Your relationship with food
ReenieHJ
Posts: 9,724 Member
Have you always had a challenge treating food as simply your body's fuel? Even back in your childhood?
I can remember being a kid, having to finish everything on my plate, especially if I wanted dessert. And of course I always wanted dessert, it automatically followed a meal. Snacks weren't healthy either, never just veggies or fruit but junk food all the way. I loved my mom's cooking, she was the best! But I never could stop myself.
Eat til I was so uncomfortably stuffed.
I've had an unhealthy relationship with food all my life.
Until now.
Better late than never, right??
I can remember being a kid, having to finish everything on my plate, especially if I wanted dessert. And of course I always wanted dessert, it automatically followed a meal. Snacks weren't healthy either, never just veggies or fruit but junk food all the way. I loved my mom's cooking, she was the best! But I never could stop myself.
Eat til I was so uncomfortably stuffed.I've had an unhealthy relationship with food all my life.
Until now.
Better late than never, right?? 10
Replies
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I didn’t have a problem with food as a kid. I didn’t start gaining weight until college. Mostly I just really, really enjoy good food. And for 10 years I just wasn’t caring about my health. But I got it together last year and started balancing out my perspective. I still don’t have a food is only for fuel mentality. Food is good enjoy, I just don’t need to enjoy all the food every day.5
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I didn’t have a problem with food, wasn’t overweight as a child or young adult. I gained 60 pounds in 3 months as a result of mental trauma and have had weight problems ever since. You can tell how I feel by my weight. Sick, I weigh 260; well, I weigh 200. Can’t seem to get under that. Right now I weigh 220.
I understand the concept of food as fuel very well, but no I don’t feel it.6 -
I have no desire to treat food as just fuel. Food is enjoyable. Having a meal with other people is enjoyable. It sounds like the problem is not that food has to be “fuel,” but that you want to learn how to enjoy it in moderation.28
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My relationship with food has been challenging, but not necessarily in the "I have no control around food kind of way," at least not consistently.
I first exhibited eating disorder behaviors at age 8 and spent over 15 years since then in and out of disordered eating patterns. Food was never just fuel, food was one of those things that if I really wanted to change my body or change my life badly enough, I could control. My healing will forever be an ongoing process that requires frequent checking in, as an eating disorder is an addiction, just like how one is addicted to alcohol or drugs. I've gone through lots of therapy and developed a love for cooking and nutritious foods but if I'm not careful it can turn into orthorexia because that's how a disordered brain works. The only reason I'm on here is that I'm still trying to strike that balance between mental and physical health -- though I will never forego mental health for the sake of physical. It's a continuous checking in process that for me requires me to be extremely loose with my tracking and yes, eat the damn ice cream.
If anyone is worried, I'm in a much better place than where I was years ago which is why I feel like it's safe to come back here as long as I am careful and open with others (my boyfriend whom I live with knows all of this and I rely on him sometimes to keep me in check when things get too much). I see a lot of the "past me"s come on here and it breaks my heart.
Probably more info than anyone wanted, but it might resonate with some folks.24 -
To this day I don't think of food "simply just as fuel for my body." I don't think that's a particularly healthy outlook to take on it either. Food is meant to be enjoyed. And even sometimes to bring comfort. I think too often we are told there is a false choice between losing weight and enjoying our food. Here's what I've learned about food during my (so far) successful weight loss:
1. How to properly understand how many calories my food has in it.
2. That if I move more, I can eat more.
3. That I can still eat everything I enjoy, I just can't eat it in unlimited quantities whenever I want. That it has to be about balance.
4. That there are foods that are nutirious and low calorie, that still taste good.
Following those principles has helped me lose 40 pounds so far. I still have dessert, and "junk food" and all other type of bad sounding foods. Just in moderation, within my calorie goals, and in balance with other food choices. And I've greatly increased my activity level, which allows me to eat more than before while still losing weight.16 -
I eat to live, and I don't live to eat.
Yes, for me food is fuel but I try to eat good, nutritional, and what ever is for me enjoyable, but I don't overdo it. I don't binge, food doesn't make me drool, and I don't like to get stuffed. We are all different.
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I think my relationship with food comes in two distinct parts.
Firstly, I’ve loved to cook and bake since I was very young, 7 years old I was regularly baking supervised, but unaided. By the time I was 11 I was researching and cooking full meals. It’s always been my stress relief mechanism. So it’s hard to keep that passion under control sometimes! Cooking for others and for myself is my favourite way to express myself.
Secondly, whilst I’ve been overweight for periods of my life, I’ve also been underweight and a healthy weight for similar periods.
What changes it for me is who I’m cooking for, basically. Periods of my life when I’ve lived alone I’ve been at my lightest weight, but at my heaviest it’s because I’m cooking for others with healthy appetites. I’m very short and petite, build wise, so naturally need much smaller portions than other people but that’s not always what happens to my plate when I’m eating with others!
The lesson I need to learn, long term, is portion control. Not a ‘back of a packet’ size portion but one suited to my size and stature! I’m learning that I’m totally satiated with a really small portion, when compared to ‘normal’ portions. But that’s a lesson that’s been a long time coming!6 -
My mother was a *terrible cook* so I learned to cook in self defense. My Dad is a research chemist, so kitchen McGuyvering is a way of life.
I love food! Because I cook and have a reasonably good general grasp of nutrition, I have often cooked for friends and family with a variety of food-related challenges. I like making things delicious within the constraint of allergies, ethical choices, and medical conditions if I can. Everyone should be able to love what they're eating, even if it's good for them!
Cooking from scratch has given me a wonderful skill set for accommodating what I *want* with what I can afford, whether that's literal economics or a calorie goals.
Most of my periods of "food problems" are tied into medical conditions that caused me to either gain a lot of weight or lose it, so I've had to learn to feed myself back to "normal" whether that required eating less or more or just "different emphasis from before."2 -
I have always had a hearty appetite and was complimented as a kid for clearing my plate. I love to eat.5
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I think it comes back to moderation. If you are expecting to have a foodgasm with every bite you do not have a healthy relationship with food. If you think that you need to eat for sustenance only and your choices are completely joyless that is also a sign you do not have a healthy relationship with food.
I see it as a scale of 1 to 10. 1 is food you may be trying force for some reason. A popular example is people trying to wean themselves off of high calorie coffee additions. They may try to force themselves to drink coffee in a different way for a short period of time in hopes they learn to like it. 10 is the high calorie treat food you need to moderate.
I have plenty of treats but I am not always eating at a 10. I would characterize my eating habits as around 6 for a fair amount of the food I eat. I like it but I could like it more with more calories added. For instance I really like eating salad but I would like it even more with real blue cheese dressing on it. Now I could eat a much smaller salad and either include some crumbles or even a small amount of the dressing but I prefer a huge salad so I don't bother with either most of the time.4 -
I was a picky eater (okay, I still am). Started skipping meals or going a day without eating when I was 12 (to lose weight that I did not need to lose). First gained weight in my 20s and gained/lost large amounts (50-80lbs) 3 times now in 18 years. I love sweets way too much and eat so much. I don't care much about real food/meals. When I gain weight it's super fast (I gained 50lbs in 3 months while engaged). I also find it surprisingly easy to just stop eating and skip meals. I do not have a normal relationship with food and doubt I ever will. I'm in my late 30s now.5
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Friends with benefits. 😉8
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fitoverfortymom wrote: »I have always had a hearty appetite and was complimented as a kid for clearing my plate. I love to eat.
Yes, one of the most common things I hear from my mother is "you've always loved your food".1 -
So the person who just views food as fuel, just eats when they have to .. is considered to have a bad outlook on food. But people using food as comfort that’s ok, you don’t see the dangerous slope in that.
Can someone make that make sense.
People who view food just as fuel are usually the ones who are able to eat in moderation and know when to stop. So....?
7 -
So the person who just views food as fuel, just eats when they have to .. is considered to have a bad outlook on food. But people using food as comfort that’s ok, you don’t see the dangerous slope in that.
Can someone make that make sense.
People who view food just as fuel are usually the ones who are able to eat in moderation and know when to stop. So....?
Because extremes on either end are not usually sustainable. Eating is an enjoyable act. Trying to strip that aspect from food, and just viewing it as your body's gasoline, means that you are fighting against our inherent desire to satisfy our taste buds. That sounds exhausting to me to do on a constant basis, and it's unnessary. A person can still enjoy food and moderate their intake to successfully lose weight. They don't have to choose between enjoyment and weight loss. But a lot of time that false choice is presented as the only options.
So many people go into weight loss thinking they have to eat only "good" or "healthy" foods, rather than just eat a proper amount of calories. And that leads to high failure rates, because they are denying themselves the things they like, which can lead to bingeing and falling off the wagon.16 -
My relationship with food is... unhealthy to the max. There have been times in the past when I've managed to treat it as simply fuel, but most of the time I treat it more like an addictive drug. Even when my body doesn't need it, I want it because it's delicious.8
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I don't have a relationship with food.
I have a relationship with my husband, my parents, my brother ... possibly also with my bicycles ... but not food.
Food is just food. I have preferences in terms of texture and flavour, but eating is mainly a fuel thing.
What exactly is a relationship with food?
9 -
So the person who just views food as fuel, just eats when they have to .. is considered to have a bad outlook on food. But people using food as comfort that’s ok, you don’t see the dangerous slope in that.
Can someone make that make sense.
People who view food just as fuel are usually the ones who are able to eat in moderation and know when to stop. So....?
Because extremes on either end are not usually sustainable. Eating is an enjoyable act. Trying to strip that aspect from food, and just viewing it as your body's gasoline, means that you are fighting against our inherent desire to satisfy our taste buds. That sounds exhausting to me to do on a constant basis, and it's unnessary. A person can still enjoy food and moderate their intake to successfully lose weight. They don't have to choose between enjoyment and weight loss. But a lot of time that false choice is presented as the only options.
So many people go into weight loss thinking they have to eat only "good" or "healthy" foods, rather than just eat a proper amount of calories. And that leads to high failure rates, because they are denying themselves the things they like, which can lead to bingeing and falling off the wagon.
Ok as long as you know, not everyone who eats just enough to fuel their body are extremists. And when someone eats that way, it doesn’t mean they are fuelling with foods they don’t enjoy and it’s not exhausting when that’s your norm, when that’s how you grew up eating. Not everyone equates eating with having a good time, not everyone’s life revolves around food.
I just find it odd how you automatically described someone eating that way as a negative thing. Or why it had to fall into the extremist category as if it’s an eating disorder or something.
6 -
So the person who just views food as fuel, just eats when they have to .. is considered to have a bad outlook on food. But people using food as comfort that’s ok, you don’t see the dangerous slope in that.
Can someone make that make sense.
People who view food just as fuel are usually the ones who are able to eat in moderation and know when to stop. So....?
Because extremes on either end are not usually sustainable. Eating is an enjoyable act. Trying to strip that aspect from food, and just viewing it as your body's gasoline, means that you are fighting against our inherent desire to satisfy our taste buds. That sounds exhausting to me to do on a constant basis, and it's unnessary. A person can still enjoy food and moderate their intake to successfully lose weight. They don't have to choose between enjoyment and weight loss. But a lot of time that false choice is presented as the only options.
So many people go into weight loss thinking they have to eat only "good" or "healthy" foods, rather than just eat a proper amount of calories. And that leads to high failure rates, because they are denying themselves the things they like, which can lead to bingeing and falling off the wagon.
Ok as long as you know, not everyone who eats just enough to fuel their body are extremists. And when someone eats that way, it doesn’t mean they are fuelling with foods they don’t enjoy and it’s not exhausting when that’s your norm, when that’s how you grew up eating. Not everyone equates eating with having a good time, not everyone’s life revolves around food.
I just find it odd how you automatically described someone eating that way as a negative thing. Or why it had to fall into the extremist category as if it’s an eating disorder or something.
That seems a misinterpretation of what people said - eating just enough to fuel your body - aka eating to maintenance level - obviously nothing wrong with that.
Not the same as eating only to fuel your body - ie to view food as only fuel and no aspect of it as enjoyable, social, comfortable etc
i dont think anyone equates all eating with having a good time or their life revolves around food. They seem strawman statements to me.
My life doesnt revolve around food - but I do like going out for coffee and cake or a meal with friends and get togethers mostly involve food - as well as conversation, games, learning, outings etc.
They dont revolve around food - but food is an enjoyable part of them.
So yes those times of eating I equate with having a good time.
everyday meals like cereal for breakfast before work that I eat by myself I dont equate with anything much
11 -
to OP - no, I dont think I ever had an unhealthy relationship with food.
I wasnt overweight as a child, teenager or young adult.
But over time I gradually ate too much and excersised too little and my weight crept up - the so called middle age spread.
as mentioned above, I don't want to treat food as just my body's fuel - I want to enjoy it and have social occasions involving it.
I just have to not eat too much of it - voila!, enter calorie counting to ensure that.3 -
greenolivetree wrote: »I was a picky eater (okay, I still am). Started skipping meals or going a day without eating when I was 12 (to lose weight that I did not need to lose). First gained weight in my 20s and gained/lost large amounts (50-80lbs) 3 times now in 18 years. I love sweets way too much and eat so much. I don't care much about real food/meals. When I gain weight it's super fast (I gained 50lbs in 3 months while engaged). I also find it surprisingly easy to just stop eating and skip meals. I do not have a normal relationship with food and doubt I ever will. I'm in my late 30s now.
I can relate to this. While my yo-yo-ing hasn’t been as extreme as described above, this rings very true for me too. I’ve always had a dodgey relationship with food. Been in and out of therapy for it. It’s exhausting, mentally and physically. One day I wish to master moderation for the long term.4 -
I don't have a relationship with food.
I have a relationship with my husband, my parents, my brother ... possibly also with my bicycles ... but not food.
Food is just food. I have preferences in terms of texture and flavour, but eating is mainly a fuel thing.
What exactly is a relationship with food?
🙄🙄🙄11 -
I don't have a relationship with food.
I have a relationship with my husband, my parents, my brother ... possibly also with my bicycles ... but not food.
Food is just food. I have preferences in terms of texture and flavour, but eating is mainly a fuel thing.
What exactly is a relationship with food?
🙄🙄🙄
I'm not sure what that means, but I do know it doesn't answer the question: What exactly is a relationship with food? 4 -
I don't have a relationship with food.
I have a relationship with my husband, my parents, my brother ... possibly also with my bicycles ... but not food.
Food is just food. I have preferences in terms of texture and flavour, but eating is mainly a fuel thing.
What exactly is a relationship with food?
🙄🙄🙄
I'm not sure what that means, but I do know it doesn't answer the question: What exactly is a relationship with food?
The definition is in the name.
Also read the thread, that should help.
Also you’re being pedantic. 🙄13 -
I don't have a relationship with food.
I have a relationship with my husband, my parents, my brother ... possibly also with my bicycles ... but not food.
Food is just food. I have preferences in terms of texture and flavour, but eating is mainly a fuel thing.
What exactly is a relationship with food?
🙄🙄🙄
I'm not sure what that means, but I do know it doesn't answer the question: What exactly is a relationship with food?
The definition is in the name.
Also read the thread, that should help.
Also you’re being pedantic. 🙄
In a relationship, I talk to the other person (or bicycle when I'm out on a long ride). For me, talking is an aspect of a relationship. I don't talk to my food. Do you?
In a relationship, I care enough about the other person that I'd likely protect the person in some way if trouble came their way and if I could. For me, caring and protecting is an aspect of a relationship. I don't protect my food. Do you?
Perhaps it would help some if they stopped thinking of food as a family member????9 -
Never had an issue seeing food as anything more than body fuel. In fact, people have made unnecessary comments about the fact that I apparently don't 'enjoy' what I eat because I eat solely for nutrition and not taste (not true but hey ho).7
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I don't have a relationship with food.
I have a relationship with my husband, my parents, my brother ... possibly also with my bicycles ... but not food.
Food is just food. I have preferences in terms of texture and flavour, but eating is mainly a fuel thing.
What exactly is a relationship with food?
🙄🙄🙄
I'm not sure what that means, but I do know it doesn't answer the question: What exactly is a relationship with food?
The definition is in the name.
Also read the thread, that should help.
Also you’re being pedantic. 🙄
In a relationship, I talk to the other person (or bicycle when I'm out on a long ride). For me, talking is an aspect of a relationship. I don't talk to my food. Do you?
In a relationship, I care enough about the other person that I'd likely protect the person in some way if trouble came their way and if I could. For me, caring and protecting is an aspect of a relationship. I don't protect my food. Do you?
Perhaps it would help some if they stopped thinking of food as a family member????
Perhaps it would help you if you stopped having such an overly pedantic and restrictive definition of words. And didn't insult every other contributor to the thread at the same time as derailing it.17 -
Never had an issue seeing food as anything more than body fuel. In fact, people have made unnecessary comments about the fact that I apparently don't 'enjoy' what I eat because I eat solely for nutrition and not taste (not true but hey ho).
I'm very much this way and pretty much always have been. I enjoy some food, of course, but I've thought of food as calories/fuel since I was 16 or 17 years old. 5 -
I think that one thing to remember as we discuss this topic is that not everyone experiences food on the same level. Experiencing food involves a *combination* of the senses and not everyone senses everything the same way or with the same aptitude. My sister, on the autism spectrum, is a super-taster. I can tell by the smell of my milk, whether or not it's gone bad. My sister and grandmother can tell WHAT THE COW ATE the day before it was milked. My husband brings me things to smell FOR HIM, because he can't smell at all. My husband will happily eat whatever I put in front of him, and eats to fuel himself. My sister comes off as *extremely picky* because she gets so much sensory input about everything. Her favorite foods are very bland to me, but I understand why she likes them. She picks out nuance where I do not.
Plus, there are already plenty of studies on the books indicating that the ability to even smell things like cyanide and whether or not cilantro tastes like soap to you are genetic.
It's not surprising that people have very different relationships and ways of thinking about their food. It's how they choose to handle these necessary things and why they made those choices that are interesting.13 -
I eat to live, and I don't live to eat.
Yes, for me food is fuel but I try to eat good, nutritional, and what ever is for me enjoyable, but I don't overdo it. I don't binge, food doesn't make me drool, and I don't like to get stuffed. We are all different.
The above is 100% my philosophy.5
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