat right."

Any advice?

I highly doubt there are any skinny people who do not excercise in some form and eat appropriate calorie level - unless they have an illness of course and then you wouldnt really want to be them.