Should we try to make friends with the resolutioners?

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spartan_d
spartan_d Posts: 727 Member
in Fitness and Exercise
Wow. Once again, I see people saying that instead of being annoyed with the resolutioners, we should strike up conversations with them and try to become their friends.

I gotta say, I don't mind conversations that occur naturally. And if a friendship results from that, that's fine. When some is clearly trying to start a conversation and make friends with me at the gym though, I find that annoying. I'm there to work out, not to engage in prolonged chit-chat.

And I certainly wouldn't go around telling other gym goers that it's their responsibility to make resolutioners feel welcome so that they'll stay.

Besides, does anyone really think that the resolutioners quit by February because they didn't make enough friends at the gym? I doubt that that's the reason.

Sorry if that offends anyone.
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Replies

  • spartan_d
    spartan_d Posts: 727 Member
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    michael1976_ca wrote: »
    no but we all were in there shoes at some point. so there no harm being nice to people. who wants to go to a gym where the people arnt friendly. i've quiet because of it.... i refuse to go live high school again
    I'm not saying that we shouldn't be nice. And as I said, I don't mind conversations that start naturally. There's a big difference between being nice to a stranger and trying hard to become that person's friend, though.

    I'm like @MotherOfSharpei . I go to the gym to work out. I have made friends there, but these friendships just happened. Nobody tried to make them happen.
  • spartan_d
    spartan_d Posts: 727 Member
    edited January 2020
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    Azdak wrote: »
    Someone thought it might be a good idea to try to encourage new people at the gym. It’s just an opinion. It’s not mandatory.
    And I don’t think it’s an offense against your personal dignity for them to suggest such a thing.

    If you don’t want to interact with people during your workouts, don’t interact. That’s a perfectly acceptable choice.

    It's not a question of encouraging people. Of course you can encourage total strangers. Nothing wrong with that.

    Specifically trying to become friends, though? Sorry, but I would find that very off-putting. It'd be more likely to drive me away.

    Also, the comments I read said that we *should* try to do so. The word "should" suggests more than a suggestion.
  • spartan_d
    spartan_d Posts: 727 Member
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    I would agree that a martial arts gym is totally different. After all, that's a scenario wherein you are required to work together.

    So yes, to be more specific, I'm talking about a general purpose gym. The kind that New Year's resolutioners normally join. It would be more unusual for a resolutioner to join a martial arts gym as a means of getting fit, though I'm sure that does happen on occasion.
  • apullum
    apullum Posts: 4,838 Member
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    I think it's great to smile and say hello. A simple "Hi, how are you" is fine. But I think approaching out a newbie at the gym, who might already be anxious and worried that people are watching/judging them, is probably not the best idea. That would have made me more self-conscious about going to the gym in my obese, out of shape days. If you're open to conversation and you establish yourself as an approachable person, then people can choose whether to approach you.
  • spartan_d
    spartan_d Posts: 727 Member
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    Excellent points, folks. I think there's a lot of wisdom here.
  • spartan_d
    spartan_d Posts: 727 Member
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    apullum wrote: »
    I think it's great to smile and say hello. A simple "Hi, how are you" is fine. But I think approaching out a newbie at the gym, who might already be anxious and worried that people are watching/judging them, is probably not the best idea. ....

    I am so glad you said that.

    When I brought this subject up in another forum, people got angry, "Of course you should be friendly to the newbies! Why do you think that being hostile is a good idea?"

    They clearly didn't grasp what you do -- that you can be friendly with a simple hello or a gesture without making a concerted effort to become friends. And yes, trying hard to become friends will likely make them more anxious.
  • NorthCascades
    NorthCascades Posts: 10,970 Member
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    If it's a "rock" climbing gym, of course you should try to make friends. Nobody goes to those places to climb plastic telephones, the whole point is to meet new climbing partners for outside.
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,400 Member
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    I think everyone has their own personality. Just be true to yourself--no guilt. If you're very friendly and like interacting with people then do it if you find someone who welcomes it. If you're introverted there's nothing worse than forsing yourself to approach someone. Common sense is all that's needed.
  • deputy_randolph
    deputy_randolph Posts: 940 Member
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    I got cussed out at the gym b/c I didn't want to be friends with someone anymore. That made going to the gym tense for awhile.

    I'm not making new gym friends. I'm not going out of my way to be rude, but I don't want someone else to ruin the gym for me.
  • spartan_d
    spartan_d Posts: 727 Member
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    I have heard people say, "Be the reason they stay, not the reason they leave."

    Sorry, but no. I hope they will stay, and I won't try to make them leave. Their motivation for staying has to come from within them, though. Maybe we can help a few people in small ways, but in general, there's almost nothing we can do to help them stick around. This is especially true of the resolutioner crowd, since they're driven by an artificial date (January 1st) rather than making changes immediately.

    And honestly, I don't think any of us should feel obligated to modify our routines and cut into our workout times. Be friendly? Absolutely. Make ourselves the welcoming committee? There should be no obligation to do so.
  • gallicinvasion
    gallicinvasion Posts: 1,015 Member
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    Every year, there’s a small percentage of the resolutioners that will become new lifelong fitness people 👍
  • HappyGrape
    HappyGrape Posts: 436 Member
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    According to my trainer who is also physio - February is his busiest month of the year dueto injured new year starters. He said many try to do too much too soon.

    It's not your job to make anyone feel welcome in a gym you go to workout. But if you do - you will feel good about it .

  • lemurcat2
    lemurcat2 Posts: 7,885 Member
    edited January 2020
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    apullum wrote: »
    I think it's great to smile and say hello. A simple "Hi, how are you" is fine. But I think approaching out a newbie at the gym, who might already be anxious and worried that people are watching/judging them, is probably not the best idea. That would have made me more self-conscious about going to the gym in my obese, out of shape days. If you're open to conversation and you establish yourself as an approachable person, then people can choose whether to approach you.

    I just said something similar to this in the other thread. I could not agree more.

    (And imagine if you welcomed someone assuming they were a newbie and they turned out to just be someone who normally worked out at a different time!)
  • liftingbro
    liftingbro Posts: 2,029 Member
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    I don't talk to anyone at the gym but if they talk to me I will talk to them to not be rude. If someone looks new and asks me something I will help, maybe we'll become friendly. I don't go out of my way to be social at the gym but willing to help people if they ask.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,876 Member
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    lemurcat2 wrote: »
    apullum wrote: »
    I think it's great to smile and say hello. A simple "Hi, how are you" is fine. But I think approaching out a newbie at the gym, who might already be anxious and worried that people are watching/judging them, is probably not the best idea. That would have made me more self-conscious about going to the gym in my obese, out of shape days. If you're open to conversation and you establish yourself as an approachable person, then people can choose whether to approach you.

    I just said something similar to this in the other thread. I could not agree more.

    (And imagine if you welcomed someone assuming they were a newbie and they turned out to just be someone who normally worked out at a different time!)

    Or a different gym. I'm not a noobie, but I'm starting at a new gym next week.

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