How to deal with sweet's in the home
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Ok the thing is they know if I don't lose weight I'll be dead in 10 years probably sooner. I am having massive vtac and pvc issue brought on by weight. I have already had 1 stent 1 major heart attack and 3 cardiac ablation done by age 41. I only crave cookies and chips and dip. I don't care what else they bring home. There's been cheesecake in house for over a week. Which I love buy the why. So i do have willpower around most foods. It is just hard with certain foods.18
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Thanks for the additional information on your health. I live alone, but do have a few suggestions.
1) Make a list of things she cannot bring into the house. If she loves snacks for herself, it sounds like there are many to choose from that do not tempt you.
2) IF she brings tempting foods from your 'do not buy' list into the house, gently remind her of your health, and ask her to remove them from the home (leave in her car, take to her work) OR throw them away. I would normally suggest she have her own cupboard or bin for her foods that tempt you, but given your serious health issues, more drastic measures may be needed.
3) Sit down with the family and discuss your health. Remind them of your serious health problems. Give them your goals. Ask what they can do to help reach these goals.8 -
So your wife doesn’t have your back. Now what? What are you gonna do for yourself?
Eventually you have to stop depending on others who don’t get it.airforceman1978 wrote: »Ok the thing is they know if I don't lose weight I'll be dead in 10 years probably sooner. I am having massive vtac and pvc issue brought on by weight. I have already had 1 stent 1 major heart attack and 3 cardiac ablation done by age 41. I only crave cookies and chips and dip. I don't care what else they bring home. There's been cheesecake in house for over a week. Which I love buy the why. So i do have willpower around most foods. It is just hard with certain foods.
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Can you give your wife a list of foods that are too tempting for you and ask her to either not bring them home or if she must, put them somewhere that you won't see them? Or is she just refusing to help you at all? I agree with other commenters that it is YOUR responsibility to learn self-control but I think it's sad that your wife is unwilling to support you. It's not like you are forcing your diet or restrictions on her. I don't have any experience with anything like this at all, but for example if I was married to someone who smoked and he was trying to quit smoking, I would not bring cigarettes into the house and leave them all over the place for him to see and be tempted by.6
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Motorsheen wrote: »airforceman1978 wrote: »I have a huge problem with this. And no matter what I say wife brings the crap in. Last night she brought 3 dozen cookies and a pie home. And tells me I just need self control. If I had a abundance of that I would not be 400 pounds. And it's not like I am the only one in the house with a high bmi wife motherland fathering law all gave over 40. I just having a hard time not eating them because if I have 1 I'll eat a 4 our 5
Had I already made myself clear on the subject, and she still brought that into the home without any other special occasion in mind, I would have put most (or all) of it down the garbage disposal.
I would remind her that I wasn't joking and if she brought more of the same into the house, it would suffer the same result.
Harsh? Maybe... so what?
What's the worst thing that would happen? She get's upset?
I wouldn’t get upset id get petty.
No one should tolerate their perfectly good food getting thrown out in their own home. If their paying bills too (or not) and they bought it with their hard earned money you have no right touching their *kitten*. 😁
Reality is, no one owes you anything.9 -
I understand. I know that I couldn't be successful with my weight management if I didn't live alone. I think many people have some area of their lives where they lack impulse control (i.e. finances, drinking, eating, smoking etc.). It's not always just a matter of self-discipline and self-control. I hope that you can come to some agreement with your spouse. I am an extremely disciplined person in every area of my life (spiritual, career, finances); however, when it comes to food, I can't have treats in the pantry or I will give in. I am sending good thoughts your way and wishing you the best.4
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He is 400 lbs! He needs to save himself. My partner had to choose live in a dry home with me or somewhere else. I’m still not to a point where I can have it in my home. He saw my failed attempts at moderation and wanted to support me.
This is not at all like you not liking meat and cooking it. People can smoke pot around me all day long. It doesn’t tempt me and it isn’t my trigger. I also would have no issue never having it in a home.
Yep, the OP is at a serious heath risk. You would think someone that is supposed to love him and spend their life with him would be willing to stop bringing in stuff.11 -
airforceman1978 wrote: »Ok the thing is they know if I don't lose weight I'll be dead in 10 years probably sooner. I am having massive vtac and pvc issue brought on by weight. I have already had 1 stent 1 major heart attack and 3 cardiac ablation done by age 41. I only crave cookies and chips and dip. I don't care what else they bring home. There's been cheesecake in house for over a week. Which I love buy the why. So i do have willpower around most foods. It is just hard with certain foods.
Congrats on choosing to stop digging your grave with your teeth - that your wife won't support you needs to raise fundamental questions about your marriage when it is clearly a very serious health issue.
It could just be fear of having to confront their own obesity, much more comfortable if everyone stays fat. That you are ready to tackle it doesn't mean the rest of the household are - or ever will be.
Would counselling for you as a couple help? This goes way beyond arguing about types of food brought into the house. Sometimes you need an outsider to reveal to people the reality of their behaviour. Hastening the ill health and premature death of someone is not how to express love!
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What I'm about to write is not to contradict anything anyone else has said (even the things that contradict each other - you can think about which of those suggestions are most realistic for you
).
For me, one of the very most powerful things about the weight loss process is that it can help me learn to focus my energy and attention on the aspects of the situation that I personally control. Other people around me, the things around me, the situations I'm in: They may influence me (have an effect on me) but I have control.
Learning to assess situations in these terms - what do I personally control, what do I have the potential to influence - is a useful skill one can apply to other situations in life, because the things I influence and (especially) control are the only levers I can use to create change.
Any attention or energy spent on things outside those is wasted energy. (If I focus on things I can't even influence, I personally just get frustrated, roadblocked, maybe even depressed or emotional. It doesn't help me achieve my goals, not one tiny bit. It just makes me miserable, and convinces me I'm powerless.)
It's absolutely true that there are things I should be able to control, but I struggle with that (what I put in my mouth in certain circumstances is one of those). That internal battle is one I have to fight. Looking for strategies for that internal situation is potentially a helpful use of energy. Trying to control what others do is a losing game. Influence is possible, control of others really isn't.
It's a generalization, and I'm not talking just about weight loss, but some of the most unhappy and stuck people I know seem to focus their energy and attention on aspects of their situation that they have no influence or control over whatsoever: Fast food companies, or people around them's sabotage attempts, or lack of the very best tools, or genetics or age or whatever. I'm not saying there are no circumstances that create intractable barriers. There certainly are plenty of them. I'm saying that it's more productive to focus on how to use what I influence or control to move around/over/through those barriers, if that's at all possible, not focus just on how tall or tough they are.
I'm not saying any of this is easy. It isn't. You want to change. Change is hard for us, and for people around us.
Best wishes!16 -
"Honey, I weigh 400 pounds. I am trying to do something about that before I fall over dead - I want to be here and healthy for you. If I had the ability to resist temptation, I wouldn't be this weight, so I need your support. No more sweets in the house. Can you do that for me?"13
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"Honey, I weigh 400 pounds. I am trying to do something about that before I fall over dead - I want to be here and healthy for you. If I had the ability to resist temptation, I wouldn't be this weight, so I need your support. No more sweets in the house. Can you do that for me?"
Right? Great Post. That makes perfect rational sense .
.... and if her answer is "No." , what then ??
Really.... not wisecracking here.
How does one deal with an enabler ??
.2 -
BarbaraHelen2013 wrote: »BarbaraHelen2013 wrote: »I used to have this problem a long time ago, my solution was nuclear but worked, I told my partner that I don't want any sweets etc and if they bought anymore into the house I would bin it to stop me eating it. 2 weeks later she bought some chocolate for me and I promptly binned it as soon as she gave it to me. After that she stopped buying me sweets. If your partner isn't going to help you then you need to help yourself.
That’s a slightly different scenario though, where the ‘treat’ is bought specifically for you so if you choose to bin it rather than eat it, it’s up to you.
The OP is talking about stuff being brought into the house that he doesn’t wish to be tempted by but other members of his household are comfortable eating. The only reasonable way to handle the OP’s situation would be to gather the self control and just resist temptation, in my opinion.
That is not a strategy. Fighting with yourself without tools is 50/50 on having the outcome you want. Will-to-eat could easily be stronger than will-to-abstain.
So the alternative is to restrict what other consenting adults are permitted to do? Personally, I don’t think that’s right, either. Everyone has a responsibility to themselves regarding their health and choices. Asking others to adhere to something to prevent you having to take responsibility is no strategy either!
For example, I don’t eat meat, because I don’t like it. Would you feel it reasonable for me to refuse to allow the rest of my household to buy or eat meat? I buy and cook meat for them because that’s what they like.
I gave an alternative that does not restrict what other adults are permitted to do.
You don't like meat so you are not tempted by it. It is not at all the same.
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Motorsheen wrote: »"Honey, I weigh 400 pounds. I am trying to do something about that before I fall over dead - I want to be here and healthy for you. If I had the ability to resist temptation, I wouldn't be this weight, so I need your support. No more sweets in the house. Can you do that for me?"
Right? Great Post. That makes perfect rational sense .
.... and if her answer is "No." , what then ??
Really.... not wisecracking here.
How does one deal with an enabler ??
.
Then there needs to be some outside counseling involved. At 400 pounds and cardiac issues the OP is literally facing a life and death situation. He apparently needs some help that he apparently isn't getting from his spouse.
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Theoldguy1 wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »"Honey, I weigh 400 pounds. I am trying to do something about that before I fall over dead - I want to be here and healthy for you. If I had the ability to resist temptation, I wouldn't be this weight, so I need your support. No more sweets in the house. Can you do that for me?"
Right? Great Post. That makes perfect rational sense .
.... and if her answer is "No." , what then ??
Really.... not wisecracking here.
How does one deal with an enabler ??
.
Then there needs to be some outside counseling involved. At 400 pounds and cardiac issues the OP is literally facing a life and death situation. He apparently needs some help that he apparently isn't getting from his spouse.
Difficult to argue that point.
If he's clear and upfront about his eating issues & she continues to bring those items into the home.....
Not good.
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How badly do you want to lose the weight?
You’ve talked to your wife about this. It’s up to you to do what needs to be done. There are always going to be situations where temptations are going to be around. Somehow, you have to find a way to resist. No food is worth the risk of jeopardizing your life. Stay strong! You are worth it!5 -
Motorsheen wrote: »"Honey, I weigh 400 pounds. I am trying to do something about that before I fall over dead - I want to be here and healthy for you. If I had the ability to resist temptation, I wouldn't be this weight, so I need your support. No more sweets in the house. Can you do that for me?"
Right?
.... and if her answer is "No." , what then ??
Really.... not wisecracking here.
How does one deal with an enabler ??
Not many people in a close relationship will flat-out refuse a heart-felt, direct appeal for help in doing something with life-or-death consequences.
A 400 lb person whose nascent efforts to lose weight are being sabotaged by a spouse needs to sit down with said spouse, lay out the problem, and insist that they work together as a team.
A "no" answer would hint at a deeper problem in the relationship than junk food, and that could be addressed in various ways, but my starting position would simply be: I need your help with this.
Dieting has many challenges, and I've learned that one of them is getting control of the situation with other people who aren't tuned in. I've dealt with more than my fair share of going to meet a friend for a meal and sitting down to a table full of fried onion rings and such. I've tried and tried to hint and get my needs across in a myriad subtle ways, to no avail. Eventually, I just got to a point where I would say, "I'm morbidly obese. I am trying to save my own life. It's a big project. Being surrounded by junk food makes it much harder. So what I need from you is to not make it even harder than it already is by putting crap food right in front of my face."
It works. In fits and starts, and not necessarily on the first rev. But by the 2nd or 3rd iteration, it sinks in.6 -
Motorsheen wrote: »"Honey, I weigh 400 pounds. I am trying to do something about that before I fall over dead - I want to be here and healthy for you. If I had the ability to resist temptation, I wouldn't be this weight, so I need your support. No more sweets in the house. Can you do that for me?"
Right?
.... and if her answer is "No." , what then ??
Really.... not wisecracking here.
How does one deal with an enabler ??
Not many people in a close relationship will flat-out refuse a heart-felt, direct appeal for help in doing something with life-or-death consequences.
A 400 lb person whose nascent efforts to lose weight are being sabotaged by a spouse needs to sit down with said spouse, lay out the problem, and insist that they work together as a team.
A "no" answer would hint at a deeper problem in the relationship than junk food, and that could be addressed in various ways, but my starting position would simply be: I need your help with this.
Dieting has many challenges, and I've learned that one of them is getting control of the situation with other people who aren't tuned in. I've dealt with more than my fair share of going to meet a friend for a meal and sitting down to a table full of fried onion rings and such. I've tried and tried to hint and get my needs across in a myriad subtle ways, to no avail. Eventually, I just got to a point where I would say, "I'm morbidly obese. I am trying to save my own life. It's a big project. Being surrounded by junk food makes it much harder. So what I need from you is to not make it even harder than it already is by putting crap food right in front of my face."
It works. In fits and starts, and not necessarily on the first rev. But by the 2nd or 3rd iteration, it sinks in.
Respect.
One point is that the level of that discussion between the OP and his wife is unknown.
It's one thing to say:
" You know, it would be okay if we maybe didn't have all of that tasty food in the house."
versus:
" I'm 400 pounds and this food is killing me. I'm asking you, please don't buy it; please don't bring it into the house. I'm asking for your help with this."1 -
I think the OP needs to try a strategy that allows food in the house but that he learns to deal with more effectively. After all temptation will always exist and the holidays are coming with many baked treats to go around.
Jumping to nothing in the house should be the last thing tried.4 -
Motorsheen wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »"Honey, I weigh 400 pounds. I am trying to do something about that before I fall over dead - I want to be here and healthy for you. If I had the ability to resist temptation, I wouldn't be this weight, so I need your support. No more sweets in the house. Can you do that for me?"
Right?
.... and if her answer is "No." , what then ??
Really.... not wisecracking here.
How does one deal with an enabler ??
Not many people in a close relationship will flat-out refuse a heart-felt, direct appeal for help in doing something with life-or-death consequences.
A 400 lb person whose nascent efforts to lose weight are being sabotaged by a spouse needs to sit down with said spouse, lay out the problem, and insist that they work together as a team.
A "no" answer would hint at a deeper problem in the relationship than junk food, and that could be addressed in various ways, but my starting position would simply be: I need your help with this.
Dieting has many challenges, and I've learned that one of them is getting control of the situation with other people who aren't tuned in. I've dealt with more than my fair share of going to meet a friend for a meal and sitting down to a table full of fried onion rings and such. I've tried and tried to hint and get my needs across in a myriad subtle ways, to no avail. Eventually, I just got to a point where I would say, "I'm morbidly obese. I am trying to save my own life. It's a big project. Being surrounded by junk food makes it much harder. So what I need from you is to not make it even harder than it already is by putting crap food right in front of my face."
It works. In fits and starts, and not necessarily on the first rev. But by the 2nd or 3rd iteration, it sinks in.
Respect.
One point is that the level of that discussion between the OP and his wife is unknown.
It's one thing to say:
" You know, it would be okay if we maybe didn't have all of that tasty food in the house."
versus:
" I'm 400 pounds and this food is killing me. I'm asking you, please don't buy it; please don't bring it into the house. I'm asking for your help with this."
Agree. I would think the OP needs to show his wife he's serious about losing weight. If he eats the food and quantities that got him to 400 pounds at meals (home and away) the wife may not feel he's not taking the situation serious, why should she?
If he's reduced his volume of food, is making some effort to move more etc., and the wife is still bringing stuff in when he requests she doesn't that's an issue.1 -
First I have talked with wife and I laws many times my mom thinks the in laws try to sabotage me on purpose. I fine with them being in the house just don't make me unload the things from the truck are see them. We eat out a lot and I have no problem with the fried crap they order I just was looking for ways to keep me from having to see deal with the food
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