Confession of a former (almost) 500lbs guy

I used to always eat a full meal (intentionally) before I went to a social event so that I could appear to eat normally when I was there. At work, sometimes I'd have a donut and a bagel/cream cheese, etc. (when everyone else had one or the other). Once someone said something, and I said, "oh, the donut is for breakfast and the bagel is for lunch" and they said "oh, what a great idea". Everyone at my office is thin but me (strange). So I was constantly pretending. No I actually eat "normally". It is nice not to have to pretend.

For a long time, I did not think that I ate too much and could not understand why I was so fat (and continually gaining). I was just eating more than I needed, I'm a small women. I can't eat as much as my husband, but I did (and often more). REALITY at last!

I used to skip school, order a pizza delivered to my house and eat it all, hide the evidence and then have dinner with the family. I think that started in middle school? Let's just say it got worse from there.

If I had a bad day I deserved a treat, if I had a good day I had a treat to celebrate, if was bored I ate something, and dear lord if I was sad I ate it all, if I was sick I really believed a McCheeseburger made me better. If I ate a value meal 3 times a day I thought that was ok or 'not that bad.'

Pretty much I had a line for every day of the week I have come a long way but there is no way that I trust that I am 'safe'

This is really nice to read because sometimes I feel like I am the only person who did this. I have been able to control myself now because my husband is no longer working nights. His employment status changed and we were able to make dinner together at night. I was no longer going to the conveniently located BK on my way home around 430 pm because there was no one home to notice. Then after a few hours of homework/housework I would "make" dinner for myself and put hubby's in the microwave. Fast food has to be the worst thing every, I can say that I have not had fast food for over 10 months and cannot believe I thought that stuff was a good choice.

I had several bad habits, but the worst was probably desert after every meal. Oh, I've finished breakfast, now it's time for a cinnamon roll or a doughnut. Hmm, lunch is done, must be time for some cookies. I finished all my dinner, definitely time for some cake or a pint of Ben and Jerry's.:embarassed:

I still like sweets, but don't have them every day now. I love MFP and being able to track how many calories are in everything.

Thanks so much for starting this thread.

For me it was kind of this - not a desert after EVERY meal but every meal had a treat of some kind. Like after dim sum, I would go get a large green tea (light sweetener) with aloe jelly, or a frozen yogurt, or some gelato, or a big cookie, or a pastry from the taiwanese bakery.

I'm not like some of the people where I was eating huge quantities of junk but I was just having SOME kind of special yum thing at EVERY meal. Like when we had late night taco bell after a raid (I am very conscientious about eating BEFORE raids now because at 10:15 pm your choices are really limited) I would get 3 tacos and a nacho's bel grande to 'share' as a little extra somethin ...but my BF is not an overeater (when he's full, he stops) so I'd pretty much end up eating MOST of it, and if he didn't finish his food I'd finish that too.

Its not like any of that stuff is ridonculously BAD (ok the taco bell runs weren't so great) but I was treating myself to something extra literally EVERY day. And I had a really weird habit of buying some kind of goodie EVERY time I went to the grocery store too - I'd check out the cookies, candy, bakery, whatever and I'd take something home like half the time. I still fight with this, I walk into the store and see the bakery display in front and think "ooooh, COOKIES" even though buying a 24 count container of cookies for TWO people is ridiculous.

*edit*

Oh and like kandrews said, I totally used to eat the same or MORE than my BF, who is 6'2" when I am 5'6". He's gained a lot of weight over the past few years too and never been thin (probably the 6 sodas a day more than overeating) but he didn't gain NEARLY as much as me. 5'6" girls cannot eat like guys that weigh 6'2". at least not if we want to be slim.

Compulsive overeating is so complex, since I started tackling mine I've found so many ingrained habits that I've had to try to break. I'm not all the way there yet, by any means.

Every time I had a coffee I would eat at least 3, usually more like 6 or 7 cookies (approx 110 cals each) - say 4 or 5 coffees a day... for the last couple of years I pretty much used to eat a packet of "secret" cookies to myself every day.
Every time I went to the shop after dropping my son off at school, which was pretty much every day, I would get myself a treat, depending on how I was feeling this could range from a single sized bag of malteasers and an energy drink to an enormous notebook sized slab of chocolate. (and I'd eat it all in a day)
Whenever I was in town I would get myself a pie and a cake from the bakery, and a three pack of gingerbread men "for the kids" but there would always be 1.5 left over and I'd eat those too.
When we went to the supermarket I would be opening food as I was putting it into the car. And then again whilst putting it away at home. Usually any goodies we bought were gone in two days, so I'd restock them before anyone noticed.
I'd bake huge cakes "for the kids", eat most of it (the kids had a tiny piece each) and wash up the cake tin before my other half saw what sized cake Id made, so when he came home and there was a small cake in the cupboard he wouldn't know it used to be twice that size (who was I fooling?) lol Ditto big trays of scones or cupcakes.
I ate 90% of the kids easter eggs because I felt it would be bad to let them eat that much chocolate (ok they did get a lot but I seemed to forget that I am a person, not a bin!) It was just an excuse, really.
And yes, double dinners, "snacks" which were basically just another meal, every meal had a dessert course, bags of chocolates which didn't count because they were cheap (!) from the pound shop. I would never say no to any food offered or any opportunity to eat.

Now I'm watching what I eat and getting therapy, it's like I'm seeing myself from the outside. At the end of every meal I still find myself going to the goodie cupboard, it's an unconscious behaviour, I open the door and then realise I'm there, it's funny actually. I always feel like something's missing now I'm not eating all that crap, but I don't know what it is. I suppose it's like someone who smoked giving up and then feeling like they don't know what to do with their hands!

Now I'm watching what I eat and getting therapy, it's like I'm seeing myself from the outside. At the end of every meal I still find myself going to the goodie cupboard, it's an unconscious behaviour, I open the door and then realise I'm there, it's funny actually.

I do the same. I say to myself... "oh right... i dont buy treats any more, I'm bored, I'll have some water"

You weren't alone!! I would do the same thing sometimes OR pick up dinner for the family and add extras, eat them on the way home then eat my meal at home! Then after dinner, ice cream or sweets!

This was me. I'd add in a box of nuggets or an order of fries... or in some cases a double cheeseburger from McDonald's, eat that in the car, then eat my "real" meal when I got home **shaking my head** Then I'd eat ice cream all night. Or, I'd eat my meal and finish off what the kids didn't eat... then eat ice cream all night

They say Confession is good for the soul... use this thread to post of an old habit of yours from your heaviest days..

For me, the one the strikes me as the most bizarre, was the daily ritual of 3 Dinners...

Id stop by thepizza shop/fast food joint on the way home from work, eat on the way home, toss the evidence in the trash outside the house. then proceed to have whatever was being cooked for dinner, a full sized portion, then going back for seconds and sometimes even thirds..

I look back and cant even fathom what went thru my head to even do this, but Its no wonder I weighed almost 500lbs.

I know where you are coming from although I only got up to 265 at my heaviest ever. I would always go through the drive through because I was embarrassed that all the food I ordered was for me. I would also eat somewhere and then immediately go eat at another place. I would go on what I called feeding frenzies where I could just not get enough to eat.

Wow, it was so good to read this. Im guilty of just about everything listed in this thread. Most of all ordering enough fast food to feed a family, pretending it is for a family, and going home and gorging to the point I feel sick. It was like I wasnt comfortable unless I was uncomfortable. I couldnt go to bed unless I was hurting.