How to deal with sweet's in the home
airforceman1978
Posts: 100 Member
I have a huge problem with this. And no matter what I say wife brings the crap in. Last night she brought 3 dozen cookies and a pie home. And tells me I just need self control. If I had a abundance of that I would not be 400 pounds. And it's not like I am the only one in the house with a high bmi wife motherland fathering law all gave over 40. I just having a hard time not eating them because if I have 1 I'll eat a 4 our 5
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Replies
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Mother in law and father in law stupid auto correct2
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Tell your wife that people with the most self discipline are people who avoid putting themselves in tempting situations very often.
When she brings things into the home tell her to immediately put them out of sight. If she does not then you put them where you cannot easily see them and preferably where you cannot easily get to them.
Before you eat anything that might put you over your goal make it a requirement to log it first. If it puts you over your goal and you still feel compelled to eat one say aloud "I am about to eat X and it will put me over my goal." Hear yourself say it so that you are fully facing the reality of what you are doing.
I can't say that any of this will work but it should not make the situation worse if you give it a try.
You should establish a habit of logging everything before eating though until you can moderate certain foods better.20 -
Ty for the advice I'll try it2
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@airforceman1978
The world is full of homes and breakrooms populated with people who don't and won't eat like we want to eat.
We have to get used to it if we want our goals and dream weight to be our priority. I have all kinds of things sitting on my countertops just looking all cute and adorable over there.
How bad do your really want it? You're going to have firm up your own strategy going forward. The want and the desire needs to be yours. All yours.
No one in my circles gives two horsesheets about any of this. Start a journal and start talking to yourself. Connection matters. Here you will find others that care. I care.
There is a natural tendency to start overcompensating for months or years of poor eating decisions with brutally strict ones. Don't go there. You can learn to moderate yourself with foods. Keeping foods to a zero-mum instead of mini-mum is the recipe for eating it all back. It creates more cycles of All or Nothing. Eat all the things or just eat nothing. None of the things.
Gentle changes are more effective than rigid, extreme choices. You're going to have to create a plan to deal with the mind warp those foods sitting on your countertops are throwing at you. How bad do you really want it. We can lead by example but that doesn't mean anyone else will ever want to make the changes we've made or want to make.
Start your journal and diary. It will keep your mind and hands busy during the inevitable rough patches.11 -
I no longer drink and sweets trigger the same thing. I remind myself I don’t want one drink and I don’t want one piece of pie. I wish I was someone who was satisfied with just one, but I’m not. I remember that feeling of shame and embarrassment to remind me I won’t feel good after, I will be thinking about my next before I finish the first.
I need to be in a safe temptation free home. Me living in a dry home is a must and if a partner would not respect that, we would have to live apart.9 -
airforceman1978 wrote: »I have a huge problem with this. And no matter what I say wife brings the crap in. Last night she brought 3 dozen cookies and a pie home. And tells me I just need self control. If I had a abundance of that I would not be 400 pounds. And it's not like I am the only one in the house with a high bmi wife motherland fathering law all gave over 40. I just having a hard time not eating them because if I have 1 I'll eat a 4 our 5
Had I already made myself clear on the subject, and she still brought that into the home without any other special occasion in mind, I would have put most (or all) of it down the garbage disposal.
I would remind her that I wasn't joking and if she brought more of the same into the house, it would suffer the same result.
Harsh? Maybe... so what?
What's the worst thing that would happen? She get's upset?
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I can't comment on how to tackle this because I'm thankful I don't have to deal with all that sort of stuff getting brought into the house - its me who organises the food shop thankfully and I don't have a sweet tooth any more.
But I do agree with logging it, and seeing if you can fit some pie or whatever into your calories.
I'm pretty good at sampling a minute slice of pie and being content but its taken a lot of practice at denying myself to get to that place.1 -
I find it helpful to log it before eating it. That way when I see how little calories/macros left I don't eat the crap0
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airforceman1978 wrote: »I have a huge problem with this. And no matter what I say wife brings the crap in. Last night she brought 3 dozen cookies and a pie home. And tells me I just need self control. If I had a abundance of that I would not be 400 pounds. And it's not like I am the only one in the house with a high bmi wife motherland fathering law all gave over 40. I just having a hard time not eating them because if I have 1 I'll eat a 4 our 5
I buy my husband the sweets, ice cream, cookies, candy that he wants and if it fits into my calorie goals I'll eat some but otherwise I tell myself that is his food and not mine.
I buy myself lower calorie sweets, ice cream and chocolates that I feel better eating. I can usually have a larger portion for less calories so it works out!
If your wife won't buy you lower calorie sweets, that just sad, but you can still go to the store YOURSELF *gasp* and buy the sweets that you would feel more comfortable eating.10 -
I used to have this problem a long time ago, my solution was nuclear but worked, I told my partner that I don't want any sweets etc and if they bought anymore into the house I would bin it to stop me eating it. 2 weeks later she bought some chocolate for me and I promptly binned it as soon as she gave it to me. After that she stopped buying me sweets. If your partner isn't going to help you then you need to help yourself.7
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Spouses who won’t support their partners weight loss make me sad. You are trying to better yourself and be healthier and she’s actively sabotaging you. And I would tell her just that. I would ask her why she’s trying to make this harder for you, why sweets are more important than helping you and supporting you.
And I agree with the above poster’s method. If she won’t stop bringing it in the house, I’d start throwing it in the trash. Your health is more important than her stubborn desire for triggering foods in the house.
No one would say just control yourself if an alcoholic was living with someone who was constantly bringing alcohol home. Some people are moderators and some aren’t. Some people don’t have triggering foods (I don’t, it’s just not one of my issues) but just saying “have more self-control” is so condescending and unhelpful.15 -
I used to have this problem a long time ago, my solution was nuclear but worked, I told my partner that I don't want any sweets etc and if they bought anymore into the house I would bin it to stop me eating it. 2 weeks later she bought some chocolate for me and I promptly binned it as soon as she gave it to me. After that she stopped buying me sweets. If your partner isn't going to help you then you need to help yourself.
That’s a slightly different scenario though, where the ‘treat’ is bought specifically for you so if you choose to bin it rather than eat it, it’s up to you.
The OP is talking about stuff being brought into the house that he doesn’t wish to be tempted by but other members of his household are comfortable eating. The only reasonable way to handle the OP’s situation would be to gather the self control and just resist temptation, in my opinion.16 -
BarbaraHelen2013 wrote: »I used to have this problem a long time ago, my solution was nuclear but worked, I told my partner that I don't want any sweets etc and if they bought anymore into the house I would bin it to stop me eating it. 2 weeks later she bought some chocolate for me and I promptly binned it as soon as she gave it to me. After that she stopped buying me sweets. If your partner isn't going to help you then you need to help yourself.
That’s a slightly different scenario though, where the ‘treat’ is bought specifically for you so if you choose to bin it rather than eat it, it’s up to you.
The OP is talking about stuff being brought into the house that he doesn’t wish to be tempted by but other members of his household are comfortable eating. The only reasonable way to handle the OP’s situation would be to gather the self control and just resist temptation, in my opinion.
OOOOR do what I suggested and buy his own treats that way he still has something to eat and will therefore be less tempted by the sweets his wife is bringing in. Still sad and she should stop if she's been asked IMHO...4 -
BarbaraHelen2013 wrote: »I used to have this problem a long time ago, my solution was nuclear but worked, I told my partner that I don't want any sweets etc and if they bought anymore into the house I would bin it to stop me eating it. 2 weeks later she bought some chocolate for me and I promptly binned it as soon as she gave it to me. After that she stopped buying me sweets. If your partner isn't going to help you then you need to help yourself.
That’s a slightly different scenario though, where the ‘treat’ is bought specifically for you so if you choose to bin it rather than eat it, it’s up to you.
The OP is talking about stuff being brought into the house that he doesn’t wish to be tempted by but other members of his household are comfortable eating. The only reasonable way to handle the OP’s situation would be to gather the self control and just resist temptation, in my opinion.
That is not a strategy. Fighting with yourself without tools is 50/50 on having the outcome you want. Will-to-eat could easily be stronger than will-to-abstain.
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BarbaraHelen2013 wrote: »I used to have this problem a long time ago, my solution was nuclear but worked, I told my partner that I don't want any sweets etc and if they bought anymore into the house I would bin it to stop me eating it. 2 weeks later she bought some chocolate for me and I promptly binned it as soon as she gave it to me. After that she stopped buying me sweets. If your partner isn't going to help you then you need to help yourself.
That’s a slightly different scenario though, where the ‘treat’ is bought specifically for you so if you choose to bin it rather than eat it, it’s up to you.
The OP is talking about stuff being brought into the house that he doesn’t wish to be tempted by but other members of his household are comfortable eating. The only reasonable way to handle the OP’s situation would be to gather the self control and just resist temptation, in my opinion.
I was using my example as a guide, maybe his family could be more supportive and have any treats hidden if they have to bring them in the house, a sweet binned is a sweet not eaten which is the best outcome. Some people just have no will power when it comes to certain things. For me I can go without anything nice no problem with 1 exception, if there is chocolate in my house you damn well know I am eating it if it stays there. I have a weakness for chocolate others for sweets it is good to identify the weakness and remove it from temptation in my opinion.0 -
BarbaraHelen2013 wrote: »I used to have this problem a long time ago, my solution was nuclear but worked, I told my partner that I don't want any sweets etc and if they bought anymore into the house I would bin it to stop me eating it. 2 weeks later she bought some chocolate for me and I promptly binned it as soon as she gave it to me. After that she stopped buying me sweets. If your partner isn't going to help you then you need to help yourself.
That’s a slightly different scenario though, where the ‘treat’ is bought specifically for you so if you choose to bin it rather than eat it, it’s up to you.
The OP is talking about stuff being brought into the house that he doesn’t wish to be tempted by but other members of his household are comfortable eating. The only reasonable way to handle the OP’s situation would be to gather the self control and just resist temptation, in my opinion.
That is not a strategy. Fighting with yourself without tools is 50/50 on having the outcome you want. Will-to-eat could easily be stronger than will-to-abstain.
So the alternative is to restrict what other consenting adults are permitted to do? Personally, I don’t think that’s right, either. Everyone has a responsibility to themselves regarding their health and choices. Asking others to adhere to something to prevent you having to take responsibility is no strategy either!
For example, I don’t eat meat, because I don’t like it. Would you feel it reasonable for me to refuse to allow the rest of my household to buy or eat meat? I buy and cook meat for them because that’s what they like.17 -
But that is a choice not to eat meat. If you couldn't eat meat if it was around you that would be a weakness and if it was having health issues then yes I would say your family should support you and remove meat from the house. There is a subtle but important difference between things that are a choice and things that you can't control.3
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Tell your wife that people with the most self discipline are people who avoid putting themselves in tempting situations very often.
When she brings things into the home tell her to immediately put them out of sight. If she does not then you put them where you cannot easily see them and preferably where you cannot easily get to them.
Before you eat anything that might put you over your goal make it a requirement to log it first. If it puts you over your goal and you still feel compelled to eat one say aloud "I am about to eat X and it will put me over my goal." Hear yourself say it so that you are fully facing the reality of what you are doing.
I can't say that any of this will work but it should not make the situation worse if you give it a try.
You should establish a habit of logging everything before eating though until you can moderate certain foods better.
Good advice.0 -
airforceman1978 wrote: »I have a huge problem with this. And no matter what I say wife brings the crap in. Last night she brought 3 dozen cookies and a pie home. And tells me I just need self control. If I had a abundance of that I would not be 400 pounds. And it's not like I am the only one in the house with a high bmi wife motherland fathering law all gave over 40. I just having a hard time not eating them because if I have 1 I'll eat a 4 our 5
This sounds very difficult. Have you tried (I expect you have) asking her why all the sweets or if she could keep ones she wants to eat elsewhere (like at work, if she works outside the home)? That really seems like an excessive amount if just for her, is it also for children or the in-laws? Does she otherwise seem not on-board with your weighloss? I agree that self-control plays a necessary role, but this seems to be making it much more difficult and often self-control is much harder before a habit is established -- perhaps talking about how limiting temptation in the home need not be permanent, but will be very helpful for you initially might help?
If not, I agree with NovusDies that it will be helpful to keep them out of sight. Maybe have a shelf or cabinet for your things (only for you) and her things (or the rest of the family's) things--things that you won't touch since they are being saved for others.1 -
He is 400 lbs! He needs to save himself. My partner had to choose live in a dry home with me or somewhere else. I’m still not to a point where I can have it in my home. He saw my failed attempts at moderation and wanted to support me.
This is not at all like you not liking meat and cooking it. People can smoke pot around me all day long. It doesn’t tempt me and it isn’t my trigger. I also would have no issue never having it in a home.10 -
Ok the thing is they know if I don't lose weight I'll be dead in 10 years probably sooner. I am having massive vtac and pvc issue brought on by weight. I have already had 1 stent 1 major heart attack and 3 cardiac ablation done by age 41. I only crave cookies and chips and dip. I don't care what else they bring home. There's been cheesecake in house for over a week. Which I love buy the why. So i do have willpower around most foods. It is just hard with certain foods.18
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Thanks for the additional information on your health. I live alone, but do have a few suggestions.
1) Make a list of things she cannot bring into the house. If she loves snacks for herself, it sounds like there are many to choose from that do not tempt you.
2) IF she brings tempting foods from your 'do not buy' list into the house, gently remind her of your health, and ask her to remove them from the home (leave in her car, take to her work) OR throw them away. I would normally suggest she have her own cupboard or bin for her foods that tempt you, but given your serious health issues, more drastic measures may be needed.
3) Sit down with the family and discuss your health. Remind them of your serious health problems. Give them your goals. Ask what they can do to help reach these goals.8 -
So your wife doesn’t have your back. Now what? What are you gonna do for yourself?
Eventually you have to stop depending on others who don’t get it.airforceman1978 wrote: »Ok the thing is they know if I don't lose weight I'll be dead in 10 years probably sooner. I am having massive vtac and pvc issue brought on by weight. I have already had 1 stent 1 major heart attack and 3 cardiac ablation done by age 41. I only crave cookies and chips and dip. I don't care what else they bring home. There's been cheesecake in house for over a week. Which I love buy the why. So i do have willpower around most foods. It is just hard with certain foods.
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Can you give your wife a list of foods that are too tempting for you and ask her to either not bring them home or if she must, put them somewhere that you won't see them? Or is she just refusing to help you at all? I agree with other commenters that it is YOUR responsibility to learn self-control but I think it's sad that your wife is unwilling to support you. It's not like you are forcing your diet or restrictions on her. I don't have any experience with anything like this at all, but for example if I was married to someone who smoked and he was trying to quit smoking, I would not bring cigarettes into the house and leave them all over the place for him to see and be tempted by.6
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Motorsheen wrote: »airforceman1978 wrote: »I have a huge problem with this. And no matter what I say wife brings the crap in. Last night she brought 3 dozen cookies and a pie home. And tells me I just need self control. If I had a abundance of that I would not be 400 pounds. And it's not like I am the only one in the house with a high bmi wife motherland fathering law all gave over 40. I just having a hard time not eating them because if I have 1 I'll eat a 4 our 5
Had I already made myself clear on the subject, and she still brought that into the home without any other special occasion in mind, I would have put most (or all) of it down the garbage disposal.
I would remind her that I wasn't joking and if she brought more of the same into the house, it would suffer the same result.
Harsh? Maybe... so what?
What's the worst thing that would happen? She get's upset?
I wouldn’t get upset id get petty.
No one should tolerate their perfectly good food getting thrown out in their own home. If their paying bills too (or not) and they bought it with their hard earned money you have no right touching their *kitten*. 😁
Reality is, no one owes you anything.9 -
I understand. I know that I couldn't be successful with my weight management if I didn't live alone. I think many people have some area of their lives where they lack impulse control (i.e. finances, drinking, eating, smoking etc.). It's not always just a matter of self-discipline and self-control. I hope that you can come to some agreement with your spouse. I am an extremely disciplined person in every area of my life (spiritual, career, finances); however, when it comes to food, I can't have treats in the pantry or I will give in. I am sending good thoughts your way and wishing you the best.4
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He is 400 lbs! He needs to save himself. My partner had to choose live in a dry home with me or somewhere else. I’m still not to a point where I can have it in my home. He saw my failed attempts at moderation and wanted to support me.
This is not at all like you not liking meat and cooking it. People can smoke pot around me all day long. It doesn’t tempt me and it isn’t my trigger. I also would have no issue never having it in a home.
Yep, the OP is at a serious heath risk. You would think someone that is supposed to love him and spend their life with him would be willing to stop bringing in stuff.11 -
airforceman1978 wrote: »Ok the thing is they know if I don't lose weight I'll be dead in 10 years probably sooner. I am having massive vtac and pvc issue brought on by weight. I have already had 1 stent 1 major heart attack and 3 cardiac ablation done by age 41. I only crave cookies and chips and dip. I don't care what else they bring home. There's been cheesecake in house for over a week. Which I love buy the why. So i do have willpower around most foods. It is just hard with certain foods.
Congrats on choosing to stop digging your grave with your teeth - that your wife won't support you needs to raise fundamental questions about your marriage when it is clearly a very serious health issue.
It could just be fear of having to confront their own obesity, much more comfortable if everyone stays fat. That you are ready to tackle it doesn't mean the rest of the household are - or ever will be.
Would counselling for you as a couple help? This goes way beyond arguing about types of food brought into the house. Sometimes you need an outsider to reveal to people the reality of their behaviour. Hastening the ill health and premature death of someone is not how to express love!
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What I'm about to write is not to contradict anything anyone else has said (even the things that contradict each other - you can think about which of those suggestions are most realistic for you
).
For me, one of the very most powerful things about the weight loss process is that it can help me learn to focus my energy and attention on the aspects of the situation that I personally control. Other people around me, the things around me, the situations I'm in: They may influence me (have an effect on me) but I have control.
Learning to assess situations in these terms - what do I personally control, what do I have the potential to influence - is a useful skill one can apply to other situations in life, because the things I influence and (especially) control are the only levers I can use to create change.
Any attention or energy spent on things outside those is wasted energy. (If I focus on things I can't even influence, I personally just get frustrated, roadblocked, maybe even depressed or emotional. It doesn't help me achieve my goals, not one tiny bit. It just makes me miserable, and convinces me I'm powerless.)
It's absolutely true that there are things I should be able to control, but I struggle with that (what I put in my mouth in certain circumstances is one of those). That internal battle is one I have to fight. Looking for strategies for that internal situation is potentially a helpful use of energy. Trying to control what others do is a losing game. Influence is possible, control of others really isn't.
It's a generalization, and I'm not talking just about weight loss, but some of the most unhappy and stuck people I know seem to focus their energy and attention on aspects of their situation that they have no influence or control over whatsoever: Fast food companies, or people around them's sabotage attempts, or lack of the very best tools, or genetics or age or whatever. I'm not saying there are no circumstances that create intractable barriers. There certainly are plenty of them. I'm saying that it's more productive to focus on how to use what I influence or control to move around/over/through those barriers, if that's at all possible, not focus just on how tall or tough they are.
I'm not saying any of this is easy. It isn't. You want to change. Change is hard for us, and for people around us.
Best wishes!16 -
"Honey, I weigh 400 pounds. I am trying to do something about that before I fall over dead - I want to be here and healthy for you. If I had the ability to resist temptation, I wouldn't be this weight, so I need your support. No more sweets in the house. Can you do that for me?"13
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