Your relationship with food

I've come to learn that hormones and body chemistry can *deeply influence* how we experience food in general. I've been BOTH ends of the spectrum. When I was pregnant, the hormones going on made just the *smell* of cooking meat intolerable and gag inducing, and normally I'm a dedicated omnivore. When my pernicious anemia (B12 insufficiency) was undiagnosed, I was nauseated ALL THE TIME, and I was on MFP to make sure I was eating ENOUGH, after I lost 23 lbs because I wasn't paying attention to what I ate. Right now, I'm BACK on MFP because I'm recovering from iron anemia and early on I put ON 20 lbs because I stopped moving as much with a headache for a month straight, and now I'm losing weight way too fast because the iron correction has regifted me the ability to move around pain free, but my appetite is lagging behind and the "normal for me" amount of fat in my diet is suddenly causing some stomach upset.

We definitely don't all experience food in the same way, and even the *same people* may not experience food the *same way* over the course of their entire lives. MFP is a tool we can all use to help us quantify something (calories) in a way that we can understand cerebrally if our intuitive grasp has suddenly changed, or is skewed by past experiences - either good OR bad, or just... unexpected and weird.

My mindset around food has changed drastically over the years. I grew up in South Louisiana where EVERYTHING is about food. Every get-together was centered around what decadent Cajun foods we would have. Every celebration was all about going out to dinner or getting a special dessert. "Normal" dinners were fried chicken, Chinese food, burgers with fries, and pizza, and nightly meals were always finished with ice cream. Vivre manger and laissez les bon temps rouler!

Almost all of us were overweight or obese. Everybody talked about it, but nobody succeeded in doing anything meaningful about it. My mom tried every fad diet there is, and I went along for the ride. My sister got called anorexic and at the same time was lauded for being thin. (She was VERY active.)

When I went to college and learned about nutrition, I started to change some of my habits. I learned to cook, started eating more vegetables, and exercised more. The problem was that though my knowledge changed, I felt deprived and couldn't shake the reliance I had on food. It was my comfort, my coping mechanism, my solace when I was sad and my celebration when I was happy. It was the ultimate social glue, an integral part of how I connected with others. It was always there when I was bored or procrastinating.

I went through restrict and binge cycles. My weight went up and down and back again many times. I stopped the cycle in a few different stages, and it has taken years. First I read a book that changed my life- Intuitive Eating. It helped me to stop seeing food as a moral dilemma, as "good" or "bad." It helped me to forgive myself for "failing" at diets and being overweight, including not being able to stick to a calorie restriction. It kicked off my journey to loving and accepting myself exactly as I am in this moment. It also helped me learn to distinguish between hunger and appetite for other reasons, that it was ok to honor my hunger or appetite, to "unpair" the food with the activity, and to fully enjoy what I'm eating. (Example: I don't need ice cream in front the TV every night. If I check in with myself and really do want ice cream, I should fully pay attention to it while I'm eating it so I enjoy it.) Basically, it helped me to unlearn the unhealthy mindset I grew up with.

I gained weight, but I felt better about myself. I became very active consistently, ate lots of nutritious foods, and enjoyed every aspect of my life. I accepted who I was and that I was not going to be some "ideal" thin version of myself. I was finally content.

Then I got my triglyceride levels back and realized that I was getting too overweight. I debated what to do because I didn't want to send myself back into a spiral, but I had been mentally healthy for so long that I ultimately decided it was time to act. This time I knew it would be permanent- not a diet, but a lifestyle. I was already exercising consistently, so I decided to work on calories. I restricted just enough to lose weight slowly without going insane again, about 1/2 lb a week.

It has been a year since I started that leg of the journey. I am 20+ pounds down, and I feel amazing. I lift weights 3-4 times a week, and I just started running again. I was at maintenance for a while, and now I'm doing a slow cut. I love logging my calories and exercise because I enjoy analyzing data. I eat when I'm hungry, enjoy special events, and listen to my body to know what it needs. I am not perfect- now and then I get a pang of guilt for going above my calories, or that nagging voice tells me I'm not good enough. The difference is now I'm strong enough to tell that voice to shove it- I am good enough. My healthy eating habits have become the norm, and I always go back to them.

Amazingly it seems my family back home have followed suit. Most of them are much more health-conscious and active than they were years ago. It gives me hope that more people are capable of positive change than some would believe.

My mother really formed my relationship with food. Up until 7th grade I was always the tallest heaviest kid. I was very muscular, however, not fat. At 10 I was 5 foot and 116 lbs, and everyone freaked out. The dr suggested a diet which of course my mom through out and just cut out all snacks and monitored my food. I was freaking HUNGRY. Every time I got a meal I ate everything in sight and looked for more. At 11 I was 5'4" and 125 lb and 13 5'5" and 135 lbs. All I ever heard was how heavy I was and how I had a slow metabolism. And I thought I was a failure for having no willpower or control. Fast forward to 54 and I have my resting metabolic rate tested, and find out why I was so hungry all my life. As a 54 year old woman I burn 1800 kcal laying in bed, so 1200 kcals as an active teen living on a farm led to a lot of binge eating. When I workout on the advice of my nutritionist I have a protein shake before and during. And I eat right after. I eat 5 meals a day sometimes more depending on activity. Sometimes when you are hungry, YOU ARE JUST FLIPPING HUNGRY!!

fitoverfortymom wrote: »

I have always had a hearty appetite and was complimented as a kid for clearing my plate. I love to eat.

My cousin has a daughter who is a toddler and she does not like it when folks say that her daughter is a really good eater (even if meant as a compliment). At first, I was taken a bit aback, but then I thought about how many food/body related compliments we give to girls when they're young, and how it impacts them developmentally. I think it usually comes from a well-meaning place of something like "thank goodness she's not picky!" or "she can eat a lot for her small frame" but I think about how often I heard that as a kid and then grew up wishing I was pickier because then I wouldn't be so stocky as an adult (and having heard mostly food-related compliments as a young kid). I feel like we should just avoid all food/body image comments to kiddos, period.

Sorry--unrelated to your post but just reminded me about how the things we hear as a kid can impact our relationship with food as an adult. Obviously, not everyone has the same experience.

Machka9 wrote: »

paperpudding wrote: »

Machka9 wrote: »

Danp wrote: »

So your criteria for food is "Doesn't make me vomit"?

I won't lie, that makes me really sad for you.

From the time I was about 6 years old, I wanted a pill I could take rather than having to eat. Most of the time. Chocolate lava cake on my birthday is an exception.

I just don't understand the need to thoroughly enjoy everything I eat. As long as it gives me the calories and nutrients I need, has a palatable texture, and sits well ...

I enjoy other aspects of life like being active, being out in nature, further education ...

I'm not sure anyone said they need to thouroughly enjoy EVERYTHING they eat either.

I wouldn't say that about myself - my cereal before work is ok but nothing thouroughly enjoyable, just routine nice enough. Same with the midmorning muesli bar to tide me over till lunch.

But yes I enjoy eating and I like food - some foods and occasions more enjoyable and more special than others.

But even everyday dinner - yes I want to enjoy it, not just have a palatable texture of nutrition and calories.

And that's great! For you and for many others here.

For me, it's not possible.

For me and most of the human race I would say - meaning enjoyment of food is the human norm, across all times and cultures.

Of course people can be different to the norm and only you can say if that is you - but I think fair to say that doesnt apply to many people at all.

I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted for most of my life. I gained a lot of weight as I got older, but it didn't affect my social life, I had relationships, friendships etc., but it got to a point where I needed to lose all of the weight.

Now, I still enjoy for and eat what I want, but I'm very aware of how much I'm eating and my calorie intake.

There are many differences between I handle food now and how I handled food when I was overweight/obese:

- I plan my meals out in advance and track them in my journal.

- If I'm eating something I don't like I will stop eating.

- No more eating fast. I slow down and enjoy my food.

- I stop eating right before I get full. No more stuffing myself silly.

- I'm okay with not cleaning my plate and leaving it or saving the rest for later. I used to feel like I needed to eat everything on my plate.

- No restrictions. If I want something like a brownie, I will plan for it and work it into my day/week. I try to save sweet treats and goodies like pizza for weekends, but I made yummy brownies today from scratch and that's okay.

- Before going to restaurants I look at menus online and have a plan of what I'm ordering.

- I politely say no thank you if don't want to eat something that is offered to me. It has hurt some feelings but oh well.

- On a normal week cook just about all of my meals at home all week (except for Pizza Fridays! Or occasionally if I meet up with a friend) and I cook a lot from scratch.

- I don't snack...for example at office meetings where they have doughnuts or if there's a candy dish on someone's table. I used to just eat because things were offered to me or because they were there. Not anymore. I might take some for later if I wanted it, but I prefer to eat filling, satisfying meals.

Sometimes I don't know who is this woman I've became. I'm so thankful that food no longer has power over me, but it has taken many, many years to get here.

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