My roommate situation- am I really the problem?
Replies
-
Motorsheen wrote: »
YOu win the forums today0 -
I'm in the same camp as everyone else, dude's been a jerk, potentially unstable, you can't live like that, move out ASAP.
But just to kind of try to see another POV on this...I think it sounds a little bit like you are more upset than you might be otherwise because you are (or were) expecting more of a friendship with Sam than he's willing to have. All the suggestions of hanging out, for example, could be stressful for him. I don't think it's all that fair to you though, especially when the first 8 months went so well. I think he should have at least explained to you better that he was going through some things and might not be around as much. Because it sounds like you were roommates AND friends at that earlier time.
Another thing...some people really hate to be confronted, even when it's long overdue. I'm sort of a confrontational person when there's something really wrong and I feel like reactions are about an 80/20 split, most people are relieved that I brought things out into the open - and the rest are like crazy ticked off and lash out or become cruel. Your roommate sounds like he's in that second camp, whether because of his emotional/mental situation or not. I think it was pretty immature of him honestly to hold in everything about the shoes and dog.
I'm so glad that there is no mention here of romantic feelings on either side. I know that's such a stereotype especially when it comes to male/female roommates (or f/f and m/m depending on how things go). But I do think that would make everything a lot worse.
Anyway, I hate the sound of the whole arrangement and definitely couldn't deal with that long term. I hope your finances & location will allow you to find another living situation soon! I DO NOT think you are the problem here but I do think it might be worth your while to really think twice about being "close" to any future roommate(s) after how this has gone down. I can't personally relate so much because I've only ever lived with my two closest girlfriends and guys I was in relationships with or married to. But maybe it's good to be almost more like coworkers - a lot of distance between you.2 -
seltzermint555 wrote: »I'm in the same camp as everyone else, dude's been a jerk, potentially unstable, you can't live like that, move out ASAP.
But just to kind of try to see another POV on this...I think it sounds a little bit like you are more upset than you might be otherwise because you are (or were) expecting more of a friendship with Sam than he's willing to have. All the suggestions of hanging out, for example, could be stressful for him. I don't think it's all that fair to you though, especially when the first 8 months went so well. I think he should have at least explained to you better that he was going through some things and might not be around as much. Because it sounds like you were roommates AND friends at that earlier time.
Another thing...some people really hate to be confronted, even when it's long overdue. I'm sort of a confrontational person when there's something really wrong and I feel like reactions are about an 80/20 split, most people are relieved that I brought things out into the open - and the rest are like crazy ticked off and lash out or become cruel. Your roommate sounds like he's in that second camp, whether because of his emotional/mental situation or not. I think it was pretty immature of him honestly to hold in everything about the shoes and dog.
I'm so glad that there is no mention here of romantic feelings on either side. I know that's such a stereotype especially when it comes to male/female roommates (or f/f and m/m depending on how things go). But I do think that would make everything a lot worse.
Anyway, I hate the sound of the whole arrangement and definitely couldn't deal with that long term. I hope your finances & location will allow you to find another living situation soon! I DO NOT think you are the problem here but I do think it might be worth your while to really think twice about being "close" to any future roommate(s) after how this has gone down. I can't personally relate so much because I've only ever lived with my two closest girlfriends and guys I was in relationships with or married to. But maybe it's good to be almost more like coworkers - a lot of distance between you.
In response to your comment regarding being thankful nothing romantic happened, thankfully he is into guys and I am into girls so that was never a problem. :P
I am absolutely the type that cannot handle confrontation. I avoid it at all costs. I break under pressure and I have literally no backbone. I NEVER confront people. It actually took everything in me to talk to him. I was shaking I was so nervous. But I just knew that something was wrong and as much as I wanted to continue to avoid having an uncomfortable discussion, I knew I needed to do it because we both share this living space and I wanted to make sure I tried to fix anything that may be causing issues in respect towards him.5 -
LiftingSpirits wrote: »@denny_mac I feel like the OP needs to get your thoughts on shoes in the house
You think you're funny.But you're not.0 -
LiftingSpirits wrote: »@denny_mac I feel like the OP needs to get your thoughts on shoes in the house
You think you're funny.But you're not.
😮😮😮😮 is it really you1 -
I lived with a random roommate who ended up being an unmedicated paranoid schizophrenic. Waiting out my lease was the hardest thing ever (the complex wouldn't let me out of it without finding someone to sublease and the place was in disarray and no one was likely to take it over). Try to avoid contact as much as possible until you can get into the other duplex. If you and dog can stay out of the apartment more (hang out with friends/family) I would definitely suggest that.1
-
Sounds like your roomie is depressed. Nothing you can do about that except empathy and encouragement. If I were you I would move out.0
-
Move out!0
-
DonutEatThat wrote: »I lived with a random roommate who ended up being an unmedicated paranoid schizophrenic. Waiting out my lease was the hardest thing ever (the complex wouldn't let me out of it without finding someone to sublease and the place was in disarray and no one was likely to take it over). Try to avoid contact as much as possible until you can get into the other duplex. If you and dog can stay out of the apartment more (hang out with friends/family) I would definitely suggest that.
I lives with someone with a similar condition. He also had a bit of a meth habit. He never hurt me. It was actually a fascinating experience. He believed that this Pochohantas book possessed the soul of his father. It was one of those kids books that had buttons and makes sounds. When he pressed the button he thought it was saying “help me”.A part of me misses that crazy sharehouse. I dunno what that says about me..5 -
amorfati601070 wrote: »DonutEatThat wrote: »I lived with a random roommate who ended up being an unmedicated paranoid schizophrenic. Waiting out my lease was the hardest thing ever (the complex wouldn't let me out of it without finding someone to sublease and the place was in disarray and no one was likely to take it over). Try to avoid contact as much as possible until you can get into the other duplex. If you and dog can stay out of the apartment more (hang out with friends/family) I would definitely suggest that.
I lives with someone with a similar condition. He also had a bit of a meth habit. He never hurt me. It was actually a fascinating experience. He believed that this Pochohantas book possessed the soul of his father. It was one of those kids books that had buttons and makes sounds. When he pressed the button he thought it was saying “help me”.A part of me misses that crazy sharehouse. I dunno what that says about me..
It says a lot that you were open and able to deal with it. It's not easy. I liked him a lot in the begining, his quirkiness was fun until it wasn't anymore.1 -
tinkerhellraiser wrote: »DonutEatThat wrote: »amorfati601070 wrote: »DonutEatThat wrote: »I lived with a random roommate who ended up being an unmedicated paranoid schizophrenic. Waiting out my lease was the hardest thing ever (the complex wouldn't let me out of it without finding someone to sublease and the place was in disarray and no one was likely to take it over). Try to avoid contact as much as possible until you can get into the other duplex. If you and dog can stay out of the apartment more (hang out with friends/family) I would definitely suggest that.
I lives with someone with a similar condition. He also had a bit of a meth habit. He never hurt me. It was actually a fascinating experience. He believed that this Pochohantas book possessed the soul of his father. It was one of those kids books that had buttons and makes sounds. When he pressed the button he thought it was saying “help me”.A part of me misses that crazy sharehouse. I dunno what that says about me..
It says a lot that you were open and able to deal with it. It's not easy. I liked him a lot in the begining, his quirkiness was fun until it wasn't anymore.
it might be an age thing bc when i was 18-22 i lived in a house where we let anyone crash there and woke up all the time to just random bodies strewn about. i had conversations until early AM out on balcony with random people we invited off the street who were clearly kinda crazy af but i was like “omg u are so fascinating!! how long have u had your imaginary dog and what’s his name?!”
nowadays my bff comes into town and i’m like “youre gonna be in a hotel right? i don’t like seeing other people early in the morning”
Wow that's intense, glad to hear nothing bad happened. 💚 It's definitely an interesting experience, I always liked hearing my roomie's other perspectives and stories.1 -
Hopefully your lease is up soon if you have one. I'd move ASAP! I can understand you wanting an independent opinion but you shouldn't have to live in a hostile environment - no matter what the issues may be. Roommates are great price wise but not if its costing you mentally...1
-
If it were me, I’d try and find some place else as soon as possible. Your roommate seems to be going through some things and the fact that he told you he will “explode on you” (what a choice of words 🙈) is worrying. In a way, I can understand that he’d be a bit annoyed if you both agreed on things (shoes off etc) and you hadn’t been sticking to your agreement. However, the way he has handled the situation seems a bit immature (ignoring you, headphones on to avoid speaking, the outburst etc) You seem to be a very reasonable and understanding person but you shouldn’t be made to feel like you’re walking on eggshells in your own living space, that you pay for. Being in your situation would cause me a great deal of stress and I really couldn’t live like that. I wouldn’t bother trying to talk to him again (it sounds like that would probably suit him anyway). In the meantime, try and find a better place to stay. I know it’s easier said that done. I’d also be reluctant to leave my dog alone with the roommate, in case he “explodes”. If you don’t mind, keep us updated 😊
Best of luck to you and your dog 🐶 🤗1 -
I’m going to offer a slightly different take - I think you are mostly projecting due to your own fear of being disliked, and the situation is not that dire. Obviously it’s not you. He didn’t stop talking to you because of the dog, he stopped talking to you because he’s depressed and needs meds. That doesn’t mean he’s about to flip out and kill you in your sleep - very few depressed people do this - it just means he can’t function well at the moment, and you aren’t on his list of essential relationships to maintain.
Really, until you confronted him to ask why he wasn’t speaking, there was no problem. Solution? Don’t bug him again. Wait until the other apartment is furnished and move out, since it’s not a pleasant situation, but otherwise, stop stressing about it, because from where I sit, you stressing about his issues is the problem, as far as you’re concerned. You won’t die from living with someone who doesn’t much like you. Just ignore him and go on with your life.5
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391K Introduce Yourself
- 43.4K Getting Started
- 259.6K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.5K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.2K Fitness and Exercise
- 382 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.6K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.1K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 878 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.2K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions