Getting past the unfair feeling



  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
    I just came here to say that I KNOW THIS THOUGHT WELL. It kept me from my own successes for a long time, because I felt like it was unjust that I struggled with eating for comfort, and other people seemed to have such an easy breezy relationship with food.

    1. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped a lot.
    2. The idea of “some people don’t have to pay close attention to what they eat, but I am one of the many people who must pay close attention in order to feel like my best self” was very helpful.
    3. I learned (through this site and others) that a much bigger portion of the population than I thought is actually struggling with the same things I am struggling with. I’m not alone; other people have to watch their way-of-eating and habits very closely, just like me. It’s natural for humans to eat for comfort and joy; I’m not a freak who gains weight for no reason! Most of us have to start watching what we eat eventually; it’s part of being an adult.

    I love this, particularly the bolded! I agree with all of it.
  • lporter229
    lporter229 Posts: 4,907 Member
    edited August 2019
    Deleted my post. I hope you are able to get your feeling sorted out OP. You deserve to be happy.
  • InspectorRed
    InspectorRed Posts: 757 Member
    "The grass is always greener"....
    Jealousy is an ugly emotion. You cannot ever really know what another person is going through, not just with their weight and health but with most aspects of their life. I have known more than one married couple who appeared to have a wonderful relationship, the kind of marriage that others are jealous of, only for that couple to suddenly separate and then divorce. My husband & I try very hard to not take sides when couples we know do divorce (has happened way too often) because there is no way to know what goes on behind the closed doors of their household. I tell you this because as you can't see everything that goes on with a personal relationship, you can't see another person's entire relationship with food/fitness. Focus on your relationships as that is the only thing that you can have any control over.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    Intuitive Eating is imaginary thinking for most of us who have a long dieting career. The world is filled with breakrooms populated with people who don't and won't eat like we want to eat. We might as well get used to it if we want our health to be a priority. Start a journal because I have found writing my feelings, my hopes and general thoughts on just about everything has been an invaluable tool. Plus it will keep your hands and mind busy during the inevitable rough patches.
  • GrizzledSquirrel
    GrizzledSquirrel Posts: 120 Member
    Terytha wrote: »
    Every time I think that something isn't fair, i hear David Bowie's voice in my head: "You say that so often, I wonder what your basis for comparison is?"

    What is fair? Who even said anything would be fair?

    What kind of magic spell to use?

  • healingnurtrer
    healingnurtrer Posts: 217 Member
    Thank you all very much I shall get a therapist and use everyone else's advice. Thank you again!

    Wow, I am impressed that you were so open to therapy! That wasn't an easy thing for me to accept the first time some one suggested it to me.

    I found it really helpful when I found a therapist that I felt comfortable talking to. Some concepts I found helpful were "radical acceptance" - really helps with the "this isn't fair/ I can't believe this is happening" mentality. Also, practicing self-compassion. Ex: I have compassion for myself for wanting to overeat, I have compassion for myself when I'm overweight, etc.

    Best wishes.
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    edited August 2019
    One thing that helps me when I’m in a bad headspace generally is remembering that your scale doesn’t care whether you have bad feelings about life being unfair. You can make two fists and wave them at the sky and stomp around in a little circle if it helps, and as long as you eat within your calorie allotment and move your body, you will continue to lose weight and get fitter. Life isn’t fair - David Bowie, who did a lot of things that made a lot of people happy, is DEAD and my next door neighbor, who is an objectively terrible person, is going to live until the sun goes cold. You don’t have to think it’s fair, you don’t have to like anything about the whole process of losing weight. If you just keep doing it, it will still work for you.
  • elfin168
    elfin168 Posts: 202 Member
    very few people can eat what they like and do very little exercise and not put on weight. you can also not see what is going on beneath their clothes. skinny fat is real. so is thin but unhealthy. i
  • chris_in_cal
    chris_in_cal Posts: 2,164 Member
    apullum wrote: »
    I moved and started a new job in the same month I hit my goal weight, so no one I see on a daily basis understands my past.

    That sounds dreamy, but i guess there is always a price to pay.

  • TheMrWobbly
    TheMrWobbly Posts: 2,523 Member
    edited August 2019
    apullum wrote: »
    I moved and started a new job in the same month I hit my goal weight, so no one I see on a daily basis understands my past.

    That sounds dreamy, but i guess there is always a price to pay.

    Everything in life has an opportunity cost. If you have a job your salary is in exchange for your time. What is important is what you get in the exchange and was it worth it to you? I would never consider it a 'price' and clearly moving presented @apullum with more value than cost so it was a gain for them.