Let's talk about ghosting.
Options
I'm really intrested in getting some insight into this whole thing.
Why do people do it?
Is it so hard to just tell someone you can't stand their face anymore? Or that they have had breath, or their voice is annoying, or absolutely any explanation as to why you just cut off communication without any explanation?
Ghosters, give me some answers please.
Why do people do it?
Is it so hard to just tell someone you can't stand their face anymore? Or that they have had breath, or their voice is annoying, or absolutely any explanation as to why you just cut off communication without any explanation?
Ghosters, give me some answers please.
3
Replies
-
It’s easier to hit the block button then to write out an explanation why you’re no longer into them 🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️3
-
Confrontation isn't easy, especially when not everybody wants to accept the answers that we can vocalize.
Any time I pull any sort of disappearing act, it's 100% been because I don't have energy to interact with anybody. Forgive me for a moment--I've been thinkin about social/emotional masks all morning--but I tend to adapt how I interact with people TO the person I'm interacting with, and sometimes those acts become exhausting. So for me, it's usually just that I've gotten tired and need a rest.6 -
-
Reckoner68 wrote: »Confrontation isn't easy, especially when not everybody wants to accept the answers that we can vocalize.
Any time I pull any sort of disappearing act, it's 100% been because I don't have energy to interact with anybody. Forgive me for a moment--I've been thinkin about social/emotional masks all morning--but I tend to adapt how I interact with people TO the person I'm interacting with, and sometimes those acts become exhausting. So for me, it's usually just that I've gotten tired and need a rest.
So is it a permanent feeling? Or you just need a break? Your explanation is super useful and I understand the reasoning I think.0 -
Confrontations aren’t easy ...2 -
Reckoner68 wrote: »Confrontation isn't easy, especially when not everybody wants to accept the answers that we can vocalize.
Any time I pull any sort of disappearing act, it's 100% been because I don't have energy to interact with anybody. Forgive me for a moment--I've been thinkin about social/emotional masks all morning--but I tend to adapt how I interact with people TO the person I'm interacting with, and sometimes those acts become exhausting. So for me, it's usually just that I've gotten tired and need a rest.
So is it a permanent feeling? Or you just need a break? Your explanation is super useful and I understand the reasoning I think.
It's almost always a temporary thing for me--I can't really think of any situations in my past where it's been permanent. To be fair though, if I wanted to break off some sort of long-term relationship I'd want to talk it out. That's just my nature though. I don't like leaving things unspoken, cause I have the type of brain that runs away with "What if...?" situations and those can be killer. I don't want anybody to feel like that cause of me.7 -
lot of reasons i guess.
sometimes- you just got a lot going on and can't juggle other people's emotions with your own (not every person will be willing to just *accept* that you need the time to yourself instead of them)
sometimes- they're toxic without realizing it, and so set in their ways they won't change.
sometimes- *you're* the toxic one and you've finally realized it and you want to take the time to fix it.
sometimes- they're legitimately crazy and you didn't realize it until it was too late to walk away gracefully.
sometimes they just deserve it. like if they were abusive (emotional or physical)- i figure its a good thing to let them twist on it forever as to why you vanished from their life.11 -
Why try to dissect the situation. The person isn’t communicating with you, that’s it. They just aren’t that into you anymore.
4 -
It’s rough to be ghosted - we will never know what the ghoster is thinking - so kinda just gotta call whatever it was a mulligan and move on. However I know it’s hard to do - hell I overthink and analyze everything - what if I’d done this or that different .. blah blah blah - damn human relationships . Too damn complex amirite?8
-
a mulligan? i need to look this up
0 -
lot of reasons i guess.
sometimes- you just got a lot going on and can't juggle other people's emotions with your own (not every person will be willing to just *accept* that you need the time to yourself instead of them)
sometimes- they're toxic without realizing it, and so set in their ways they won't change.
sometimes- *you're* the toxic one and you've finally realized it and you want to take the time to fix it.
sometimes- they're legitimately crazy and you didn't realize it until it was too late to walk away gracefully.
sometimes they just deserve it. like if they were abusive (emotional or physical)- i figure its a good thing to let them twist on it forever as to why you vanished from their life.
I’ve ghosted someone because he thought he had some sort of entitlement over me, if he didn’t receive a text from me right away he would trip out. It was too much and overbearing.
The other time I was just a coward, I couldn’t face hurting him. It was just easier to not deal with it.2 -
i admit i'm not a stellar communicator, especially in conflict, but usually i try to be direct with people i know can change. most of the time i ghost if someone has done something especially heinous, like i've had to ghost abusive partners because otherwise they would know exactly what to do and say to manipulate me into staying in something toxic. there are logical reasons to ghost for your own safety if you find a friend/partner has some predatory behavior in them.
sometimes there's just a clear feeling that i don't want to stay in touch with someone though. say i had a mediocre fling with someone -- does that mean i have to follow them on social media forever just to protect their feelings, even if they never talk to me nor i to them? reckoner's comment also resonates with me. as someone with bpd/on the spectrum i can't really help but wear different faces depending on who i'm with. my family and fiance are basically the only exception to this rule. it does get exhausting quickly and i need a lot of time between interactions to recharge or my mental health really suffers. i don't know how others perceive it, but i hope it doesn't come across as ghosting them. people who've known me long enough, friends from high school in particular, seem to get that even if i only talk to them a couple times a week/month/year that i still love them, and we usually pick right back up where we left off.2 -
I was ghosted once and it was completely perplexing for me, having never experienced anything like it before. It made me, at first, obsess that something was wrong with me.
However, because the person was someone that I really cared about, I let him know that I was here for him if something was going on, and that if he did not want to be in my life then I would take his silence to mean that. After a time passed, he called me and told me that he was struggling with addiction. He felt afraid, trapped, ashamed. I offered him a lot of resources and told him I was there for him, but could not be present as a lover.
He went to rehab and four years later, he is doing better. We are distant friends, but he still has a lot to work on. I am married to someone else now.
Just a note: ghosting isn't always about you, even though it certainly does feel that way. People who ghost are usually ghosts to themselves before they ever ghost you.
Haunted people generally ghost.10 -
In my experience with dating, it makes the person that ghosted feel like it leaves an opening for them to submarine about 6 months later. There wasn't an official end, so of course they can just pop up later with an excuse and try to smooth the waters. With other relationships, I think previous response probably cover the situations.
Psychology Today has had a few decent articles on ghosting.3 -
mi_nina_lola wrote: »a mulligan? i need to look this up
Golf term for a second shot to get a better placement because the the first shot was horrible.0 -
lot of reasons i guess.
sometimes- you just got a lot going on and can't juggle other people's emotions with your own (not every person will be willing to just *accept* that you need the time to yourself instead of them)
sometimes- they're toxic without realizing it, and so set in their ways they won't change.
sometimes- *you're* the toxic one and you've finally realized it and you want to take the time to fix it.
sometimes- they're legitimately crazy and you didn't realize it until it was too late to walk away gracefully.
sometimes they just deserve it. like if they were abusive (emotional or physical)- i figure its a good thing to let them twist on it forever as to why you vanished from their life.
Your first explanation makes a ton of sense in this current situation. 😕4 -
At the time when I ghosted someone was because it was just easier that way. I was dealing with a lot and having the option to just disappear was easier. The person wasn't in my life and the friendship was barely off the ground so the importance meter wasn't high enough either.
I've never ghosted when I was dating though that I can remember. I have been ghosted and it was pretty annoying. We had seen each other a few times and texted pretty regularly. One day mid text conversation they just never answered and didn't take my calls. There was no fight or reason given. I guess I just wasn't important or they were overwhelmed with other things. I try not to do it often because it is a weasel thing to do but we can't all be perfect all the time.2 -
Wife found out1
-
I'm really intrested in getting some insight into this whole thing.
Why do people do it?
Is it so hard to just tell someone you can't stand their face anymore? Or that they have had breath, or their voice is annoying, or absolutely any explanation as to why you just cut off communication without any explanation?
Ghosters, give me some answers please.
.0 -
ladyzherra wrote: »I was ghosted once and it was completely perplexing for me, having never experienced anything like it before. It made me, at first, obsess that something was wrong with me.
However, because the person was someone that I really cared about, I let him know that I was here for him if something was going on, and that if he did not want to be in my life then I would take his silence to mean that. After a time passed, he called me and told me that he was struggling with addiction. He felt afraid, trapped, ashamed. I offered him a lot of resources and told him I was there for him, but could not be present as a lover.
He went to rehab and four years later, he is doing better. We are distant friends, but he still has a lot to work on. I am married to someone else now.
Just a note: ghosting isn't always about you, even though it certainly does feel that way. People who ghost are usually ghosts to themselves before they ever ghost you.
Haunted people generally ghost.
.1
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.3K Introduce Yourself
- 43.4K Getting Started
- 259.6K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 387 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.2K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 913 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions