Let's talk about ghosting.
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lot of reasons i guess.
sometimes- you just got a lot going on and can't juggle other people's emotions with your own (not every person will be willing to just *accept* that you need the time to yourself instead of them)
sometimes- they're toxic without realizing it, and so set in their ways they won't change.
sometimes- *you're* the toxic one and you've finally realized it and you want to take the time to fix it.
sometimes- they're legitimately crazy and you didn't realize it until it was too late to walk away gracefully.
sometimes they just deserve it. like if they were abusive (emotional or physical)- i figure its a good thing to let them twist on it forever as to why you vanished from their life.
I’ve ghosted someone because he thought he had some sort of entitlement over me, if he didn’t receive a text from me right away he would trip out. It was too much and overbearing.
The other time I was just a coward, I couldn’t face hurting him. It was just easier to not deal with it.
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I don't feel like anyone is entitled to my time and energy in the first place. So, if I no longer want them in my life, I don't owe them an explanation, nor am I required to justify not having them in my life.
This is usually an issue with people who don't respect boundaries or human rights and generally follows a confrontation where I clearly communicate that they have done something I deem not acceptable and they refuse to acknowledge or accept any responsibility for their behavior. Those kinds of people are not invited to be a part of my universe and they aren't worth the trouble of trying to explain why they aren't invited because they will deliberately never understand anyway. Some people simply don't want to take NO for an answer, regardless of the question.
If I don't feel like I can trust you, or I don't feel safe around you, then I'm not going to interact with you. The End.
I have been ghosted by people for what I'm sure are a variety of reasons. Generally, they just stay gone, but sometimes they like to reappear after 6 months or so and expect an instant return to the previous level of closeness...it totally weirds me out...like I'm a doll they put in storage and now they found me in the attic and want to play again...I usually just stay away from them...the rare occasions where I have genuinely attempted to reconnect have all ended in being ghosted again, so it's just a waste of time.
People are such wonderfully complicated and deranged creatures.7 -
To turn the question around if you truly decide that you don't care about someone anymore then why would you take the time to try to explain that to them in a difficult and awkward conversation?3
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tinkerhellraiser wrote: »Aaron_K123 wrote: »To turn the question around if you truly decide that you don't care about someone anymore then why would you take the time to try to explain that to them in a difficult and awkward conversation?
well if u mean a relationship ending then because youre not a sociopath and not loving someone anymore dont mean u dont respect they got feelings like a human
But there are sociopaths. The question is why anyone would ever ghost someone. I mean I'm pretty sure the answer is because they have decided they no longer care enough about the person to stay with them and don't want to deal with the conflict of that so they just leave. Is that not the answer?
Don't get me wrong I get why it would be upsetting but in a relationship you don't own the other person and therefore they don't owe you anything. If they leave without explanation you can't really demand that they put themselves in awkward situation they are uncomfortable with just to satisfy your need for closure.4 -
jacktherower wrote: »Wife found out
This is a IRL dating situation. No wife.2 -
Cowards, narcissists and people with zero social skills in real life ghost. It’s ridiculous and immature.9
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Cowards, narcissists and people with zero social skills in real life ghost. It’s ridiculous and immature.
I don't know I don't think its fair to generalize like that. Really does depend on the situation. In reverse can also say that it is rather egocentric and narcassistic to demand that another person explain why they do not want to associate with you anymore as if they owe you that. I don't think that is fair either by the way so I'm not saying that, but seen the other way I think its clear why its a bit judgemental to do that.5 -
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seen an uncomfortable amount of people who unironically think those things. nuance is dead.2 -
tinkerhellraiser wrote: »Aaron_K123 wrote: »To turn the question around if you truly decide that you don't care about someone anymore then why would you take the time to try to explain that to them in a difficult and awkward conversation?
well if u mean a relationship ending then because youre not a sociopath and not loving someone anymore dont mean u dont respect they got feelings like a human
Yes exactly. It is very cruel to ghost someone you were previously in regular contact with or dating. I feel a simple explanation is better. I would much rather that than worry something happened to them, etc.
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OP,
In the last year and a half when I was dating, I got ghosted on several occasions. Every time it made me wonder what happened and gave me a sense of anxiety, just not having that explanation. I think ghosting someone is incredibly cowardly. I have never done that to someone. If I don’t wanna date anymore, I will just tell them nicely. I will respect a man much more for being honest with me also.
As to why they do it, I assume that they were never really single to begin with, met someone else, lied about their initial intentions and couldn’t carry out their act anymore, were intimidated, or just plain didn’t like me very much.
I had a couple ghosts try to come back in my life later with reasons of how they were “intimidated”, didn’t think they could give me what I needed, etc. A couple times I was genuinely worried about someone, tried to find out what happened and found that they had a whole other gf or wife they failed to tell me about. Don’t ever let a ghost back because they will ghost you a second time for certain. Never accept their excuses.9 -
Funny thing is @Just_Mel_ to me, you look like someone who is likely to have ghosted many a dudes. I have to say, I am a bit surprised to see your profile pic in lead of this topic.1
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Funny thing is @Just_Mel_ to me, you look like someone who has likely to have ghosted many a dudes.
🤔 how does a ghoster look?? Is there a template online or something?11 -
Reckoner68 wrote: »Confrontation isn't easy, especially when not everybody wants to accept the answers that we can vocalize.
Any time I pull any sort of disappearing act, it's 100% been because I don't have energy to interact with anybody. Forgive me for a moment--I've been thinkin about social/emotional masks all morning--but I tend to adapt how I interact with people TO the person I'm interacting with, and sometimes those acts become exhausting. So for me, it's usually just that I've gotten tired and need a rest.
That doesn't sound like ghosting to me. It sounds like you need a better mood in order to respond which will become a delayed response. Unless you never respond even when you're in better spirits and you're aware of it.1 -
Funny thing is @Just_Mel_ to me, you look like someone who has likely to have ghosted many a dudes.
🤔 how does a ghoster look?? Is there a template online or something?
Kinda transparent, makes a lot of "oooOOOOooo" kinda sounds, likes to hang out in old abandoned houses, etc.
I don't really see it with her, but <shrugs> everyone's got their own opinion, eh?12 -
ladyzherra wrote: »I was ghosted once and it was completely perplexing for me, having never experienced anything like it before. It made me, at first, obsess that something was wrong with me.
Haunted people generally ghost.
.... woah
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Reckoner68 wrote: »Funny thing is @Just_Mel_ to me, you look like someone who has likely to have ghosted many a dudes.
🤔 how does a ghoster look?? Is there a template online or something?
Kinda transparent, makes a lot of "oooOOOOooo" kinda sounds, likes to hang out in old abandoned houses, etc.
I don't really see it with her, but <shrugs> everyone's got their own opinion, eh?
This made me giggle. 😂4 -
Funny thing is @Just_Mel_ to me, you look like someone who has likely to have ghosted many a dudes.
🤔 how does a ghoster look?? Is there a template online or something?
I'd like to know exactly what's meant by ghosting before I answer you. I'm suspecting a different definition by the postings. I think it's when anyone(with reasonable capacity) knowingly doesn't reply to someone, period.1 -
Funny thing is @Just_Mel_ to me, you look like someone who is likely to have ghosted many a dudes. I have to say, I am a bit surprised to see your profile pic in lead of this topic.
Nope. It's cruel to not give some kind of reason or explanation. Plus I need closure. Even if I'm the one ending things. But thanks for the compliment? 🤷♀️
I will say that I don't generalize all ghosters as pieces of *kitten*. I honestly think in my situation it's a matter of needing space to deal with other things. He is family of one of my best friends and I have known him for some time before we got involved so I know he is a good man and not attached to a wife or gf or something like that. Maybe there will be contact later but for now I'm just going to back off. I don't need to beg for anything. Just got my feelers hurt.11
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